Lepidolith Anhang = Lithium mica/=
K(Li,Al)3(Si,Al)4O10(F,OH)2
Theme work:
Lori Foley
Editing:
Suzanne Joyce
Proving,
2010
“Teamwork -
A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of
destruction!”
Larry Kersten,
American Sociologist
Components:
K = Potassium 10.07%
Lithium 3,58%
Alumina 6,95%
Silica 28,93%
Oxygen 45,32%
Fluoride 4,89%
Hydrogen 0,26%
Alumina: tendency toward confusion of identity in the realm of
relationships; this appeared in the proving.
Fluor element: need to let go of the past, the desire to break
relationships suddenly, and finally letting go of a relationship after ten
years of being out of the relationship.
Silica: desire to be recognized came through strongly in the monomania,
and rigidity of behaviour of the provers.
Kali (Potassium): not seen much of it in the proving, although they will
tend to argue with their family, but unlike Kali, they are much more likely to
sever a relationship.
Rubidium: thoughtless or absence of thought came through as well in the
mind-numbing experience of life as a dream.
Caesium: appeared frequently in the comments of the provers
as having many projects; is known for beginning many projects and not
necessarily finishing them before they begin the next project.
Provers would have many plans to do many
things and then come home, lose steam and do nothing.
Thallium: feeling of nostalgia for the old days, old friends, childhood
comfort foods, and a delusion of a time when everything was simple.
SOURCE: Avghi Constantinides, Director of
the Los Angeles School of Homeopathy, collected flakes of the substance from a
piece of Lepidolite carried by a colleague, a “very
grounded” psychiatrist, to keep
himself
grounded while working with patients. The substance prepared by Homeopathic
Laboratories, King of Prussia, Pennsylvania.
Lepidolite
is an uncommon mica, it is an ore of lithium and forms in granite masses that
contain a basic potassium lithium aluminum fluoro-silicate; it is transparent to translucent, in colors of lavender, lilac, graywhite,
pink,
purple, rose-red, violet, and violet-gray, yellowish, white, translucent; colorless to pale pink in thin section. It has a luster of pearly to vitreous. Formed in granite pegmatites, derived by metasomatic
replacement
of biotite or muscovite; in some high-temperature
quartz veins, greisens, and granites; it is one of the major sources of the
rare alkali metals rubidium and caesium.
Originally
named lilalite, from the Hindu ‘lila’
meaning play or game. Scientists renamed the stone lepidolite,
from the Greek lepidos ‘scale’ and lithos ‘stone’. Reference to the scaly appearance of
lithium flakes in the mineral.
Most often
mined as small, scaly crystals in dense aggregates, and as micaceous
masses and groupings, and in flaky, foliated, scaly forms, and tabular; it has
large crystals, which are in stubby pseudohexagonal
form, Lepidolite is much rarer than the other micas. It appears
in micaceous rounded ball-shaped aggregates and in
massive form with tiny glittery crystals. It has a physical tendency to flake
off, for small pieces to peel off.
Remedy
Overview
Mental
Overview
Lepidolite
is a complex remedy, as it is a stone comprised of several minerals. Its main
components, Lithium, Kali, Silica and Alumina give it its extreme sycotic to syphilitic presentation.
A person needing Lepidolite
would need to display this behaviour
1. Withdrawal (Theme: Womb)
2. Intense Feeling of Being Incapable,
Child-like [Row 2 at level of Survival] (Theme: Incapable)
3. Tendency to depression, with dependency on
“substances” for support (Theme: Depression)
4. Angered easily (Theme: Anger)
5. Out of body sensations (Theme: Drug)
The
withdrawal in Lepidolite is really a retreat from the
world and a return to the womb. They do this by cutting the connections, easily
and suddenly. Reasons for doing this have mostly to do with the amount of
Lithium
found in Lepidolite. Lithium has not left the womb. It is not
capable of taking care of itself and is intensely dependent on others for
survival. For Lithium much of what is out in the world is scary and dangerous.
All of this
is found in
Lepidolite. Because of the fluorine in Lepidolite, they prefer to sever the connections in a
sudden and clear way.
At the deep
most level of Lepidolite is an intense feeling of
being incapable. They will try to cover this up and hide this from others. They
can do this in a childish way, almost being “defiant” in their desire to appear
independent.
Key to Lepidolite is the tendency to depression. You would want to
see some battle with depression and likely dependence on medications to support
them. Their depression will express as a “heaviness,” drawing them back down to
the earth. Their depression can be quite severe especially when you couple this
with their withdrawal from society. They need help, but may not even understand
that they can ask for it.
They are
also angered easily. This may be in part due to the Silica and the Kali in the
substance. They can be quite child-like in their anger, almost like they are
stomping their feet like a toddler. They get irritated when they are
not feeling
independent enough. They also get angry when they feel insulted or that their
image is being threatened (Silica). They can be most angry with their family
and loved ones, like a “Kali”.
Need to see
a certain drug-like quality. Their intense state is often too much for them to
handle and they will leave their body. They can experience sensations of
lightness and floating (this is in direct opposite to the “heaviness” found in
the depression). They can experience life like a “wakened dream” and seem calm
in stressful situations. It’s not that they are really peaceful, it is that
they have just “numbed” their experience of life in order to tolerate it.
Physical
Summary
Lepidolite
is marked with pains in the extremities. Pain especially concentrated in the
shoulder area (often the left, but not always) that can ext. the arm. They can
also have hip and leg and feet pains as well as back pain.
They can
have an unusual pain in the left wrist. The pains might be burning but they can
also be cramping and feel better with stretching.
Another
physical symptom you might expect to see, is a flushing of heat that extends
upward and may create perspiration about the face +/o. back.
Besides the
body aching and heat, you would also probably want to see some headaches. The
headaches can be dull or they can also be behind the eyes. You would also find
then prone to constipation and bowel symptoms.
Can succumb
to overwhelming sleepiness, especially when life gets too much for them.
Usually has a diminished appetite, a dry mouth and often without thirst. They
may desire coffee and colas and be averse to meat.
The
sensations you might see in the physical symptoms would be a “Heaviness”
(Theme: Depression, Heavy) or a “Pulling.” (Theme: Drug; Falling)
When found
in nature, Lepidolite is found near or with Rubidium,
Caesium, and Thallium. Although they are not part of the composition of Lepidolite, their energy is present in the remedy as well.
People who have had these remedies in the past (Caesium, Rubidium or Thallium)
might also do well on Lepidolite or vice versa.
It’s
interesting to note that Lepidolite (incl. the minerals
found in/or by it) contains 5 elements from the 1st column of the Periodic
Table (Hydrogen - Row 1, Lithium - Row 2, Potassium - Row 4, Rubidium - Row 5
and Caesium
- Row 6). Column one is characterized by the complete “absence” of what that
row represents. This means that Lepidolite does not
have the capacity “to exist”, “for birth”, “of security”, “to begin new
ventures”
and “to
take responsibility.” This clearly explains the despair and severity of this
state.
