Lepidolith Anhang = Lithium mica/= K(Li,Al)3(Si,Al)4O10(F,OH)2 (Lithotherapie.x)

Theme work: Lori Foley

Editing: Suzanne Joyce

Proving, 2010

“Teamwork - A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction!”

Larry Kersten, American Sociologist

Components:

K = Potassium 10.07%

Lithium 3,58%

Alumina 6,95%

Silica 28,93%

Oxygen 45,32%

Fluoride 4,89%

Hydrogen 0,26%

Alumina: tendency toward confusion of identity in the realm of relationships; this appeared in the proving. 

Fluor element: need to let go of the past, the desire to break relationships suddenly, and finally letting go of a relationship after ten years of being out of the relationship. 

Silica: desire to be recognized came through strongly in the monomania, and rigidity of behaviour of the provers.  

Kali (Potassium): not seen much of it in the proving, although they will tend to argue with their family, but unlike Kali, they are much more likely to sever a relationship. 

Rubidium: thoughtless or absence of thought came through as well in the mind-numbing experience of life as a dream. 

Caesium: appeared frequently in the comments of the provers as having many projects; is known for beginning many projects and not necessarily finishing them before they begin the next project. 

Provers would have many plans to do many things and then come home, lose steam and do nothing. 

Thallium: feeling of nostalgia for the old days, old friends, childhood comfort foods, and a delusion of a time when everything was simple.

SOURCE: Avghi Constantinides, Director of the Los Angeles School of Homeopathy, collected flakes of the substance from a piece of Lepidolite carried by a colleague,

a “very grounded” psychiatrist, to keep himself grounded while working with patients. The substance prepared by Homeopathic Laboratories, King of Prussia, Pennsylvania.

Lepidolite is an uncommon mica, it is an ore of lithium and forms in granite masses that contain a basic potassium lithium aluminum fluoro-silicate; it is transparent to translucent, in colors of lavender, lilac, graywhite, pink, purple, rose-red, violet, and violet-gray, yellowish, white, translucent; colorless to pale pink in thin section.

It has a luster of pearly to vitreous. Formed in granite pegmatites, derived by metasomatic replacement of biotite or muscovite; in some high-temperature quartz veins, greisens, and granites; it is one of the major sources of the rare alkali metals rubidium and caesium.

Originally named lilalite, from the Hindu ‘lila’ meaning play or game. Scientists renamed the stone lepidolite, from the Greek lepidos ‘scale’ and lithos ‘stone’. Reference to the scaly appearance of lithium flakes in the mineral.

Most often mined as small, scaly crystals in dense aggregates, and as micaceous masses and groupings, and in flaky, foliated, scaly forms, and tabular; it has large crystals, which are in stubby pseudohexagonal form, Lepidolite is much rarer than the other micas. It appears in micaceous rounded ball-shaped aggregates and in massive form with tiny glittery crystals. It has a physical tendency to flake off, for small pieces to peel off.

Remedy Overview

Lepidolite is a complex remedy, as it is a stone comprised of several minerals. Its main components, Lithium, Kali, Silica and Alumina give it its extreme sycotic to syphilitic presentation.

A person needing Lepidolite would need to display this behaviour

1. Withdrawal (Theme: Womb)

2. Intense Feeling of Being Incapable, Child-like [Row 2 at level of Survival] (Theme: Incapable)

3. Tendency to depression, with dependency on “substances” for support (Theme: Depression)

4. Angered easily (Theme: Anger)

5. Out of body sensations (Theme: Drug)

The withdrawal in Lepidolite is really a retreat from the world and a return to the womb. They do this by cutting the connections, easily and suddenly. Reasons for doing this have mostly to do with the amount of Lithium found in Lepidolite. Lithium has not left the womb. It is not capable of taking care of itself and is intensely dependent on others for survival. For Lithium much of what is out in the world is scary and dangerous. All of this is found in Lepidolite. Because of the fluorine in Lepidolite, they prefer to sever the connections in a sudden and clear way.

At the deep most level of Lepidolite is an intense feeling of being incapable. They will try to cover this up and hide this from others. They can do this in a childish way, almost being “defiant” in their desire to appear independent.

Key to Lepidolite is the tendency to depression. You would want to see some battle with depression and likely dependence on medications to support them. Their depression will express as a “heaviness,” drawing them back down to the earth. Their depression can be quite severe especially when you couple this with their withdrawal from society. They need help, may not understand that they can ask for it.

They are also angered easily. This may be in part due to the Silica and the Kali in the substance. They can be quite child-like in their anger, almost like they are stomping their feet like a toddler. They get irritated when they are not feeling independent enough. They also get angry when they feel insulted or that their image is being threatened (Silica). They can be most angry with their family and loved ones, like a “Kali”.

Need to see a certain drug-like quality. Their intense state is often too much for them to handle and they will leave their body. They can experience sensations of lightness

and floating (this is in direct opposite to the “heaviness” found in the depression). They can experience life like a “wakened dream” and seem calm in stressful situations.

It’s not that they are really peaceful, it is that they have just “numbed” their experience of life in order to tolerate it.

Physical Summary

Marked pains in the extremities. Pain especially concentrated in the shoulder area (often the left, but not always) that can ext. arm. They can also have hip and leg and feet pains as well as back pain.

They can have an unusual pain in the left wrist. The pains might be burning but they can also be cramping and feel better with stretching.

Another physical symptom you might expect to see, is a flushing of heat that extends upward and may create perspiration about the face +/o. back.

Besides the body aching and heat, you would also probably want to see some headaches. The headaches can be dull or they can also be behind the eyes. Also find them

prone to constipation and bowel symptoms.

Can succumb to overwhelming sleepiness, especially when life gets too much for them. Usually has a diminished appetite, a dry mouth and often without thirst.

They may desire coffee and colas and be averse to meat.

The sensations you might see in the physical symptoms would be a “Heaviness” (Theme: Depression, Heavy) or a “Pulling.” (Theme: Drug; Falling)

When found in nature, Lepidolite is found near or with Rubidium, Caesium, and Thallium. Although they are not part of the composition of Lepidolite, their energy is present in the remedy as well. People who have had these remedies in the past (Caesium, Rubidium or Thallium) might also do well on Lepidolite or vice versa.

It’s interesting to note that Lepidolite (incl. the minerals found in/or by it) contains 5 elements from the 1st column of the Periodic Table (Hydrogen - Row 1, Lithium - Row 2, Potassium - Row 4, Rubidium - Row 5 and Caesium - Row 6). Column one is characterized by the complete “absence” of what that row represents. This means that Lepidolite does not have the capacity “to exist”, “for birth”, “of security”, “to begin new ventures” and “to take responsibility.” This clearly explains the despair and severity of this state.

Lithium shows a tendency towards mania and euphoria and affects bowel symptoms. Provers experienced constipation and diarrhea issues. They also so the extreme withdrawn and incapability one sees in Lithium. Alumina has a tendency toward confusion of identity in the realm of relationships; this too appeared in the proving.

The Fluorine element came through in the need to let go of the past, the desire to break relationships suddenly, and finally letting go of a relationship after ten years of

being out of the relationship. Silica’s desire to be recognized came through strongly in the monomania, and rigidity of behaviors of the provers. We did not see as much of

the Kalium in the proving, although they will tend to argue with their family, but unlike Kalium, they are much more likely to sever a relationship.

