Elaeocarpus ganitrus = Rudraksha/bead = tear. of rage.
Vergleich: Siehe: Oxydalales
[Chetna N. Shukla]
“ The lord of the universe drew his bow and
unleashed his arrows at the triple city, burning demons and hurling them into
the western ocean, for the welfare of creation. Then the three-eyed God
restrained the fire
born of his anger, saying to it: “Enough! Do
not reduce the world to ash!”
The Mahabharata (circa 300 B.C.)
Special
note on proving:
All
subjects that the Rudraksha chose to express itself through had one theme
surrounding ‘marriage’. P2 was in love with a boy from the lower caste and the
family disagreed to this alliance as it was against customs. P3
was a new
entry and I did not know much about her but in the proving she had “For the
first time (I) had a disagreement with my sister in law regarding my marriage
issue”. P4 was getting married in Dec 1996 and it was an arranged marriage
according to customs. P5 was forced to marry her first cousin against her
wishes according to family traditions.
About the Rudraksha/ Ustram bead…
The ascetic
followers of Shiva have given the bead its name, Rudraksha. Rudra is another
name for Shiva, and his devotees believe the Rudraksha bead is the tear of rage
that fell from Rudra’s eye as he beheld the effrontery
of mankind.
Legend says the destroyer wept when he witnessed the towering metropolis or
triple city created by man’s superbly ambitious technology. In its arrogance,
this magnificent human creation had undermined the balance between earth, the
atmosphere, and the sky. Then, according to the Mahabharata, having shed the
implacable tear, which turned into an ustram bead, the Lord of the Universe,
unleashed its arrows at the triple city for
the welfare
of creation.
Substance used: The whole fruit with
the bead freshly plucked from the tree in December 1995 from the foothills of
the Himalayas (Haridwar)
Provers: 1 ♂
and 4 ♀ provers
The Quest
and the Question!
My quest
for satisfying aphorism 3 of our Hahnemann’s Organon has been inspiring me in
this endeavour of mine of conducting so many proving. But the question is also
“Did the
conductor of the proving modify the original text of this happening?”
“Did she
corrupt the words spoken?”
Therefore I
have given the proving verbatim and in the sequence as it unfolded itself (in its
individual way) at that particular time. I have selected this prover as he
represents best the Quintessence if this substance. Even the Repertory has been
in the exact words of the provers.
‘Words have
their own magic and their magnetism.
Each word
creates its own sequence.
And each
sequence creates its own magic.
Words begin
to get alive in their own way when in a sequence, and they go on and on…
A word may
mean something on its own, but its significance changes in the sequence!’
“Therefore
I feel why not receive the words as it is, as a whole, and alive?”
In this way
I am trying to nearly wholly resort to a holistic approach! I have refrained
from the temptation of making any associations between the proving and the
outwardly observed behaviour and disposition of any of these
co-habitants
in their eco-niche. I leave that to the readers. But to get an extended idea of
a substance, and to be able to find coherence in different fields of
information and the projection in human beings about the substance
under
examination I have also given information about the substances that go to make
our remedies. This helps us link the microcosm with the macrocosm.
The
pattern:
All
subjects that the Rudraksha chose to express itself through had one theme
surrounding ‘marriage’. P2 was in love with a boy from the lower caste and the
family disagreed to this alliance as it was against customs. P3 was a new entry
and I did not know much about her but in the proving she had “For the first
time (I) had a disagreement with my sister in law regarding my marriage issue”.
P4 was getting married in Dec 1996 and it was an arranged marriage according to
customs. P5 was forced to marry her first cousin against her wishes according
to family traditions.
PROVER 1 ♂
(I have
known him very closely. Sometime back he had a major emotional setback - a
break in his love affair, the reason being family customs and traditional
fixities. He was successfully coming out of it, getting in tune with
the outside
and his inside. He was always eager to do proving. I told him to feel the
remedy and follow his feelings in the same. He took the dose. I trust in this
way of dealing with feeling. Without this prover this proving
would have
definitely lacked something I feel. In defense of giving importance to his
proving experience I would like to quote Hahnemann from Organon § 126…
“(H)is body
must be in what is for him a good state of health, and he must possess a
sufficient amount of intelligence to be able to express and describe his
sensations in accurate terms.”