Lithium
shows a tendency towards mania and euphoria and affects bowel symptoms. Provers experienced constipation and diarrhea
issues. They also so the extreme withdrawn and incapability one sees in
Lithium. Alumina
has a
tendency toward confusion of identity in the realm of relationships; this too
appeared in the proving. The Fluorine element came through in the need to let
go of the past, the desire to break relationships suddenly, and
finally letting
go of a relationship after ten years of being out of the relationship. Silica’s
desire to be recognized came through strongly in the monomania, and rigidity of
behaviors of the provers.
We did not see as much of
the Kali
(Potassium) in the proving, although they will tend to argue with their family,
but unlike Kali, they are much more likely to sever a relationship.
Rubidium’s
thoughtlessness or absence of thought came through as well in the mind-numbing
experience of life as a dream. Caesium appeared frequently in the comments of
the provers of having many projects;
this
element found in Lepidolite is individually known for
beginning many projects and not necessarily finishing them before they begin
the next project. Provers would have many plans to do
many things and
then come
home, lose steam and do nothing. Finally, Thallium brought to fore the
nostalgia of our provers, the feeling of nostalgia
for the old days, old friends, childhood comfort foods, and a delusion of a
time when everything was simple.
Mental Themes (in order of importance)
Womb
“It was
warm and cozy and non-demanding to stay in bed.”
“I feel
like I want to retreat from the world...”
“I was working
with someone and she was starting to go negative and I cut the cords”
Lepidolite
is about withdrawal, introversion and isolation. The lithium component makes
the images of the womb prevalent. This state has a desire to retreat and return
to the womb, return to that mothering space. People did
not get the
mothering and nurturing they needed. Instead of reaching out for more care or
nurturing, they retreat into their own little space (womb) and isolate. Provers disappeared from the proving process completely.
Some refused to answer the phone, claiming they didn’t hear it.
They have
nostalgia for the past, this warm comforting past often represents the care and
nurturing of mother. They will dream of past friends and family. They will
think of the past with longing and often with sadness for the
loss of
something they can’t quite identify.
There is
both the desire to retreat, to “hide” and isolate as well as a desire to
“sever” or “end” the connections to others (Fl). They want to “cut the cords.”
Aversions abounded. They don’t desire to belong to groups or to socialize. They
cannot even see the value of friends. They desire to stop everything. They
contemplate ending relationships, business ventures, friendships, and
marriages. In the extreme you could find Lepidolite
living as a hermit with
only their
past memories to keep them company.
Another
part of this womb retreat is the fear that they have of the outside world.
Feeling unable to handle life, the outside world can be quite scary and
dangerous. They can often have frightening dreams
of people
attacking them or natural events like earthquakes or fires which threaten their
safety.
Womb Images
• (dream)
... I even go down to the cellar. The cellar is large, warm, cozy and with splendid white walls....(09)
• .... She
is very concerned about being pregnant, though a contraceptive was used. She
even was dreaming about a fetus. (10)
• I was
done sleeping but I did not want to get up. ... It was warm and cozy and non-demanding to stay in bed. (21)
• ... I just
want to lay down and stay under the covers... (11)
• I see my
aura, there is a darkness surrounding this pink essence. The pink is coming
within itself, protecting it from the black-darkness. (21)
• (dream)
Dreamt I was in a building that was falling apart – it was like an earthquake.
I felt calm in the dream and was just moving with the building to avoid being
hurt… then I was in a building and it was rolling and
moving and
I moved with it... (24)
• I am
whole. I am together. It’s together. It’s like you are not separated you're
complete and still. (21)
• ... Like
I am on the inside of some kind of consciousness, looking out and I can see…
(22)
Caring for others, Mothers and Fathers
• Everyone
in our party is very worried and anxious. I stay calm and go about taking care
of her as if I am not in my own body. (04)
• (dream)
..The preacher at this Spiritualist Church said, "I see this golden light
coming off the top of your head, I rarely see this." Mother,
"Everything is going to be okay." Totally accepted and comforted,
that my mother really does love me and I am a good kid. (22)
• (dream) I
am reluctantly taking care of a dog- a small cute black and white toy dog. It
keeps falling in the water and drowning… (08)
• (dream)
My ex-husband leads me thru an exhibit holding my hand at one point he puts my
hair back and says at my age I should do something different with my hair- it
shouldn’t be all over the place... (08)
• (dream)
Dreamt of a man with Down's syndrome. He is very short. He cannot speak. I used
to take care of him when I was young. (09)
• .. She
has the qualities of organization, focus, and "good mother"
attributes I would like to have more of... (11)
• I have a
lump in my throat; I would like to cry a lot; I don't want to; I don't think I will;
I really miss my mother. Okay, I will cry! I really miss her. (22)
• .. At
home, Mom was away so he cared for his eight year old brother, sometimes
frustrating and sad. (07)
Womb, Nostalgia
• It's been
twenty five years today since my dad died – before I even realized this, I was
in a very emotional and melancholy mood – thinking of old loves and lives,
feeling blessed for the life that I have – for my husband and children – crying
for the losses in my life – thinking of all that has gotten me this far... (24)
• The last
few days I have been longing to reconnect with people I haven't connected with
in a while. (02)
• Sad about
people in my life who I wanted to be friends with who did not want to be
friends with me. They were friends in high school and not in my adult life. I
am upset about this. (21)
• .. She is
usually planning ahead or thinking about the past – when she thinks of the past
she gets nostalgic.. (04)
Dreams of the Past
• (dream)
...Had a dream about an old neighbor, that was
present during time I had the perception shift about. .. Had lots of thoughts
of her during the day. (11)
• (dream)
.. I go across the street to this restaurant. In the restaurant are a group of
my friends from a long time ago. I didn't remember that I had friends... (13)
• (dream)
... I am moving back to my home state I buy a condo sight unseen... It is right
around the corner from the church school and the church that I went to as a
little girl. (14)
• (dreams)
My dreams were of people from my past, old boyfriends, old friends, teachers...
(21)
• (dream)
She has been dreaming of family members and friends she hasn’t seeing a long
time. (01)
Retreat, “Turn inward” “Retreat from the world”
• Has not
wanted to communicate with anyone. Feeling lazy (01)
•
Impatience. No one in the restaurant wants to sit where they are being seated
by the host. I feel like I want to retreat from the world... (13)
o A good
friend of mine invited me over to have tea. I don't want to go; but I said yes
anyway. What is that about? This feeling of withdrawing is increasing. (13)
o It took
me two days to retrieve all of the voicemail messages that I have left
unanswered. My mother-in-law felt that I was angry with her. I don't want to
take care of her; that's not my job. I am not interested in anything
but what is
mine to do. (13)
• Not
hanging out with friends as much. (07)
• The
Thanksgiving holiday came and went; I ended up making most of the meal. I feel
like my world has become very small; I didn't greet anyone when they came to
the door; I just kept cooking. My nephew kept asking
me to play
with him. I told him not today. (13)
• I feel
really heavy and I've completely isolated myself from all my friends…People
would call me and I did not want to answer the phone, I did not want to talk to
people. (16)
• (Curative
Response) I had the best holiday season one of the best I have had in many
years, more connected to my family – usually I cannot get things done, it has
been the opposite, I have been able to move forward in a lot
of
different areas, getting off flour and sugar. This has been unusually easy for
me. I decorated my house, first time in like seven years. I did Christmas! (11)
Ending the Connection, “Cut the Cord”
• I invited
my family to my home for the upcoming holiday. I immediately wanted to rescind
my invitation. I didn't want to bother; I don't want to participate in family
gatherings. (13)
• The thing
about relationships there has been a shift with my ex-husband, I am not reliant
on him anymore – we have been separated for ten years, but there is a more
defined ‘I really don’t need you now!’ I am my own self! (11)
• I made
two huge breaks with people who have been quite cruel to me… The lack of
respect that she demonstrated towards me as a mother was more than I could tolerate
and I told her I was done. (23)
• I want to
disconnect from superficial conversations and relationships. (13)
o I
unplugged my telephone… This feeling of withdrawing is increasing. I am even
questioning whether or not I want to be in relationship to my partner. (13)
o I want to
cancel the holidays…. I am struck by my reaction to my friend's simple request.