Rubidium’s thoughtlessness or absence of thought came through as well in the mind-numbing experience of life as a dream. Caesium appeared frequently in the comments of the provers of having many projects; this element found in Lepidolite is individually known for beginning many projects and not necessarily finishing them before they begin the next project. Provers would have many plans to do many things and then come home, lose steam and do nothing. Finally, Thallium brought to fore the nostalgia of our provers, the feeling of nostalgia for the old days, old friends, childhood comfort foods, and a delusion of a time when everything was simple.

Mental Themes (in order of importance)

Womb

“It was warm and cozy and non-demanding to stay in bed.”

“I feel like I want to retreat from the world...”

“I was working with someone and she was starting to go negative and I cut the cords”

Lepidolite is about withdrawal, introversion and isolation. The lithium component makes the images of the womb prevalent. This state has a desire to retreat and return to the womb, return to that mothering space. People did not get the mothering and nurturing they needed. Instead of reaching out for more care or nurturing, they retreat into their own little space (womb) and isolate.

Provers disappeared from the proving process completely. Some refused to answer the phone, claiming they didn’t hear it.

They have nostalgia for the past, this warm comforting past often represents the care and nurturing of mother. They will dream of past friends and family. They will think

of the past with longing and often with sadness for the loss of something they can’t quite identify.

There is both the desire to retreat, to “hide” and isolate as well as a desire to “sever” or “end” the connections to others (Fl). They want to “cut the cords.”

Aversions abounded. They don’t desire to belong to groups or to socialize. They cannot even see the value of friends. They desire to stop everything. They contemplate ending relationships, business ventures, friendships, and marriages. In the extreme you could find Lepidolite living as a hermit with only their past memories to keep them company.

Another part of this womb retreat is the fear that they have of the outside world. Feeling unable to handle life, the outside world can be quite scary and dangerous. They can often have frightening dreams

of people attacking them or natural events like earthquakes or fires which threaten their safety.

Womb Images

• (dream) ... I even go down to the cellar. The cellar is large, warm, cozy and with splendid white walls.

• .... She is very concerned about being pregnant, though a contraceptive was used. She even was dreaming about a fetus.

• I was done sleeping but I did not want to get up. ... It was warm and cozy and non-demanding to stay in bed.

• ... I just want to lay down and stay under the covers...

• I see my aura, there is a darkness surrounding this pink essence. The pink is coming within itself, protecting it from the black-darkness.

• (dream) Dreamt I was in a building that was falling apart - it was like an earthquake. I felt calm in the dream and was just moving with the building to avoid being hurt… then I was in a building and it was rolling and moving and I moved with it...

• I am whole. I am together. It’s together. It’s like you are not separated you're complete and still.

• ... Like I am on the inside of some kind of consciousness, looking out and I can see…

Caring for others, Mothers and Fathers

• Everyone in our party is very worried and anxious. I stay calm and go about taking care of her as if I am not in my own body.

• (dream) ..The preacher at this Spiritualist Church said, "I see this golden light coming off the top of your head, I rarely see this." Mother, "Everything is going to be okay." Totally accepted and comforted, that my mother really does love me and I am a good kid.

• (dream) I am reluctantly taking care of a dog- a small cute black and white toy dog. It keeps falling in the water and drowning…

• (dream) My ex-husband leads me thru an exhibit holding my hand, at one point he puts my hair back and says at my age I should do something different with my hair- it shouldn’t be all over the place.

• (dream) Dreamt of a man with Down's syndrome. He is very short. He cannot speak. I used to take care of him when I was young.

• .. She has the qualities of organization, focus, and "good mother" attributes I would like to have more of...

• I have a lump in my throat; I would like to cry a lot; I don't want to; I don't think I will; I really miss my mother. Okay, I will cry! I really miss her.

• .. At home, Mom was away so he cared for his eight year old brother, sometimes frustrating and sad.

Womb, Nostalgia

• It's been 25 years today since my dad died - before I even realized this, I was in a very emotional and melancholy mood - thinking of old loves and lives, feeling blessed for the life that I have -for my husband and children- crying for the losses in my life - thinking of all that has gotten me this far...

• The last few days I have been longing to reconnect with people I haven't connected with in a while.

• Sad about people in my life who I wanted to be friends with who did not want to be friends with me. They were friends in high school and not in my adult life. I am upset about this.

• .. She is usually planning ahead or thinking about the past - when she thinks of the past she gets nostalgic..

Dreams of the Past

• (dream) ...Had a dream about an old neighbour, that was present during time I had the perception shift about. .. Had lots of thoughts of her during the day.

• (dream) .. I go across the street to this restaurant. In the restaurant are a group of my friends from a long time ago. I didn't remember that I had friends...

• (dream) ... I am moving back to my home state I buy a condo sight unseen... It is right around the corner from the church school and the church that I went to as a little girl.

• (dreams) My dreams were of people from my past, old boyfriends, old friends, teachers...

• (dream) She has been dreaming of family members and friends she hasn’t seeing a long time.

Retreat, “Turn inward” “Retreat from the world”

• Has not wanted to communicate with anyone. Feeling lazy

• Impatience. No one in the restaurant wants to sit where they are being seated by the host. I feel like I want to retreat from the world...

o A good friend of mine invited me over to have tea. I don't want to go; but I said yes anyway. What is that about? This feeling of withdrawing is increasing.

o It took me two days to retrieve all of the voicemail messages that I have left unanswered. My mother-in-law felt that I was angry with her. I don't want to take care

of her; that's not my job.

I am not interested in anything but what is mine to do.

• Not hanging out with friends as much.

• The Thanksgiving holiday came and went; I ended up making most of the meal. I feel like my world has become very small; I didn't greet anyone when they came to the door; I just kept cooking.

My nephew kept asking me to play with him. I told him not today.

• I feel really heavy and I've completely isolated myself from all my friends…People would call me and I did not want to answer the phone, I did not want to talk to people.

• (Curative Response) I had the best holiday season one of the best I have had in many years, more connected to my family - usually I cannot get things done, it has been the opposite, I have been able to move forward in a lot of different areas, getting off flour and sugar. This has been unusually easy for me. I decorated my house, first time in like seven years. I did Christmas!

Ending the Connection, “Cut the Cord”

• I invited my family to my home for the upcoming holiday. I immediately wanted to rescind my invitation. I didn't want to bother; I don't want to participate in family gatherings.

• The thing about relationships there has been a shift with my ex-husband, I am not reliant on him anymore - we have been separated for ten years, but there is a more defined ‘I really don’t need you now!’ I am my own self!

• I made two huge breaks with people who have been quite cruel to me… The lack of respect that she demonstrated towards me as a mother was more than I could tolerate and I told her I was done.

• I want to disconnect from superficial conversations and relationships.

o I unplugged my telephone… This feeling of withdrawing is increasing. I am even questioning whether or not I want to be in relationship to my partner.

o I want to cancel the holidays…. I am struck by my reaction to my friend's simple request. I want to pull my ties.

o I have the thought that it would be okay if I never saw my friends again

• It is unusual to isolate myself from my friends. I cannot even talk to them. Blurting out the truth; no filter, being hard done by, not being treated right by my friends, then leading to being cut off.

o Cut off, no hope, it’s done, I cannot possibly go back and mend this.

• ... I was working with someone and she was starting to go negative and I cut the cords, I got out of the dynamic…

• I want to make everything stop.

• I’ve reached out to a lot of old people in Facebook and stopped with people.

• ... I am climbing upstairs with a friend. I am sort of rude to him.

• I gave up on my contract; normally I would have been setting up a new contract. My contract was coming to an end. I am not concerned about it; this is interesting to me...