Who else,
but the prover him/herself, would best know what is for him/her a good state of
health; that is of course only for him/her to feel!)
FIRST
MEETING
I took the
dose three days after you gave it to me. From the time I took it from you I had
no fear. It was as if I knew that it would have a good effect on me. I was cool
and sure of myself. I felt positive. I am laughing more
often and
not nervous. I am talking and saying whatever I feel without dictating,
listening to others without feeling overwhelmed by their point of view. I am
not indecisive. I am sure. I feel at ease. I feel I can take on anything.
I feel
quiet o.k. at home and otherwise about all things. I have a lot of problems at
home, everyone is angry, but I feel cool now! (Smiles pleasantly) everyone is
losing control and all are angry but I am not. I am cool, at ease.
I don’t
even have to exert any control. It is easy! (Normally I feel angry but I
suppress. I feel something is cutting me in the inside me. I feel they are
doing this to me and that to me…) Now I am at ease!
And that
day I also spoke what I felt. Why let it go out of my hand, feel afraid of
telling the feelings. My sister in law whom I told also took everything in the
right spirits too! It was a relaxed atmosphere. It was acceptance.
I say, “it
happens”, “cool”, “relax” often! I feel this scene was like a smooth wave, no
turbulence, cool and I also feel like this. I don’t get anxious and hyper about
anything.
Normally
every time I have a drink (alcohol) I get bad dreams but now in the proving
after booze I do not get bad dreams. Now I also smoke in front of others. Let
the world know that I smoke. Why hide and do it? I am this and smoking does not
make me a bad man! I am also having sexual dreams-not about having sex.
I feel this
is a very “understanding” remedy! All things are falling in place for me in my
life. I don’t have to run around, get anxious, and get tensed. Before the
proving I was feeling how would I, how can I take it (with personal break up
with girl friend)? But now it is as if this feeling is just not there. I am at
peace with myself, no conflict at all.
I feel
everyone should get along well and I am actually working towards it at home
with all the family members. I have a sister in law with whom I have not talked
since the last 5 years, no eye contact. Now the conversation is easy, smooth
and natural.
And yes!
One dream…
* I am working in the hospital. It is as if it
is very real. There is a patient, a little girl with circulatory disorder. She
has white eyeballs. I say the diagnosis is ‘Retinitis Pigmentosa’ and the
doctor says no it is
‘Vancouver’s disease’ and is laughing while the
patient is very serious.
In the
inside I feel all the time ‘do whatever makes you comfortable’. Once you are
comfortable with yourself everything around you is. It is not a selfish
attitude.
Another
dreams…
* I see my friend is trying to light a match
with friction against a marble.
* I see my motorbike. The red pipe (of the
petrol) is cut. I don’t know why and who did it? I get a lot of sexual dreams.
I also dream…
* That you are asking me to watch a movie-a
sexual one. And you insist that I watch it (laughs!)
Twice I
went to the beach. I feel like going there everyday especially in the mornings.
Clothes I don’t mind whatever I wear it does not matter. Casual wear, casual
look whatever it does not matter. The feeling is everyone knows me how I am.
What I am. I don’t need to make any impression on anyone. I have no
restrictions, just cool, and no retaliation, in flow with whatever is
happening. But I want things neat and clean.
I have no
violent anger, but I feel cool. I am not indifferent. I feel that I can work
out things my way, not dictating. I know I can do it I can get it done. If you
are there and you co-operate with me I will work with you, if don’t I will do
it alone. I don’t create hassles and want no hassles and problems. I can get
things done in a nice manner without deceiving or domination. I know what I
want and what I can get.
If this
remedy were not there, the trauma that I was going through in the inside, I
would have allowed myself to be shattered by booze and smoke. This remedy has
soothed me! I feel cool. I can accept the events of life. It is because with
the remedy I am feeling one with myself. No conflicts within me. Things and
events in life happen, one must accept, some things must be left to destiny. I
really feel this deep inside me. It is not just to pacify
me that I
say this. I feel good with myself, with the people around me, with the world.
It is not
that I feel like a ‘sadhu’, nor like a ‘sanyasi’. It is not that I feel like
someone who has renounced the world, not escape from the world. I am in the
world and working with it, working it out, facing it with understanding!
I had read
a phrase…
“Spring
waters coming through the rocks, flowing smoothly!”
…I feel
like that!
