Lanthaum Macht Erforschen/Suche
Negativ: Zweifelt (verwirrt) ob sie Führungs-Verantwortung übernehmen sollen/ob sie das können; trifft Entscheidungen zögerlich und ist in Zweifel ob richtig (Verwirrung), vermeiden der Verantwortung lieber; probieren es zu mehreren Gelegenheiten, um sich und Machtstrukturen kennen zu lernen und zu verstehen; bei geringem Widerstand/Kritik geben sie auf, geben Vorsitz wieder ab; wollen einen großen Mund haben, geben aber auf wenn ein anderer einen größeren Mund hat;
Lanthanum is a state of confusion and doubt at the core. The individual is stuck, does not know what to do and does not even know how to begin to make a plan. It’s the moment before labor; the moment of potential, but also the moment of pause with no movement. It’s like storming the beaches of Normandy, the boats come ashore and it is time for the soldiers to run out. Inside, they feel incapable of the next step required of them. Lanthanum is in Column three. They are trying to leave the comfort of their structure behind them and move to a new structure. “Like a change needs to happen, I need to move to next stage, but I don't know what to do.”
The main issue is the lack of expression. They can experience symptoms that feel like blockages and symptoms in which if they could just pass stool, or just throw up, or just start their period they would get relief. In their life they are likely facing choices and options of which they are unable to choose, therefore unable to start. They are not the people that tried and failed, they are likely the ones that never really tried at all. They can have apathy and easy thoughts of “giving up.”
This can be experienced as an internal claustrophobia, and internal craziness that is not seen on the outside. Here is the inherent difficulty with the Lanthanides, as Lanthanum will not want to show this incapacity. They fear ridicule, judgment and embarrassment so they attempt to keep the state hidden. Because this is a Row 5/Row 6 dilemma, they also know that the penalty for not expressing is large. The lack of manifestation is really a painful situation for them, for it means a life without their inner light, a shallow life without their soul. This is the dilemma between light and dark, enlightenment and a life of denying your own truths.
On the surface they can appear rushed and to calm the internal chaos they will attempt to keep the outside in order and clean. They can be sensitive to dis-order and chaos because this is how they feel inside. Lanthanum can also experience heaviness with their lack of movement. They will have a longing for movement and flow and will experience lightness when things are moving.
In Lanthanum there can be an experience of parallel worlds. It appears to be an expression of the detachment and distance their have from others as well as their inner confusion. It’s as if they can see the potential for different paths of existence but remain floating between the worlds. The real world around them seems distant. They may actually have difficulty interacting with others (Autism). This retreat of inner exploration and caution can be experienced as a retreat into a tall fortress tower. In the tower, they are safe from failure and judgment but it becomes a prison for them. There can be grief and intense isolation for them. There can also be relief and peace in their aloneness. Their ultimate goal is the merging with consciousness and spiritual unity however their existence is one of separation and detachment.
Although at the far left of this row, Lanthanum will have the similar higher striving as is found in rows five and six. They can be concerned with the greater good as well as interesting in creativity and expression. They also experience the negative of this which is the failure when success is not reached. In their mind they know that one decision could change the rest of their lives. So the risk of making the wrong decision in monumental. The self-reproach that they experience may also cause them to be addicted to substances.
Doubt, Confusion, Distraction and Order
“Like a change needs to happen, I need to move to next stage, but I don't know what to do.”
Like a change needs to happen, I need to move to next stage, but I don't know what to do.
There is also the sense that you have to get out of the fortress. However, you don't know how to do so. You have no plan and aren't certain exactly how to make that plan.
Now am second guessing-maybe I just like the fact that he wants to be around and do so much for me?
I felt a sense of excitement and adventure, and there was also this hesitation...it felt like chaos.
Concern about doing it right, I am always questioning my experience of things because I can always see things more than one way.
Agonizing over deciding what I want.
Things just slip away, not able to hold my ground or hold my truth. Stand my ground. Lacking courage, also hard to know what I want sometimes and to find what I want.
I don't feel like I'm here and I don't feel like I'm in the now -- but I don't feel like I'm not here and now. I'm not sure where I am exactly. Feeling of doubt and questions.
Confusion about what I really want: do I want to be on the path I'm on?
(Dream) more dreams of confusion, can't find, chaos. The sensation was confusion.
Proving, not proving? Me, not me? Everything seems connected right now. Symbiotic, ambient field?
Looking at the television and cable news, I am like, "Is this for real? Is this a pretend story?"
Incapacity, “I feel very small and young”
I feel dumb. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing. I want to structure this. I want to do it right.
