Ailuropoda melanoleuca = Giant. Panda/= vegetarische Bär
Vergleich: Siehe: Mammalia
Homeopathic Trituration Proving of
Jenny Lindstrom
Fighting for Justice:
Tipping the Scales to Balance the Yin and Yang Energy
[Sonya McLeod]
Order: Carnivora
Family: Ursidae
In Chinese, the giant panda is called the “large bear cat” or “cat bear”
Most bears’ eyes have round pupils. The exception is the giant panda, whose
pupils are vertical slits, like cats’ eyes.
It is these unusual eyes that inspired the Chinese to call the panda the
“giant bear cat”.
Mythology & Symbolism
In China the giant panda is a national treasure and has become a
worldwide symbol of conservation.
3000 years ago, a written history of the Xizhou
Dynasty (1027 - 771 BC) was prepared. It was called the Shangshu
(Chengdu Assoc., 1993a). The Shangshu described the
Giant Panda, or “Pixiu,”
as an invincible animal, as strong as a tiger. This description was
repeated in the Shijin, the first written collection
of poems prepared at about the same time. This sentiment regarding the prowess
of the panda may explain, in part, why panda pelts were offered as
tribute to emperors and kings of the day.
During the Xizhou Dynasty, people in Pingwu had a special name for the panda: “Zouya”. The Zouya was thought to
be a gentle animal, as it was never observed to hurt man or beast. Thus, the
panda became a symbol of peace. In that day, when warring armies took to
the battlefield, if one army raised a flag with an image of the Zouya, the battle would immediately be called to a halt
and a temporary peace would ensue. To this day, the panda continues to
be a symbol of peace, and China has gifted pandas to many nations (U.S.), as a
gesture of peaceful relations.
One Tibetan legend of the giant panda is about how they got their
beautiful, and unusual black markings.
A long time ago, when pandas lived in the mountains of Tibet, they were
white as snow.
They were friends with four female shepherds
that watched their flocks, in the mountains near their village.
One day as the shepherdesses where playing with
a panda cub, a leopard leapt out of the bush and tried to attack the cub.
The young shepherdesses threw themselves in
front of the cub to save it and were killed by the leopard.
All the pandas in the area were saddened by
their deaths and held a memorial service to honour them and their bravery.
To remember their sacrifice for the cub, the
pandas all wore black ashes on their arms (as was the local custom).
As they wept for the shepherdesses, they wiped
their eyes with their paws, they covered their ears to block out the sound of
the crying and they hugged each other in grief.
As they did these things the ash spread and
blackened their fur. The pandas did not wash the black off their fur as a way
to remember the girls.
To this day, pandas are covered with the black
markings to always remember.
The Giant Panda is also an animal of philosophical importance in Chinese
culture. The Chinese ascribe much importance to the Yin and the Yang, two
opposing forces of the universe that are present
in all aspects of nature. A common representation of the Yin and the
Yang is a circle, half black and half white, depicting the dichotomy of the two
colors but the interconnected nature of the two
forces.
The Giant Panda is thought to be a physical manifestation of the Yin and
the Yang, as its body is both black and white, the two colors
standing in stark contrast to one another on the animals pelt.
The placid nature of the panda is a demonstration of how the Yin and the
Yang, when perfectly balanced, contribute to harmony and peace.
The giant panda is a member of the bear family. Its closest relative is
the Spectacled Bear (Tremarctos ornatus)
of South America.
The panda first appeared 2 to 3 million years ago. Originally, panda
territory included South and East China and parts of Myanmar and Northern
Vietnam. Fossil evidence shows that pandas lived
almost as far north as Beijing.
Today, pandas are found in six isolated forest areas in Sichuan, Gansu,
and Shaanxi provinces in China.
Pandas live in high mountainous areas, usually from 2,700 to 3,700
meters (8,500 to 11,500 feet) above sea level, that have natural forested areas
with fir, spruce, and bamboo. Today, only 29 small, fragmented areas have the
appropriate habitat to support the world's existing panda populations.
Physical Characteristics
Pandas are about the size of the American black bear. They live between
18 to 25 years in the wild.
They have large molars and large jaw muscles extending from their jaw to
the top of their head that crush the fibrous plant material and tough stalks of
their main food, bamboo.
Pandas are most active at twilight and night. Their pupils have vertical
slits, like snakes and many nocturnal animals, which allow them to see better
at night.
Flexible forepaws and an enlarged wrist bone that works as an opposable
thumb are useful for handling bamboo.
The panda's coat has two layers: a coarse outer layer and a dense,
woolly under layer. Their fur is slightly oily which prevents water penetration
in the cool, damp climate where the pandas live.
Diet, Digestion & Elimination
Pandas are in the carnivore family and, for the most part, have the
digestive system of a carnivore. Long ago, for reasons scientists do not
understand (perhaps because they could not compete well for food
with other carnivores), pandas adapted to a vegetarian diet. Pandas now
feed almost exclusively on the stems and leaves of bamboo. Although, 95 - 90%
of the pandas' diet is bamboo, they also eat flowers, vines, mushroom, grass,
fish, and small rodents.
The panda's digestive system is partially adapted for processing bamboo:
they have a tough throat and esophageal lining, thick
stomach lining, and enlarged colon surface. However, their short intestines
are unable digest cellulose and,
therefore, do not remove all of the nutrients from the bamboo.
Pandas only digest about 20% of what they eat while cattle digest 60%.
Therefore, pandas must eat a lot to get the nourishment they need. Pandas
consume 15 to 30 kilograms (33 to 66 pounds) of food daily. They eat 10 to 16
hours per day and cover over one kilometer a day
while eating. When they are not eating, pandas often conserve energy by
sleeping.
Pandas excrete up to 40 kilograms (88 pounds) per day. Because their feces eliminate more water than their food brings in, they
usually drink at least once daily.
Hibernation
On a diet of bamboo, it is impossible for panda bears to accumulate
enough fat to sleep through the winter. Instead of hibernating in higher,
cooler climates the bears go down to lower elevations with warmer weather and
more food available.
Pandas have few predators. Jackals and leopards will sometimes prey on
pandas. The yellow-throated marten will prey on panda cubs.
Social Structure & Breeding
Giant pandas are generally solitary, each adult having a well-defined
home range, within which they move about regularly.
Although they are not territorial, females do not tolerate other females
and subadults within the core areas of their range.
Encounters are rare outside the brief mating season, but pandas
communicate fairly often, mostly through vocalization and scent marking.
The mating season is the only time pandas come together. A single cub is
born five months after mating in a nest constructed of bamboo. A panda rarely
gives birth to twins; if she does, the 2nd cub is unlikely to
survive. The tiny newborn panda cub is blind; it is six inches long and weighs
only three ounces. Its stays with its mother for 18 months, until it is
independent enough to establish its own territory. Pandas are the second most
threatened species in the world. Only about 1000 pandas are estimated to live
in the wild.
Destruction of the panda's natural habitat is now the major threat to
the survival of the species. In the eleven years from 1973 to 1984, suitable
panda habitat shrunk by 50% in the six isolated areas
where pandas live.
Human activity: logging, animal grazing, and agriculture are the major
sources of habitat destruction.
[Jenny Lindstrom]
I was first inspired to find a Panda Bear remedy about 6 years ago. I
was in first year homeopathy studies and was learning about how people
unconsciously express their disease vibration. There are
many ways that people express the parts of themselves that need to be
healed, but it is my experience that the soul will seek out a healer even if
the person is not aware. In this instance, I was visiting
a family member and began to notice that she had hundreds of pandas
around her house. Panda figurines, panda pictures, and all sorts of panda
paraphernalia lined her walls and wardrobe. They were
all of the giant panda variety endangered in Asia. Of course, being a
keen student, I also noticed that this panda vibration extended out past her
home. Every present that she gave had a panda on it.
Her generosity and beauty really shone through and now my home too has
begun to take on the shape of a panda reserve. My children even have a lovely
sleepover panda blanket, which they frequently hibernate in!
One of the gifts that I have honed is the ability to discern the finer
details surrounding people and their aura. As a healer I perceive the subtle
energies and it feels almost as if they get lodged inside my brain for future
use.
I call it my filing cabinet. After I recognized that she had to have
pandas around her I began to store other data about her and realized that there
were other things that definitely fit the whole picture.
I read about Panda Bears, what they eat, how they eat, their weaknesses
around digestive symptoms, their solitary nature, and their role in the world,
and how they thrive. I began to know on a core
level that Panda, if ever proven, would have a lot to say, and
ultimately hoped that it would have some positive interaction with my friend’s
vibration. So I told her I thought it would be a good remedy
for her, but when I searched the databases to see if it had been proven,
I found Nada!
Ultimately I wanted panda milk, but of course would settle for any part
of the Panda, as long as it did not cause it harm. I sent out a prayer to the
Universe and then let the topic rest, hoping that one day
I would get a chance to acquire some milk or hair from this beloved
mammal.
Low and behold in March 2011 this same friend went on a major excursion
to China. Part of her journey took her to a Panda Reserve, where she worked
alongside the giant pandas of Asia. Before she
left I gave her two little brown envelopes and two Ziploc bags, and
begged her to bring me back some panda fur.
She graciously accepted the challenge.
Then about 1 month later she arrived on my doorstep with Giant Panda fur
from Asia.