Yogi! Yes a
yogi kind of feeling, not a sanyasi, not an escapist. ‘Yoga’ is from ‘Yuj’ tat
means in union/ to join with the supreme. I feel nearest to such a state. I
feel tolerant.
(He paused
for a while…it was as if he was lost somewhere. On coming back to and with us,
he said…)
When I say
yogi my imaginations take me to the Himalayas, cool atmosphere, feeling cool from
within…! (closing his eyes and smiling)
(Suddenly
the serenity was gone and he said…)
I have
frequency of stools after food!
I feel
everyone should take this remedy, everyone will than behave nicely, so no
hassles and life is good.
Thirst for
cold water, 3 - 4 liters a day.
I feel like
touching, patting children and giving them a nurturing touch (to my nephews and
nieces) I feel I have something special than will help others, that will make
peace. I can relate well without shouting at them.
I got the remedy
at the right time. I am able to live the philosophy with ease, it is happening
on its own. It is spiritual attitude like a yogi. Not running away from life of
a homemaker but in connection with the higher self, the Supreme Being at the
same time! (With raised eyebrows and a smile on his face!)
I have
sexual urges, the needs and I don’t want to go wrong and having them is not
wrong. Finding a balance between living with the needs of being a human being
at the physical level and at the spiritual level. Before the
proving I
did not want to get married because of the previous disappointment and I had
suppressed myself although I knew the needs were there. Now I feel free. I have
freed myself. I can accept myself and move ahead
trusting
the ways of the Supreme Being. And now I agreed to get into marriage. I am
ready for a moving. I was stuck with one thing for the whole life I am freeing
myself. I am open now without any conflict. Now I feel I
will be
able to work towards another relationship!
This
conflict of sexuality and spirituality is not there. There is now harmony. I
know who ever I will marry it will be good!
SECOND
MEETING
This guy,
my friend a pure vegetarian (implying that he was not even eating mutton, he
would have never touched alcohol) was in love with girl from a different
community. She said a no for marriage. After this he got into alcohol, smoking
started eating non-vegetarian food, stopped laughing and was ruining his life.
I met him the other day and told him that …
“You cannot
die for someone! She cannot marry you she has her own reasons. Life has to go
on. All relationships need not end in marriage. You must free yourself!’ This
friend was too much into it. One cannot die for
someone.
‘Your parents took care of you for 25 years. When they will die, will you die
for them?’ ‘You cannot die for someone, come out of it, free yourself, you are
not letting yourself go, free your self.”
I have been
freed. All this while I was not able to talk to my father, not see him in his
eyes. I used to feel irritated with him around. He is perfect in his business.
But now I can even fool around in front of him. I don’t feel
that he
will feel that I am putting on a show. Now I am cool.
Before the
proving I wanted to ask my physician whether I can prove or not? But later I
felt how can the physician tell me how I feel from inside? Only I know that I
am feeling well or not! I kept the dose with me to feel
whether I
feel well, whether I really want to take it or not? It was not indecisiveness,
but to feel whether it was the right time to prove this for me. And I felt just
right!
A friend
offended me in the past and he came over. But I said nothing, and behaved very
much at ease and also made him feel at ease. This problem of relationships and
marriage are being solved, there are no conflicts, are
eased. The
feelings in the conscious are not in conflict with the unconscious.
Yesterday
we had planned to go out with my friends (before the proving). I wanted to sit
with booze the whole day (that is what we had planned). But somehow all the
friends had some work or the other. I had confidence that
now I won’t
drink. I thought, “Oh, what a thought to drown oneself in booze” Instead I took
my cousin out for shopping. I felt very tired. I came home and slept for 2
hours. I felt the remedy is really helping me. It is like a
friend
close to my head. I have a good feeling with it. It is not control; it is a
feeling of feeling just right. The feeling is that the higher intelligence,
destiny, or the Supreme wants it like this, whatever happened is right!
It is not
that anything is going out of control but it was meant to be like this.
I saw the
poster of ‘Last Supper’ and I felt good. I always wanted the poster. Jesus, Sai
Baba are nice people connecting you to God, help people to connect to God,
although they are not God. I have this ‘Yogi’ feeling –you harmonize the whole
thing. No one feels ill in the company of these people.