I want to pull my ties. (13)
o I have
the thought that it would be okay if I never saw my friends again (13)
• It is
unusual to isolate myself from my friends. I cannot even talk to them. Blurting
out the truth; no filter, being hard done by, not being treated right by my
friends, then leading to being cut off. (16)
o Cut off,
no hope, it’s done, I cannot possibly go back and mend this. (16)
• ... I was
working with someone and she was starting to go negative and I cut the cords, I
got out of the dynamic… (21)
• I want to
make everything stop. (22)
• I’ve
reached out to a lot of old people in Facebook and
stopped with people. (21)
• ... I am
climbing upstairs with a friend. I am sort of rude to him. (08)
• I gave up
on my contract; normally I would have been setting up a new contract. My
contract was coming to an end. I am not concerned about it; this is interesting
to me... (29)
Communication Problems, Didn’t call, Did not
pick up phone
• A lot of
communication problems. We lost the phone in our house, we lost our cell
phones, anything to do with communication. (04)
•
Communication wise we would miss each other, days where we did not connect…
(23)
• Prover’s phone busy, busy, busy – no answer cell (04)
•
...Communications with people were difficult; the meanings of things were
goofed up. (29)
• No
contact with prover days ten through twenty six (01)
(per sup 1S)
• His
supervisor called him only twice. (07)
• The prover is not picking up her phone. I left her a message.
(10)
• The prover is not picking up her phone again. I left a message
explaining that now I will be calling only twice a week and I really need to
talk to her. (10)
Danger outside, “He chews both my hands off”
• I was
vulnerable coming out of work and felt assaulted. I was more upset than usual.
(02)
• (dream)
Had wild dreams. Dreamt of a building with red doors. A man went up to one of
the doors and knocked. Someone came out and stabbed him in the forehead… (04)
• (dream) I
dreamt I sent my daughter to an art camp and she never came back from it… (02)
• (dream) I
dreamt that there was a big flood of some sort and I and two other girls
survived; don't know who the girls were. We went around looking for survivors
and saw this tree branch with a bunch of babies and children
just
hanging off of as if thrown onto it. They were all on their stomachs and one on
top of each other and appeared to be dead... (08)
• (dream)
... I am impressed that he is going into a world where he would be so
vulnerable. On the campus he is safe and admired and revered. (08)
• (dream)
Apartment hunting in a black neighborhood. (08)
• (dream)
Wires in apartment got heated and so there was an electrical fire. (08)
• (dream)
While falling asleep, I see an image of a shark-like fish with sharp teeth (09)
• (dream) A
mean man moves in to our home and we cannot do anything to protect ourselves.
His name is Erbium. He chews my both hands off. (09)
• (dream)
... I look down at the mice; they are a bloody mess; as though they've been
eating each other; I dump them out in between the flowers. I cannot tell if
they are alive or dead... (13)
• (dream)
.. Then, there was a drive by shooting by a military team... (21)
• (dream) Dreamt
I was in a building that was falling apart – it was like an earthquake… (24)
• (dream)
Person that I was personal assistant to started shooting a gun at me (27)
Incapable
“A feeling
like a little kid who is just never going to get it right” “I felt like I could
not turn inward enough or make myself small enough”
As one prover summed it up perfectly, “I felt like other people
were adults and I was only pretending to be an adult and at any moment someone
might discover this pretending.” This is essentially the innermost
feeling of Lepidolite, that they are utterly incapable of life. If
they were to be born, they would die (like a premature baby). They do not have
the resources to function, to survive. This childishness and naïveté
is unique
in Lepidolite as it is quite serious.
One prover said “it’s like I’ve forgotten how to feed myself” –
this is the level of incapability. The profoundness of this is what creates the
desperate responses: leaving their body, depression, bi-polar
behavior,
addictions, and impulsive anger.
They feel
like a child. Their incapability actually gives them the delusion of being
“small.” There were dreams of mice and seeing mice. They actually want to
retreat and make themselves small. (Theme:
Womb;
Retreat) and essentially hide their flaws and hide from life. They have a
desire to hide, to cover up their situation. They have dreams of hiding and
dreams of places that are usually dirty being whitewashed
clean. The
need to clean or be busy stems from this desire to make things look better on
the outside or “to pretend”. Many situations can cause them embarrassment.
Especially when they feel
their
“flaw” or “incapability” has been shown. When they do behave badly, which is
likely, they will either be detached from if (Theme: Drug) or will feel guilt.
The
opposite of this extreme incapability is a sort of “I can do anything!”
extravagance. Not quite connected to the earth or reality, they can childishly
declare their abilities, “I CAN DO IT!” Even though,
underneath,
they feel they can’t (like a two year old declaring they read all by
themselves).
Incapable,
“Like a little kid who is just never going to get it right”
• (dream) I
see my flower bed. There are nasturtium-like orange flowers. There are many
flowers but their stems are short and weak. I understand that the soil is too
poor. (09)
• A feeling
like a little kid who is just never going to get it right. (22)
• This
remedy is extremely sycotic... I felt like other
people were adults and I was only pretending to be an adult and at any moment
someone might discover this pretending. .. (13)
• ...the
feeling it left, was this feeling of missing something, having missed out on
something. We were going somewhere, but where - and from where? (02)
• Thoughts
of I am no good to the world. No good to my children (16)
• ...
Fearful that I will not be able to sustain the life I am creating financially
and physically. Fear of repeating my past patterns like that. Felt overwhelmed
with a lot of things to do... (11)
• ...This is
a way I have of doubting myself for many years... It was almost like starting
to get an anxiety attack. Or like thinking was like moving though molasses...