Like a brand new plant that needs to grow, to get bigger and stronger. Like a baby tree and a wooden dowel is like the mother supporting it until it's bigger. It's vulnerable. To everything outside, to people, …especially to the wind.
I am feeling inadequate and have been feeling this all day. It's a challenging feeling. I feel very small and young, like a small child trying to find his way, but I must find my way alone. It's easier to stay inside and play within this fortress
All the steps are too hard, not what I want to do. Just want it to go away.
Feel in my chest, it's going to be going down and energy all goes down and feels foreboding, something is going to happen, not able to maintain that level, going downhill.
My confidence is way down this weekend. Feel incapable of being able to stay above this. I am just not smart enough, capable enough to do this. Everyone else seems so competent. Had to check the spelling of that word!
After yoga - so aware of how weak I am in my core, but don’t even want to go there. Kind of like the deserving thing. Want to collapse. All of a sudden tired. Just don’t want to do it anymore. Core is weak. Very aware of where I can’t do things.
Dream: Out in a boat; a develop disabled person on board; a gang trying to make us captive; the Disabled person fought back; he was able to free all of us.
Dream: Had some shame when holding down syndrome baby in arms but when baby smiled I had some connection.
Dream: The corner I am standing on is falling apart - loose boards. I can barely hang on. Frantically struggling to keep from falling. Continues to break as I hang on for dear life!
Distraction, “I get thrown off my path, I am susceptible to their image”
I’m trying to get back into my normal exercise i.e. yoga but keep getting distracted.
I get thrown off my path. I am susceptible to their image. I don't have an anchor for with standing that. I get thrown about in the wind.
Very suggestible. I kept walking around today saying I was confused, but I wasn't confused about anything in particular.
Floating with no grounding. No permanent guideposts of where I am in my life. Not upset by that, not affecting me in negative way, less attached to material world which I don't like anyway.
Dream: This one involved searching around Denver for a Mexican restaurant. I was wandering these street-light, dimly lit streets and the telephone poles seemed very tall. They were all made out of wood. The Mexican restaurant was white with red letters on it. I don't recall the name, but I remember feeling like it was very important to find it. The streets were hilly and I was walking up and down; occasionally I'd come to a little courtyard like area where people were sitting outside eating and listening to music, the atmosphere was very festive, and I would ask for directions. People were friendly, but I had the feeling like I wasn't going to find this place. It was concerning.
Dream: Dream out at some sort of school. My job is to interview people for some play role. Walking through nature, slid down a cliff. Have to take really dangerous and rickety stairs back up.
I’m confused about what day of the proving it is. Suddenly I see a gap of 5 days in my notes and I had to count to make sure I was correct. In a very strange headspace at the moment
Unknowingly switched grocery carts in the grocery store w someone. I would've thought I would've noticed those two [extra] items. I was surprised that I didn't notice, at my lack of awareness. Boy, was I unaware!
Desires Order, “It felt good to get organized”
Space is important - a pleasing, uncluttered, calming.
I want order in my life, all this stuff all around. Confusion-things buzz around in my head, try to find things, can't find, agitation. Multiplies and gets more confusing like a swarm of bees-where the hell is this piece of paper I want? Simplifying things, getting rid of things won't be so complicated. Feels good to get rid of stuff.
Understanding that in order to get better we all have to clean house, to get organized, internally organized.
Cleaning, felt good to get organized.
Dream: Had a dream last night, but only remember a fraction of it. I needed to use the toilet and found it filthy. Disgusting. Had to clean it; was disgusted, but needed to use it.
I like to have empty wall spaces, empty floor spaces, empty spaces.
I feel I’ve broken thru to some kind of clarity I’ve been seeking for a long time.
Being okay with making a decision, not listening to whatever conflict is going on with head and heart. You are able to make a decision. You don't sit there stopped. You can keep moving. In this conflict, you are stuck in this current, you are swimming against current and going nowhere. You stay in same spot. With the current, you get somewhere.
Pre-Labor, the Moment before
“I was a seed being planted in a freshly plowed field of rich black dirt.”
The Moment before Something is Realized
Dream: A war between darkness and lightness. We are storming the beach of Normandy, the boat landed and it was time to run out. (Then I woke up)
I feel like I'm pregnant but I'm not. Like I'm at end of pregnancy, let's just get this shit over with… when will I be normal again… I feel like I'm having contractions, and I need to push this baby. I am stuck in transition stage, I feel like… I'm in pre-labor but not moving on into the next stage of labor. I'm not doing anything to make it better, my body isn't working like it needs to expel what needs to expelled.