I became very excited! Actually that day before it arrived on my doorstep
the panda came to me in a meditation, and I wrote a small poem out of it. At
this point I knew that my dream to get her the
panda remedy was going to happen.
That is when I let Sonya know that the panda fur had arrived, in Canada.
It turns out that this mammal does have a lot to say. Possibly that has
to do with it being an endangered species.
I began to prove the physicals immediately when it arrived. It actually
became so intense that I had to send it over to Sonya so that my body could
have a break before we did the actual trituration.
What my friend told me about her interaction with the female Panda and
her cub:
The adult mother was rubbing against the bars of the cage like she was
itchy, she was dancing, swaying her body in front of my friend and her travel
companion. She fed two different bears, they call
them by name, they are well trained, very gentle and sit down, she hand
fed them carrot and vitamin bread (special made). The cages are small, like a
jail but they have a door that they can go out into
the field.
They roam around with all the other bears. One of the cages has a
hammock and the bears lay in them.
The hair came from where the adult female bear rubbed up against the
cage.
Some of the hair got stuck there.
(Maybe conscious on part of the bear, knowing its voice would soon be
heard). Some hair also came from the cub of the above female. It was acquired
when my friend’s travel companion pet the cub
and the hair stuck to the glove.
Proving Location Vancouver, BC, Canada
Proved by the Coast Salish Trituration Provers https://coastsalish.wordpress.com/
May 2011
Trituration Proving Method
The C4 trituration proving protocol used is
outlined in “The Trituration Handbook: Into the Heart
of Homeopathy” by Anneke Hogeland
and Judy Schriebman.
Source
Ya’an Bifengxia Panda
Breeding Center, Ya’an
city, Sichuan Province, China
Quelle: Little Mountain Homeopathy C4/220
level
www.littlemountainhomeopathy.com
Remedy Information
Physical Affinities
Oesophagus
Intestines
Face (l.)
Head (l.)
Eyes
Ears
Nose
Mouth
Chakra Affinities
Heart
Throat
Sacral
Brow
Modalities
Desires: Fresh air, outdoors/nature,
mountains/food/alcohol/sunlight/water
Aversion: Meat;
<: Overheating/enclosed spaces/menses/injustice & inequality;
>: Drinking water/crying/walking;
Miasm: Cancer
Major Themes = Mammal Themes
Some very strong animal and mammal themes were apparent in this proving
such as the issue of survival (the panda in danger of becoming extinct due to
lack of habitat). Unlike many mammals, pandas
are solitary creatures and this remedy had a solitary aspect to it with
a desire to be left in peace. Provers felt some
aggression at times: “Back off, this is my territory!” The anger toward humans
in particular was apparent, since it is habitat destruction that is threatening
pandas. Panda feels strongly that s/he has been abused and mistreated by
humans, and s/he is angry about it. Panda has been put in chains, ridiculed,
laughed at and hunted by humans, and s/he has had enough: “Enough, this is
enough!”
They feel victimized, and they are angry about it.
Other mammal themes that came out during the proving were sexual
thoughts, < menses and dreams/thoughts of babies.
There were also dreams of being covered in shit, having to clean up shit
and feeling dirty and unclean.
Heart Pain,
Grief & Creativity
This remedy has an affinity for the heart chakra.
Panda holds a lot of grief about how s/he has been mistreated. Panda
warns humans to change their ways before it is too late. Tears welled up inside
but it was difficult to cry. If provers could cry it
provided some amelioration. Often the feeling of grief and sadness was
accompanied by a sensation of a lump in the throat.
One prover experienced heart pain (angina) in
the sternum. This remedy can help open the closed heart of the typical “white
male energy.”
This remedy can also help women and minorities to see the value in what
they create, and to be more confident in their work instead of relying upon
somebody who holds the dominant viewpoint
for direction and encouragement.
Digestion & Appetite
Digestive complaints are a major keynote of this remedy. There was acid
reflux with the sensation of a lump +/o. trapped air in the esophagus,
sometimes accompanied by nausea. There was also frequent
burping. In the abdomen there was bloating and sharp abdominal pain
sometimes + flatulence. The pain during menses was also sharp, accompanied by
bloating.
Digestive symptoms seemed tied to the feeling of victimization and
persecution.
There was also increased hunger, but an aversion to meat.
There was a desire for alcohol. Also, an increased tolerance for alcohol
and pharmaceutical drugs.
Bowel movements became more frequent, up to 5x daily.
Playful & Lazy
Provers experienced a desire to slow down,
relax, lie around and do nothing. Some provers were
late for work or appointments but didn’t really care. Provers
would often giggle at the thought of how serious this trituration
seemed. There was also an aversion to rushing and perfectionism: “Why are you
all caught up in doing things so perfectly? Life is not to be rushed.” There
was also frequent yawning.
Provers couldn’t entertain the thought of
triturating beyond C4, it seemed like too much work.
Clumsiness & Forgetfulness
This was also a big theme of the remedy. Provers
knocked into thing, cut themselves, and burnt themselves accidentally. Panda is
awkward and accident prone. Along with this was fuzzy headedness
and increased absentmindedness.
Face & Head:
This remedy has an affinity especially for the left side of the face and
head.
Provers experienced sharp shooting pain in
the ears, cheeks, teeth, jaw, eyes and head.
The pain resembled nerve pain. The left half of one prover’s
face became numb.
One prover also experienced a sensation of
swelling in the eyes and the lower half of the face.
One prover’s eyesight became more sensitive
and she had an aversion to bright colours.
Sensitivity to light/colour seems to be a common symptom of nocturnal
mammals.
Ears, Nose and Throat:
Mucus in the ears, nose and throat. All provers
experienced decreased hearing, like their ears were filled with cotton.
Congestion was more pronounced in the left nostril and there was also bleeding
and mucus plugs in the left nostril.
Mucus collected in the back of the throat.
There was also an increased sensitivity to smells.
Mouth:
Mouth ulcers developed on the left side of the mouth. There was sharp
shooting pain in the jaw, < chewing.
Silence, Hearing & Difficult Communication
Provers felt like their ears were blocked
with cotton and found it difficult to hear what people were saying. Pandas
wanted to give humans a message, but they had a feeling that they would not be
heard.
One prover’s voice became hoarse from trying
to get her message across (panda has an affinity for the throat chakra) and
still nobody would listen. There was also the feeling during the trituration that
“Silence is OK, silence is not uncomfortable.”
Solitary Creatures: The Need for Space and Freedom
Pandas are solitary creatures. During the proving there was a desire to
have one’s own space, to be alone.
There was also a feeling of wanting to be free, tied to a feeling of
persecution; pandas don’t like captivity.
Remedy Typology
This remedy has tremendous healing potential (people living in or
originating from the Panda’s native country, China).
A person who needs this remedy has a hard time dealing with the
injustices in the world. Most likely, this person would be a minority or hold a
minority viewpoint, such as a woman, racial minority, homosexual or political
activist. They recognize and acknowledge inequality and oppression and they are
angry about it and want to fight against it. They recognize that we live in a
yang world, full
of violence and oppression, and their job is to integrate the yin
(oppressed minorities) back into the world so that it can have full expression.
People needing this remedy have a fighting spirit, but when
they start to feel powerless; this results in digestive symptoms
(bloating, acid reflux, etc.)
Panda gives this person the courage to be who she really is without the
need for approval of the dominant viewpoint, and the sensitivity to the
dominant group’s judgement.
Panda is the catalyst to help people be the change they want to see in
the world. Once this person is able to access their power and regain their true
voice, only then can the world once again be brought into perfect yin/yang
balance.
Sharp belly pain causing inward breath
Bloating
Pressure like a finger pointing into sternum
Theme as if communicating on different planes/vibrations
Speak and no one hears
Voice hoarse from trying to get message across
Children do not listen as if they are unable to hear. Have to raise my
voice, almost intentionally make it firm, directive, forceful, as if the children
are in trouble but they are not.
The theme of languages came up - my daughter has anxiety about not
knowing what language she speaks
Client came in and had reflux-like experience during treatment, she also
had some throat issues (energy stuck at throat) – life purpose
About a week ago asked tenant to move out, I need more space
Husband ground up a cloth in his mixer messing up pasted blade said “My
life is a complete failure.” So melodramatic and out of proportion. Sensitive to
my question “What did you do?” I walked away. Tired of his company.
I had an amazing thing happen, and the timing is divine
Yesterday my nephew called, and he wanted to know what info I had on
certain herbal remedies.
Malaria was one disease he wanted the cure for.
So I told him cinchona bark, the quinine from it, brought about many
cures.
Now they chemically synthesize it.
I also told him many drugs are synthesized from what is found in nature.
Next he asked me what aspirin came from.
I did not know.
This is actually strange because I have a large store of herbal and
pharmaceutical knowledge with both training as an RN and homeopath.
The piece that came next is the synchronistic miracle.
Aspirin of course is synthetically derived, but originally came from the
bark of the white willow tree.
This morning I woke up with most incredible pain rising up through my
abdomen, higher and higher, in to my chest wall.
I was not alarmed by the pain nor worried.
I know I am healthy and strong
I simply asked, what is going on?
Here is the answer I received:
You are in another phase of your awakening.
