Mangifera indica Anhang

[Dr Chetna N. Shukla]

In a proving/any individualizing examination I believe that the sequence of the mind as expressed through the words and also the non-verbal communication is very important.

Within the sequence lies the ‘quintessence’; this is a constant, although the sequence is not. The sequence cannot be reproduced in the same order. Given here is the sequence of

the proving of the Mango. Dr Prakash Vakil has already proved the Mango. He had a unique way of proving and his notes are well documented in the Synoptic Materia

Medica 2 by Frans Vermeulen.

In § 123 Hahnemann writes regarding the proving of…

“(T)he indigenous plants in the form of freshly expressed juice, mixed with a little alcohol to prevent it spoiling”

Mango is a native, indigenous, naturally belonging to India; hence the ideal way

according to that mentioned in the Organon would be to prove it in juice form as written

in this aphorism (this done by Dr Vakil), but presented here is the effects of Mangifera-

Indica in the 30th potency.

Why the sequence?

In §131 cautioning us against repeated repetition of the medicine in ever increasing doses

during a proving, Hahnemann says that…

“(W)e thereby learn, no doubt, the various morbid states, this medicine is capable of producing in a general manner, but we do not ascertain their order of succession (sequence, that is so important).”

In §132 Hahnemann continues the same saying…

“But when the object is, without reference to the sequential order of the phenomenon and the duration of the action of the drug, only to ascertain the symptoms themselves, especially those of a weak medicinal substance,

in that case the preferable course to pursue is to give it (the medicine to be proved) for several successive days, increasing the dose every day. In this manner the action of an unknown medicine, even of the mildest nature,

will be revealed, especially if tested on sensitive persons”

Implying thus that the sequence (the order of succession) of symptoms is of prime importance. The conducting of the proving giving a single dose helps gain two main information…

1. Succession of Symptoms- how the symptoms are woven.

2. Duration of action of the Drug.

And what is the duration of action of the Mangifera?

The duration of the action of a drug can only be ascertained by a comparison of several experiments (§130). But the duration of this individualizing examination is 8 weeks.

Why voluntary narration?

In §140 he says that so…

“What is noted down as authentic information on this point, however, must be chiefly the voluntary narration of the person who makes the experiment, nothing conjectural and as little as possible derived from answers to leading questions should be admitted.”

Knowing very well that the whole of the elements of the disease the Mangifera can/is capable of producing can only be brought to anything like completeness by numerous observations (§135), it would be wise to integrate this proving with the proving symptoms of Dr Prakash Vakil.

This I write for three reasons as…

1. His is the ideal Hahnemann-(ian) way of proving the Mango, according to the Organon.

2. For want of enough provers in the proving done by me (4 provers-1male, 3 females)

3. During the proving two provers took something medicinal-contrary to instructions in §124…

“For these experiments every medicinal substance must be employed quite alone and perfectly pure, without the admixture of any foreign substance, and without taking anything else of a medicinal nature the same day, nor yet on the subsequent days, nor during all the time we wish to observe the effects of the medicine.”

Prover 1 took Bryonia at the very onset of the proving and Prover 4 took antibiotics, as the suffering during the proving was unendurable.

Prover 1 said thus…

“On the 6th day I didn’t realize to ask you and I took a dose of Bryonia1M as I was suffering a lot and than I realized that I was proving. But it didn’t help me at all.”

The consolation in this statement is that it didn’t help at all. In defence of the symptoms developed thereafter I would like to put forth § 36…

“If two dissimilar diseases meeting together in the human being be of equal strength, or still more if the older one be the stronger, the new will be repelled by the old one from the body and not allowed to affect it.”

The question here is, is 30C stronger than 1M?

1M is highly potentized and a smaller dose according to scale as compared to 30C which is a stronger dose capable of exerting great force or doing much. 1M therefore will have a gentle remedial effect because of the degree of

its minuteness. Secondly the prover being a homoeopath knows with the greatest certainty the things that s/he has experienced in her/his own person (§141). What she experienced was that “it didn’t help at all”. And the

internal consistency of the symptoms of all the provers put together answers the question.

Prover 4 took Antibiotics to relieve the suffering induced by the 30C Mango.

Was this, the taking of the Antibiotics, a part of the proving?

Are the symptoms that developed after the taking of the Antibiotics also a part of the proving of the Mango?

I see this, the taking of the Antibiotics, as also a part of the proving-the lack of devotion to the experience of the proving. Devotion, being the theme of the proving. The symptoms after the taking of the Antibiotics are also a

part of the proving only because of the accidental attraction on the part of this prover to the raw mango that subsequently restored her health. She puts it thus…

“The other day before going to the clinic I ate a raw mango as it was lying there and than my appetite suddenly got revived”

Was this just an accident?

According to §138…

“All the sufferings, accidents and changes of health of the experimenter during the action of a medicine are solely derived from this medicine, and must be regarded and registered as belonging peculiarly to this medicine.”

The stress here is on the word-“ accidents”. Here Hahnemann does not mean the happenings at the physical level only, he means all that happening by chance (Accident means event without apparent cause, unforeseen course of events, happening by chance).

Was this just a chance happening-an accident, the lying of the raw mango on the table, the falling of the eyes of the prover on it, and the eating of it by the prover?

Who did it? Who moved the energies?

Was it the raw mango on the table?

Was it the Mango in the 30C?

Was it in the power of the Antibiotics to cause this?

Surely not in the power of the Antibiotics to cause such a major event (they are anyways anti= against, bios=biology) but they were instrumental of course by undermining the material body of the organism.

In what way?

Had she not taken them, than the energies of the Mango dynamis that was now animating

the material body and the mind of the organism would have been ruling with unbounded sway.

On close examining of the way the Mango dynamis unfolds its energies and individuality to the prover is important. What it does is, it makes the prover see itself in the mind as in this dream…

“My friends and I have got together in a hall of a university. I see my childhood friend; we are sitting on a bench. Many of them wore white t-shirts. My friends had a fruit in their hand, it looked like a Mango, and it

was ripe and orange colored. They were talking about the fruit, which whoever eats it will get a loving and a good partner, and while they were talking the juice was falling on the floor. I say it will attract ants, as it

is sweet. So they ask me to come and hold it, I ask for the dish and the dream ends.”

The dreaming of the Mango as a fruit links the microcosm with the macrocosm and unfolded the quintessence clearly. It was the Mango dynamis orchestrating this dynaharmony.

And what happens through this dream?

The whole proving closes itself in a circle.

And what about it-the eating of the raw mango by the prover by chance while under the effect of the dynamis of the Mango?

It was not by chance. It was in the pattern of the Mango dynamis to ask for it as a desire.

The prover said thus…

“The other day before going to the clinic I ate a raw mango as it was lying there and than my appetite suddenly got revived.”

After the eating of the raw mango what got revived was the appetite- the faculty of physical desire. This was not by chance it was a desire for the mango. This desire was prevented from being seen by the Antibiotic.

It was also one way of the Fruit of Loyalty/Devotion-the Mango re-enforcing this theme in the prover who was losing its faith because of the deep perception of the suffering with its effect.

I would take this as a desire for raw mango during fever.

This chance expression finds its place in the arrangement.

The inference I make is …

“ In the proving state of man, the drug dynamis that inoculates the vital force animating the material body (organism), rules with unbounded sway during its stay, is a power invisible in itself, and only cognizable by its peculiar, different, yet determinate effects on both sensations and functions of the organism.”