Like I really keenly felt like what life is like when I am
immersed in
my self-doubt. When I think I am not good enough and don't belong... (22)
• I
immediately began to feel self-conscious. Like I wouldn't be able to follow the
directions. (13)
• It is
almost as if I have forgotten how to feed myself. I haven't been grocery
shopping since this proving began and I have almost exclusively been living on
tea. (13)
• .... She
is very concerned about being pregnant, though a contraceptive was used. She
even was dreaming about a foetus. (10)
Dreams of difficulty, “I cannot do anything”
•
(dream)... It has a toilet in it but the toilet is situated awkwardly… It is
difficult to get on and off this strangely placed toilet... (08)
• (dream) I
park my car on a city street. When I come back it is moved. Now it is in an
upright position wheels against a house wall and is pinned. Feeling: worried.
Cannot do anything to help the situation. (09)
• (dream)
... I cannot find sheets anywhere. Then I see this really tall closet and there
is no way I can reach this closet. Then I see my sister and she cannot help me.
She finishes her shopping and goes away... I am dressed up
like a
genie in a bottle and I am flying around and am trying to get home but I
cannot...(14)
• (dream)
.. Then I met a woman I know from my home town with her front teeth missing.
Then I noticed I did not have my teeth in. (21)
Small, “I could not make myself small enough”
• ... on
this remedy I felt like I could not turn inward enough or make myself small
enough. ... I also had several dreams about mice. (13)
o ... I see
a mouse running past the doorway of the restaurant. This is the second mouse
I've seen in two days. (13)
o I am
thinking about these mice. I wonder what that is about. (13)
• Like you
do not have any space to work in; small, limitations, limitations, like
everything is limited compressed, there is no hope for expansion or growth, its
compressed tight, limited and stuck; this is it no ray of sunshine. (16)
• As I am
describing this I feel smaller, yet relaxed, I feel like its overtaking the
room, so that makes me feel smaller… ... I feel like I am on the ground or
floor. Like an ant. Tiny. (21)
• I can see
that I did not contact the Master Prover enough in
this proving. It didn't dawn on me that I could contact the Master Prover. I am on my own. My relationship to the Master Prover was that I had to turn in completed
work done
right. (22)
Desire to Hide
• (dream)
... The mood is festive, but in the dream I feel a sense of foreboding. It is
happening at night and she is hiding her face. (04)
• (dream)
...At some point, we heard men's voices and tried to be quiet and hide because
we were afraid they might think we were robbers or something... (08)
• (Dream)
...I want to go somewhere where they won’t go but they are right behind me. I
enter a room it’s attic like a balcony there are things on the floor but no
good hiding place I hide behind a basket- I feel ridiculous the basket is
small... (08)
Self-Conscious, Embarrassed
• I am
experiencing bashful stool. I cannot go to the bathroom unless I have the water
running. I feel embarrassed. (13)
•
Apologized for not keeping in touch. Felt embarrassed. (01)
• I
immediately began to feel self-conscious. Like I wouldn't be able to follow the
directions. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to keep my thoughts to
myself. (13)
• .. I was
in the wrong classroom. It was last years classroom. I was very embarrassed,
but amused at the time...(02)
• I have
been challenged with that in the past, actually a great source of shame, guilt
and judgment has stemmed from being disorganized, loosing things, what do people
think of me, feelings of being unworthy, unintelligent,
lower
class, overwhelmed by stuff… (11)
• Stool
pass with a fart. Very surprised and panicked. Driving on the freeway on my way
to an overnight vacation day with a friend at a resort and all I could think of
was how bad I felt and smelt. I was totally embarrassed. (21)
• (dream)
... As I stepped on to the grassy curb to lift the packages into the car, my
feet and the boots sunk into the mud. I was mortified. The boots were ruined
and were very expensive. I thought I was going to have to replace
them but
the woman I was helping was very understanding. (04)
• The prover is concerned about her privacy during the proving;
she wants to make sure all the information provided by her stays strictly confidential.
(10)
White-Wash, Covering things up
• I have
also been washing my hands very frequently over the last two months of the
proving. (13)
• I had a
lot of issues with cleaning up. Everywhere I walked in my house it was not
clean... (02)
• ... I
immediately felt it important to clean up…. Made my bed, put away files,
stacked things to be sorted, picked up all the little stuff. I want it to be
clean, neat and organized. (11)
• (dream)
... There is an outhouse. All the wooden parts are very rotten. I look in to
the hole. I see quite a scene. It's a huge deep drop. Everything is splendidly
clean because my husband has cleaned it... (09)
• (dream)
... I even go down to the cellar. The cellar is large, warm, cozy and with splendid white walls... (09)
Guilt, Feeling guilty
o I don't
remember everything, but I felt somewhat guilty that I left my kids doing stuff
on their own, while I was overwhelmed with things. (02)
o (dream)
of cheating on girlfriend, waking guilty. In dream, no hesitation hooking up
with this girl. Knocking on door, had to hide this girl. Woke up stressed and
guilty... (07)
o Every two
weeks I completely explode at my husband. I am compelled to yell. I feel
horribly guilty afterward. (16)
o (dream) I
dreamed I was in jail. It was a mistake. Then a man I knew put many pounds of
drugs in my locker and I was going to be in jail for the rest of my life. They
said the three strikes law. I said it was a mistake.
I was never
convicted of anything before. (21)
Extravagant, “I’m going to be brilliant”
(opposite of incapable)
• The other
thing that happened during this proving is that I decided I am going to be
brilliant. I've always resisted this, life is always about struggling and
working hard, I am letting it be about other things now. I am willing
to let
homeopathy be easy. I always felt I was doing it wrong; if something is easy, I
am going to let it be easy. Duh! (22)
• …I have
just moved into a beautiful new home and am looking forward to creating
financial abundance, and a fabulous career. The strongest feeling that is new
is "Why couldn't I have all that wonderful stuff?" (11)
• Elephant
means power, strength, endurance, it can go through things, clearing obstacles,
nothing happens to it, without having negative feelings for the surroundings. (21)
Extravagance, Escape from Reality
• (dream)
They can't get over the size of everything here--big houses, huge portions of
food, big cars...When I show them around my house, everything is the same
except my garden. It seems much bigger and there is
a large
pond. .. (04)
• (dream)
... At some point one of the members of the play, said they found a spot in the
room that could transform them and make them more beautiful and presentable… I
couldn't see the exact moment of transformation but
one minute
she was like a regular girl and the next she was this gorgeous classy lady and
everyone on the stage and audience were amazed at the transformation! (08)
• (dream)
…The house is like a garden inside- a many tiered garden with strange topiary and
a fountain (08)
• (dream) I
dreamt that my ex husband called me downstairs to look at some gifts he brought
me. … he got me several pieces of golden jewelry…
(08)
• (dream)
... The workers' food platters are simpler than those of the paying guests'. But
not mine. …my plate is filled with other meats and cold cuts. I'm a little
surprised. Feeling upon awakening: This was a good dream, I'm getting rewarded.
(09)
• (dream)
…I have plenty of money in my purse. Some five hundred dollar bills. Also
another "abundance dream". (09)
• (dream)
…my dreams during the proving they were unexpectedly beautiful. (09)
• (dream) I
am alone in a very, very large bedroom... (13)
• (dream)
dreamt I was in a very big home... The rest of the hall was marble. The there
was a group of us all dressed up leaving the house to go to a reunion and we
were getting into limos.. (24)
•
Nourishment, concretely food, beautiful, rich, lovely food. (09)
Foreign Destinations
• (dream)
... The men seemed of European descent, like Turkish or Egyptian but not
necessarily Arab. (08)
• (dream)
I'm in Helsinki, Finland. (09)
• (dream)
... At first I think they are Brazilian, but then decide they are Portuguese.