Your heart needs the fire from your abdomen to burst up through the gate
in order to open you to your full potential.
It is uncomfortable, but you must ride it out.
It will not kill you.
You will learn a lot through this physical change.
Place your hands on your softened heart and envision the crystal of your
soul lining up with the kundalini of mother.
This is how you will rise out of unconsciousness.
This week your brain has started to quiet, forgetting what is
unimportant
You have found yourself floating in an existence where you are One and
then you are not.
This change will speed up now and more often you will be One
Let your brain be quiet
Do not fight nor struggle, for this process that has awakened within you
is innate and has been waiting for a millenia.
In the light of shekinah
Breath of fire
Breath of air
Breath of water
Breath of land
Breath will bring change
So breathe deep down into your soul, your roots, and the beginning of
your kundalini
This will fire your flow into one
This breath is your connection
This breath will fuel the fire that is no longer dormant but rises to
the celebration of who you already are.
Feel that fire build
Feel that fire penetrate the very walls that hide you
Feel that fire burst through to see the vulnerable you, also rising
lighted by your flame in crystal glory
Your purpose, your vision transforming as if an alchemist too had his
way
Water becomes wine
Lead becomes gold
Your touch is now red hot like Midas
Your eyes cleansed by your own initiation
See a picture where all hearts burst open, with flame
And shine without
fear the beauty within
Before the Trituration:
Prover #3’s
Journal
Dreams - two nights in a row, destruction or deconstruction, taking
apart. Not like mass ruin or apocalypse but coming down, apart, known, not
surprises.
Dreams of flight, able to maintain, suspend self in air upon jumping up...twirling
like a synchronized swimmer, but up in the air. Wanting to impress.
Memory seems better “Remembering things I have no conscious memory of
like a particular verb in French (which stopped in grade 7 but am wanting to
speak, learn now)
Feel like an observer (more so), wish to observe, feel relaxed in not
having to make myself or opinion known/forced
Deeper appreciation, sensitivity to, joy in plants, natural world.
Fascination, love for.
Able to drink 1 glass of prosecco and not
impaired.
More voluminous stools - slow, laborious
Loud ear ringing (right louder than usual)
Medications - gravol, ibuprofen, seem to be
having little to no effect. Usually half a gravol
knocks me out, this time a full one barely registered.
Feel bloated, full despite eating same/normal amount.
Post chiro energy is much better. Had cling-on
at back of the ribs/solar plexus
Feels crampy, stretched pain in ovary (right),
want to curl up in a ball (no period). Comes and goes.
Gassy feeling.
Skin seems to take longer than normal to heal.
Nails healthy, not biting. Opted for red.
Very moved by Freedom Riders, 1960’s racial movements.
No friskiness post period (unusual). Lower ab
pain not helping. Repulsive.
Feel like the days are zipping past fast.
Low appetite.
Highly attracted to yellow and lemon flavours, scent
Dreamt I was talking to mom and was so mad, upset, trying to yell but
voice wouldn’t come out loud or powerful - it was hoarse, quiet, raspy. Dad was
downplaying it all.
Generally feel short tempered with my dad, flustered and annoyed by him,
he seems weak to me. Been snippy, snarky with husband, unprovoked.
Lower back has been aching for days now (no period)
Dull head.
Before the Trituration: Sonya’s Journal
May 7, 2011
Dream last night (at parents’ house) . Dream of being in the shower and
taking a shit in the shower and it was getting all over the tub, the shit
getting all over my body and I was trying
to wash it off, remember it being smeared on my hands. Waking up feeling
pretty horrified and relieved that it was a dream.
May 8, 2011
Period came late (day 36). Last month it was late as well (32 days) but
I think this is a possible proving symptom. Also unlike past recent cycles the
cramps were quite painful. I was in
pain for most of the day, though the cramping was completely gone by the
next day.
May 9, 2011
Forgot there were no club days this week. I was thinking that in general
I have been more absentminded, forgetting details, etc. Maybe a proving
symptom.
May 10, 2011
Now the cramping is back in my lower abdomen/pelvic area, below the
naval and just above the public bone. Sharp pain.
May 16
Last night got a sore throat. Let out a big burp this morning and was
getting a bit of acid reflux.
May 18
A couple nights ago feeling a bit sick with the sore throat so I had
decided to fast and I was getting a lot of gas building up in my stomach, very
unusual for me to get that much build-up
of gas. So much gas buildup that I was getting
sharp pains in my abdominal region (very similar to the period cramps I had). I
was also getting some sharp stabbing pains in my feet.
Yesterday I had an email from a colleague. She goes behind my back and
tells another colleague that I’m not qualified to do the triturations.
A lot goes through my mind thinking how
dare she go behind my back, who does she think she is, how does she know
I’m not qualified because she never even talked to me to find out, etc.
I had a talk about Jenny about my frustrations and what came out during
my discussion was my absolute refusal to take a man’s permission to act. I
thought about all the followers in our
profession, all the homeopaths who felt they had to take permission from
and follow. It’s like most female homeopaths are afraid to strike out on their
own without getting the approval
of a man. The men lead the way and the women follow. I don’t need
anybody’s permission and it’s time to change that dynamic. Sadly, women such as
the colleague who sent me the
email internalize that dynamic so much that they enforce it on other
women such as myself.
Jenny feels that Panda represents the yin and yang, and therefore, Panda
is about bringing the yin and yang or male and female back into balance. We
need to balance out the power dynamic
of homeopathy.
I feel like it all makes sense now and why this was absolutely 100% the
right first trituration for the Coast Salish Trituration Group.
May 19
Yesterday got a msg from Health Canada which
triggered all sorts of feelings. It was the skeptics
again, a group of men trying to put women in their place. Their paradigm has
more
value than ours. Their voice gets heard on CBC Marketplace while we are
marginalized and censored.
Dream last night of a male relative’s voice being heard while my
opinion, I am not as valued. I tell this to my parents angrily. A woman's voice
isn't valued as much as a man's. We have
to prove ourselves, to prove we are as good as a man. Men won't publish
my writing, but women will, in smaller less influential publications. Women's
publications going largely unnoticed,
they are not valued as highly as men's publications.
Men will bully when they see I am strong and have a voice.
They try to put me in my place. They say I have no right to create, that
my voice shouldn't be given equal weight to theirs. They want to silence me.
Many women in my life fear men. They fear their loud voices, when they
get angry, what if they are harmed by him? They will do anything for him and
say anything to please him.
Women pleasing men and putting men first. Men matter more. Their needs
should be catered for and her needs should be ignored. His job matters more and
her job is just a hobby, something
he lets her do. She constantly has to prove herself in her work, to show
she is just as good as a man. She wants her co-workers to value her.
Women walking down the street fearing rape, violence or theft. She can't
inhabit space as freely as a man can. The fear keeps her in her place.
Women needing men's permission to create. Looking up to men, thinking
that men have more knowledge, they know more, they know how to do things the
right way. Letting men take the
lead and not taking initiative. Women suppressing their own creativity
and women policing other women who speak out strongly with their own voice,
policing women who create on their
own terms. Women who define themselves by what the men in their life
have accomplished and created. Women who look down on other women who would
dare to challenge the
patriarchal way of creating.
Women, we need to open our hearts and realize that we can be creative.
We can be ourselves. We are not less or greater than anybody, we are all
equal. We are whole and we are enough. Having a man in our lives doesn't mean
we are filling an empty space.
A man is an equal partner.
We are free to walk or do whatever wherever we want. It's only the fear
that holds us back. Have courage, women, because this is our time.
Men, you need to open your hearts to nurturing. You are fully open to
creativity and can realize your creative potential, this is not your difficulty
like it is for women. The difficulty for you
is to have compassion, to have a heart. You need to open your hearts and
your minds to a woman's ideas and to a woman's worth. You need to see her as an
equal partner. Have courage men.
You have the power to help women realize their full potential. Your
heart has been there all along, now it's time to acknowledge it, in order to
truly become whole. Rape, violence, war,
Murder - please have the courage to open your heart to find your way to peace.Men, you have the power to guide our world to peace
and harmony. Love and you will have nothing to fear.
May 24
Feeling confrontational.
Wrote a letter to 2 men about asserting integrity and demanding respect.
This has a familiar mammal feel (I remember feeling this way a lot when proving
raccoon). I have the desire to not
do another mammal proving for a good while after this. The positive side
is that I’ve been able to assert myself more, but I feel like I’m always
defending my territory, telling people to back
off, etc. The energy is confrontational and I feel like I’m always doing
battle.
May 27, 2011
(C1 to C3 Level)
C1 Level: Jenny
Fuzzy tingling.
Heart
What I notice most is the soft whirring of the bowls, they sound almost
like bugs ringing in my ears. They remind me of the Tibetan bowls and the
essence of heart centeredness that they bring.
Rhythmic, mesmerizing.
I hold a space of love. Do all remedies have the capacity to open the heart
and release the song connecting to the soul?
My ear is shifting, blocked/unblocked.
The silence is OK.
It is quiet Meditative
Normally silence is uncomfortable but not here, not now. We can get lost
in our thoughts.
Hot flushes.
When I started I could not help but be focussed on the concentric
circles.
Then there was a leap in my heart and then a tightening of my throat. I
put my hand up to my throat and felt awash with sorrow. Pain in both sides of
my chest, pain stretched into my back on
right side I felt like I had tears to release but they would not come.