I don’t
know despite this feeling why I feel like smoke and alcohol?! I think this is
because of my past life, my past experiences. If this proving had not happened
I would have devastated my life because of this grief!
My brother,
sisters don’t smoke, or booze. I used to feel don’t deny yourself this. I used
to dream bad after drinking but now I don’t dream badly. This means that I have
not been suppressing. I am being helped by this
remedy to
find a way through the booze, smoke and the grief.
This
control, embarrassment, low feeling, and guilt…I am free and away from all of
them! I have not suppressed it; in fact I am freeing others and myself so that
all is in harmony. I feel like reading the Baghwad Geeta and the Upanishads,
and yes when I read these days my mind does not wander anymore. I can
concentrate deep into words.
I feel like
a ‘spiritual experience’ in this proving, like a yogi as I told you before! It
is like as if I am sitting on a mountain-the Himalayas, with clear substance
flowing around. I feel the substance is from the Himalayas, a plant,
it is from
somewhere around that place.
I feel cool
like how you feel when you are between mountains with water flowing around over
the rocks and you feel the cool water. I feel it is something close to the
Supreme and so I am feeling so close to the Supreme Being.
I feel very
nice.
I believe
in Lord Krishna, and read a lot about him, his teachings. I feel in connection
with a Supreme who is soft, does not harm anyone, and gives you strength, no
arrogance. I don’t know how to describe…
C: Can you
close your eyes and imagine what and how it is? Do not think and don’t judge or
criticize what is coming up, just let it flow… (so he closes his eyes to feel)
…(T)his
Supreme is deep within me in myself, inside my soul. It is the God within
oneself. When I let myself flow I feel it is I, within me with no physical form.
It is close to me, this energy within me, inside of me. I feel comfortable with
me with the outside. I don’t fear what will happen if this proving gets over? I
feel confident. I feel like a spiritual person who can do no wrong.
This time I
went to vote normally I don’t vote. I felt I don’t want wrong kind of people at
a position.
My vote counts so I voted. Everyone is corrupt at least get someone who is the
least!
THIRD
MEETING
This remedy
makes me eat a lot. (Smiles)
After the last
discussion I was working with the notes of the proving and the word that came
to my mind was ‘Bliss’. I feel blissful! Yes, that is the feeling with this
remedy, a heavenly feeling as if in close connection with
God and his
ways!
I had
dreams…
* I am searching for the car keys and could not
find them. I feel if I don’t find them things will go wrong.
* I see a wall and there is a big gap in the
wall. I feel it must be covered. But I decide to have grills instead so that it
gives an open feeling.
I feel
exhausted after singing. I started vocal singing lessons. After the lessons I
feel exhausted and feel like I want to sleep, sleep and sleep. But than once I
am awake I am up and about-refreshed.
Last week I
had headache- splitting at 21 h., which was better by holding the head tight
from both the sides. I could not lie down, as I felt uncomfortable. But after I
slept I woke up well. In this night I had a dream…
* I was going fast on my motorbike, and at the
signal there is a lot of traffic so I start to ride the bike on the footpath on
the sides. I see another fellow on the bike being caught doing like this. I saw
this and I change
my path and escape.
I had
another dream in the same night…
* We are standing at the railway station and my
cousin wants to get friendly to someone but I don’t feel like. My cousin
approaches someone but he puts him to floor as if assaulting him. I don’t know
what to do so I
hit him with a stick in the head to save my
cousin. Than I see a train coming on the tracks and it dashes against a huge
column that splits into two. I leave this train. I take another one. In this
train there are some huge
guys who are collecting money forcefully from
others. I see them and I decide that whatever happens I will not give them
money. I won’t yield to their pressure.
* I see a wedding card. It was my wedding card.
It was a big book and pompously done. I say no I want a simple card.
* I see a man pinching me and I bite
into his ear. I feel his relatives are watching me.
I have
started reading the Bhagwad Geeta. I feel free from the cares of the world. I
understand and accepting the facts of life. I feel clothes don’t matter it is
the inside of the person that matters. I wanted to be what I am, not
what the
society wants me to be, being true to oneself, not selfish, not against the
society but being natural. Once you are true to yourself you are true to the
world.
I feel
happy doing this proving . I can get over things easily. I am back to normal
but with a change for the better. Is it the Bael, or is it the Rudraksh?