The ceremony is amazing- the music is great. (08)
Depression
“…then I
lost all my steam of it, I just felt like there was nothing else to say”
“I am not
alone… I feel alone”
“Heavy
depressed feeling and staying home… thoughts of I am no good to the world.”
“I want to
make everything stop.”
Lepidolite
can have a severe depression (Lith). The sadness and
despair coupled with the feelings of incapability makes it nearly impossible
for them to pull themselves out of the depression once it goes to a deep level.
It is a
depression
accompanied with feeling of heaviness and weight, like “things are piled on top
of them” that keeps them in this deep state.
There are
layers of the depression. At the lightest presentation, they may just feel
apathy and disconnection from the world. They may procrastinate and fail to
complete their work. Then, at a deep level they can feel the sadness within the
depression that comes with a deep sense of isolation. They can mourn the loss
of past friends and family and revisit the forsakenness of their life. They may
weep when singing or weep about past losses. Their
depression
could easily be triggered by the death of family or friends or the end of a
significant relationship.
At the
deepest level, their depression is hopeless. They may be suicidal, seeing no
value in themselves, thinking people are better off without them. This state is
so uncomfortable for them that they seek a way
out, a way
to “stop everything.” They will look for something to support them, to relieve
them, to take the misery away. They are prone to becoming dependent on
medications or to being addicted to various
forms of
relief such as “drugs,” “smoking,” “pain killers,” “herbal supplements” and of
course “prescription medications.” Lepidolite
contains Lithium, still a primary component in medication used to treat
“depression.”
Lepidolite
also presents as Bi-Polar. There are mood swings from rage to laughter. It
lacks a basic groundedness (Lith).
It might start out with excitement and then suddenly find themselves “without
steam.” It can oscillate
between two
extremes of emotions, and then sink into the deep depression.
Apathy, “I don’t want to do anything”
• It was
weird, at first it was serenity feeling and then I don’t want to do anything.
(02)
• At the
beginning of the proving I felt a bubble in my stomach. I was so excited at the
beginning, but then once we got into it, I felt what's the use? and I wanted to
be done with it. (21)
• I have
not been able to study for my classes…I'd open the books and then just stare at
it and then put it away. (08)
• I had my
doubts, there is nothing, the first 10 days I was monitored daily, someone to
hand it over to, then I lost all my steam of it, I just felt like there was
nothing else to say (10)
• Feelings
of depression and anxiety much during the day. Missed call with supervisor …
General fatigue and low motivation… (11)
• I
couldn't get through my homework; it really took me a long time. (16)
• [I
procrastinated]. I didn't want to deal with things. (29)
• I was
completely unproductive at work, I would go for days trying to get reports
written and^just couldn’t seem to do it… I was slow
to respond to emails and phone calls, I would ignore the phone when it rang or
I just simply wouldn’t hear it (100)
Sadness, With a Sense of Isolation
•
Depression – a lot of sadness, missing her family in Mexico a lot more, I live
here alone. She continues with her depression, very sad.. (01)
• Sad about
people in my life who I wanted to be friends with who did not want to be
friends with me. They were friends in high school and not in my adult life. I
am upset about this. (21)
• Weepy
from time to time, not myself, that’s for sure. (16)
• I was
singing and in the middle of it I was very moved and felt like crying. This is
unusual for me when I am working. (professional singer) (02)
• I'm very
sad about my son who has Asperger's syndrome and
about the fact that I didn't know how to help him. I actually cry about it.
This is the first time I ever cried about this issue. My son is twenty years
old. (09)
• .. Very
teary this morning. was overwhelmed with gratitude for the new friends I have
met in my intuitive classes. I am not alone, I feel alone, (no more ex husband
energy). God and guides are always with me.
Will I
connect with that or be depressed... (11)
Heavy, “To free myself from these heavy
sensations”
• Felt heavy
and down and by the end of the day that feeling grew-... she really noticed the
slowed condition of her body. ...So she felt disappointment and sadness with
herself and her body. (08)
• I woke up
feeling very, very heavy. I feel that there is a weightiness to this proving. A
heavy feeling, something about gravity. Needing to come down to earth… I want
to move gravity. To free myself from these heavy
sensations
in my body… (13)
• Heavy
depressed feeling and staying home. Underneath there is this really heavy
energy. (16)
• She was
very frustrated; Doesn't know what to do and she had a lot to do. Things feel
like they are one on top of each other; Not focusing at all; trying to do all
"six things" at once but not doing it (08)
• Felt
depressed, an impending doom on and off all day. (11)
• Face
feels heavy, really heavy. My face feels droopy, like its drooping down,
sagging, drooping, everything is falling down like it is what's it called that
keeps you connected to the earth? I am searching for words. (16)
• Like you
do not have any space to work in; small, limitations, limitations, like
everything is limited compressed, there is no hope for expansion or growth, its
compressed tight, limited and stuck; there is no ray of sunshine. (16)
• The more
I move or breathe, the pains come. I feel as though my body is going into a
hole that is dark, a sinking motion. It’s down, it’s like a tunnel, below me,
it’s like I am floating into it… … (21)
Severe Depression, Suicidal, “No hope”, “I am
no good to the world”
• Thoughts
of I am no good to the world. No good to my children. I actually felt
detrimental to my children and my environment. (16)
• ...I
can’t do this, I’m not meant to be a homeopath, I was depressed, suicidal
thoughts, knives, sharp objects, I have to get out of here, I have to leave my
kids they are better off without me, be very alone, did not want my
friends,
(16)
• Cut off,
no hope, its done, I cannot possibly go back and mend this…A completely dead and
flat feeling. (16)
• My friend's
husband is suffering from a severe depression. His medications aren't working. He
doesn't believe in homeopathy. I feel disgusted that people are not open to
homeopathy. Why don't people want to heal? Are they invested in their
suffering? (13)
Addictive; “I want to make it stop”
• I went to
an AA meeting. In meditation I was taken back to a time when I had severe depression
and was chemically dependent on medications. I had just created a beautiful new
living space and family. The relationship was dysfunctional on many levels,
ultimately I ended up not being able to care for my family and home ...I was
sick and you were suppose to take care of me and love me and you betrayed
me....there was a huge emotional release
with it.