Like crying silently with my paw stretched up almost pleading for communion.
The silent cry that never releases. For a country?
For an individual. My throat hurts.
Sad, shaky hot flash, then another hot flash. Like the feeling as if I
had just released sorrow or had a good cry but I didn’t cry. My head itched too
and I feel a bit restless.
I feel like I am in my own space. What I feel only I feel. Isolated,
fearful, a bit about this aloneness.
Doesn’t anyone feel that sad separation?
My chin feels tingly like my head is not as connected, or there is space
between me.
Chest is still tight and stomach is hungry (though I have not eaten).
Sun / Ri
On the drive in the discussion about communication came up and how
language forms. Is it the tone is it the vibration? How do we know how to make
language?
Lips tingly
Face itchy
Lips itchy
Tingly cheeks
Tingly ear lobes
Itchy scalp
What does this mean:
↔
∞
← O
Conversations playing in my mind in slow motion.
Clumsy - I spilled the panda concoction on my arm.
The tingling seems to rise up through my head, it is on the outer layer
of my skin, still a part of my physical body.
Actually very much in my physical body.
My canker sore is killing me with a dull swollen
pain. Feels as if everything might be a bit swollen, lips and face.
Thirsty work.
See yellow lines.
I sit here and feel a bit of a funny humour. Looking around almost
mocking, look how silly we are importantly doing our tasks, involved, intent,
Sonya trying to fix the phone from ringing.
The rest of us studious. It is funny how serious we are. To be an
observer of the human race is funny. The human race goes about things with such
intent.
Funny this weird human, we talked about it on the way in. Looking after
our humans. Now I see it coming through again.
C1 Level: Prover #3
Hot flush up through front of neck into face, sharp.
Warm generally
I like the ringing of the bowl and mortar
Feel solid, right in my body (not floaty)
Earth rising up to meet me -remembering this from walking, but now- as I
observe, the thing coming closer, to meet me. Zooming in sort of.
Jenny’s hand on heart - I want to cry. It lingers there.
Gratitude
Please take care of me.
Ears continue to ring
I will power through
Want to see the green
Hand feels strong like I could crush this pen
Short, low, feel low to the ground
Don’t like the scraping, jarring sound
Want the scraping to be slower
Kidneys, right side, aware of it.
Mountains, I want to go home
Leave me alone
Front face lips nose tingle sensitive.
Sunrise
A bit mad. Invasion.
Bottom weighty. Solid. Salivate.
Time no matter. Is it really 7 minutes? Not weary of pestling.
Hot hands, palms nearly sweaty.
Denseness of energy. Generally...heavier, slower.
Hungry now.
No hot colours. Want cool rainforesty colour.
Blue, green.
Poking - crown of head
Lazy but not tired. Relaxed?
Conscious of my clothes. Constrained by them though not “tight”. Want
them off.
Itchy head.
More crown poking
Breathing - is it slower than normal? Yes.
Explosive. Could burst. But don’t mind.
Messy, loud, I don’t care.
Super vision - I see hairs - spot them!
Crush - want to crush them
Just raw, jagged
Itchy ears
Rough. Unrefined. Whatever. Primal. Ravenous. Childlike. Hunting the
hairs.
Darting eyes.
Really want to crush stuff. Powerful.
Itchy
Doors are stupid. Want to go outside. Want fresh air.
Top of head above right eye. Shooting awareness.
Nose drying out.
Don’t like the built environment.
Food! Hungry
Smells. Smell everything.
Could I eat those flowers on the pen?
Growling tummy
Hate plastic. Want to throw it out. Does not jive with me.
C1 Level: Prover #4
During my first grind for 7 minutes I felt a little cranky at the
beginning like I was being forced to not use my own decision on what direction
to grind with the pestle. I started to feel like hibernating
is what I wanted to do. Felt rather drowsy, like it was time to drop
where I was and sleep. Later on I just felt peaceful. I was also feeling like
every last particle of hair must be well ground so that the
voice of all Pandas could be heard (this from them). They are most
urgent to tell us about themselves.
Visions of Asian temples.
Why are you all so caught up in getting so much done and doing it so
perfectly? We have sex and babies and eat and sleep. What more do you want to
be doing? You’re making all the wrong things important.
We have it right. You’re making yourselves sick. Life is not to be rushed.
We know. We are right. You I’m hungry. I should be eating. Eating. Food. Need
food. Very cranky when I need food and
it’s not there.
Babies are okay. (?)
C1 Level: Sonya
Running through the wilderness. Carefree, boundless, freedom.
Lightness. Heart chakra sensations.
Tightness, unfree, losing habitat. No place to
go. Homeless. lonely. endangered. Sinking heart. Annoyed.
Will this rain ever stop. Back off!! This is my territory, go away,
getting angry. Get off my land, you’ve taken enough. Survival. I want to
survive. Defending my territory against humans, defending
my home.
This is my land, my home!! Rumbling in my abdomen. I want to be free to
roam with no restrictions. Will I ever be free? Hopeless feeling. Why have
children if they can’t be free. No point in having children if they have no
place to roam. I want to crawl on all fours, I am a panda! Laughter bubbles to
the surface, this is ridiculous! Feeling clumsy, knocking the milk sugar out of
the bowl, feeling
clumsy when filling my glass with water. Phone rang, feeling annoyed
that it rang and that I had to reset the phone, why the hell is it so
complicated?!
C2 Level: Jenny
Once again my heart chakra feels heavy.
There is also a strong sense of honour for the role we are all playing
here in the now.
Honour, humility, like I want to support someone.
Someone needs support.
Vulnerable, fragile, weak. Like I want to wrap big paws around them,
hold them.
My heart is so heavy it hurts. It is a spiritual hurt.
The image of a small girl, vulnerable, the image of a Chinese glass doll
shattered.
Becoming stronger. Vortex. Swirling of the heart. Creating new.
There is a long road. There are plants and blossoms along it lining it.
A bear in a cage, the entertainment, the folly. There are beautiful
mountains all around. (Eyes in the tears) - dialogue. The error of the child so
fitting. Doesn’t matter eyes in the tears/tears in the eyes.
Circular.
Like I am being led on a long journey. I’m tired of this journey. I
can’t bear it. If I could just nap. I feel like I have chains and I’m forced to
walk. Why do you do this? We are fine. You cannot fix everything. Some things
aren’t meant to be fixed. I have a sore muscle from all this walking. I want to
sit on my haunches (sore in my lower trapezius).
Gassy, burpy.
I see a man, drinking soup out of a bowl, I am mad, I bat it out of his
hand
I feel my chest heat up with anger, prickly. I am intelligent, why don’t
you see that?
I will not lie here while you torment me in captivity.
I want to make a point but no one speaks my language.
Shut off your mind and you will see, you will hear the voices from the
past.
I have the urge to rock back and forth on my back.
What is that I smell? Dog food? I want to eat it.
I am not co-ordinated writing, twirling, very difficult, like my mind
freezes in my muscles, what are we supposed to do next they ask?
You are right, I want to smash things too, things with whiskers. I hate
whiskers.
There is jasmine growing close to me. I can see its beauty. You cannot
put it into words. Stop trying.
Desolate, like hopeless but deeper, when one gives up.
Despair.
Indignant.
What am I, a pupil at this school? You make a mockery of me. I am great.
* Weaving, rolling, we have done this before
Peach spots in bowl
Birds have come to my mind I could write Chinese letters in here
Daydreaming
Bumped my elbow!
Now the energy of power. Magnificent. It is fleeting.
I remember a time when I like to bathe, dipping my hands in a stream, bringing
it to my face. The freedom, oh how I long for the freedom and my chest hurts A
LOT. It is as if I change from panda to
human, panda to human, dipping my paws then hands in the stream. The
panda shows me what his freedom is like. Carefree, careless, eating, drinking,
sleeping.
My chest is hot.
My head hurts a lot on my left at my front.
I really want to nap.
There is a feeling of being observed, but not when I am free. Captivity
changes me. I am always watched.
I feel unnatural. I am self conscious.
Freedom = solitude. Where I can meander without having to be something.
When I am captive I am Panda. When I am free I am life itself. That is
too big a difference to make right.
Maybe if you stop watching me...
When I am free there are no expectations. Please set me free. Roar!
I feel a sense of pride. I can do this (grind the powder). Such a simple
task
It is foolish to be proud. No, it
is pride about shaking things up.
Rough wool (that is what I hear in the grinding)
My eyes are droopy, dry and tired, left more than right.
I send honour to the panda.
I am yawning, tired, feel that it is difficult to stay awake. I am
really hungry! And I normally am not.
I just keep getting this image of a panda bear who doesn’t want to think
about things.
It just doesn’t matter. I long to cuddle up and sleep. The cat walked
by. I could cuddle her, I wonder if the whiskers would bug me
laughter in my mind.
It would be OK to be lazy and do nothing and eat.
I am curious, ordinarily I am empathetic, but one of the women at the
table are crying and I didn’t even notice. When I did notice my normal response
would be to balance and harmonize,
but I feel less empathy than I normally do. Curious. And before I
realized she was crying
I was totally engrossed in my own thoughts, my own state. No awareness
of the other people at the table.
Pulling head down alleviates headache.