With Mango juicy, fruity greetings,

Chetna N. Shukla

All ABOUT THE MANGO…

(From the book: Brahma’s Hair. - on mythology of Indian plants)

About the tree:

Latin name: Mangifera-indica

English name: Mango

Indian names: Aam, Amra, Amram, Mangas

Family: Anacardiaceae.

The word Mango probably comes from the Tamil word Mangas or the Malayalam word Mangga or the Portuguese word Manga. Mangifera-indica means the Indian mangobearing tree. The Sanskrit word for mango, Amra,

means a particular weight.

The mango tree has been cultivated in India since 4000 years. Alexander’s army found it when it entered the Indus valley in 327 BC.

It is symbolized in India as a wish granting tree and a symbol of love and devotion.

Kalidasa mentions it as one arrows of Kama, the god of love. It is supposed to be an incarnation of Prajapati, the lord of all creatures. Its flowers are dedicated to the moon.

Other legends say that Hanuman brought it from lanka to India. Hanuman taking the message from Ram to Sita, leapt from tree to tree. Testing for a while on the mango tree, he was so delighted by the flavor of its fruit that

he threw the seeds in the sea and they floated to India and took root.

It is believed that lord Shiva married Parvati under a Mango tree. So marriage pandals are festooned with strings of mango leaves. The wood is used in the funeral pyres. Village superstition has it that at every birth, the

mango tree sprouts new leaves and so mango leaf garlands are hung over the door of the house where a son has been born.

Spirits of dead ancestors are believed to live in this tree.

In aboriginal India, the bride and the bridegroom walk several times round the mango tree before actual ceremony of the wedding. The groom smears the Mango bark with vermilion and embraces it. The bride does the same to

the Mahua tree (= Madhuca longifolia Ericales). The tribal songs center around flora and fauna and the mango tree has its share. From Chhatisgarh comes the riddle:

“Nilai beti, jhula bathi Lai re saga thai beti.” (The young daughter sits on a swing. Oh Kinsman, I warn you to keep a watch on her.)

Buddha and the monkeys: Mahakapi Jataka-The Mango story

Once upon a time the Buddha was born as a Mahakapi, the king of the monkeys. He and his eighty thousand monkeys lived on a single mango tree in the middle of a thick forest on the banks of the Ganges River.

Mahakapi told his tribe not to let a single mango fall on the ground. “If man tastes this fruit he will want to have it all and he will destroy us for it” he said.

One day, quite by chance a mango escaped the attention of the monkeys. It fell into the river and was carried downstream. Brahmadatta, King of Kashi, was bathing in the river.

He saw the strange fruit in the water and reached to it. He smelt its freshness and squeezing it put the juice in his mouth. He was enchanted by its sweetness. “ I must have this tree that grows this fruit” he ordered his courtiers

to row upstream to follow the course of the river and find the tree. Many days later the men came to the mango tree, its branches laden with the fruit. King Brahmadatta saw the monkeys. “Surround the tree” he ordered “kill

all the monkeys, otherwise they will eat my fruit.” The monkeys were trembling with fright to Mahakapi, “Save us lord,” they begged.

Mahakapi climbed a branch that stretched to the other bank of the Ganges and springing from it he jumped to other side. He cut a bamboo and fastened it to the branch to make a bridge that all the monkeys could climb over to escape. But the bamboo was short so he stretched out his body to complete the bridge. The monkeys climbed the body of their lord to escape to other side of the river away from the army. But one monkey, Devadatta,

the cousin of Buddha, who had also been born in that incarnation, hated him. When his turn came to cross, he stamped so hard that his back broke.

Mahakapi was alone and in great pain. King Brahmadatta who had been watching the great escape and who felt nothing but admiration for the monkey king, had him brought down from the tree. He was received with great honor. He washed and oiled and his body clothed. He instructed the king on his duties to the lowest of his subjects and then, his body wrecked in pain, he died. King Brahmadatta put a shrine at the foot of the mango

tree to honor the memory of Mahakapi, the king of the monkeys.

About the tree:

It is a large, evergreen tree up to 45 m high with a densely rounded crown, often with a girth of 3.6 m and over. The bark is thick, rough and flaking.

The leaves are stiff, narrow, glossy and leathery and grow alternately. They are lance shaped, tapering at both the ends with wavy edges. When crushed, they have a strong smell.

The flowers are small. The petals are pale yellow-green with a touch of pink-purple at the base. They grow in pyramidal bunches at the ends of the stalks.

The fruit is kidney shaped, fleshy and fibrous, with a dark stone in the middle. The unripe fruit is dark green, gradually turning yellow, orange or red according to the variety. It has a tough thin skin. It is one of the best fruits of

the world.

A tree in Chandigarh has a trunk of 9.6 m girth and a crown-spread of 2,250 sq.mts with an annual yield of 17 metric tones of fruit. The fruit ripens April-July.

The proving of the Mangifera-indica in the 30C

PROVER 1

FIRST MEETING

The day I took the dose, I had menstrual bleeding that is not due now. It lasted for one day. I didn’t sleep at all in the night and I woke up early in the morning. For two days I could not sleep in the night properly, so I started to

read. In the night I could not kill time.

The next day I had a pain in the throat radiating to the ears. I felt an opening and a shutting off feeling in the ears. It lasted for all these 7 days from the day of the proving. On the 6th day I didn’t realize to ask you and I took a

dose of Bryonia 1M as I was suffering a lot and than I realized that I was proving. But it didn’t help me at all. I thought and told myself that what snake remedy are we proving. I also had a feeling as if I would fall down with this ear problem. In the nights I would have a lot of cough as if I had inhaled pepper. It would start after midnight. And I would feel extremely restless and miserable. Extreme fatigue. The cough is with phlegm that is yellowish green. It feels like I have a full upper respiratory tract is full of phlegm. I feel suffocated. I realize that I was actually taunting people. I would give somebody else’s example and drive home my point indirectly. I have no outbursts of anger like before. I could confront people very nicely without fear. I could confront even my mother in law. Talk plainly.

With her I was feeling a bit jealous, a sense of being superior to her. Normally I cannot relate to her, I cannot be nasty or taunt. I think the tables have turned. If she acts funny with me I could tell her. I feel happy that I can now

do this and tell her. I feel very greedy when I see food. When food was served I felt that I should go and eat first. I wanted more in my plate too.

I have been hitting my daughter.

I have a chest pain that shoots down the left hand. It feels like angina.

I have no dreams but I had a vision of Red Indians. No feelings associated with it. But associated thoughts that how nicely they worship nature, the forces of nature, fire, air earth, sun to grant them abundance. They have

knowledge of everything and exploited nature to its best without harming it. It seems occult, mysterious, and supernatural to us but it is so well understood by them.

I have been thinking a lot about age. I look into the mirror and feel that I am very old. I started to read “Ageless Body Timeless Mind” and wanted to find the answer how is it to grow old. It is good to accept it gracefully. It is

in a way advantageous to grow old. You leave a lot of things behind. Children will grow up and you will have a lot of freedom again. My husband said that “you look good and still you move around in lain clothes you

should wear good clothes” and I started to wear good clothes, heavy ones. I also felt very offended and I started to taunt him telling him that I don’t match his standards.

I felt offended with my mom too. I got angry on her when her attention was diverted to something else when she was talking to me on the phone. I told her that you don’t have time for me. I hung up with her.