Feelings of anxiety depression. (11)
• I want to
make everything stop. (22)
• Quit
smoking years ago and started smoking like a fiend almost a pack a day, its how
I get out, go outside to some, to be away from people. Drinking beer since the
proving (23)
• Prover 14 became really sick with the flu; she started
taking allopathic medications, teas, remedies.. (14)
• This is
miserable. (13)
Bipolar, “In a rage, my screaming turns to
laughter”
• I am in a
rage. My screaming turns to laughter. I think it must be the proving! (13)
• I gave up
alcohol on Christmas day. Wine, red wine, mostly, I felt exaggerated. I have
this image of me bouncing around being high and chatty and effervescent, really
rageful, fighting, feisty and fighting. (16)
• Terrance
McKenna came up with the time wave zero, human consciousness that starts from
the beginning of humanity. Pretty much the timeline is condensing itself. There
are seven days and six nights, corresponding to
heaven and
hell. Within every cycle there is a large downward slope; in 2008 this happened;
since the timeline is condensing we are seeing these rapid slopes happening
more often. (21)
Anger
“In one day
I had three confrontations…had to be pushy and stand up for myself. “ “... She informs
me that her sister doesn't believe in homeopathy. I pretty much tell her to
tell her sister to “Go to hell”. Studying homeopathy
is hard
enough, not being supported by your friends and family is too much.”
“I am
compelled to yell”
Lepidolite
attracts confrontations. It’s as if confrontations are brought into their
experience, “pushed’ upon them. Other people do things that are hurtful, rude,
insensitive, insulting and Lepidolite is compelled to
respond.
As if the
need to release the valve is too great to hold back the anger. Most often the
insult makes them feel disregarded or insulted in some way and they feel
compelled to stand up for themselves.
When they
react it is impulsive and not well thought out. They merely release the valve
and let the frustration out in a slightly “childish way.” Imagine how a three
year old might react if someone insulted
them. The
anger can be expressed verbally with assertion of their rights, with yelling,
or with “childish” almost sulky stubbornness.
Lepidolite’s anger is triggered in 3 main ways.
(Sil. Caes.). The childishness is apparent as if they are trying
to say “I can do things myself” as well as “but I am not quite sure how to do
them,” a sort of defiant dependency.
2. their
sensitivity to being forsaken or unsupported by others. They are quite
dependent although they do not like to admit it, and are sensitive to feeling
people are not supporting them. (Li. Sil. Al. K. F.)
Someone was supposed to take care of me and
they didn’t. They are sensitive to rejection, yet they will reject the support
as well.
3. will get angry when they feel insulted or not
acknowledged.(Sil) As there is something still
missing in terms of their image and identity, (Al, Sil)
they are sensitive to slight. Their identity is wrapped up in their profession,
therefore an insult to their profession is seen
as an insult to them personally.
Confrontations, Quarrelsome, “Compelled to
Yell”
•
Confrontations were big, in one day I had three confrontations I had to be pushy
and stand up for myself and I was not always like that… was on the phone with
ATT for 2½ hours – got very upset – had
to be aggressive –
asked to
speak with a supervisor (04)
•
Grandfather died at thanksgiving, sister told me to "fuck off”, moved out,
split up from boyfriend, ton off stuff going on.. (23)
• Its is
unusual to isolate myself from my friends. I cannot even talk to them. I am too
afraid I will yell at them and do some damage….Every two weeks I completely
explode at my husband. I am compelled to yell. (16)
• (Dream)
Arguing with girlfriend. (07)
• I am
extremely irritated at my partner for not answering his wireless phone; I am so
irritated by the time he arrives home, I am screaming at him… (13)
• The Full
Moon Total Lunar Eclipse felt terrible; I kept having fights with all of my
friends.
Fighting to Retain Their Independence, “I am my
own self!”
• Fighting
to retain independence from visiting husband who pushes boundaries (27)
• The thing
about relationships there has been a shift with my ex-husband, I am not reliant
on him anymore – we have been separated for ten years, but there is a more
defined ‘I really don’t need you now!’ I am my own self! (11)
• .. My
mother-in-law felt that I was angry with her. I don't want to take care of her;
that's not my job. I am not interested in anything but what is mine to do. (13)
• ... I got
more and more irritated. I got a harder edge. Something that I recognized about
myself, I couldn’t alter it, it was just there and it was like, I had
established it and I wasn’t going to change my course. This edge, and afterward
I was like yeah what was that about? Like not being acknowledged enough and I
was not going to make the effort to acknowledge them. I kind of set my course
before I arrived, very stubborn and childish. (13)
• She was
thinking of not having people take advantage of her. (04)
Anger at Not Being Acknowledged, “The lack of
respect was more than I could tolerate”
• I got quite
upset by two of my colleagues who told me that they don't believe in homeopathy.
It took me by surprise. (02)
• And a
friend sent her a text – felt like she had to call her and set the record
straight (04)
• At new
years I went to a lovely gathering, I was tired and sore from skiing I arrived
and I didn’t feel like I was acknowledged enough.... Like not being
acknowledged enough and I was not going to make the effort to
acknowledge
them... (10)
• My
friend's husband is suffering from a severe depression. His medications aren't
working. He doesn't believe in homeopathy. I feel disgusted that people are not
open to homeopathy. Why don't people want to heal?
Are they
invested in their suffering? (13)
• In the
emotional areas – I made two huge breaks with people who have been quite cruel
to me. My sister… and I had a major falling out…. The lack of respect that she
demonstrated towards me as a mother was more than
I could
tolerate and I told her I was done. (100)
• (dream) …
I am at a table and a friend of my mother-in-laws sits across from me deep in conversation
with a hip young woman. She does not notice me. ... As I leave I see two
younger women I know- very strong personalities, even though I haven’t seen
them in a while they barely acknowledge me... (08)
• (dream)
... The workers' food platters are simpler than those of the paying guests'.
But not mine. A young male cook , very serious and quiet, puts a delicious
chunk of roast beef on my plate, without me asking for anything.
It's the
last piece of that kind of meat. Then my plate is filled with other meats and
cold cuts. I'm a little surprised. Feeling upon awakening: This was a good
dream, I'm getting rewarded. (09) [dream about getting acknowledged]
Anger, “Not being supported by friends and
family is too much”
• ... She
informs me that her sister doesn't believe in homeopathy. I pretty much tell
her to tell her sister to go to hell. Studying homeopathy is hard enough, not
being supported by your friends and family is too much. (13)
• Blurting
out the truth; no filter, being hard done by, not being treated right by my
friends, then leading to being cut off. (16)
• I have a
heavy argument with my husband… I tell my husband not to worry because this is
only an aggravation from a remedy I've given him. My husband is furious... I
think I was a fool to tell him about the remedy. I should have known that he
doesn't understand. (09)
• .... I
felt like my friends don't really trust each other enough to speak meaningfully
to one another. I am annoyed and feeling discouraged. (13)
Drug
“It was
like a wakened dream…like everything is the same just a little different”
“There is
no weight to it. It is weightless... I feel like I am in space.”
Lepidolite
was originally known as lilalite (from the Hindu word
'lila' meaning play, game). It is also referred to as
the “happy” stone by some. There is an aspect of play and calm and happiness
within this state. However, it’s tainted by the circumstances that bring on
this “lightness” as well as the results of “wakened dream” state that results.
The anxiety
and sense of incapability are too much for them to remain in their physical
body. Composed of so many elements that lack a solid foundation, Lithium,
Alumina, Silica, Oxygen, Hydrogen, and Caesium) it leaves.