Communication Problems, Didn’t call, Did not pick up phone

• A lot of communication problems. We lost the phone in our house, we lost our cell phones, anything to do with communication.

• Communication wise we would miss each other, days where we did not connect…

• Prover’s phone busy, busy, busy - no answer cell

• ...Communications with people were difficult; the meanings of things were goofed up. (29)

• No contact with prover days ten through twenty six (per sup 1S)

• His supervisor called him only twice.

• The prover is not picking up her phone. I left her a message.

• The prover is not picking up her phone again. I left a message explaining that now I will be calling only twice a week and I really need to talk to her.

Danger outside, “He chews both my hands off”

• I was vulnerable coming out of work and felt assaulted. I was more upset than usual.

• (dream) Had wild dreams. Dreamt of a building with red doors. A man went up to one of the doors and knocked. Someone came out and stabbed him in the forehead…

• (dream) I dreamt I sent my daughter to an art camp and she never came back from it…

• (dream) I dreamt that there was a big flood of some sort and I and two other girls survived; don't know who the girls were. We went around looking for survivors and saw this tree branch with a bunch

of babies and children just hanging off of as if thrown onto it. They were all on their stomachs and one on top of each other and appeared to be dead...

• (dream) ... I am impressed that he is going into a world where he would be so vulnerable. On the campus he is safe and admired and revered.

• (dream) Apartment hunting in a black neighborhood.

• (dream) Wires in apartment got heated and so there was an electrical fire.

• (dream) While falling asleep, I see an image of a shark-like fish with sharp teeth

• (dream) A mean man moves in to our home and we cannot do anything to protect ourselves. His name is Erbium. He chews my both hands off.

• (dream) ... I look down at the mice; they are a bloody mess; as though they've been eating each other; I dump them out in between the flowers. I cannot tell if they are alive or dead...

• (dream) .. Then, there was a drive by shooting by a military team...

• (dream) Dreamt I was in a building that was falling apart - it was like an earthquake…

• (dream) Person that I was personal assistant to started shooting a gun at me

Incapable

“A feeling like a little kid who is just never going to get it right” “I felt like I could not turn inward enough or make myself small enough”

As one prover summed it up perfectly, “I felt like other people were adults and I was only pretending to be an adult and at any moment someone might discover this pretending.” This is essentially the innermost feeling of Lepidolite, that they are utterly incapable of life. If they were to be born, they would die (like a premature baby).

They do not have the resources to function, to survive.

This childishness and naïveté is unique in Lepidolite as it is quite serious.

One prover said “it’s like I’ve forgotten how to feed myself” - this is the level of incapability. The profoundness of this is what creates the desperate responses: leaving their body, depression, bi-polar behavior, addictions, and impulsive anger.

They feel like a child. Their incapability actually gives them the delusion of being “small.” There were dreams of mice and seeing mice. They actually want to retreat and make themselves small. (Theme: Womb; Retreat) and essentially hide their flaws and hide from life. They have a desire to hide, to cover up their situation. They have dreams of hiding and dreams of places that are usually dirty being whitewashed clean. The need to clean or be busy stems from this desire to make things look better on the outside or

“to pretend”. Many situations can cause them embarrassment. Especially when they feel their “flaw” or “incapability” has been shown. When they do behave badly, which

is likely, they will either be detached from if (Theme: Drug) or will feel guilt.

The opposite of this extreme incapability is a sort of “I can do anything!” extravagance. Not quite connected to the earth or reality, they can childishly declare their abilities,

“I CAN DO IT!”

Even though, underneath, they feel they can’t (like a two year old declaring they read all by themselves).

Incapable, “Like a little kid who is just never going to get it right”

• (dream) I see my flower bed. There are nasturtium-like orange flowers. There are many flowers but their stems are short and weak. I understand that the soil is too poor.

• A feeling like a little kid who is just never going to get it right.

• This remedy is extremely sycotic... I felt like other people were adults and I was only pretending to be an adult and at any moment someone might discover this pretending. ..

• ...the feeling it left, was this feeling of missing something, having missed out on something. We were going somewhere, but where - and from where?

• Thoughts of I am no good to the world. No good to my children

• ... Fearful I will not be able to sustain the life I am creating financially and physically. Fear of repeating my past patterns like that. Overwhelmed with a lot of things to do...

• ...This is a way I have of doubting myself for many years... It was almost like starting to get an anxiety attack. Or like thinking was like moving though molasses...

Like I really keenly felt like what life is like when I am immersed in my self-doubt. When I think I am not good enough and don't belong...

• I immediately began to feel self-conscious. Like I wouldn't be able to follow the directions.

• It is almost as if I have forgotten how to feed myself. I haven't been grocery shopping since this proving began and I have almost exclusively been living on tea.

• .... She is very concerned about being pregnant, though a contraceptive was used. She even was dreaming about a foetus.

Dreams of difficulty, “I cannot do anything”

• (dream)... It has a toilet in it but the toilet is situated awkwardly… It is difficult to get on and off this strangely placed toilet...

• (dream) I park my car on a city street. When I come back it is moved. Now it is in an upright position wheels against a house wall and is pinned. Feeling: worried.

Cannot do anything to help the situation.

• (dream) ... I cannot find sheets anywhere. Then I see this really tall closet and there is no way I can reach this closet. Then I see my sister and she cannot help me.

She finishes her shopping and goes away... I am dressed up like a genie in a bottle and I am flying around and am trying to get home but I cannot...

• (dream) .. Then I met a woman I know from my home town with her front teeth missing. Then I noticed I did not have my teeth in.

Small, “I could not make myself small enough”

• ... on this remedy I felt like I could not turn inward enough or make myself small enough. ... I also had several dreams about mice.

o ... I see a mouse running past the doorway of the restaurant. This is the second mouse I've seen in two days.

o I am thinking about these mice. I wonder what that is about.

• Like you do not have any space to work in; small, limitations, limitations, like everything is limited compressed, there is no hope for expansion or growth, its compressed tight, limited and stuck; this is it no ray of sunshine.

• As I am describing this I feel smaller, yet relaxed, I feel like its overtaking the room, so that makes me feel smaller… ... I feel like I am on the ground or floor. Like an ant. Tiny.

• I can see that I did not contact the Master Prover enough in this proving. It didn't dawn on me that I could contact the Master Prover. I am on my own. My relationship to the Master Prover was that

I had to turn in completed w ork done right.

Desire to Hide

• (dream) ... The mood is festive, but in the dream I feel a sense of foreboding. It is happening at night and she is hiding her face.

• (dream) ...At some point, we heard men's voices and tried to be quiet and hide because we were afraid they might think we were robbers or something...

• (Dream) ...I want to go somewhere where they won’t go but they are right behind me. I enter a room it’s attic like a balcony there are things on the floor but no good hiding place I hide behind a basket

- I feel ridiculous the basket is small...

Self-Conscious, Embarrassed

• I am experiencing bashful stool. I cannot go to the bathroom unless I have the water running. I feel embarrassed.

• Apologized for not keeping in touch. Felt embarrassed.

• I immediately began to feel self-conscious. Like I wouldn't be able to follow the directions. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to keep my thoughts to myself.

• .. I was in the wrong classroom. It was last years classroom. I was very embarrassed, but amused at the time...

• I have been challenged with that in the past, actually a great source of shame, guilt and judgment has stemmed from being disorganized, loosing things, what do people think of me, feelings

of being unworthy, unintelligent, lower class, overwhelmed by stuff…

• Stool pass with a fart. Very surprised and panicked. Driving on the freeway on my way to an overnight vacation day with a friend at a resort and all I could think of was how bad I felt and smelt.