SECOND MEETING

I had one dream it was about me being in a medical college and I am flirting with two colleagues of mine. The scene changes and I see myself on a height. I find it difficult to get down and I see my mom and she tells me “come

I will help you get down”. I had a lot other dreams but I cannot remember them.

This week I feel very exhausted, no strength at all to do anything. I feel exhausted to fill even a glass of water. I feel therefore irritated if my daughter asks for something. I had to drag myself to go to the clinic, when there I would hope that there were no patients. I felt tired even to write. I don’t feel like coming to the proving meetings. I feel so tired that I feel I don’t want to live. I left my daughter with my mom for two days. I was so tired.

Mentally I am angry, rude and I give back to anybody who hurts me. I was not scared because I knew I was right. My husband was upset with my attitude; he says that it was not the right time to say and not the right way to say.

I fired him saying, all this years nobody cared for me, now I don’t care for anybody. I was not quarrelling, but this is what I feel. They should also know how the other person feels. I told him if he is not happy with me, don’t drag with me, separate from me, and divorce me! I don’t feel like keeping things in my mind. If I feel bad I will say it and I feel a relief in my heart. I was blunt to others, no quarrels, no screaming and shouting. But if the opposite person got angry than I would raise my voice. My husband said, “I feel afraid of you”. I was talking very firmly. Guests come and dirty everything and I feel I am not their servant to clean up everything. I told my mother in law

not to invite all at home. After saying I feel better on the contrary. Before I used to feel bad that I said like this to them.

I took so many allopathic drugs. I went for my ear lobe repair and took all the allopathic remedies. I took all the painkillers and all the Antibiotics.

Sexually my relationship is better with my husband. I was not functional at all in this aspect after the birth of my daughter.

I started to like to see the “Mahabharata” serial that come on the television. I enjoy it and the theme that “all is fair in love and war”. It involves themes of power, competition, and manipulation. But I feel like learning the lesson that is given, of act smartly like Krishna did. It helped me re-enforce my identity. There is no fear of or about anyone. I am not deliberately hurting people. All these years they have been bad to me, now I must not

allow them to treat me like this. We are responsible for our happiness. We must take charge of our lives and ourselves. I don’t suffer because of you; you don’t suffer because of me, because of us. If they hurt me and don’t feel

bad than why should I not say something in my defence. So I taunt and criticize and talk tactfully. I feel I have tolerated a lot of injustice; I am now not going to, I will tell you firmly not to do it to me, if you are being unjust to

me. I am not even blaming you for what happened in the past but now no more. I also told my mother who is living with my sister in law and suffering that she must not live with people whom she doesn’t like.

I am also able to spend money; I want a new handset for my mobile. I bought dainty things for my daughter, like I wanted to pamper her. Have an aversion to eat rice, especially in the afternoon. But in the night I want to eat

rice. In the evening at 6.30 I feel a hunger and I have to eat and I eat a full meal and than I don’t eat a dinner. That is my dinner since some days. I have put on 3 kilos although I have not been eating much. I also like eating

oranges and grapes. I also crave for bhel, spicy and pungent. I like eating snacks more than a proper meal.

These days I have been missing my father a lot (he died when I was a child). I feel children with a father are stronger and more confident in life than the ones without one. Despite all this my mood is good. I am emerging a bit stronger.

Q: What about this Mahabharata?

I wanted to buy and read the Gita. You know the incidence when Karna’s chariot was stuck in mud and Arjun was asked by Krishna to kill him (One cannot kill a warrior without an equal weapon). So everything is fair in love

and war!

You are just and fair and still the opposite person is hurting you so much, and they don’t even realize than why should you bear all this, you must retaliate. I don’t want t o hurt anyone deliberately, but at least when my survival

is threatened, my emotions are stamped over than I need to, I have a right to protect myself and than if I hurt somebody it is o.k.

Anything evil will have a downfall. Ultimately it is Righteousness that wins!

Ravana did whatever he wanted to but in the end he was killed. He had to succumb to Ram. If Ram killed Ravana, Ram is not bad. Krishna killed Kans and that does not make him bad. They are not murderers. So like wise if others have done badly to me and they suffer, they have to, either through me or otherwise. As a human being if I can accept my shortcoming, than why can’t they? If I am earning, well educated intelligent well read

and tactful that does not mean that I am bad. Poverty and illiteracy is not a virtue, so they are should not be favored. If I am educated that does not make me cunning.

THIRD MEETING

I had in last week and acute pain in the left knee, which got better on its own. The pain was sharp, severe, and not better by massage or by heat application. It only lasted for 30 minutes.

I also developed boils on my face. It burns and I feel hot from the inside. The boils are painful. I used to get them some years ago and it had stopped. I weep a lot less these days. I am also not touched by the crying of others.

If I am not wrong I don’t have any reason to feel bad. It is their karma they have to suffer. I do all my duties at home, I finish all the housework and everything I manage and even than she is unhappy. I have given my best, I can

try till a certain level after that one cannot do anything. Than if I stretch it would be like harming myself.

My husband drinks a lot and I remember my past where my father used to drink and we had a difficult childhood. I feel how much more? And than I answer myself “what you try to run away from confronts us”. I cannot bear anything I feel it is enough. I can’t break away from the past. But now I give him his space and he must respect that. Otherwise we live like animals-undisciplined and untamed.

I had a dream that I was flirting with a man.

I had my menses and now they are not clear at all. Scanty flow.

I had severe constipation in the first part of proving which is better now.

I have been taking a lot of instant relief medicines for any minor problem, and so I take a lot of painkillers and paracetamols.

I have stopped eating rice. I also don’t eat non-vegetarian food at all. I take a lot of fruits and vegetables. I also like a lot of pungent and chutneys.

I feel we are proving a plant; the reason is because I have been wearing a lot of green and brown colored clothes and I like this color these days.

PROVER 2

FIRST MEETING

The night I took the dose I felt I slept only half, I woke up in the middle of the night. I was listening to everything around me. I did not sleep till 3 h. But aware of everything. As if I didn’t sleep the whole night. I woke up to

take milk as I could hear the doorbell (my husband wakes up normally). Three nights in a row I could not sleep, it was as if I did not sleep the whole night, I was aware of what was happening around me.

Dreams I have no recollection of.

Since the last three days I also have a mild fever 99.4° F. My body aches a lot and I have a frontal headache and I feel chilly. In the morning also I wake up with a heavy head, and I feel tired and don’t feel like doing anything.

The fever was more in the night starting at 22.30 h. till the morning. I felt chilly with a need to wear a lot of warm clothes. With the fever the right nostril felt blocked alternating with watery discharge. I had no thirst.

The mouth had bitter taste.

During sleep I have to cover till the head, my eyes have to cover or else I don’t get sleep. I could not sleep if there was not a total black out. I could only sleep if I had blocked out all sound and light.

I had a dream of elections and the jubilation after the winning of elections.

Mood, no great change in it. I have no initiation to do anything, only routine work. It is not lethargy, but no will. I was idling away my time. I have done nothing constructive. I was working automatic, as if not involved.

I was alone I like it but these days I need company, I don’t like to stay alone. I was missing my husband, my brothers and my niece. I wanted someone at home. I feel bored if I am alone. I was not entertained by anything,

television, and my favorite music. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what actually I wanted. I stayed with my parents after a long time and I was not involved with them, I wanted only to sleep, not to talk or do anything.

The first two days of the proving I was enjoying coffee more than tea. I drank only coffee.