This
induces a drug-like state. They literally live in a “wakened dream.” They have sensations
of “weightlessness “ and “lightness.” They may feel like they are “walking on
air.” Things around them appear strange. In the end,
it is only
a brief escape from the misery and doubt of their earthly existence. In this
state, they are as incapable as they feel inside, doing little productive work.
They may
seem calm. They may feel present or in the present moment, but they are really
only living a partial life, not quite feeling the magnitude of their emotions.
The cheerfulness is yet again, just the “gaseous” quality of
the
substance, not a true sense of deep joy.
In this
drug-like state they can feel the sensations of both rising, “floating” as well
as “falling.” The falling can symbolize their return to the physical body. It’s
of interest to note that their depression is seen as “heavy,” the opposite of
this “lightness” or dug-like state. The sensation of falling is what happens to
them as they come out of the “weightlessness” and back into their reality.
Wakened Dream
• I walked
into my daughter's classroom to give her some lunch money at the beginning of
school.. It is only when I asked her where my daughter was, that she told me: I
was in the wrong classroom. It was last year’s classroom.
I was very
embarrassed, but amused at the time. It was like a wakened dream: Standing in
that room, that was so familiar yet different. Looking at the teacher that was
not the teacher, but it didn't bother me... It was like this
dream. Like
everything is the same just a little different (02)
• I
immediately woke up after I fell asleep in my dream. I wonder who I was? Where
was I? It felt like Colonial times. I go back to sleep. (13)
• ...When I
talk to the prover, she seemed not to have any
awareness of what is going on. (22)
• …like I
am on the inside of some kind of consciousness, looking out and I can see, in
fact I am like in the Wizard of Oz seeing, or being, the man behind the curtain
with my hands on the levers, causing things to work the way they are working.
(22)
• Oh I
haven’t done anything .. OH it's almost Christmas. Did I do any Christmas
shopping? Where did the time go? (02)
• ...I
experienced my dreams have been more vivid… I had a hard time coming back into
my body after being in the astral plane for so long, not being there
anymore…(11)
• (dream)
...Then, as I pull up the covers, I realize that my hands are that of an old,
old woman. I touch my head, and it is wrapped in a scarf, I have long, gray
hair, braided and put into a bun on the top of my head. I am
fascinated
and I fall asleep. (13)
• Well for
me it was a very numbing experience in a certain way, when I took it I was
talking to my supervisor. I has this sensation of serenity and in a certain way
it translated in a way, like what date it is it? what time did we
talk, …but
after two months I feel like sleeping beauty like I am just waking up...(02)
• (dream)
I'm in bed with another woman . To my surprise I notice that she has a penis.
It's quite a feminine penis, not too big and hard. It's just the right size of
a penis for that lady…(09)
• I see a
mouse; I had no reaction to this creature in my kitchen. I am aware of it. It
is moving slowly without any consciousness of my presence. (13)
Calm, Serenity, “I stay calm”
• Sense of
calmness …every once in a while I feel a certain serenity (02)
• Everyone
in our party is very worried and anxious. I stay calm and go about taking care
of her as if I am not in my own body. (04)
• Nothing
bothering him. Normal stress at work feels fine, alert. Not getting to him on a
personal level right now. (07)
• (dream) I
see an image of a shark-like fish with sharp teeth. It wakes me up but still, I
don't feel scared. (09)
•
(dream)... Then I'm walking on the street, lost but not anxious. People are
friendly. (09)
• (dream) A
mean man moves in to our home and we cannot do anything to protect ourselves.
His name is Erbium. He chews my both hands off. Feeling : very unpleasant,
worried.(09) [editor comment: “unpleasant” seems a bit distant from the
experience of having your hands chewed off]
Cheerful
• She has
still been driving and singing in car. (04)
• As though
you are anticipating something exciting, an excited bubbly feeling, tingling.
(04)
• Very
happy, optimistic at work where would be depressed, pretty positive, higher
spirits, showing at work, getting complements (07)
• Excellent
mood, happy and enthusiastic. (09)
• I want to
learn how to dance; so I signed up for a dance class. I want to move gravity.
To free myself from these heavy sensations in my body that have to be from this
proving. (13)
• I was
giddy laughing a lot and I don't express my feelings unless I am really
comfortable. That day I was laughing and laughing, this was unusual. (21)
o It’s like
they are dancing, coming together and separating. Dancing around the Tree of
Life. Above it and outside of it. (21)
Out of My Body, Weightless
• Everyone
in our party is very worried and anxious. I stay calm and go about taking care
of her as if I am not in my own body. (04)
• In the
beginning, when I took the remedy what I feel first is like walking in the air,
just for not too long maybe like maybe ½ hour. Great but in a way it was like I
don’t know how to explain but like not feeling anything. (02)
• I realize
I have been living my day to day life but I haven't done anything productive. I
have been somewhere in space. You live but you don’t really go anywhere. (02)
• ...was
able to participate fully, was light and not critical about how the talk was
conducted.. (08)
• (dream)
.. I feel confused. He asks me, "Who are you!?" I am uncertain...
(13)
• As I am
describing this I feel smaller, yet relaxed, I feel like its overtaking the
room, so that makes me feel smaller. I am drifting to the corner, as though my
body is vertical, even though my body is horizontal. It wants to
tell me
something… I see an eye, looking upward, like a pink color
around, A lot of movement, not of anything in particular. Like gas or when you
are pumping gas you see those waves… it’s like I am floating into it…(21)
o …I am
beginning to feel I am expanding again, like a spirit coming up, coming up, its
bigger than the ant, I am also on the floor, I am here and there, there is a
lightness, weightlessness, a brightness, it is trying to pull me up (21)
o There is
no weight to it. It is weightless... I feel like I am in space. (21)
• (Dream)
... she was in her classroom and gravity did not work…. (02)
• ...
Weightlessness, my head was weightless. (04)
• I thought
that this was out there like some kind of mineral in space, or a particle of an
Angel or something, particles. (21)
Falling, “Slowly falling,” “Gravity is pulling
me down”
• I woke up
feeling very, very heavy. I feel that there is a weightiness to this proving. A
heavy feeling, something about gravity. Needing to come down to earth. (13)
• Gravity
is pulling on my body, down toward the earth. (16)
• At one
point felt like gravity was pulling my head back. Not dizzy. More like a
sensation on a roller coaster or ride. (04)
• ...I
experienced my dreams have been more vivid… I had a hard time coming back into
my body after being in the astral plane for so long, not being there
anymore…(11)
• I feel
like my body is sluggish, it is falling, slowly falling, like I am falling
asleep, as though I were going to bed...(21)
o ... My
body is falling more and more. Warm and pulling sensation. My hands feel cold.
Deep breath… Did I actually fall? (21)
Clear and Unclear
“I became aware
that my senses were clearly more acute” “During the proving I remembered so
many dreams and that was different” “Thinking was like moving though molasses”
Lepidolite
contains the polarities of an unclear mind versus a clear mind. In the “wakened
dream” state
(Theme:
Drug, Wakened Dream), their mind is foggy. They are unable to concentrate or
think clearly.