Left leg tingles and numb.
Detached.
You know that song Ironic Alanis Morisette
C2 Level: Prover #3
Push open. Break out. Free
Single minded
Onion. Root vegetables?
Home. Want to go home.
+
Quadrants. 2 halves of halves.
Very dry nose.
Let it be, let it be oh let it be (gospel song). Whispering words of
wisdom let it be.
2 things at once is...ridiculous...amazing but ridiculous.
I’m every woman, it’s all in me - Whitney Houston
I weave the golden thread of humanity. I am unity.
All these shoes. Why so much? You don’t need all these things. You guys
(humans) are dumb! What are you focussing on?
Technology is a distraction (electronics mostly)
Numb. Shut off from the rest of the world.
Mourning. Loss. Sad. Lethargic.
C1 Level: Sonya
Running through the wilderness. Carefree, boundless, freedom.
Lightness. Heart chakra sensations.
Tightness, unfree, losing habitat. No place to
go. Homeless.lonely. endangered. Sinking heart.
Annoyed.
Will this rain ever stop. Back off!! This is my territory, go away,
getting angry. Get off my land, you’ve taken enough. Survival. I want to
survive. Defending my territory against humans,
defending my home.
This is my land, my home!! Rumbling in my abdomen. I want to be free to
roam with no restrictions. Will I ever be free? Hopeless feeling. Why have
children if they can’t be free. No point
in having children if they have no place to roam. I want to crawl on all
fours, I am a panda! Laughter bubbles to the surface, this is ridiculous!
Feeling clumsy, knocking the milk sugar out
of the bowl, feeling clumsy when filling my glass with water. Phone
rang, feeling annoyed that it rang and that I had to reset the phone, why the
hell is it so complicated?!
C2 Level: Jenny
Once again my heart chakra feels heavy.
There is also a strong sense of honour for the role we are all playing
here in the now.
Honour, humility, like I want to support someone.
Someone needs support.
Vulnerable, fragile, weak. Like I want to wrap big paws around them,
hold them.
My heart is so heavy it hurts. It is a spiritual hurt.
The image of a small girl, vulnerable, the image of a Chinese glass doll
shattered.
Becoming stronger. Vortex. Swirling of the heart. Creating new.
There is a long road. There are plants and blossoms along it lining it.
A bear in a cage, the entertainment, the folly. There are beautiful
mountains all around. (Eyes in the tears)
- dialogue. The error of the child so fitting. Doesn’t matter eyes in
the tears/tears in the eyes.
Circular.
Like I am being led on a long journey. I’m tired of this journey. I
can’t bear it. If I could just nap. I feel like
I have chains and I’m forced to walk. Why do you do this? We are fine.
You cannot fix everything. Some things aren’t meant to be fixed. I have a sore
muscle from all this walking.
I want to sit on my haunches (sore in my lower trapezius).
Gassy, burpy.
I see a man, drinking soup out of a bowl, I am mad, I bat it out of his
hand
I feel my chest heat up with anger, prickly. I am intelligent, why don’t
you see that?
I will not lie here while you torment me in captivity.
I want to make a point but no one speaks my language.
Shut off your mind and you will see, you will hear the voices from the
past.
I have the urge to rock back and forth on my back.
What is that I smell? Dog food? I want to eat it.
I am not co-ordinated writing, twirling, very difficult, like my mind
freezes in my muscles, what are we supposed to do next they ask?
You are right, I want to smash things too, things with whiskers. I hate
whiskers.
There is jasmine growing close to me. I can see its beauty. You cannot
put it into words. Stop trying.
Desolate, like hopeless but deeper, when one gives up.
Despair.
Indignant.
What am I, a pupil at this school? You make a mockery of me. I am great.
* Weaving, rolling, we have done this before
Peach spots in bowl
Birds have come to my mind
I could write Chinese letters in here
Daydreaming
Bumped my elbow!
Now the energy of power. Magnificent. It is fleeting.
I remember a time when I like to bathe, dipping my hands in a stream,
bringing it to my face. The freedom, oh how I long for the freedom and my chest
hurts A LOT. It is as if
I change from panda to human, panda to human, dipping my paws then hands
in the stream. The panda shows me what his freedom is like. Carefree, careless,
eating, drinking, sleeping.
My chest is hot.
My head hurts a lot on my left at my front.
I really want to nap.
There is a feeling of being observed, but not when I am free. Captivity
changes me. I am always watched.
I feel unnatural. I am self conscious.
Freedom = solitude. Where I can meander without having to be something.
When I am captive I am Panda. When I am free I am life itself. That is
too big a difference to make right.
Maybe if you stop watching me...
When I am free there are no expectations. Please set me free. Roar!
I feel a sense of pride. I can do this (grind the powder). Such a simple
task
It is foolish to be proud. No, it
is pride about shaking things up.
Rough wool (that is what I hear in the grinding)
My eyes are droopy, dry and tired, left more than right.
I send honour to the panda.
I am yawning, tired, feel that it is difficult to stay awake. I am
really hungry! And I normally am not.
I just keep getting this image of a panda bear who doesn’t want to think
about things.
It just doesn’t matter. I long to cuddle up and sleep. The cat walked
by. I could cuddle her, I wonder if the whiskers would bug me
laughter in my mind.
It would be OK to be lazy and do nothing and eat.
I am curious, ordinarily I am empathetic, but one of the women at the
table are crying and I didn’t even notice. When I did notice my normal
response would be to balance and harmonize, but I feel less empathy than
I normally do. Curious. And before I realized she was crying
I was totally engrossed in my own thoughts, my own state. No awareness
of the other people at the table.
Pulling head down alleviates headache.
Left leg tingles and numb.
Detached.
You know that song Ironic Alanis Morisette
C2 Level: Prover #3
Push open. Break out. Free
Single minded
Onion. Root vegetables?
Home. Want to go home.
+
Quadrants. 2 halves of halves.
Very dry nose.
Let it be, let it be oh let it be (gospel song). Whispering words of
wisdom let it be.
2 things at once is...ridiculous...amazing but ridiculous.
I’m every woman, it’s all in me - Whitney Houston
I weave the golden thread of humanity. I am unity.
All these shoes. Why so much? You don’t need all these things. You guys
(humans) are dumb! What are you focussing on?
Technology is a distraction (electronics mostly)
Numb. Shut off from the rest of the world.
Mourning. Loss. Sad. Lethargic.
This is dumb. There is no use. Hopeless? Just forget it all.
Loathing same - same routine day after day. I want to explore.
Lonely, but in an unvalidated way. I don’t
want “company.” I want to be seen and heard.
HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!
We’re going in circles.
You humans better do a good job. PISSED OFF.
Swelling.
Left a hole in the middle of the pile of substance.
Itching at heart. Trapped. Panicky. Fidgety. Scratchy. Squirmy. Itchy.
Saw some birds, but did oppose flight and sitting up.
Guilty for what I have in life, home - not good enough or if I have then
others don’t have
Despair...why can’t we all HAVE. Equitable. Both unity.
Bringing up my own relationship to abundance.
-
I eat all day. I don’t feel guilty about my nature.
Abundance isn’t guilty. Excess/greed/ego is. Wants not necessary.
Itchy, squirmy, zoning out. Checking out. Shut down.
Piece of finger nail came off earlier, strange break.
I feel you right there but won’t let me in.
Please, please you have to stop what you’re doing (earth) destruction,
division.
More about messages from panda than of being Panda.
PANDA. What does panda mean?
Panda, you’re safe with me. You can come in.
“No, they hurt me”
That’s because they were hurting. I am not hurting. Feel me, then know
it is safe.
Want to lay, roll in grass (but my human says no, it’s cold and wet).
Funny.
Now we can truly connect. Opened to each other. Safe harbour for heart
energy.
Sort of feels like when you get a French fry caught in
tube/throat/oesophagus.
Want to burp, but nothing’s there
There is hope. See the beautiful combo–black, raw tourmaline crystals
with clear white, glittering faceted quartz. See-one bracelet! Balance. Not
about deleting dark,
or only light - but equity in both creates unity. When in balance it
becomes one.
One
.
C2 Level: Prover #4
I felt a very large lump deep in my throat and then an enormous amount
of tears needed to flow but were unable to pass the lump. A great well of
emotion that encompasses
great swaths of time and space. Tears come to my eyes as I write this.
The sadness is of course for us (Pandas) but it is not just about us. It is
about all life. The sanctity of
all life. Why don’t humans allow themselves to feel this? My eyes are
heavy with tears unflowing. The lump in my throat is
so deep, thoughts of the thyroid gland came
to my mind. I had a sharp stabbing pain in my right temple. Ouch! It
came fast and went fast. Like lightening.
I feel extraordinarily sober and profoundly sad.
Ear- I saw a human ear in the bottom of my bowl. Has this to do with
hearing?
Let me be-leave me alone to live my life the way I want to live it. Stop
interfering in my animal life.
I begin to stir in the bowl very, very quickly from now on.
Independence-I need my independence to be healthy. You take that away
and you take my life.
Powder flying-Anger-Yes I’m angry.
I’m very angry inside about my situation.
Rage
The anger is building to rage inside me. No other being has a right to
take the freedom or livelihood of any other animal. (tears)
Frustration
What can we do? We are helpless. We will exit if we have to.