I feel I am living just for the present. No planning or excitement. No initiation for anything. I don’t know what I want to do. No movie, no walking, no funfair, nothing!

Yesterday my stools were hard black requiring a lot of straining.

Now I have no fever but the body feels hot as if there is fever and I feel very chilly. I need to wear warm clothes.

SECOND MEETING

I feel very sleepy the whole day. I did not attend my clinic, as I was feeling very feverish and weak. Heaviness in the forehead was continuous. Slept for 2 hours in the evening. I have to cover up my head while sleeping, and

when I got up I woke up with a heavy head. In the night now I also have a back pain from the dorsal 4 vertebra to the sacrum. I felt as if a heavy weight was kept on my back. In the middle of the night I had to wake up

because of the pain and I had to apply some pain relieving cream, as it was unbearable, I also took a pain killer and went to sleep.

In the night the nose is blocked and I have to breath through the mouth and so my mouth is open. I keep my mouth open I have s ore throat in the mornings. Empty swallowing is also painful. Sense of smell and taste is blunted.

I wanted cold milk with colored syrups with the sore throat, I didn’t want anything hot, tea or coffee. Even sweets would cause a pain in the throat. I felt like having lemon juice everyday. I also drank cold “Limca”, it

really helped me in the throat. I don’t feel like drinking plain water.

I wake up with a heavy head in the mornings. Every time I would have some time free I would want to go to sleep and I would sleep. Every morning I sleep from 11 – 13 h. I also carry out the daily work as if it is a routine;

I work as if I am not involved. All work was automatic. I think it was because of the heavy head and a blank mind. The head pain is continuous and not relieved by anything, it is as if it is a migraine. The mouth also tastes bitter

and the lemon helps in it. The taste is also better if I eat salty so I ate paani-puri.

Since a day I am feeling a bit better in all these, in the pains in the back, the throat, in the body but the head heaviness still continues. Since morning a thick yellow discharge from the nostrils and is difficult to blow the nose.

One dream I remember it was as if I am going on a journey to the South of India.

I feel I have no involvement, no excitement, no interest, no taste, no smell, no appetite, and no sleep. I also feel no excitement sexually. No desire too. It is a state of no desire at all levels.

My stools are not well formed, colored black and smell offensive and decomposed.

THIRD MEETING

After the last meeting all the physical symptoms got better, the nose blocks the headache, the backache and the throat pain. I had only dreams and no other symptoms. Dream: I see television in the dream and 2 men are

indulging in sexual activity, as if they were homosexuals.

Dream: an old school friend has come to visit us and she is getting sexual in a subtle way with my husband. The two were enjoying and I felt neglected. Then we go for a movie together, the three of us, and she sits between us.

I see him hugging her and I am very angry with him and jealous too that they were sexually frivolous. In defence my husband says that he didn’t know in the darkness that he was hugging someone else, he thought it

was me. I am also angry at my friend that she doesn’t understand that she cannot behave like this with a married man. I fight with my husband and leave the hall saying, “You ditched me”. I also say that I don’t want to stay

with you anymore I will leave you. I feel that he says he loves me but he is flirting sexually with other women. He was mistrustful to me. - - -

After this dream the next day we had a very hectic schedule in the day. In the noon I felt a lot of resentment towards my husband. I felt a lot of anger towards him. I didn’t talk to him at all. I was feeling that I am suffering

because of him, because of his disorganization of the future. Normally I feel it is destiny but now I feel it is all because of this. I felt he was irresponsible. How can he see me suffer like this if he says he loves me, he must

make arrangements of all my comforts? Here he could not even manage the basic necessities. I didn’t like it when he touched me and I was weeping bitterly. It was so sudden and than we had to reach somewhere and we left in

a rush and it was all forgotten.

How can someone who says he loves me cannot even provide me with the necessities, forget the comforts. I felt I deserve a better living and if he is in charge of my life he has to provide me with all. I was angry, hitting him,

and I also told him that I hate him. I felt that he claims that he can do anything for me in the name of love and here you cannot even give me the basic necessities of life. It was he was to be blamed for all the miseries

in my life. I felt that if I need something than he should know it without me asking for it.

And must organize it and give it to me. He must understand.

These days I keep asking him “do you love me?” I feel very suspicious since the dream. I don’t feel that he will leave me, but that does he love me? I feel the understanding in our relationship is lost. I wept and he also wept

with me. When he wept I felt better I was happy that when he wept it means that he realizes my pain!

Now I am back to normal. Taste is back the appetite is back the smell too. I now have started liking my hot tea.

PROVER 3

(This prover had written the notes of the proving on the hind side of a train ticket, in very small handwritings that only he could read and understand)

FIRST MEETING

I did not take the dose on the scheduled day, but I only kept it on me and under my pillow. The night was restless. The next morning I developed symptoms of bronchitis, I had thick yellow expectoration as if coming from the trachea. It was difficult to bring up.

In the night I had a dream that I am doing my business presentation about franchisee to some people, some of them are walking out, they were the ones who know about it and the ones who are waiting are the new candidates

who do not know about it. I had no feeling about it. - - - -

The next night I took the dose just before leaving for Ahmedabad. The cough continued.

In the train, normally I get good sleep but the whole night I was awake as if I was aware of all that is happening. I had a dry cough in the next days. By evening I felt feverish between 6.30 - 8 h. I was sleeping alone in a huge flat.

It was a bit cold and windy there, the doors were rattling as if someone was knocking. I felt very scared and isolated.

I could hear loud noises, normally I am not afraid, and I live in a huge house. I kept the lights on the whole night. I locked the balcony door, as I was afraid someone would come. In the same night after doing all this I could sleep and I had dreams…

*I am walking somewhere and there are a lot of people gathered and someone is dying. This person is bleeding to death and nobody is bothered, even I pass away.

* I could screw and unscrew my knees as when needed at the patella.

* The carpenter is making a window that is very small. I tell him such a small window is practically not possible. He calls someone to help him and he insists that it can be done and he goes about doing the work.

My sleep has become very light, and I feel as if I have not slept at all. I feel I am awake in the nights and aware of everything.

My voice has got hoarse since the proving and I feel better in the cough after the expectoration.

Q: What was this fear?

It was not about any particular object but the whole atmosphere was a bit eerie, it was “spooky” and so I was afraid. There was nobody around me, it was wilderness, the building in which the flat was, was not occupied

completely. There were only 6 – 7 occupants in the building of 50 flats. The flat was next to the lift shaft and there was no lift in it and it was an empty space. So if you miss a step you are down (laughing)

I cannot wait for food if I am hungry and I cannot fast that day I went with out food, so my hunger is really less.

SECOND MEETING

Today morning I could not wake even at 10 a.m. I was as if in a daze. I had a dream there

were few people to kill me, they wanted to shoot me, and I was dodging them by hiding

and escaping. I come to an open window while I am running and I feel they can shoot at

me here. The scene than changes in to a lawn and I am talking to people. I see a green

snake and I pick it up although it is camouflaged well. I pick it up to find out which one it

is and while I am trying to find out see another two of them trying to run away form me.

They are also grass green colored.

I have developed boils on the forehead and the back, vesiculo-pustular.

I developed gray hair and I am worried, I never had them.

No mood changes that I noticed.

THIRD MEETING

There are no other symptoms except that I cannot tolerate heat in the night. I feel so oppressed by the heat that I sleep naked in the nights. With the heat I feel caged. I don’t want to wear any clothes and sleep. And I don’t sweat freely and so I feel so much heat.