This
combined with the apathy make productivity unlikely. On the other side, they
appear to break through at times with startling clarity about life. It’s as if
when they do return to earth or to their body, they can possess insight
and clarity
about their life and choices they have been making. Interestingly their desire
to “end connections” seems to not always be detrimental. Some of the time, they
were actually seeing that a relationship was not working
and had the
clarity and “energy” to finally sever it.
Clear, “Feeling clear today”
• ... I
became aware that my senses were clearly more acute (09)
• ...
Having an insight means nothing without some kind of follow up action. Clarity
on how my dishonesty with finances and failure to meet my obligations affects
my entire being... (11)
• I
understand something about the physics of Homeopathy that I did not know
before. I get that the way the remedies work is a field phenomena, and I don't
really know exactly what that is except on some level now I can
see how
this is working and I get why I am having such a powerful response to a
substance that I have not taken.. (22)
• Nothing
bothering him. Normal stress at work feels fine, alert... (07)
• She was
feeling clear today; Had a homeopathy call and she felt she understood things better
than usual (08)
• Had an
amazing perception shift. Saw at a very deep level I was doing the best I could
with what I had to work with, at a very difficult time in my life. I have done
much work on forgiveness of self in the past. This shift
put a lot
of things together for me. (11)
• It is as
if I could see my surrounding aura, the surrounding of my head, like a wave
around it, taking the shape of my head. The elephant returned. I don't see the
elephant, but I can feel it…I see your aura, whiteness, pink,
a dark
pink, like a violet color. (21)
Dreams Vivid, Remembering Dreams
• During
the proving I remembered so many dreams and that was different (09)
• Clear
dream telling someone that they should be careful about visiting me on the
astral plane because I know what they are doing. (11)
• Lately I
have been more able to remember my dreams in the morning I lay in bed and am
able to
recall them. I have not been able to do this in a really long time. (14)
• I knew
exactly where the mouse was living in my house; from my dream. I went into an
office and
there was a box I remembered from my dream earlier this morning. I saw the
little
mouse all
curled up. (13)
Clarity:
Meditation
• During a
meditative service I got quite emotional. Normally I appreciate the meditative
qualities,
and the quieting of mind. Today I felt choked up. I have to think about our
friend who
has cancer.
This is a very emotional aspect right now, and will be for the next months.
(02)
• She
meditated earlier in the day and tried to feel the remedy… (08)
• ... Had
great mediation time. Cleared very dark energies similar to what my husband
when I
was with
him, oppressive, abusive, and mean. (11)
Unclear,
“Thinking was like moving through molasses”
• I am
having a hard time concentrating. (02)
• ... Or
like thinking was like moving though molasses. I feel like I emerged from
something
that I have
had for a very long time. words like cottony thinking, gauzy vision, gauzy
thinking,
marshmallow walking... (22)
• Oh I
haven’t done anything .. Oh, it's almost Christmas. Did I do any Christmas
shopping?
Where did
the time go? (02)
• I have
not been able to study for my classes… I'd open the books and then just stare
at it
and then
put it away. (08)
• I
realized that I didn't set aside money to pay my taxes or my retirement this
year! I am totally
unfocused
and seeming unconcerned about my financial matters. (13)
• I
couldn't get through my homework; it really took me a long time. (16)
• At
school, everyone seems to be acting like they are in the middle of this foggy
bog. (22)
• (dream)
...A few seconds minutes later, I opened my eyes and I felt special or slightly
different but
I didn't
see any reaction from the other members of my group or the audience so I was
confused.
Another person went up and they were transformed too and everyone was awed so I
was even
more confused about why there was no "wow" amazement at my
transformation...
(08)
• (dream) A
friend talks about someone else who is all confused and trying all sorts of
things. Like
right now
she is into Italian. The same is true for her ex girlfriend. (08)
• Feelings
of depression and anxiety much during the day. Missed call with supervisor.
Felt
scattered.
(11)
• (dream)
.. I feel confused. He asks me, "Who are you!?" I am uncertain...(13)
• I was
frequently late to work, to meetings, to pick up my son, you name it, I was
late for it. (100)
Unclear;
Mistakes Speaking, Writing
• I
couldn't spell through the entire proving. I had a terrible time spelling
(dyslexia).(04)
• …what's
it called that keeps you connected to the earth? I am searching for words. (16)
• My
dyslexia was even more pronounced; typing emails and noticing that I completely
left
words out
of the messages... (29)
• When I
could get something written the mistakes and typos were horrendous. I am a
writer by
trade, it was terrible! My hand writing was also terrible, it’s never been very
good
but at
least it’s legible, it isn’t even close to that in recent weeks. (100)
26
Substance:
Pink and Purple, Stone, and Flowers
A few of
the miscellaneous themes found within the proving can be traced back to the
substance itself.
Lepidolite
is an iridescent purple colored mineral. People had
dreams with pink and purple in them.
They also
had dreams with a sense of order or structure to them (the mineral).
Interestingly there was
also a
theme of flowers and feminine type garments. This seems to be a combination of
the
“playfulness”
with the “mother imagery.”
Pink and
Purple
o (dream)
We see some mobiles that an old friend of both of ours made. They are lovely. I
think I
will get one. It is made of pink and purple papers, bits and pieces in a framelike
a hanging
picture mobile….(08)
o
(dream)...She is dressed in a short-sleeved lilac colored
dress.. (08)
o A
distinct image of iridescent lavender colored mineral
entered my mind upon
awakening.
(13)
o (dream)
..with the most amazing purple, white, and blue Hyacinths… (13)
o I see an eye,
looking upward, like a pink color around,... Pink,
like a pink elephant,
movement,
like clouds moving into each other. (21)
o I see
your aura, whiteness, pink, a dark pink, like a violet color.
Violet in color. (21)
About
Order, Structure and Stone
o I keep a
very equal mind even though I have bad news about a sick friend. (02)
o
(dream)...the house that I am in is made of stone.... I get up and I step onto
the ice
cold floor.
(13)
o (dream) …
I am struck by the order and structure of the baseball field… (13)
Feminine
and Flowers
o (dream)
One friend starts dressing up decorating herself with flowers, leaves and other
things she
finds in the garden. She looks amazing... (04)
o (dream)
.. She was so stressed it was dripping on her forehead. It was bubble gum
fruity
smelling perfume. (07)
o (dream)
...Later I see him in drag heading into the city. He is wearing light blue
flowered
clothes- a light shawl over his head and a delicate shift with medium
heels. He
is a beautiful thin woman…. (08)
o (dream)
...I fashion a skirt from curtains. It turns out to be a beautiful dress- of a
petticoat
and
translucent colorful over skirt- billowing gathered
at the waist… (08)
o (dream) I
see my flower bed. There are nasturtium-like orange flowers. There are
many
flowers but their stems are short and weak. I understand that the soil is too
poor.
(09)
o (dream)
I'm in bed with another woman . To my surprise I notice that she has a penis.
It's
quite a
feminine penis, not too big and hard. It's just the right size of a penis for
that
lady…(09)
Vorwort/Suchen. Zeichen/Abkürzungen. Impressum.