Yes
normally I used to dream of running away from the police but now I don’t! I
don’t feel like booze and smoke too.
Rudraksha’s
quintessence is best described in the words of this prover as “I am in the
world and working with it, working it out, facing it with understanding! It is
like “Spring waters coming through the rocks, flowing smoothly!”. It is about
uniting (Yuj) with the Supreme within you!
© = cured
symptom
Repertory:
Mind: Acceptance – of all/of destiny/of (past)
life events/traditions (woman should not work)
Anger
violent ©
Anxiety (finishing
of work ©/of others health/what others will think ©)/Fear of death ©
Arrange
things in the house desires it
Assertive –
of oneself/of one’s opinion
Attitude – spiritual/open
without conflicts/with harmony in life/everything is o.k./accepting everyone as
they are/”As if nothing affects/touches me”/true to oneself
Austerity (absent)
Blissful
Brooding ©
Bothered
least feeling
Calmness
Clothes
simple desire
Compulsions
absent (to go outdoors/about austerity food)
Confidence
increased (driving/swimming)
Conscientious
Cool
feeling
Concentration
active
Conflicts
absent – between spiritual-sexual self/between feelings-actions/between society
pressures and own desires
Content
Courteous
Decisions
making easy
Delusion - conflict/split
spiritual and sexual side of oneself/conflict unconscious and conscious self
absent/consciousness in higher state/energy special flowing in him/energy
supreme within/life flowing in natural ease/
(supreme) connection
with god/harmony with all/has hurt people/one with oneself/is a saint/as if he
is a yogi
Destiny
ours in our hand is
Ease - in relationships/everything
is ‘just right’/suppressing emotions no more
Estranged -
feeling ©/in company ©
Free - from
embarrassment/from guilt/from low feeling
Flowing
life seems
Give
unwanted things away
Grudges
absent past offences of
Heavenly
feeling
Home desire
to stay
Impatient about
time
Impatience cannot wait for (train, bus)
Indolence ©
Industrious
Indulgence
alcohol in disappointment love from ©
Indulgence
smoking in disappointment love from ©
Irritability
©
Laughing
Laziness ©
Love – for children
(pat them)/nurture them
Memory weak
(faces of people)
Music
aversion to
Nervous ©
Offended
easily
Positiveness
(can take on anything)
Organized
Quiet
desire
Read –
desires to [religious scriptures desire to (Bhagwad Geeta)]/
Relaxed
feeling
Religious
scriptures read desire to (Bhagwad Geeta)
Responsibility
conscious of
Restless ©
Rituals
gave up
Simple
dressing in
Sociable (with
strangers)
Spiritual
feelings
Sympathetic
Sulk ©
Tolerant/ce
Traditional
desire to be
Understanding
deep life of
Water/beach
go to desire
Work desire
to
Work
capacity to increased
Write
letters desire to
Yielding ©
Dreams: Air jump in (defying gravity)/air
travel (U.S. via Bangkok)/college campus/cousin bashed up/petrol pipe of bike is/death
of mother (must go on with life)/disease (lung abscess/retinitis pigmentosa/vancouvers
Disease)/Driving
a bike fast (ignoring a signal)/earthquake/elephants/film stars/friend (sitting
like a deer/enjoying with/old/snatched being from me)/men (bullying/biting man in
ear or pinches)/merry go round/
people day
met during the/police/searching car keys/sexual/station railway/taxi driver
leaving taxi/teacher reprimanding/train splitting pillar after running into it/truck
on terrace/unremembered/gap in wall/
water
sea/river/wedding (card being pompous/desires simple card/round about route
taking to go to)
Head: pain occiput (21 h./< sun/throbbing/splitting/holding
tight/> sleep)
Hair – fall/brittle
Face: Eruption acne red, big painful
Pain cheeks
Nose: Colds
Itching in the
night
Discharge
thick yellow
Throat: Voice husky
Stomach: Nausea 13 - 19 h.
Rectum: Urge frequent after eating
Urge
ineffectual
Female
organs: Menses pain
during ©
Menses
profuse flow
Sleep: desire to
Perspiration: absent
Generalities: Desires: Alcohol/cold water/Garlic/Spicy/Pickles/Sweets/Tobacco-smoking;
Exhaustion after
singing
Vorwort/Suchen. Zeichen/Abkürzungen. Impressum.