Normally I sweat a lot and now I hardly sweat. My sweating while eating is less.

In the last weeks I had epistaxis twice. I used to have it as a child. Now I got it in this proving.

Coughing in the morning on waking up, and no cough during the day.

My physical energy levels are great these days.

Appetite is great. I am eating everything and in a lot of quantity. I normally don’t like dry fruits- the raisins and cashews but the other day I ate a lot of cashews around 250 grams at a time. I didn’t mind the taste.

PROVER 4

(This prover was participating for the first time in any proving. Although she was keen she was a bit afraid. For reasons best known to the Mango and her she suffered a lot. She was complaining

and lamenting that she was suffering a lot in the proving. She took a lot of Antibiotics but still she was the one who was closest to the state. It is important to note in the context of the story

presented by her that she is a Muslim by religion)

FIRST MEETING

The night I took the dose I had dream the first part is not clear it was about I going somewhere with my sister. The scene changes and I am in a room with a baby playing with some toy, something like a robot. - - - -

I had another dream that there is a gathering in a ground and it is late evening. I was there with my sisters. I was wearing a sari. In between there was a wall (?) and than I am wondering for the boy who was searching my dupatta, that how much time he has to stand. - - - - -

In the morning when I woke up I had severe pain in the left iliac fossa and left flanks and the lower ribs. The pain was felt after going to the toilet. I started with leucorrhoea that was white watery and thin. This pain continued

and I had frequency of stools. The pain lasted for 5 hours and it than shifted to the pubic symphysis and I had tenesmus in the bladder.

In the night I saw many dreams…

* I saw that we sisters were fighting with each other.

* I saw that I was taking photo of my family and my relatives in the village house with a camera that flashes when a cracker bursts inside and it would flash.

* I dream that I am very beautiful with long silky straight hair.

My legs ache a lot in the night in bed. I also have palpitations in the night while sleeping.

I had pain in the right gluteal region and I took Sanguinaria 30 and it relieved it. It came up again in some hours and this time it was travelling downwards along the sciatic nerve settling in the hollow of knee. I also had pain in

the left deltoid region going to the axilla and the side of the chest. I wanted my hands to be at the side of the chest for relief.

Since morning I have a lot of postnasal discharge, it is thick yellowish. I have a lot of sneezing and head heaviness.

Every evening I felt very tired and I wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep. I didn’t want to read and my mind was numb. I could not register anything. I was feeling hot in the mouth. I was drinking a lot of water to hold it in

the mouth and feel cool.

I don’t like the draft of air in the train. I felt like covering my head. I keep feeling that I will get fever, but when I measure temperature it is only 99° F. Since yesterday I feel a lot of tiredness around the eyes. I want to rub them.

My palms are hot all the time.

I expectorate a lot of cough that is yellow thick and difficult, it is from the sinuses.

SECOND MEETING

All the evenings I feel very weak, I feel I have no strength and the other day when I got down at the platform I felt as if I had no strength to stand at the platform, I felt I would not be able to climb the stairs. I reached home and changed and was so tired that I went to sleep. I did not feel like going to the clinic but I managed and I came home and I went to sleep after dinner.

My sister told me that one of my friends delivered a baby boy and I was not so excited about it as I was feeling so tired and my back and legs were aching all the time. After the news I was a sleep and I dreamt that I was asking someone the directions to her place by bus. I am confused how to reach there. I see that I am a t a place at the end of it is a sea. Where there are small boats and I wonder how can they sail even when there is no wind. I

see that I am buying something form a sari shop and the woman is showing me some dress for the new born. I was than asking for earrings for my sister. Than I see some fishermen and women selling fishes. I am planning to buy them but I am not sure of the price. - - - - -

The next day we were not working in the afternoon at the clinic and so I went home and

all I wanted to do is sleep and I had just closed my eyes and I had a sort of an imagination

of a sea-clear, deep waters. In the sea I see a small fish being swallowed by a big fish.

I than fall asleep and see a dream …

*That there are two couple trying to drive a car, the car takes a turn and falls into a small lake or pond. But somehow all of them are saved. The scene changes to two men and me with a child and a lady, one of them is

the husband of the woman and the other is my boyfriend (in reality I have no boy friend). We are talking of how we got saved miraculously. Than we are in a room and the two men go out to get something for us and

the chair in the room starts moving on its own and we hear some voice. The stairs that were in the building don’t go down and there is no way to go down and we are scared.

We don’t know how we will go out of this place. We somehow manage to go out by sliding from behind. There were houses around but no one could be seen, it was deserted and it looked very eerie. While we were moving out the phone in the house rings and the lady tries to get it, but we cannot reach it. So we decide to run and while we are running I realize that one of us is dead and is possessed by the ghost.

Suddenly I hear my mother waking me up calling out my name. It was such a relief to wake up. When I woke after this dream I could not talk, my throat was as if choked. It was paining me in the right tonsil.

I feel irritated at everyone, my mother at the receptionist at the clinic and myself.

I don’t feel like eating these days. I feel my appetite has gone down. I also don’t feel like watching television, like working too.

I also don’t sleep well, I don’t fall asleep till 1 - 1.30 h. and after that when I wake up I feel as if I was awake and aware what was happening around me. The sleep is very restless. I want to sleep a lot.

The throat pain since this dream continues and it is more on empty swallowing, I feel better when I take warm tea and warm gargles. I had fever 99.499° F., with sever body ache so I took a paracetamol, as I could not bear it

any more. This did not relieve me and I got this herpes around the alae-nasi and the mouth. My lips feel parched and dry. I have no thirst my palms and soles are burning hot, I feel as if steam is coming out of them. But when I

sit under the fan I turn cold. I have a bitter taste in the mouth. I don’t feel like anything, I don’t f eel like continuing this proving too!

THIRD MEETING

After this meeting when this prover went home she developed high fever. The fever lasted for 5 days. The fever was continuous high between 102 - 10399° F. It would not come down below 100° F.

She put up with all these and only took antipyretics. With the fever she felt giddy and had a bitter taste in the mouth all the while. She developed herpes simplex around the mouth that dried and was painful. The tongue was coated white and thick. Felt very exhausted, but no sleep in the noon and in the night till 1.30 h. There was no desire to talk to anyone, and she wanted to be alone. She felt very cold and was aggravated by least draft, wanting

a lot of warm clothing. She was feeling very irritated with everything and everyone. She had no interest in anything, as if she was tired of life. All enthusiasm in life was gone.

The experience overwhelmed her so much that I could not convince her to continue in the suffering. She antidote it all with antibiotics (but she did wait for long!)

FOURTH MEETING

(The state was very powerful and she could get out by herself with the fever phase and the proving still continued)

I got pimples before menses, on the forehead and around the nose.

For 5 days continuously I had burning during defecation and after too that lasted for around 5-7 minutes. I felt that the anal mucosa was protruding out. I also felt heaviness in the abdomen after eating. I feel as if I am not

digesting properly.

The pains in the legs still continue.

The other day before going to the clinic I ate a raw mango as it was lying there and than my appetite suddenly got revived and as I reached for the clinic I felt so hungry that I had to order for a sandwich.

Twice I have dreamt of my father as if he is living with us (He died 5 years ago). I had some more dreams

* I am shopping for my sister, buying colorful clips. I am buying cakes and chocolates.