I was totally embarrassed.

• (dream) ... As I stepped on to the grassy curb to lift the packages into the car, my feet and the boots sunk into the mud. I was mortified. The boots were ruined and were very expensive. I thought

I was going to have to replace them but the woman I was helping was very understanding.

• The prover is concerned about her privacy during the proving; she wants to make sure all the information provided by her stays strictly confidential.

White-Wash, Covering things up

• I have also been washing my hands very frequently over the last two months of the proving.

• I had a lot of issues with cleaning up. Everywhere I walked in my house it was not clean...

• ... I immediately felt it important to clean up…. Made my bed, put away files, stacked things to be sorted, picked up all the little stuff. I want it to be clean, neat and organized.

• (dream) ... There is an outhouse. All the wooden parts are very rotten. I look in to the hole. I see quite a scene. It's a huge deep drop. Everything is splendidly clean because my husband has cleaned it...

• (dream) ... I even go down to the cellar. The cellar is large, warm, cozy and with splendid white walls...

Guilt, Feeling guilty

o I don't remember everything, but I felt somewhat guilty that I left my kids doing stuff on their own, while I was overwhelmed with things.

o (dream) of cheating on girlfriend, waking guilty. In dream, no hesitation hooking up with this girl. Knocking on door, had to hide this girl. Woke up stressed/guilty...

o Every two weeks I completely explode at my husband. I am compelled to yell. I feel horribly guilty afterward.

o (dream) I dreamed I was in jail. It was a mistake. Then a man I knew put many pounds of drugs in my locker and I was going to be in jail for the rest of my life.

They said the three strikes law.

I said it was a mistake. I was never convicted of anything before.

Extravagant, “I’m going to be brilliant” (opposite of incapable)

• The other thing that happened during this proving is that I decided I am going to be brilliant. I've always resisted this, life is always about struggling and working hard,

I am letting it be about other things now. I am willing to let homeopathy be easy. I always felt I was doing it wrong; if something is easy, I am going to let it be easy. Duh!

• …I have just moved into a beautiful new home and am looking forward to creating financial abundance, and a fabulous career. The strongest feeling that is new is

"Why couldn't I have all that wonderful stuff?"

• Elephant means power, strength, endurance, it can go through things, clearing obstacles, nothing happens to it, without having negative feelings for the surroundings.

Extravagance, Escape from Reality

• (dream) They can't get over the size of everything here--big houses, huge portions of food, big cars...When I show them around my house, everything is the same except my garden. It seems much bigger and there is a large pond. ..

• (dream) ... At some point one of the members of the play, said they found a spot in the room that could transform them and make them more beautiful and presentable…

I couldn't see the exact moment of transformation but one minute she was like a regular girl and the next she was this gorgeous classy lady and everyone on the stage and audience were amazed at the transformation!

• (dream) …The house is like a garden inside- a many tiered garden with strange topiary and a fountain

• (dream) I dreamt that my ex husband called me downstairs to look at some gifts he brought me. … he got me several pieces of golden jewelry…

• (dream) ... The workers' food platters are simpler than those of the paying guests'. But not mine. …my plate is filled with other meats and cold cuts. I'm a little surprised. Feeling upon awakening:

This was a good dream, I'm getting rewarded.

• (dream) …I have plenty of money in my purse. Some five hundred dollar bills. Also another "abundance dream".

• (dream) …my dreams during the proving they were unexpectedly beautiful.

• (dream) I am alone in a very, very large bedroom...

• (dream) dreamt I was in a very big home... The rest of the hall was marble. The there was a group of us all dressed up leaving the house to go to a reunion and we were getting into limos..

• Nourishment, concretely food, beautiful, rich, lovely food.

Foreign Destinations

• (dream) ... The men seemed of European descent, like Turkish or Egyptian but not necessarily Arab.

• (dream) I'm in Helsinki, Finland.

• (dream) ... At first I think they are Brazilian, but then decide they are Portuguese. The ceremony is amazing- the music is great.

Depression

“…then I lost all my steam of it, I just felt like there was nothing else to say”

“I am not alone… I feel alone”

“Heavy depressed feeling and staying home… thoughts of I am no good to the world.”

“I want to make everything stop.”

Lepidolite can have a severe depression (Lith). The sadness and despair coupled with the feelings of incapability makes it nearly impossible for them to pull themselves out

of the depression once it goes to a deep level. It is a depression accompanied with feeling of heaviness and weight, like “things are piled on top of them” that keeps them

in this deep state.

There are layers of the depression. At the lightest presentation, they may just feel apathy and disconnection from the world. They may procrastinate and fail to complete their work. Then, at a deep level they can feel the sadness within the depression that comes with a deep sense of isolation. They can mourn the loss of past friends and family and revisit the forsakenness of their life. They may weep when singing or weep about past losses. Their depression could easily be triggered by the death of family or friends or

the end of a significant relationship.

At the deepest level, their depression is hopeless. They may be suicidal, seeing no value in themselves, thinking people are better off without them. This state is so uncomfortable for them that they seek a way out, a way to “stop everything.” They will look for something to support them, to relieve them, to take the misery away.

They are prone to becoming dependent on medications or to being addicted to various forms of relief such as “drugs,” “smoking,” “pain killers,” “herbal supplements” and

of course “prescription medications.” Lepidolite contains Lithium, still a primary component in medication used to treat “depression.”

Lepidolite also presents as Bi-Polar. There are mood swings from rage to laughter. It lacks a basic groundedness (Lith). It might start out with excitement and then suddenly find themselves “without steam.” It can oscillate between two extremes of emotions, and then sink into the deep depression.

Apathy, “I don’t want to do anything”

• It was weird, at first it was serenity feeling and then I don’t want to do anything.

• At the beginning of the proving I felt a bubble in my stomach. I was so excited at the beginning, but then once we got into it, I felt what's the use? and I wanted to be done with it.

• I have not been able to study for my classes…I'd open the books and then just stare at it and then put it away.

• I had my doubts, there is nothing, the first 10 days I was monitored daily, someone to hand it over to, then I lost all my steam of it, I just felt like there was nothing else to say

• Feelings of depression and anxiety much during the day. Missed call with supervisor …

General fatigue and low motivation…

• I couldn't get through my homework; it really took me a long time.

• [I procrastinated]. I didn't want to deal with things. (29)

• I was completely unproductive at work, I would go for days trying to get reports written and^just couldn’t seem to do it… I was slow to respond to emails and phone calls, I would ignore the phone when it rang or I just simply wouldn’t hear it

Sadness, With a Sense of Isolation

• Depression - a lot of sadness, missing her family in Mexico a lot more, I live here alone. She continues with her depression, very sad..

• Sad about people in my life who I wanted to be friends with who did not want to be friends with me. They were friends in high school and not in my adult life. I am upset about this.

• Weepy from time to time, not myself, that’s for sure.

• I was singing and in the middle of it I was very moved and felt like crying. This is unusual for me when I am working. (professional singer)

• I'm very sad about my son who has Asperger's syndrome and about the fact that I didn't know how to help him. I actually cry about it. This is the first time I ever cried about this issue. My son is 20 years old.

• .. Very teary this morning. was overwhelmed with gratitude for the new friends I have met in my intuitive classes. I am not alone, I feel alone, (no more exhusband energy). God and guides are always with me. Will I connect with that or be depressed...