Dream: I was a seed being planted in a freshly plowed field of rich black dirt. There were other people around me that were also being planted. The feeling of togetherness.
All feels dormant. No ability to will myself through. No creativity. No ability to worry like I usually do - but causes anxiety when I just want to be in this womb-like state. Feel lonely and isolated, but don’t really want to be with anyone. Really preferring to be alone. Wanting to go deep within, but with no thoughts. Like a void. If reach out to connect, quickly feel irritated and agitated with chit chat, listening, focusing. Feel no movement, but know that something deeper is happening. Like being pregnant. All energy goes into something changing, growing. But nothing to show for it right now. Very detached. Observing. Irritated by people. Just wanting to be in this state, without the anxiety. No effort.
Thoughts of being in the moment JUST before creation - not the emptiness or void, when all is potential - but, the moment just before something is realized. The "effect" is known. "It is" on the verge of becoming. And, in this case, it is on the verge of becoming a state of equanimity: "the state of stability or composure arising from a deep awareness and acceptance of the present moment."
"You are only a thought away from changing your life."
I am anticipatory of seeing something marvellous if I say quiet and vigilant - awake.
Feeling like I'm waiting for something to happen.
Distressing, concerning: what I want is not manifesting through me, but I can see it right there, on the other side of an abstract barrier.
Feels like something living and moving inside of me. If possible, I'd be convinced I were pregnant. My insides have never felt like this! Like something moving and circling round inside of me, kicking
me, pushing on me.
A feeling of wanting to be in a womb, where one just is. No effort, just being. Feels like something is happening, but need to wait.
Like childbirth, you must let go of the idea that it is a horrible experience and just be with it.
Dream: I am so happy to be there. The anticipation of what is coming is so fulfilling - the chance to listen and to receive - to be there. When I awake I am so happy this was the dream and want to remember it thinking perhaps I should get up and write it down. But I don’t I fall back to sleep and dream again. When I wake from that dream I remember that I dreamed before but cannot remember
and feel disappointed like I have lost something important. Later I get a glimmer and then it leaves.
Inhibited Self-Expression, Internal Pressure
“Internal claustrophobia. Nothing is expressed, no period, no tears, no emotions.”
“I have that potential but it is not manifesting.”
Inhibited Self-Expression, “I have that potential but it is not manifesting”
Need courage to do it. Other side is to never practice opportunity, low paying job, scruffy old apartment, be alone and afraid the rest of my life. I don't want to be around if that is the case.
Being a shell of a man, living shell of life instead of being vital. I can be strong, full of life. Jealous when see others…I have that potential but it is not manifesting.
I find that in my head I answered them, but I literally didn't type those emails and press send.
Wondering how it is I cannot be in the becoming of what feels important and right now, how it is that what I love, I cannot reach, create, or act on/for. I'm not doing it, what's truly important to me,
in my heart, in my soul.
My neck was just tense, block between heart and throat chakra. I couldn't speak out about what was happening. I was too afraid to say what was in my heart.
Dream: I was in a field of grain on the top of a hill. The feeling was one of pleasant understanding and when I awoke I thought about all the people who resonate with plants must be focused on the environment. They are helpless, stuck in one place and impacted by what is happening around them.
Can't grab a hold of my dreams. It takes time in the morning to wake up and clear my head. Dreams deep but I can't pull a memory out.
Internal Pressure, “Like shaking up a two-liter bottle and leaving the top on”
Internal claustrophobia. Nothing is expressed, no period, no tears, no emotions.
I sighed, a release of some pressure of some kind. Like a valve opening up and pressure is building and I didn't even know it was building but, not like I felt trapped or anything, but release and relief. Pressure came out of a valve kind of thing. Felt tension went down.
Inside my energy feels squiggly - like a child trying to wriggle out of something - escape.
Waking up, anger at my internal state which I can only describe as agitated moving too fast, no resolutions, dissatisfaction.
There is this other person inside and it's intense.
Feel very much in my head and not able to tune into my surroundings energetically.
Outside circumstances matching crazy feeling, want to get in car and go 100 mph. Like I'm on speed. Want to be not where I am, 20 steps ahead of myself. Want to go forward, but wall. Run into wall
and fall down. Want to scream but something is covering your mouth. Want to shoot like a bullet, body wants to fling forward, go really fast, pressure inside me, building.
This panic, like shaking up two-liter bottle and leaving top on, like needs to explode but can't. Needed to explode but not being able to. Like being stuck not able to let things flow.