* I am going by a bus and I get down one station earlier than the one I have to get down at, so I have to walk a little further to reach there. I saw a shop where I see a man who is selling cakes and ice creams. He gives me samples of all to eat. I said I wouldn’t as I have just had a pastry.

* I am in a building on the first floor. On the other end there are no steps to get down. I get down with the help of ropes. I get down at a place where there are two dead bodies

and I have to bathe one of them as if before the burial and I don’t know how to do it. The place was also not clean to give a bath. I asked another man standing besides me to help

me but he said he couldn’t as he was from another religion, so I had to do it. I somehow manage to do it.

I was very scared when I woke up.

In these days I had to reply for a proposal and I was offering a special prayer called the “Istakhara”, in this we offer a prayer to God asking him for his guidance and wisdom,`than we sleep and we either have a dream that suggests directly or symbolically or we wake up with a solution for the question asked. We make a request to him to take care of our worldly life events and us. After offering this prayer I saw a vision that there is a big

mosque and I see my father and three men sitting. My father says that you must marry a man who is simple and loyal to our religion. Only the one who is loyal to God can be loyal to you. And he gave me two names-Imran and Irfan. I was very happy with this vision/dream (while being awake, it is a kind of trance one goes into while praying). (Imran is the name of a prophet; it rhymes with Amran the common name of mango in one of the

Indian languages. Irfan in Arabic means one who has intimate knowledge of God and the highest form of mystical experience, it also means discernment.)

I had another dreams…

*I see a big hall and in it there is a big tub. There is one room for dressing and there is a lady there who I feel is my mom but looks like someone else. They ask me to dress up simple without make up because the guy is

very simple. I saw myself dressed in a big gown, the way the Christians wear.

*My friends and I have got together in a hall of a university. I see my childhood friend; we are sitting on a bench. Many of them wore white t-shirts. My friends had a fruit in their hand, it looked like a Mango, and it was ripe and orange colored. They were talking about the fruit, which whoever eats it will get a loving and a good partner, and while they were talking the juice was falling on the floor. I say it will attract ants, as it is sweet.

So they ask me to come and hold it, I ask for the dish and the dream ends.

*I see that my cousin is getting married to the person of her choice and I am happy for them.( In reality there is a lot of opposition to their marriage although they love each other very much)

THE CASE

First Consultation: April 2002

My first prescription for her was Naja (200 one dose, than 1000 one dose), which I realized was not working the way a similimum should have. She received this for her sinusitis. She was working as a Kindergarten teacher in a well-reputed school with stressful working hours and so she was irregularly regular. Her son was doing well with me on Narcissus for his hyperirritability of the respiratory system and she was happy with that and so I think

she was holding on to the Naja and me with a hope that one day she will feel healthy. She called me in April 2002 when I was about to leave the clinic saying that she had a splitting headache with dizziness and requested me to attend to her.

I did so and asked her to describe herself again, and this is what she had to say…

“In the sense I get irritated very easily now on my son, maybe he is in the age where he will answer back and say no. I don’t want to do it, as it is I expect a lot out of him. I want him to listen and all. I told him I would go to the doctor and then come back and take you; he insisted, “I only want to go to auntie’s house”. I said, “No! Sorry, you have to come with me”, he said, “No I don’t want to come”.

He’s been calling up my brother I want new bicycle; I want this I want that. I said for what? My mother-in-law started caressing and consoling him and I lost it! I said don’t do this! She said I am elder, I said I don’t care. Once I finish my topic do whatever you want, when I am screaming at him nobody should interfere. Next time I will carry him to my room and talk to him, I will not talk in front of everybody. I don’t like it. Even if my mother-in-law

is shouting I will not interfere.

Nobody is asking me to do something. I just feel I should do this for everybody. When I normally come back (from school) I have nothing to do in the evening, we used to just sit and talk; now I don’t. I either sit on the computer

or I just don’t feel like talking to anybody, just feel like being alone. Small, small things, example, for my birthday my husband got me a new set and I knew for him it was a total waste of money because he had bought me a set

just last year. He spent seven and half thousand. He just took me to the shop and said buy whatever you want. I bought, but he himself said I don’t see the happiness on your face. I said no, no, I am very happy… but I am okay.

At one point these things would have made so much of a difference to me. He feels set is a total waste of money because we are travelling all the time. But I was okay. I was happy but he said I said I couldn’t see what I expected out of you. I said I am happy, but even if he hadn’t bought it, it would have been fine.

Q. It’s been some time?

Yes. I can’t understand. My irritation started from the time my son left for a vacation with his grand ma with out me, because I had nothing to do. My whole life is centering on him and then nothing. I went back to my novels because I had got a break. I had stopped reading novels completely. I am reading a lot now.

Q. What changed?

I don’t know.

Q. What happened after your son left?

I stopped going out in the evenings, Then what to do? I started going to the gym in the afternoon. My husband said, “you need to go”. In the morning I had school, I would come back, have lunch, then nothing to do. I‘d watch movies, read, nothing much.

Q. How did you feel?

The day I came back from the railway station after dropping him I cried too much. My husband was explaining to me. My son was very happy, not once did he say he didn’t want to go. He said see his happiness. Next day I

was okay, but at the back of the mind it was playing that he is not there. I even felt irritated that my mother in law never bothered to tell me that he was down with chicken pox. It was true I couldn’t do anything but I felt

that I needed to know. I don’t think that by saying that it was a mosquito bite I can be assured…you can make out what it is. A young girl like me can make out. It’s not the first time this has happened. She knew I would get tense. With 104° F fevers she wouldn’t have told me, She would take it very coolly. But that irritated me at the station itself when I saw his face and I knew that it was chicken pox. She said that when he got it two days

back they thought it was some mosquito bite. I didn’t tell her anything. But of course I was very irritated. I was very irritated with her.

Even I find it very stupid to think of something like this, but when I travel I make it a point that if I buy three dresses for myself I will always get one dress for her on my own.

Not that she tells me to. But nothing was given to me. She got me one dress. She knows my choice very well. I am not into those gaudy clothes. She said, I got this for you, will you wear it? I said no. She said, should I give it to Meena? I said do whatever you want.

She got for herself 78 outfits. She should have just told me you choose whichever you want and she knows I would have never taken it. But at least that thought of asking. When I go why am I expected to do these things? And

this has happened before also and that time also my husband had said you go and buy whatever you want from here, I will give you the money. I said its not the question of buying, it is a thought.

When I go, why is it expected out of me? Now when I go I will also shop only for myself. I celebrate everybody’s birthday in my house. They never even bother wishing anybody, my husband, father in law, and mother in law,

and their anniversary. I bake a cake; make it a point to get a bouquet in the house just to feel good. I said but why nobody does it for me? This year my husband got me a card, bouquet. He couldn’t forget it. I said I am quite

surprised you remembered to do these things. You shouldn’t have. It made me feel good.

I am celebrating everyone’s birthdays in the house than why cant you do that for me? It doesn’t make a difference cutting a cake, but my son enjoys it. The minute he came to the station he said, Mama, you didn’t have the cake without me, did you? I wanted to say there is no cake at home. I reached home and my friend sent me a cake and somebody else also sent a cake. I feel that these are all stupid issues for me to take to heart but maybe somewhere

it irritated me.