Heavy, “To free myself from these heavy sensations”

• Felt heavy and down and by the end of the day that feeling grew-... she really noticed the slowed condition of her body. ...So she felt disappointment and sadness with herself and her body.

• I woke up feeling very, very heavy. I feel that there is a weightiness to this proving. A heavy feeling, something about gravity. Needing to come down to earth… I want

to move gravity. To free myself from these heavy sensations in my body…

• Heavy depressed feeling and staying home. Underneath there is this really heavy energy.

• She was very frustrated; Doesn't know what to do and she had a lot to do. Things feel like they are one on top of each other; Not focusing at all; trying to do all "six things" at once but not doing it

• Felt depressed, an impending doom on and off all day.

• Face feels heavy, really heavy. My face feels droopy, like its drooping down, sagging, drooping, everything is falling down like it is what's it called that keeps you connected to the earth? I am searching for words.

• Like you do not have any space to work in; small, limitations, limitations, like everything is limited compressed, there is no hope for expansion or growth, its compressed tight, limited and stuck; there is no ray of sunshine.

• The more I move or breathe, the pains come. I feel as though my body is going into a hole that is dark, a sinking motion. It’s down, it’s like a tunnel, below me, it’s like

I am floating into it… …

Severe Depression, Suicidal, “No hope”, “I am no good to the world”

• Thoughts of I am no good to the world. No good to my children. I actually felt detrimental to my children and my environment.

• ...I can’t do this, I’m not meant to be a homeopath, I was depressed, suicidal thoughts, knives, sharp objects, I have to get out of here, I have to leave my kids they are better off without me, be very alone, did not want my friends,

• Cut off, no hope, its done, I cannot possibly go back and mend this…A completely dead and flat feeling.

• My friend's husband is suffering from a severe depression. His medications aren't working. He doesn't believe in homeopathy. I feel disgusted that people are not open to homeopathy. Why don't people want to heal? Are they invested in their suffering?

Addictive; “I want to make it stop”

• I went to an AA meeting. In meditation I was taken back to a time when I had severe depression and was chemically dependent on medications. I had just created a beautiful new living space and family. The relationship was dysfunctional on many levels, ultimately I ended up not being able to care for my family and home ...I was sick and you were suppose to take care of me and love me and you betrayed me....there was a huge emotional release with it. Feelings of anxiety depression.

• I want to make everything stop.

• Quit smoking years ago and started smoking like a fiend almost a pack a day, its how I get out, go outside to some, to be away from people. Drinking beer since the proving

• Prover 14 became really sick with the flu; she started taking allopathic medications, teas, remedies..

• This is miserable.

Bipolar, “In a rage, my screaming turns to laughter”

• I am in a rage. My screaming turns to laughter. I think it must be the proving!

• I gave up alcohol on Christmas day. Wine, red wine, mostly, I felt exaggerated. I have this image of me bouncing around being high and chatty and effervescent, really rageful, fighting, feisty

and fighting.

• Terrance McKenna came up with the time wave zero, human consciousness that starts from the beginning of humanity. Pretty much the timeline is condensing itself. There are seven days and six nights, corresponding to heaven and hell. Within every cycle there is a large downward slope; in 2008 this happened; since the timeline is condensing we are seeing these rapid slopes happening more often.

Anger

“In one day I had three confrontations…had to be pushy and stand up for myself. “ “... She informs me that her sister doesn't believe in homeopathy. I pretty much tell her to tell her sister to “Go to hell”. Studying homeopathy is hard enough, not being supported by your friends and family is too much.”

“I am compelled to yell”

Lepidolite attracts confrontations. It’s as if confrontations are brought into their experience, “pushed’ upon them. Other people do things that are hurtful, rude, insensitive, insulting and Lepidolite is compelled to respond.

As if the need to release the valve is too great to hold back the anger. Most often the insult makes them feel disregarded or insulted in some way and they feel compelled to stand up for themselves.

When they react it is impulsive and not well thought out. They merely release the valve and let the frustration out in a slightly “childish way.” Imagine how a three year old might react if someone insulted them. The anger can be expressed verbally with assertion of their rights, with yelling, or with “childish” almost sulky stubbornness.

Lepidolite’s anger is triggered in 3 main ways.

1. when they feel their independence is being taken away. This is something like an independent toddler that you try to do something for. It’s very important to them and to their sense of identity that they do it for themselves.

(Sil. Caes.). The childishness is apparent as if they are trying to say “I can do things myself” as well as “but I am not quite sure how to do them,” a sort of defiant dependency.

2. their sensitivity to being forsaken or unsupported by others. They are quite dependent although they do not like to admit it, and are sensitive to feeling people are not supporting them. (Li Si Al K F) Someone was supposed to take care of me and they didn’t. They are sensitive to rejection, yet they will reject the support as well.

3. will get angry when they feel insulted or not acknowledged.(Sil) As there is something still missing in terms of their image and identity, (Al, Sil) they are sensitive to slight. Their identity is wrapped up in their profession, therefore an insult to their profession is seen as an insult to them personally.

Confrontations, Quarrelsome, “Compelled to Yell”

• Confrontations were big, in one day I had three confrontations I had to be pushy and stand up for myself and I was not always like that… was on the phone with ATT

for 2½ hours -got very upset -had to be aggressive- asked to speak with a supervisor

• Grandfather died at thanksgiving, sister told me to "fuck off”, moved out, split up from boyfriend, ton off stuff going on..

• Its is unusual to isolate myself from my friends. I cannot even talk to them. I am too afraid I will yell at them and do some damage….Every two weeks I completely explode at my husband. I am compelled to yell.

• (Dream) Arguing with girlfriend.

• I am extremely irritated at my partner for not answering his wireless phone; I am so irritated by the time he arrives home, I am screaming at him…

• The Full Moon Total Lunar Eclipse felt terrible; I kept having fights with all of my friends.

Fighting to Retain Their Independence, “I am my own self!”

• Fighting to retain independence from visiting husband who pushes boundaries

• The thing about relationships there has been a shift with my ex-husband, I am not reliant on him anymore - we have been separated for ten years, but there is a more defined ‘I really don’t need you now!’ I am my own self!

• .. My mother-in-law felt that I was angry with her. I don't want to take care of her; that's not my job. I am not interested in anything but what is mine to do.

• ... I got more and more irritated. I got a harder edge. Something that I recognized about myself, I couldn’t alter it, it was just there and it was like, I had established it and I wasn’t going to change my course. This edge, and afterward I was like yeah what was that about? Like not being acknowledged enough and I was not going to make the effort to acknowledge them. I kind of set my course before I arrived, very stubborn and childish.

• She was thinking of not having people take advantage of her.

Anger at Not Being Acknowledged, “The lack of respect was more than I could tolerate”

• I got quite upset by two of my colleagues who told me that they don't believe in homeopathy. It took me by surprise.

• And a friend sent her a text - felt like she had to call her and set the record straight

• At new years I went to a lovely gathering, I was tired and sore from skiing I arrived and I didn’t feel like I was acknowledged enough.... Like not being acknowledged enough and I was not going to make the effort to acknowledge them...

• My friend's husband is suffering from a severe depression. His medications aren't working. He doesn't believe in homeopathy. I feel disgusted that people are not open to homeopathy. Why don't people want to heal? Are they invested in their suffering?

• In the emotional areas - I made two huge breaks with people who have been quite cruel to me. My sister… and I had a major falling out…. The lack of respect that she demonstrated towards me as a mother was more than I could tolerate and I told her I was done.