Careless - Slopping the powder everywhere. This is not important.
Sloppiness makes no difference at all.
End of our rope - We think there is no way to help ourselves. (tears)
I felt this was a very depressing round.
Vortex - Spiral - Can’t explain these two, but they are unmistakable
there.
Dopey - Head feels full of cotton. Can’t think too hard.
Lightness - Feeling of being very light and frivolous.
Play - Want to play and have fun. No serious stuff. Just play.
C2 Level: Sonya
Men policing women. Women policing women. Leave me alone. Leave me in
peace. I want to be free to do what I want. Can Health Canada confiscate this
remedy? Can they
break into my home and take the powder? The skeptics.
Lately more than ever I see how ridiculous they are and I feel sorry for them.
They spend so much time attacking and denying the truth. I feel like the
aggressor and they are on the defence, I am the hunter and they are the hunted.
It feels like a sport,
playfully teasing them. There’s a lightness to it now. I sense their
fear.
Sensation inside my oesophagus, a tightening. Tingling in my nose and
sensation in my abdomen.
Calmness, feeling stoic. We’re doing it, we’re making a remedy and we’re
doing it together, collectively, without leaning on a man for support. In this
moment we are free.
The power of the intellect, the brow chakra. How far has that gotten us
as citizens of the world. We’ve managed to destroy much of nature. The Panda
bear is almost extinct and every
day there are more extinctions. Rivers are polluted, radiation gets
dumped into the oceans. Nuclear power plants. Men are powerful to create
anything and everything they want,
however destructive it is. Boys with toys. Ooops,
nuclear meltdown, oil spills in the oceans. We don’t have the power to control
what we’ve created.
Battlestar Gallactica,
Blade Runner, Resident Evil. We created something that became too powerful and
now it’s destroying the earth.
It’s women’s time now. We gave you a chance and you fucked it up. It’s
time to bring things back into balance. I’m tired of men telling me what I can
and can’t do, of men protecting
me from other men. I’m tired of being told that I have to be scared when
I walk down the street at night, even though I’m not.
Sadness. You really, really fucked it up.
We need balance. We need to be caring, but we need to have a backbone.
We need to have the power to create, but we also need heart.
Heartless. How can men be so heartless? How can men rape, kill, have
wars, destroy the earth and not care? They’ve cut themselves off from
healing(sp?).
They’ve sacrificed their heart for power. They are out
of balance. They can think but they can’t feel. Though they lack
emotional intelligence.
Deep sadness. Sighing. Itchy face. Want to cry.
Power. It’s in us but it’s hard to tap into it. Men seem to have
an easier time tapping into their power,
but they lack the ability to tap into their own emotions. Throat chakra
sensations.
Feeling attacked. Why do people feel the need to attack each other?
Can’t we all just get along? Heavy, weighty feeling. Funny feeling in my
stomach. Just let out a burp (had some
big burps, part of the proving of this remedy). Now a chorus of burps.
Us vs. them. Feeling better, more superior than the other guy. Hierarchies.
Western civilization.
Shooting pain in my teeth when I chew. Western civilization. It was
built on wars and destruction. It was built on seeing the other guy as less
than, as inferior. The people they conquered
were barbarians. Genocide. Destroy and conquer. I think Panda bears are
a lot more civilized than we are.
C3 Level: Jenny
This was the point when I was saying “Panda where are you?”
Nightmares, dreams coming true. Being guarded against this.
My head really hurts, shifting through left temple and right side of
tooth.
As if congestion is moving.
Something pushing up against it making it move.
Images of Chinese miners in relationship to how we view the world.
Taking, but sacrificing life, even our life in the process.
There is a sense of longing and foreboding.
Not knowing what to do.
I ask myself what does this mean. 7 min, 3 min.
I have the urge to make music too when I hear the ringing of the bells
(I mean bowls).
I get the feeling that bells are a source of joy. What bells I am not
sure.
What does this all mean?
I am lost in my thoughts. The expression gets lost.
It feels as if the panda is gone. I feel anxious. Where did it go? Where
am I? What happened?
I feel frantic now. Panda, come back. Like I am looking in the bowl for
it.
The reflection is not there.
My neck is itchy.
Panda hides from fear.
Only love heals fear.
Red ball -root chakra- survival
Balance all chakras so chi can flow
When chi flows the dance is balanced
Root
Survival
Eat, shelter, basic
Life sustaining, things are threatened, this must be restored.
Feel like painting.
What fears need to be broken through? Something feels sour. The fear
feels sour. When you look at yourself deep inside there are always shadow
pieces to make peace with.
What is not heart centred in your life becomes sour like an aged apple
or festers like a sound causing disease inside. Seeing it, bringing it forward
as release makes disease disappear.
The feeling in the heart will guide you.
As much as the heart can be filled with love it can also be a temple
guide, leading you to release the “sours” that you have stored and don’t want
to let go like a teeter totter that rests on
a fulcrum of change. Change is perpetually in motion. The heart may be
your guide through the change.
Secrets are sour. Secrets released. Secrets are like traps. Traps =
freedom.
Being solitary and being secretive. Unable to get it out because of
fear. Fear of shame?
Desire to make my hands go in rolling motions like spirals, releasing
built up stress, rolling.
Forces you to look at what is not working and switch to honouring self,
true self.
Maybe like a complacent boredom.
Feel like I am different somehow, like I am not fitting in but like it
matters.
There is an image of a long legged bird, like a heron.
Something feels ugly (fleeting) like oppression. When this feeling comes
- headache returns.
Headache gone. Now feel calm, peaceful. I just want to sit with my eyes
closed, in the sun warming myself before now my thoughts seemed quite jumbled
but they have calmed and cleared again.
I feel as if there may be a quality where the person loses themselves.
The brain shifts from how it normally functions.
Possibly part of this confused clumsiness comes the not knowing who they
are or where they belong.
Brain gets tired and sluggish.
Self doubt. Depression as a result of lack of freedom and not living
their truth. The brain gets dull, like two halves of a seed split down the
middle no longer communicating
with the whole.
Ɵ
The seed/brain not communicating as a whole.
Need nature
Need water
Need sunlight
Want to speed away from this brain. Feeling maybe if I grind harder,
faster, it will go away.
Still a sense of beauty though it feels as if the situation is grave.
There is no flow. Or there is flow and I am not a part of it. Vacant.
Staring.
A mother’s breast image comes in the powder.
Noise aggravates my headache.
C3 Level: Prover #3
Loose. Let me be loose.
You don’t have to squish me to know me.
Snow capped. Mount Fiji? No? Singular mountain.
Tickle in throat. Want to cough.
This is super cool. We’re doing this.
I feel backwardy. I only want to go clockwise.
Your idea of perfection is irrelevant, I want to make a mess. Fun. Add
water, muck it about.
Let your love flow. Feeling way lighter. Silly, playful. Like I want to
be a trickster, make stuff backwards, jokey.
Fish.
Powder is everywhere.
Play more (telling us to)
Right side of face, neck, awareness, heat.
You’ve figured out the solar system, but what about each other? Feeling
judgemental.
Want lush, verdant green.
Like I’m not “getting it” - self judgement
Grandmother, rocking chair.
I want a soft, safe place to land.
I see you showing up
for me, in this way no one ever has.
Calculators.
Don’t waste your time. You already know all this. All is in you. You are
me.
Funny to grind up lactose from Ontario with my fur to understand me -
when I am you.
But thank you. This work is needed.
You don’t have to keep doing it. You will understand.
Tell me, what will you do differently knowing what you know now?
- sort of cheeky, like so what was all this for? If you don’t do or be
something with this information - then - don’t bother doing it. Adding data to
the database is pointless.
Integration of information, then it becomes your (own) knowledge.
This experience - is to bolster self, you. It is not (only) the Panda
data, but the whole greater, wider truth of what’s going on here that’s so
important. You must see that. You learn
about self (humanity) through Panda - through trituration.
Expansion of collective wisdom.
Data becomes wisdom, knowledge, through its lived experience and
integration into self. Walking the talk, you’d say. It’s OK to be still. Dwell
in peace.
When something is too close, you cannot see it. Wider picture. Like
birds. This helps.
Kung Fu Panda is a good movie.
Itchy inside of ears.
Grounded. Mother earth is my mother. And woozy at the same time. Hiccup
(common).
Don’t command me. I know how to do this.
I have teeth, you know.
Physically waning...OK, this one is taking awhile.
Better to be action and not talk than all talk no action.
Crescent.
Eyes drying out. General itchy. Back cracked.
You’ve built your lives around the wrong things. Cars? It’s no matter.
Looking out to mountain - that’s where I should be.
Bitterness. Grumpy.
Masked art.
Want to wash my face in the stream. Feel dirty.
It ’s very quiet - dampened sound.
C3 Level: Prover #4
Eyes swollen with tears. Eyes just swollen. Whole face feels swollen,
especially the lower half.
Stitching pains on my left heel. There and then gone quickly.
The smell of Jasmine is in my nostrils. I love my home in the tall
grassy thickets. I love the sun filtering through the tall grasses.
So, where do we go from here? It’s on your shoulders.
Who will weep for us when we’re gone?
This is why we’re bringing these messages. We will be gone.