I have not been getting sleep absolutely! Maybe at the back of my mind it is playing that I don’t get sleep. Yesterday I didn’t want to go to sleep. If I sleep in the afternoon, I don’t get sleep. I am a very light sleeper but I never

had a problem of sleeping throughout the night. The first day it was when my son was not there. I got up at four. After that it has been quite often.

Q. About your mother in law, you feel what she expects?

I am just saying that I gave you an example, and then I feel I should change. I will stop doing things for others, but then I will be just forcing myself, it’s not me.

Q. What is your feeling?

Very bad. She should have asked me to just pick up one of these, which she didn’t. And they were not even my kind. It has to do with feeling, not the dress. If you could spend so much for yourself, one dress for me couldn’t have hurt. I didn’t say anything. I felt bad. She could have… just a feeling. I said forget it, when I want I can even go and buy it.

My husband doesn’t expect, he never asked me to go out of the way, but these things also started irritating me. We friends were going to Mahabaleshwar. We were supposed to meet at Powai. I know if I asked him to get up 4.30 h.

he is going to blow his head, he won’t come. From the beginning he’s been like this and I know it. When others can do it why can’t he get up? And I know that if I insist he’ll get up but why should I insist?

Why can’t he do it on his own? He must understand and tell me on his own. I am expecting this answer. I have not asked him and he has not even told me a no. But I know this is going to happen. Believe me I couldn’t have been bothered. I could just take a cab and go away. I am not the sort who would bother about anything. But with my son a little fear is there to travel at 4.30 h.

He will let me go. He has never stopped me. I have seen husbands who call up ten times on the mobile phone. He will not. He says if you have a problem you will give me a call, you will have to learn to be on your own.

That was a major change. Which of course I felt good, that he is letting me do things, but then I said you don’t care or what? You don’t call up also. He says I am letting you be on your own and one day you tell me I don’t call

up. If there is a problem you call up and I’ll be there. Like when I and my sister in law, we come back from a movie I drop my sister in law and I come back alone. Till I reach home my brother will not sleep. He will say you give me a call when you reach home.

But my husband will be fast asleep. He is not even bothered. There is a lot of difference. Sometimes I feel happy, sometimes irritated.

I just feel I have changed. How active I used to be. I am not the sort of person who can even sit at home! I am always on my toes. Now I can’t. I feel tired, Just don’t feel like doing it. Otherwise I wouldn’t sit at home even for one evening. I’d be out at six. Sometimes I think did I take the right decision of changing the school? But that’s what I wanted, so I should be happy. Nothing has happened as such that I have had I fight with somebody.

Q. How were you before?

I had a very carefree attitude, not bothered about anything and even if you say anything I’d just let go. Now- maybe not now, but if tomorrow something happens, all these things come back to me. I can see the change in me.

I would love to be left on my own, just be left alone.

Q. How was the initial you?

On the move all the time. Even initially after school I used to go to my moms house very often. Nowadays I just don’t. Maybe once in ten or fifteen days I’ll go down, drop a parcel and come back. I don’t even feel like going and sitting there. I went to stay there for three days, that also I forced myself because my brother wanted to be with my son. Normally I go there when my husband is not in town or until my holidays are on. But this time I just wanted

to go. So I told him I am going to stay there for four days. He said fine. I said I’d travel from there for school. I told my mother in law I am planning to go and she was shocked-why? I said, just. She kept insisting that there has

to be a reason because my husband is in town, school is on. I need to go. Separately she asked my husband whether we had a fight, is there something wrong? He also got irritated. Three four times he told me, and then I said

this has been irritating me also, and I will go when I feel like. I don’t need a reason to go to my mother’s house. H e said don’t bother, just go. Again when she asked him he said I just need a break from her, so he told me to go.

I went there and she spoke to me on the phone and again she said is there something? I said no, I just wanted to be here.

Earlier I was carefree, enjoy being with my friends. I was the one to go here, go there, having fun, mischief, making then laugh, talking generally. Now small things affect me very easily. I try to push it, tell myself forget it, don’t bother, but, somewhere these things bother me. Somewhere these things nag me behind my mind. I keep explaining to myself, this is okay. Once upon a time if I would fight with my husband; I am not the sort who

would not talk. If he wouldn’t talk to me, next day I’d talk. Just forget it! Now I don’t like that. If he tells me something I will keep on thinking negatively, not talk for two or three days, then again back to normal. It takes me a little time now. I feel it’s okay, if he cannot adjust, why should I? Either I change completely or I go with his thinking, which I can’t. These small things affect me.

Q. Since when are you suffering?

Since, quite sometime. Something or the other has been happening to me health wise. Vomiting feeling. When I eat “Idli” I have a problem. Outside food, I don’t eat out, my husband has been having a stomach problem

perpetually. This head pain happened because I had Pepsi. It just doesn’t suit me. Last night I was trying to sleep. I read for sometime, watched television for sometime, then went off to sleep. I was getting up every half an hour.

I was quite awake till 5.30 h. then got sleep at 7.30 h…. again I was getting up. At 9.30 h. I got up. These small things I don’t feel like telling my husband. Even if I tell him he sides me but he says you sort out your problems.

I don’t feel like telling all these small things to him. He always says let it out, talk about it. Don’t feel that just because you are talking about my mom I am going to feel bad. But I just can’t. I have been like this from the

beginning. I never told him, maybe just twice in six years.

Q. What is the feeling with husband, mother in law and son?

Irritated. We are going tomorrow. I am always so excited. Now it’s not making me happy. I feel it’s a waste going to Mahabaleshwar. I have just come back from Mahabaleshwar last month. I am not feeling good that I am going.

If I had a choice I’d drop out, but I know they’d cancel the trip if I don’t go.

Q. Why are you not excited?

Normally for my birthday one night before we go for dinner, we plan ahead for it. My husband kept asking, where do you want to go? I said I don’t feel like going. I said we would go for Sizzlers. He said on your birthday you

don’t settle for less than a five star hotel. We went but I was okay. All these things, which were so exciting…I’d plan days ahead. Not one person who didn’t call me on my birthday. But it didn’t make a difference

to me. My husband said let’s go to Daman for a day with our son. I said, no. In May he is planning a trip. I said even if you don’t take me it’s fine. I don’t even feel like going for a holiday. I want to be at home. When my father

in law was in the U.S. he asked what things I want from there. I said I don’t want anything. For my birthday I didn’t get myself anything.

Q. Did this get worse when your son was in Delhi?

Yes. Given a choice I wouldn’t have sent him. But then I saw I need the distance because I saw that I was losing my patience. I felt he needs to be away and I have to try. My husband was shocked. He said you are doing it for his sake. I was okay. It would have affected me more if he had gone some other time. It was okay because I needed to be alone…or I was pushing it back that I was missing him. I don’t know. When I put him at the station I felt how would one week pass? What would I do entire day without him? My husband took me for a drive in the evening and for dinner. I started going to the gymnasium. My husband forced me.

Q. How is it now?

Okay, not same. The amount of time I spend with him. He is on his own. Initially I used to sit with him and play; now I can’t. Now I force myself to play with him. Not like I used to. He keeps saying, mama, you don’t play with

me. I just want to be alone. Maybe because I don’t get enough sleep. I feel I just need to sleep. Sleeping tablets don’t work. I want to know why I am changing.

Q. You wouldn’t like to send your son?

No, I don’t mind. When he was in Delhi, seven days was a long time for me. I missed him. Even if my husband is not there, I miss him.