• (dream) … I am at a table and a friend of my mother-in-laws sits across from me deep in conversation with a hip young woman. She does not notice me. ... As I leave

I see two younger women I know- very strong personalities, even though I haven’t seen them in a while they barely acknowledge me...

• (dream) ... The workers' food platters are simpler than those of the paying guests'. But not mine. A young male cook , very serious and quiet, puts a delicious chunk of roast beef on my plate, without me asking for anything. It's the last piece of that kind of meat. Then my plate is filled with other meats and cold cuts. I'm a little surprised. Feeling upon awakening: This was a good dream, I'm getting rewarded. [dream about getting acknowledged]

Anger, “Not being supported by friends and family is too much”

• ... She informs me that her sister doesn't believe in homeopathy. I pretty much tell her to tell her sister to go to hell. Studying homeopathy is hard enough, not being supported by your friends and family is too much.

• Blurting out the truth; no filter, being hard done by, not being treated right by my friends, then leading to being cut off.

• I have a heavy argument with my husband… I tell my husband not to worry because this is only an aggravation from a remedy I've given him. My husband is furious...

I think I was a fool to tell him about the remedy. I should have known that he doesn't understand.

• .... I felt like my friends don't really trust each other enough to speak meaningfully to one another. I am annoyed and feeling discouraged.

Drug

“It was like a wakened dream…like everything is the same just a little different”

“There is no weight to it. It is weightless... I feel like I am in space.”

Lepidolite was originally known as lilalite (from the Hindu word 'lila' meaning play, game). It is also referred to as the “happy” stone by some. There is an aspect of play and calm and happiness within this state. However, it’s tainted by the circumstances that bring on this “lightness” as well as the results of “wakened dream” state that results.

The anxiety and sense of incapability are too much for them to remain in their physical body. Composed of so many elements that lack a solid foundation, Li Al, Sil, O, H and Caes) it leaves.

This induces a drug-like state. They literally live in a “wakened dream.” They have sensations of “weightlessness “ and “lightness.” They may feel like they are “walking on air.” Things around them appear strange. In the end, it is only a brief escape from the misery and doubt of their earthly existence. In this state, they are as incapable as they feel inside, doing little productive work.

They may seem calm. They may feel present or in the present moment, but they are really only living a partial life, not quite feeling the magnitude of their emotions. The cheerfulness is yet again, just the “gaseous” quality of the substance, not a true sense of deep joy.

In this drug-like state they can feel the sensations of both rising, “floating” as well as “falling.” The falling can symbolize their return to the physical body. It’s of interest to note that their depression

is seen as “heavy,” the opposite of this “lightness” or dug-like state. The sensation of falling is what happens to them as they come out of the “weightlessness” and back into their reality.

Wakened Dream

• I walked into my daughter's classroom to give her some lunch money at the beginning of school.. It is only when I asked her where my daughter was, that she told me:

I was in the wrong classroom. It was last year’s classroom. I was very embarrassed, but amused at the time. It was like a wakened dream: Standing in that room, that was

so familiar yet different. Looking at the teacher that was not the teacher, but it didn't bother me... It was like this dream. Like everything is the same just a little different

• I immediately woke up after I fell asleep in my dream. I wonder who I was? Where was I? It felt like Colonial times. I go back to sleep.

• ...When I talk to the prover, she seemed not to have any awareness of what is going on.

• …like I am on the inside of some kind of consciousness, looking out and I can see, in fact I am like in the Wizard of Oz seeing, or being, the man behind the curtain with my hands on the levers, causing things to work the way they are working.

• Oh I haven’t done anything .. OH it's almost Christmas. Did I do any Christmas shopping? Where did the time go?

• ...I experienced my dreams have been more vivid… I had a hard time coming back into my body after being in the astral plane for so long, not being there anymore…

• (dream) ...Then, as I pull up the covers, I realize that my hands are that of an old, old woman. I touch my head, and it is wrapped in a scarf, I have long, gray hair, braided and put into a bun on the top of my head. I am fascinated and I fall asleep.

• Well for me it was a very numbing experience in a certain way, when I took it I was talking to my supervisor. I has this sensation of serenity and in a certain way it translated in a way, like what date it is it? what time did we talk, …but after two months I feel like sleeping beauty like I am just waking up...

• (dream) I'm in bed with another woman . To my surprise I notice that she has a penis. It's quite a feminine penis, not too big and hard. It's just the right size of a penis for

that lady…

• I see a mouse; I had no reaction to this creature in my kitchen. I am aware of it. It is moving slowly without any consciousness of my presence.

Calm, Serenity, “I stay calm”

• Sense of calmness …every once in a while I feel a certain serenity

• Everyone in our party is very worried and anxious. I stay calm and go about taking care of her as if I am not in my own body.

• Nothing bothering him. Normal stress at work feels fine, alert. Not getting to him on a personal level right now.

• (dream) I see an image of a shark-like fish with sharp teeth. It wakes me up but still, I don't feel scared.

• (dream)... Then I'm walking on the street, lost but not anxious. People are friendly.

• (dream) A mean man moves in to our home and we cannot do anything to protect ourselves. His name is Erbium. He chews my both hands off. Feeling : very unpleasant, worried. [editor comment: “unpleasant” seems a bit distant from the experience of having your hands chewed off]

Cheerful

• She has still been driving and singing in car.

• As though you are anticipating something exciting, an excited bubbly feeling, tingling.

• Very happy, optimistic at work where would be depressed, pretty positive, higher spirits, showing at work, getting complements

• Excellent mood, happy and enthusiastic.

• I want to learn how to dance; so I signed up for a dance class. I want to move gravity. To free myself from these heavy sensations in my body that have to be from this proving.

• I was giddy laughing a lot and I don't express my feelings unless I am really comfortable. That day I was laughing and laughing, this was unusual.

o It’s like they are dancing, coming together and separating. Dancing around the Tree of Life. Above it and outside of it.

Out of My Body, Weightless

• Everyone in our party is very worried and anxious. I stay calm and go about taking care of her as if I am not in my own body.

• In the beginning, when I took the remedy what I feel first is like walking in the air, just for not too long maybe like maybe ½ hour. Great but in a way it was like I don’t know how to explain but like not feeling anything.

• I realize I have been living my day to day life but I haven't done anything productive. I have been somewhere in space. You live but you don’t really go anywhere.

• ...was able to participate fully, was light and not critical about how the talk was conducted..

• (dream) .. I feel confused. He asks me, "Who are you!?" I am uncertain...

• As I am describing this I feel smaller, yet relaxed, I feel like its overtaking the room, so that makes me feel smaller. I am drifting to the corner, as though my body is vertical, even though my body is horizontal. It wants to tell me something… I see an eye, looking upward, like a pink color around, A lot of movement, not of anything in particular. Like gas or when you are pumping gas you see those waves… it’s like I am floating into it…

o …I am beginning to feel I am expanding again, like a spirit coming up, coming up, its bigger than the ant, I am also on the floor, I am here and there, there is a lightness, weightlessness, a brightness, it is trying to pull me up

o There is no weight to it. It is weightless... I feel like I am in space.

• (Dream) ... she was in her classroom and gravity did not work….

• ... Weightlessness, my head was weightless.

• I thought that this was out there like some kind of mineral in space, or a particle of an Angel or something, particles.

Falling, “Slowly falling,” “Gravity is pulling me down”

• I woke up feeling very, very heavy. I feel that there is a weightiness to this proving. A heavy feeling, something about gravity. Needing to come down to earth.