I feel very depressed at this loss to happen soon. My face feels very
lax, like there are no muscles left in it (lower ½ of my face).
The image of an eye came up. I think there may be quite a few issues
around eyes to do with sight and swelling.
I’m so tired and sad.
We’re good enough for you to make into toys and cartoons, but not good
enough to really care about.
Humans allow themselves to be so shallow.
I feel pressure on my sternum as if a rock is sitting on it.
It’s over. I’m incredibly sleepy. There is no more to say.
I wonder why it smells like delicious coffee one minute and then lovely
buttered toast and strawberry jam another time?
During the rest of the day I had about 15 bowel movements of easy soft
stool. It was not diarrhea - like. It felt very
normal to be doing stools in this manner. Normally I have 3 stools at the most
and always more firm than this.
C3 Level: Sonya
Morrissey song: You’ll never believe me so why don’t you find out for
yourself, sick down to my heart, that’s just the way it goes.
You won’t miss us till we’re gone, and then it will be too late. Does
humanity have to get to the lowest point possible before they learn from their
mistakes. I don’t think we can sink any lower.
Sensation in my stomach, sinking feeling. Acid reflux. Hard to stomach.
Despair. Hopelessness. Is there hope for humanity? It seems pretty bleak.
Tight chest. Please open your hearts before it’s too late. Pleading.
What will it take to make you feel, to make you see? I give up. There’s no
point, nothing I say or do can convince you.
Feeling powerless. My power has been taken away. I know you’re not
giving it back. How to take it back? Do I fight? If I fight, the violence
continues. I have to close my heart to fight. I want my heart
To remain open. Just keeping my heart open without fighting isn’t
enough. I’ve done that and I’m almost extinct now. Giving up doesn’t seem right
either, although it’s tempting.
How can I convince you to see things my way, because it is the right
way. How can I convince you to change your ways before it’s too late? Something
needs to shift. I don’t know what to do. Should
I go to sleep, lie down and play dead? It’s easier to sleep and
disconnect from the world than to act.
What I need to do now is to find some way to connect. Is making this
remedy helping Panda to connect to humanity - finally Panda’s voice is being
heard by three women sitting here in this room.
One voice crying out in the wilderness. If a tree falls in the forest
and nobody hears it fall, does it really fall? Is that a Chinese proverb? If
humanity can open their eyes to witnessing, really seeing Panda’s
destruction, maybe then they will change their ways, or will they?
Be like a man. Act like them and you will earn their respect. It’s a
trap. I never ever want to be like them.
How to earn respect in a man’s world without being like them, it’s
tricky.
How do we create a better world? We can’t beat ‘em
and we can’t join ‘em.
We need to create something new, but what? I’m stuck in the question and
it feels heavy.
Nose tingles. Feeling tired. Low energy. Droopy. Feeling defeated, no
point. Heavy heart.
Stabbing sensation in my left ear. A clearing sensation in my nose.
May 28 - 30, 2011: Sonya’s Journal
May 28
Sensation of a lump in the esophagus, like
acid reflux, with burping.
Husband’s dream last night:
I had a baby, and he came home and the baby had pooed
in the kitchen, trickled out from diaper, and poo was
on the ground everywhere that he had to pick up and clean up.
Nausea with lots of trapped gas in the esophagus.
Tears welling up, digestion symptoms improve after I’m able to cry.
As a child I was a gentle soul, creative and playful. As I got older I
came to understand that the world was a hostile place. I was bullied. People
were mean. They picked on me. I began to see myself
as less than them, as deficient. I became powerless. I was suicidal.
What’s the point? The world is a crappy place. People are mean and hostile. I
felt alone. Panda, I am like you. I was hunted too.
People put me in chains. People laughed at me and ridiculed me.
They tried to drag me down, and it almost worked. They hunted me and my
kind to the brink of extinction. They are still hunting me. They want to break
into my house and take my remedies.
They want to control what I can and cannot sell. They want to censor me.
They want to control what I can and cannot write. I am not free.
I also think that the digestive symptoms seem tied to this feeling of
being victimized and lack of power.
During lunch: want to eat the bread and veggies only, having a very hard
time swallowing the meat which is really off putting right now.
Strange tingling feeling behind my ears at the back of my head. Muffled
sound, hard of hearing, very difficult to hear.
Yawning a lot. If one word could sum up one of the main themes it would
be “Persecuted” and “Persection”
May 29
You beat me down, put me in chains, and took over the world. My kind has
now almost become extinct.
I was outnumbered. I was not free. I am not free to be who I truly am. I
felt belittled, deficient, like I mattered less than you did. My ideas, my
life, and I was worth nothing. I came to believe what you
believed, that you were somehow better than me, because I was different.
I bought your story, and my story was muted. It's time for me to tell my story.
Fascist governments. Communist China. The Harper government in Canada.
The Communist government in China didn’t give their people a voice, their
voices were not heard. They were treated like children.
“We know what’s best for you, we know better than you do.” It’s time for
the people’s voices to be heard. Revolution in Egypt. Is it possible that the
common people’s voices will finally be heard?
Can we gain our independence and finally live as equals, as adults, as
comrades? We are not children, we don’t need to be controlled, we know what’s
best for ourselves and how we want to live our lives. Leave us alone. We don’t
want your interference.
May 30
Flirtatious dream, in my dream I was a man and flirting with a woman,
sizing her up. Dream of somebody performing on a stage, they did not want to be
there. Dream of a piece of furniture that had
been taken from my room and kept hidden from me. A couple nights ago,
dream of something evil in my heating vents, I would taunt it by yelling
phrases into it and it would repeat back (a bit like
the movie The Ruins). It was evil and it would kill people.
Nasal symptoms:
Prover #4
Has had worse nasal congestion, hard to breathe,
Prover #3
has nasal congestion in the morning.
May 30, 2011: C4 Level Trituration Notes
C4 Level: Jenny
Tell me more about the secrets.
It’s hiding. It’s hiding matters of the heart.
Again the feeling of getting caught - uncovered.
It’s like a storm inside without an eye.
Left foot is itchy.
Struggling to free my mind, relax.
I just remembered, when I have been drinking, I stick my tongue out to
catch the drip on the rim of the glass. That strikes me as a funny action, but
I don’t feel like laughing.
It is almost like going inward.
You know those sand holes where something shifts underneath and the sand
flows inward like caving in.
Spine, energy. Harnassing the kundalini is important.
My chin is so itchy. Left foot itchy again.
On my neck at the base of my head there is a weakness, like I can’t hold
my head up if I look up or back.
My hair keeps falling in my eyes.
I feel restless, like I should be doing something or writing faster.
When I hear the scraping I want to jump up and scream, the sound! It
doesn’t match with me sitting here.
My ears hear the slightest ding.
Prover #3 is so quiet, don’t hide the
sound in little movements, I can still hear it. It seems like maybe the
movements/sound don’t match. It is a very fine tuned sound thing.
Everything is exaggerated. When a page turns, I can hear each ruffle.
When the key types I can hear it.
I feel territorial, too close, like my space is being encroached upon.
Sensitive smell, like all the stimulus is too much, too close.
I am hungry (normal).
My mouth feels dry
I feel careless, like I don’t care how I turn the mortar and pestle. It
should be sacred but I am careless, don’t care.
I ask what will the human that needs Panda experience?
Image of me licking a cub with eyes closed. It looks like a kitten. Does
this mean that the human has the urge to lick the baby? Laughter, trying to
suppress it. It is so stupid, a human licking the baby.
I feel laughter start inside and comes out like a burst. But I don’t let
myself really rumble.
It seems thick, difficult to scrape.
Urge to urinate, I feel embarrassed writing this down, is that panda or
human?
I begin to let my mind wander to Isis and the wand she used to do her magic.
It is kind of like the spinal cord with energy flowing on either side and
through the middle. How does one know that energy?
I can see two pandas playing pat-a-cake. That is all they are doing. I
am not to be fooled by their playfulness. They will swat if annoyed.
A story of my daughter telling me she loves cows comes to my mind. The
black and white ones. They are like pandas. Sonya’s cup looks like a black and
white cow/panda. Are mother pandas called cows?
My vision shifts. I feel greedy, hungry, like a big giant male panda. I
am not satisfied hunger wise.
There is just images of the different personas, like bear mom, bear cub,
big male. With the female it feels like she’s had enough of feeding her cub.
Like feeding is draining, like she wishes the baby would
be done taking her milk. It’s too much. It is a chore. It is not joyful.
Feeding makes her sad and annoyed.
I don’t want to give of myself.
The texture of the lactose has changed. It reminds me of mashed
potatoes.
I have a very strong desire to lick it.
I am questioning myself.
He (male panda or just the big panda) gets angry easily but then I
question does he. Like stormin’ around the forest,
mad about something. I don’t know if it is just an expression or that the rage
is just
rage for the sake of rage.
I am shown the image of a bamboo tree being ripped out by roots.
We are mighty like the feeling of capability.
I think to prove a point, there is always a choice.
Some things are nature, some things are not.
I want to go slow after this, like tapping the scraper, the sound.
My stomach hurts right around the belly button level.
So I went to the washroom thinking about the big angry panda and then I
switched or transitioned to how many people cheat on their husbands. What a
strange thought, that’s all it was, so I have to
write it down because it is random.