Q. You can’t stay without someone you are attached to?

I used to call him up. My friends said every time you see an S.T.D. booth we have to pull you. Now I feel why should be the one to call up? I have decided, in Mahabaleshwar I wont call up. From day one he can’t express himself.

If I go, I keep calling, even from my mother’s house.

Q. Is it insecurity?

It is like this from day one. I miss him but I am not insecure. I like both of them around. If he is at home I am not sitting and talking to him. I am doing my own things. Maybe, that he is around. If he is out whole day I need to call him. This has always been there even before marriage. It has been six and half years of marriage.

Q. Is the attachment similar with your husband?

My friends say I am a fool. It’s been so many years of marriage. Maybe I don’t get the same feeling from him. I tell him, you don’t express, one day I will also stop expressing.

When I travel I don’t get proper sleep.

Q. Define this love.

It has always been the same. I feel he should be more expressive. He has to understand and do things for me, tell me. But he can’t change. But when I am not feeling well he’s around. When I had fallen he was worried. I could

make out but he refused to accept it.

Q. What do you expect?

He should be more expressive; say, “I love you”. He can’t. I keep telling him, give me a hug. Maybe, I am demanding too much. Now it doesn’t make too much difference. Before my periods for a week I am very irritable.

He says, “If I have to stay away; you’ll pounce on me”.

Q. What dreams do you get?

I don’t remember them.

Q. What are your likings in food?

Outside food. I have cut down a lot. My appetite has gone down and I have acidity. One year I was very close to my husband’s cousin. Five months back she came down from Australia. I did not even go to meet her. She said,

I am shocked to see you.

Q. What are your likings?

Clothes. I can’t eat spicy absolutely now. I used to eat lots. I really enjoyed crab. But now I feel sick on seeing it.

Q. Cold drinks?

I love Mangola (A mango pulp drink). Off and on I have “Thumbs up”, but rarely. Sweets I don’t feel like having. I have never been fond of chocolate. I only have imported Kit-Kat. I eat at least six mangoes a day. Now it is

less in this season. I used to crave for Mangoes; I could eat them for lunch. Now I don’t feel like. I had to throw them out because I didn’t feel like eating them. I don’t eat any other fruit. I may eat a banana, once

in ten days.

Q. Which type of mangoes do you like?

I eat only the Alphonso.

The Sequence of the story…

1. I get irritated very easily now on my son.

2. I just don’t feel like talking to anybody I just feel like being alone

3. He himself said I don’t see the happiness on your face. I said no, no, I am very happy… but I am okay. At one point these things would have made so much of a difference to me.

4. My irritation started from the time my son left for a vacation with his grand ma with out me, because I had nothing to do. My whole life is centering on him. My son was very happy, not once did he say he didn’t

want to go.

5. She got for herself seven eight outfits. She should have just told me you choose whichever you want and she knows I would have never taken it. But at least that thought of asking.

6. I am celebrating everyone’s birthdays in the house than why cant you do that for me?

7. He must understand and tell me on his own. I am expecting this answer. I have not asked him and he has not even told me a no. But I know this is going to happen. Believe me I couldn’t have been bothered.

8. I feel it’s okay, if he cannot adjust, why should I? Either I change completely or I go with his thinking, which I can’t. These small things affect me.

9. I am always so excited. Now it’s not making me happy. I feel it’s a waste going to Mahabaleshwar.

10. When he was in Delhi, seven days was a long time for me. I missed him. Even if my husband is not there, I miss him.

11.If I go, I keep calling, even from my mother’s house.

12. My friends say I am a fool. It’s been so many years of marriage. Maybe I don’t get the same feeling from him. I tell him, you don’t express, one day I will also stop expressing.

13. I like both of them around. If he is at home I am not sitting and talking to him. I am doing my own things. Maybe, that he is around. If he is out whole day I need to call him.

14. I feel he should be more expressive. He has to understand and do things for me, tell me. But he can’t change. But when I am not feeling well he’s around.

The Undercurrent in the story…

From the story expressed our patient’s love is all showered on the two men in her life-the husband and the son. Her whole life is centering on them. She is devoted to them. The splitting headaches started after the son left her for the first time and enjoyed the freedom of being with out her. The situation where her love/devotion was not reciprocated the way she wanted it to be. This created the split in her: Love/devotion versus her

indifference. This changed perception made her see all her other relations in the same light. She felt a lack of reciprocation of love at the same depth and understanding. She could no more feel the celebrations of Love within her being. A state of indifference.

The Emotions in the story…

1. Irritability

2. Sadness/ Crying

3. Lack of excitement/ Indifference/ Not bothered

4. Lack of celebration

5. Deep love- Unreciprocated (expressed as: why can’t you do that for me?)

6. Anger: harshness

The Quintessence…

(It is that something what it is with it without which it is not that.)

Love-Devotion.

(Devote is to consecrate, dedicate, give up exclusively, (oneself, another, thing etc.) to

(God, person, pursuit, purpose): Devoted~ zealously loyal)

The Parallels…

(This links the Microcosm of the individual with the macrocosm.)

1. I love Mangola (A mango pulp drink)

2. I eat at least six mangoes a day. Now it is less in this season. I used to crave for Mangoes; I could eat them for lunch. Now(with this sickness) I don’t feel like. I had to throw them out, I didn’t feel like eating them.

3. I don’t eat any other fruit. I may eat a banana, once in ten days.

All these Individualize to: The remedy Mangifera Indica 30, given as single dose.

Follow up: October 2002

She did not follow up at all after that dose in April. It seems she was feeling fine. This day she came to see me as she was better all this while. After the last dose she was better in 4 days. The headache was better all this while

in its intensity. She did get the attacks but they would go away after a massage or sleeping. She saw me this day as the headache was getting a bit severe and she had colds too and was anxious that it would get worse.

“The dizziness has not recurred except for once. I was very stressed and so I got the headache, there was function in school and I had to take the practice of so many small children and I had to train them in three days! I wanted

to do something very creative and had to finish in three days. So that day I took a pain killer or else I would have vomited. Otherwise I am better in the intensity and the frequency. And yes I sat and spoke to my

husband, whatever I was feeling. I am fine in that too. I have changed a lot.

Now I don’t bother a lot. The other day he didn’t want to come to Goa, but I wanted a change. I literally dragged him to Goa; I said, “I have to go! I need a break” And he did come. I don’t bother, even the other day my mother in law told me something and it didn’t affect me so much.

For my son’s birthday I would plan 6 months in advance but I know I will do it and I am not working up myself. I will celebrate. I know when it comes I will do everything.

C: You have changed?

Yes!

C: Dreams?

No I don’t have any. By 10 we are off to sleep. We are so tired that there is no time to dream.

The other day I was so desperate to eat a peru. I went all over the town to eat one. I spent 30 bucks to have one 2 bucks peru (guava). I don’t know why, I was so desperate that day.

C: Do you eat other fruits?

Yes I eat bananas now and also sometimes other fruits. And yes this season I did not eat, did not feel like eating mangoes, otherwise I used to eat only mangoes. But it was different!

I feel I have changed as a person too! (Smiles) I know I have been stressing myself physically.

Follow up: October 2003 (Over the telephone)

As I was writing on the Mango, I wanted to confirm the state of her disposition since the last follow up and I called her up to ask how she was. She still continued working as a kindergarten teacher and was not feeling so

stressed. Her headaches are not there since the last follow up, although she suffers from colds that get better without treatment.

Vorwort/Suchen. Zeichen/Abkürzungen. Impressum.