• Gravity is pulling on my body, down toward the earth.

• At one point felt like gravity was pulling my head back. Not dizzy. More like a sensation on a roller coaster or ride.

• ...I experienced my dreams have been more vivid… I had a hard time coming back into my body after being in the astral plane for so long, not being there anymore…

• I feel like my body is sluggish, it is falling, slowly falling, like I am falling asleep, as though I were going to bed...

o ... My body is falling more and more. Warm and pulling sensation. My hands feel cold. Deep breath… Did I actually fall?

Clear and Unclear

“I became aware that my senses were clearly more acute” “During the proving I remembered so many dreams and that was different” “Thinking was like moving through molasses”

Lepidolite contains the polarities of an unclear mind versus a clear mind. In the “wakened dream” state

(Theme: Drug, Wakened Dream), their mind is foggy. They are unable to concentrate or think clearly.

This combined with the apathy make productivity unlikely. On the other side, they appear to break through at times with startling clarity about life. It’s as if when they do return to earth or to their body, they can possess insight and clarity about their life and choices they have been making. Interestingly their desire to “end connections” seems

to not always be detrimental. Some of the time, they were actually seeing that a relationship was not working and had the clarity and “energy” to finally sever it.

Clear, “Feeling clear today”

• ... I became aware that my senses were clearly more acute

• ... Having an insight means nothing without some kind of follow up action. Clarity on how my dishonesty with finances and failure to meet my obligations affects my entire being...

• I understand something about the physics of Homeopathy that I did not know before. I get that the way the remedies work is a field phenomena, and I don't really know exactly what that is except on some level now I can see how this is working and I get why I am having such a powerful response to a substance that I have not taken..

• Nothing bothering him. Normal stress at work feels fine, alert...

• She was feeling clear today; Had a homeopathy call and she felt she understood things better than usual

• Had an amazing perception shift. Saw at a very deep level I was doing the best I could with what I had to work with, at a very difficult time in my life. I have done much work on forgiveness of self in the past. This shift put a lot of things together for me.

• It is as if I could see my surrounding aura, the surrounding of my head, like a wave around it, taking the shape of my head. The elephant returned. I don't see the elephant, but I can feel it…I see your aura, whiteness, pink, a dark pink, like a violet color.

Dreams Vivid, Remembering Dreams

• During the proving I remembered so many dreams and that was different

• Clear dream telling someone that they should be careful about visiting me on the astral plane because I know what they are doing.

• Lately I have been more able to remember my dreams in the morning I lay in bed and am able to recall them. I have not been able to do this in a really long time.

• I knew exactly where the mouse was living in my house; from my dream. I went into an office and there was a box I remembered from my dream earlier this morning.

I saw the little mouse all curled up.

Clarity: Meditation

• During a meditative service I got quite emotional. Normally I appreciate the meditative qualities, and the quieting of mind. Today I felt choked up. I have to think about our friend who has cancer. This is a very emotional aspect right now, and will be for the next months.

• She meditated earlier in the day and tried to feel the remedy…

• ... Had great mediation time. Cleared very dark energies similar to what my husband when I was with him, oppressive, abusive, and mean.

Unclear, “Thinking was like moving through molasses”

• I am having a hard time concentrating.

• ... Or like thinking was like moving though molasses. I feel like I emerged from something that I have had for a very long time. words like cottony thinking, gauzy vision, gauzy thinking, marshmallow walking...

• Oh I haven’t done anything .. Oh, it's almost Christmas. Did I do any Christmas shopping? Where did the time go?

• I have not been able to study for my classes… I'd open the books and then just stare at it and then put it away.

• I realized that I didn't set aside money to pay my taxes or my retirement this year! I am totally unfocused and seeming unconcerned about my financial matters.

• I couldn't get through my homework; it really took me a long time.

• At school, everyone seems to be acting like they are in the middle of this foggy bog.

• (dream) ...A few seconds minutes later, I opened my eyes and I felt special or slightly different but I didn't see any reaction from the other members of my group or the audience so I was confused. Another person went up and they were transformed too and everyone was awed so I was even more confused about why there was no "wow" amazement at my transformation...

• (dream) A friend talks about someone else who is all confused and trying all sorts of things. Like right now she is into Italian. The same is true for her ex girlfriend.

• Feelings of depression and anxiety much during the day. Missed call with supervisor. Felt scattered.

• (dream) .. I feel confused. He asks me, "Who are you!?" I am uncertain...

• I was frequently late to work, to meetings, to pick up my son, you name it, I was late for it.

Unclear; Mistakes Speaking, Writing

• I couldn't spell through the entire proving. I had a terrible time spelling (dyslexia).

• …what's it called that keeps you connected to the earth? I am searching for words.

• My dyslexia was even more pronounced; typing emails and noticing that I completely left words out of the messages... (29)

• When I could get something written the mistakes and typos were horrendous. I am a writer by trade, it was terrible! My hand writing was also terrible, it’s never been

very good but at least it’s legible, it isn’t even close to that in recent weeks.

Substance: Pink and Purple, Stone, and Flowers

A few of the miscellaneous themes found within the proving can be traced back to the substance itself.

Lepidolite is an iridescent purple colored mineral. People had dreams with pink and purple in them.

They also had dreams with a sense of order or structure to them (the mineral). Interestingly there was also a theme of flowers and feminine type garments. This seems to

be a combination of the “playfulness” with the “mother imagery.”

Pink and Purple

o (dream) We see some mobiles that an old friend of both of ours made. They are lovely. I think I will get one. It is made of pink and purple papers, bits and pieces in a framelike a hanging picture mobile….

o (dream)...She is dressed in a short-sleeved lilac colored dress..

o A distinct image of iridescent lavender colored mineral entered my mind upon awakening.

o (dream) ..with the most amazing purple, white, and blue Hyacinths…

o I see an eye, looking upward, like a pink color around,... Pink, like a pink elephant,

movement, like clouds moving into each other.

o I see your aura, whiteness, pink, a dark pink, like a violet color. Violet in color.

About Order, Structure and Stone

o I keep a very equal mind even though I have bad news about a sick friend.

o (dream)...the house that I am in is made of stone.... I get up and I step onto the ice cold floor.

o (dream) … I am struck by the order and structure of the baseball field…

Feminine and Flowers

o (dream) One friend starts dressing up decorating herself with flowers, leaves and other things she finds in the garden. She looks amazing...

o (dream) .. She was so stressed it was dripping on her forehead. It was bubble gum fruity smelling perfume.

o (dream) ...Later I see him in drag heading into the city. He is wearing light blue flowered clothes- a light shawl over his head and a delicate shift with medium heels. He is a beautiful thin woman….

o (dream) ...I fashion a skirt from curtains. It turns out to be a beautiful dress- of a petticoat and translucent colorful over skirt- billowing gathered at the waist…

o (dream) I see my flower bed. There are nasturtium-like orange flowers. There are many flowers but their stems are short and weak. I understand that the soil is too poor.

o (dream) I'm in bed with another woman . To my surprise I notice that she has a penis. It's quite a feminine penis, not too big and hard. It's just the right size of a penis for that lady…

Repertory:

Mind: ACTIVITY - desires activity

ADDICTED; tendency to become

AILMENTS FROM - embarrassment/disappointed love

ANGER - absent persons while thinking of them; at/about work/aversion to/easily

ANSWERING - questioned; does not answer, when/refusing to answer

ANXIETY (in a crowd)