My eyes are droopy, I am sleepy. My tummy feels like something is
gnawing, ache. Yawning.
Then the Dr. Suess saying “Me oh my oh me oh
my, what a lot of funny things go by.” There is rhythm in Prover
#3’s tapping, I can feel it more through me.
Little ant.
Sound is still distorted. I can hear breathing.
I am sitting back with my shoulders slouched, my hands resting on my
tummy. The ache seems better.
As I sit here the question does it express differently in males and
females, then my heart skips a beat, does a little lurch, “If you see them as
different.”
My feet feel restless, but I don’t want to move. Legs heavy like lead.
Really feel like stretching. The feeling of lead is up into my right arm now.
I can smell the plant on the window sill. I squint my eyes. Light is
really bright. That is very satisfying to thump the pestle. Screw 100 monkeys,
how about 4
Deep sighing.
C4 Level: Prover #3
Wow, already emotion strong! On high alert, tingly.
Thickness. I like the smooth flow/movement of this powder.
Want to yawn but stuck...
Reciprocity.
OK Panda...Can I let you in? You’re there. I’m afraid. Stalling.
Wondering what others will think. Is it safe? -I bolster my guides &
protection- Just keep going. Keep on... Keep... going...
OK. We’re ready.
Block. Under a block. Egypt.
Big temple. Pyramid? You can do this.
Ancient, more ancient than you know.
OK!
I will do this - take the info.
Chevron. Ferns?
Shaking. Ancient fear, but just OK...OMG. Here we go! We’re doing this
-in ceremony. Hand doesn’t want to write or- unfamiliar to form these letters
-taking a lot of effort.
Right side of head pressure - awareness.
HUNGRY!
Almost panicky.
Checking in again with guides (protectors) angels to keep me safe.
Persecution.
Holding my throat. Definitely need a scarf today.
Breathing and heart erratic. Cannot have fear to go in. To go further - musn’t, impossible to go further if fear.
Let us cradle you. Lean into us (guides). OK. OK. OK.
Laying on stone, big stone. Fearful - looks like it could crush me.
Have to trust. Jenny laughs. See –remember- you’re OK! Bring in light.
Keep it light. Right of passage - this is.
Hungry. Seed planted. But it could be any symbolism - all same roots.
All one. Choose whatever you like, no story is wrong. Distill
the essence. That is the point. To this, Egypt & all ceremony
- to bring us into wisdom & knowledge. These are tools to help us
remember what we already knew. Growling stomach. Sheesh!
Hungry.
Feet on ground! Keep, put, your feet on the ground. Opening.
Like the sweat, like the walk up the mountain with cross – Rites of
passage. Ceremony. Without deeper truths – in of themselves are meaningless.
Big snuggle from Panda. “Bear hug.” Go for a walk. Show you my sacred
space.
Lines. Linear. Bamboo?
Sun? Lotus. Oh, it’s all so tiring (earth mess)
Can we be friends? I’m not sure...we don’t have to be friends to
co-exist. Hmmm...good point.
Path, steps up temple. Pyramid? Song: Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t
we be friends? Respect and friendship are different. First we must all respect
one another...as One.
Causality (what does this mean?)
Want darkness, sensitive to light. Rest, not hibernate.
Panda: I don’t have much to tell you that you don’t already know. Please
follow it. Let’s just go to sleep.
Zoning out. Soft purple-like lavender. So sleepy! Yawning...when can we
nap? It’s good to switch so I’ll stay awake Sheesh!
Gong. Pendulum! We must always seek balance. In balance can be found
eternity.
Feel the softness of the powder. I just want peace and quiet.
I am not connecting. I’m making it up.
All of life supporting you if you let it.
Flower of life.
Itchy left arm at elbow. Crazy itchy right eye (rim).
Distracted. Wanting to roam, go outside.
Why don’t we have personal art galleries - space in our homes showcasing
our art & evolution? How great to have layers of walls for each year or
whatever cycle. ITCHY EYES!
Super zones out.
C4 Level: Prover #4
I find myself clenching my front teeth. I never do that.
Again, an eye comes up before my vision. My right eye has fleeting pains
in it.
So tired.
So human, where do you go from here?
I’m clenching my teeth again...
You need groups
You need circles
Communion, communicate, discuss, discourse, dissemble current thought,
digest new thought, begin again, fresh, green, build towards rejuvenation of
all things, life, health, babies
and young of all species.
Construct new attitudes. Preserve life for life.
I smell a lamb roasting in the oven.
Go forward. That’s all you can do. Or just sit there and continue to
watch it all implode.
Sadly, communication and love are human failings, or the two most
important ideals that we’ve failed to advance.
My brain feels groggy and stifled.
There’s an annoying dullness in the frontal area of my brain.
Communicate!
Lamb mmmmmmmm...hungry
Don’t like dogs, they worry me, pester me.
Claws, sharp claws work.
Sinus congestion and a feeling of fullness in all the sinuses around my
nose and eyes.
I am very proud to be this great white and black animal. I have done my
duty and done it very well. Do yours. Communicate.
Hard to breath. Need fresh air. I don’t like bars. That makes me feel
like I can’t breathe too.
Thank you for what you are doing. We are grateful.
Nose running freely, never have that, even when I have a cold.
Feeling sleepy groggy not altogether here.
Feeling silly, exposed, embarrassed.
Heart full of love. Bursting, painful love. Love not returned.
Broken heart, heart attack, heart failure, faulty heart, aching heart.
C4 Level: Sonya
Funny feeling in the abdomen. Is it fear? Fear to speak, fear to
express. I need to tell my story. Tell it before I’m gone. We all want to make
our mark, to make a difference.
Still feeling, starting to feel more centred.
Once the fear is cleared, I can be creative, have a voice. I can speak
from a place of love. I need to let go of the past, but I will not forget it.
It’s time to create something new.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
People today often feel powerless,
like they can’t make a difference, that they are bound by someone else’s
rules. This is largely an illusion.
We can create reality, but it takes heart.
Powerful. I feel powerful. Power is not something anybody can give to
you. It comes from within. It comes by working together, by finding common
ground. We are all citizens
of the world and we all want to live.
We all need to have an equal voice. We all need to be heard. People need
to educate themselves, think things out and make their own decisions. But we
can all agree on this,
we all want to live. And we all need to be free. We need to be free to
laugh, roll in the grass, to sit and just be. We need the freedom to work and
the freedom to play.
This is the kind of world that our children should be born into.
It’s a fearful feeling to know that you are whole inside, that there is
nobody there to tell you what to do,
say or think. It’s so much easier
to follow the rules, do what the government says you should do, stay
with the status quo and be like everyone else. We are all individuals.
We all have our points of view and
we all think differently, we are all diverse and that’s beautiful.
Asian cultur
es need to recognize the individual. They need to
recognize diversity of opinion. Everybody
needs to have their say and do their own thing. Yet they are united in
the common goal of protecting
the sanctity of life. Every single living thing has value. Ever
ything has its nature and it is equally
valuable.
Every rock, plant and animal. We need to protect the sanctity of life
just as if it was our own life,
because it’s just as valuable.
Have an open heart and let the love flow. Open your heart to the world a
round you. Everything on earth
is alive and has value. Everything has its unique beauty, and everything
needs to be respected. Many
humans have forgotten this.
Everything on earth is beautiful, the grass, the trees, the flowers.
It’s magical and we must open our heart to the beauty to all living things.
Panda can remind us again of how to love each other, and how to love
every living thing on earth, and beyond - the stars, the planets, our
atmosphere and the air we breathe. Then will we find peace.
Everything in our universe is sacred. Every single thing. If we forget
that we lose our way. The ancients knew this - the First Nations, the Mayans,
the Egyptians. Then Western Civilization and fascism took over and we started
to forget. It’s time to return to the old ways, to the way it was before. This
has happened before and it can happen again.
Every single thing needs freedom. Freedom is necessary in order to
thrive and survive. We can’t live
without freedom. Take away freedom, and you take away life.
We are all free. This is the natural state of all life. Look around you,
every single thing is free. I am free to
write about this journey with you, Panda bear. I am happy that you have
shared with me this lesson.
Freedom comes from within. It’s not some thing that can be handed over
from someone to somebody else. It can’t be bought. It’s a feeling, a feeling of
balance and a feeling that comes from the heart
And the abdomen (the sacral region). Freedom is being and saying
whatever you want, is writing what you want. Freedom brings joy. Humanity,
panda’s lesson to you is that you are free to be yourself and to do whatever
you want to do, so now, start doing it.
October 12, 2011: After the Trituration
The trituration was months ago now, but today
I revisited the remedy once again when I made the 220C potency. I felt like I
got most of the remedy but was able to get a fuller, more universal picture,
rather than just focussing on one aspect, which was the female/male problem
that I struggled with at the time of the trituration.
Notes during potentization:
Fighting spirit – Injustice – Justice
Inequality
Tipping the scales – balance “The Little Guy”
Women, racial minorities
Activists
Yin/yang imbalance
Valuing yang over yin (current imbalance)
Integrating yin and yang – equal
Fighting for equality
Fighting against oppression
Not fair, sees inequality
Fight for justice
(I’m getting heart pain)
Being very clumsy (spilling the water, making mistakes)
Starving – had to eat
Vorwort/Suchen Zeichen/Abkürzungen Impressum