APATHY

AVERSION - computers/to everything/to certain persons

AWARENESS heightened

CARING for others

CENSORIOUS

CHAOTIC

CHEERFUL

CHILDISH

CLARITY of mind

COLORS - pink, purple

COMPANY - aversion to

CONCENTRATION - difficult

CONFIDENCE - want of self-confidence (feeling of inadequacy/in school)

CONFUSION of mind (loses his way in well-known streets)

DELUSION - Falling, is/having CONFIDENCE/is heavy/things feel heavy/being alone (is always alone)/seeing angels/is betrayed/is out of the body/strange clouds settle upon patients or dance about the sun/being doomed/is expanding/everybody notices his flatus/is paralyzed/is poor/is small/everything is strange

DEPRESSION - Heavy/sadness

DESPAIR

DISORDER, sensitive to

DOUBTFUL

DREAM; as if in a

DULLNESS

DWELLS - past disagreeable occurrences, on

DYSLEXIA

ECSTASY - night - walking in moonlight

ESCAPE, attempts to - family and children; attempts to escape from her

ESTRANGED

EXERTION - > physical

FEAR - in a crowd/happen, something will/making mistakes/being poisoned/of poverty/getting pregnant/of own thoughts

FORGETFUL - words while speaking; of

FORSAKEN feeling - isolation; sensation of

FRIENDSHIP - end his; desire to - anger; to avoid

GRIEF - loved ones long lost/from long past offenses/from paralytic state of body and mind

GUILT

HELPLESSNESS; feeling of

HIDE, Desire to

HIDING - himself, in the womb

HINDERED; intolerance of being

HOME - desires to go home to the womb

IMPATIENCE - with others/for work

INDEPENDENT (lack of independence)

INDIFFERENCE - to external things/to own family/

IRRITABILITY - with absent persons/to own family/to loved ones

LIGHTNESS, feeling of

MANIA # depression

MEDITATING

MEMORY - weakness of memory - read; for what he has

MISTAKES making - in speaking/in spelling

MOON - < full moon

MUSIC - desire for (varying)

OFFENDED, easily

OPTIMISTIC

QUARRELSOME (causeless/with own family)

QUIET; wants to be

RAGE # Laughter

RESERVED

RESPONSIBILITY - too early; taking responsibility/give up her responsibility, wanting to

SADNESS, Heaviness, with, of body

SECRETIVE

SENSITIVE - to noise - > music/to opinion of others

SHRIEKING - with pain/during rage/during stool

SITTING - inclination to sit - observe world go by; and

STOP, desire to make things

STRANGE - everything seems

STUPEFACTION

Suicidal

TACITURN

THOUGHTS - disconnected

TIMIDITY - bashful

TRANQUILLITY

WASHING - desire to wash always washing her hands

WEEPING - singing, when

WITHDRAWAL from reality

WORK, aversion to

WRONG, everything seems

Dreams: AIRPLANES (being on an airplane)

ARGUMENTS

BOOKS

CELLAR; being in a

CHEATING

CHILDREN; about - kidnapped; being

CLEANING

CLEANLINESS, of, white-washed

COLLEGE - campus

red

CONFIDENCE, of having

CUTTING

DOGS

EARTHQUAKE - houses, buildings falling

EXTRAVAGANT

FATHER

FETUSES

FIRE - building an fire

FLOWERS

FLYING

FOREIGN COUNTRIES

FRIENDS - old

FRIGHTFUL

GARDENS

HOUSE - majestic

JOURNEYS - airplane; by

LIFTED out of her body; she was

LUCID

MEAT

MICE

MICE - trap a fleeing mice

MONEY

MOTHER, or father, with

MUD - stuck in

MUSIC

PRISONER - being taken a

QUARRELS

RELATIONSHIPS

RELATIVES

SHARKS

SMOKING

STABBED, being

SWAYING, comforted by

TEACHING

TEETH

TRAIN

TREES - cut; being

URINATING - desire for

VIVID

WEALTH, of

WOMEN - he is a woman

WORK

Vertigo: + pain in head

Head: HEAT - flushes of

PAIN [+ nausea/dull pain/ext. cervical region (and shoulders)/in eyebrows - aching/in forehead/< before menses/in occiput r. - stitching pain/> rest/after riding in a carriage/sore < turning eyes/change of weather]

Eye: PAIN - burning/cutting/r.

STYES - left eye

TWITCHING Eyebrows

Vision: AURA of people

FLICKERING during headache

ZIGZAGS (flickering)

Ear: NOISES in - buzzing

PAIN - dull/r.

“As if stopped”

Face: acne

ERUPTIONS on chin

HEAVY feeling

Mouth: BLEEDING - Gums

DRYNESS

GUMS; complaints of

PAIN - Gums - sore

TASTE - as from disordered stomach/tastes sour milk

Teeth: SENSITIVE, tender - to cold

Nose: DISCHARGE - from Posterior nares (clear)

Sneezing

Smell: acute/diminished

Throat: “As if a lump”

MUCUS - thick

PAIN - > warm drinks

Stomach: APPETITE - diminished (at noon)/increased

NAUSEA - after coition/< after sleep

PAIN - cramping

THIRSTLESS

Stool: CHANGEABLE

FORCIBLE, sudden, gushing

SOFT

STONE; like a

Bladder: URINATION involuntary

Rectum: CONSTIPATION

HEMORRHAGE from anus - clotted

HEMORRHOIDS - internal/painful

PAIN - cutting pain/< during stool/tenesmus

URGING

Abdomen: FLATULENCE

PAIN - biting pain/< touch

Female organs: MENSES - at night/copious

PAIN - cramping

Respiration: DIFFICULT (< during cough)

Cough: DEEP (< breathing)

Expectoration: must OW what has been loosened; must

Chest: l. AXILLA - complaints

CONSTRICTION (Lungs)

HEAT (Upper part)

OPPRESSION

PAIN - cutting pain/sore

SWELLING - Axillae - Glands - left

Neck: PERSPIRATION

Back: FORMICATION (on Spine)

HEAT

PAIN - aching/coccyx/dorsal region - r. scapulae/< during menses/< sitting down

Perspiration

SENSITIVE - Lumbar region

Limbs: Hands - cold/CONSTRICTION

CRAMPS - 4^th Toes

ITCHING - Ankles - biting

PAIN - burning/cramping/in feet (burning)/

In hips (aching/< rising from sitting/< walking)/sore/knees (cramping/< walking)/r. leg (> walking)/shoulders - (l./ext. arm/tearing)/wrist l.

STRETCHING OUT - Lower limbs >

TINGLING - Legs/toes

TUMORS in hollow of knees

Chill: < in open air

< after EXERTION

Dry at night

Perspiration: PROFUSE

Skin: Eczema

Sleep: DISTURBED from anxiety

SLEEPy - overpowering/during pain

SLEEPLESS

WAKING - difficult/too early/with desire too urinate

WINDOW open; with

Generals: > in open air

Desires open air (at night)

> BATHING

BUBBLING

BUZZING

EXERTION; physical - desire for

FOOD and DRINKS: aversion to: bacon/cabbage/meat/spices;

Desires: toasted bread/Coca Cola/coffee/cold drink, cold water/meat/salt/sugar/sweets/tea/water;

<: onions/sugar;

>: sweets;

Heat - flushes ext. upward/before sleep

Lack of vital heat

HEAVINESS

INJURIES

PAIN - aching

PULLING, sensation of

SMALLER; sensation of being

STIFFNESS - in morning/from cramps

Vorwort/Suchen. Zeichen/Abkürzungen. Impressum.