Hurry, “In a big rush to get something done”
A sensation of everything racing occurred the other night. It was really like I was being pulled, drawn to go faster and faster, I was thwarted to go faster and faster, I am normally a safe driver, this happened within the last week. The drivers in front of me were pulling over and letting me pass. An inner feeling like I wouldn't arrive on time, I had enormous pressure, it felt like someone was waiting
I got a “really want to run”, “gotta do something” feeling. An urgency. Something to get out of hole I’m in somehow.
In a big rush to get some things done; must e-mail someone now; must talk to my supervisor now; can't do it all right now.
Time. There is like no concept of time. I don't care how long it takes to get places on the trip, and in no rush at all. I've lost all sense of time and its necessity. There's like this eternal amount of time and
I'm not on the clock at all. (Curative)
Stillness, “Being unaffected by the craziness around”
What is completeness? Serenity, eye of the storm, calm and perfectly still, you know there is craziness going around, can do a number on you, but in the eye is perfectly still. Calm in mind and body.
Like a king whose court is going crazy. A still point. Being unaffected by craziness around.
I love the trees and the sun and the wind but mostly I love the space and time to move like this - to let nature work on me instead of my mind pressing in on itself
Solidness, solid as a rock, like some kind of tranquillity or stability. Grounded. Stability, just there, what it is and solid. Nothing is going to move it. It's knows what it is and is not going to be influenced, be what/who it is. Doesn't matter what is going on around it. Eye of the hurricane in the sense that complete and to itself and doesn't really need any input on what it is or who it is.
Heaviness, No Movement, Relief with Movement
“This heaviness prevents the expansion into the void”
“If I were a natural stream, even in the dry stream, I would know that deep below there are underground currents, where the water is still flowing.”
Heaviness, Grief, “This heaviness prevents the expansion into the void”
"When you see God, you will forget all else" Heaviness prevents the expansion into the void.
I feel like I am going up in this elevator, all of this past stuff, that has weighed me down, it's being sliced off, cut off, it is very exciting. The last nine months have been a huge spiritual awakening for me. In terms of, grabbing hold of this power that I've always known is there.
Like a little of that grief has left, like a load is a little lighter.
I suppress that a lot, Heaviness. Sense of loss,
Spent half of a day sobbing and crying, a deep, old sadness without specific sense to be made of it.
As I am walking again this afternoon the wind is blowing the trees rustling it is warm and beautiful - usually an environment that would be elated for me - however I feel myself weighted walking through this light airiness.
Physical exhaustion continues but my mind is fine. Legs feel especially heavy like I’m walking through mud.
Sadness worse with music. Feels like going into a heavy pit of goo. The more I listen, the more sucked in, the less able I am to move out of it.
Just have to let go and set down attachments I have been carrying and I can rise up(hg) rise up, not float, but raising up and I cannot carry all those things, I let go, they drop down, so great.
When I took the remedy, the instant the back of my skull started tingling like an opening of a chakra, the crown chakra opened, more like in the front. Unbalanced kind of feeling. (curative)
No Movement, “I long, long, long for the moving waters again”
If I were a natural stream, even in the dry stream, I would know that deep below there are underground currents, where the water is still flowing. When it clogs up again or dries up again, I despair,
and I long, long, long, long, long for the moving waters again.
Like a water line, the water is there it's just not flowing through where needs to go. The lines aren't open. Not broken, it's just not turned on.
It was chaos, all of the obstacles, thwarting me, something in my path, like a roadblock, a sudden barricade.
I am not going to fly away or float away into another dimension; somehow I am caught between the third dimension and the fifth dimension.
I'm in the mix with it all, I'm in the middle of Times Square and someone hit this "fast forward" button and I'm still on "pause". Everyone is rushing by me and I can't keep up, and everyone's lives are going around me and I'm just stationary.
Relief with Movement, “Everything was flowing”
I feel my consciousness unravelling - enough of a stream that something essential was able to move through…is now being pulled and drawn in this underground stream. Want to go with AND I am afraid. Bringing forth my own fears
All foundations are cracking, light shining up from underneath. Transition. Whole old structure falling away, new one is coming up from underneath to take its place. Not like a piece here and there, it is changing, something totally new is coming. Old stuff just being totally wiped out.
I have an easier day and things to look forward to and the mood lifts easily after getting out of bed and getting ready for work.
Tears streaming down my face experiencing ecstasy and absolute peace, I cried. This is a rare occurrence for me and I'm certain that it has something to do with the proving; long held in emotions are coming to the surface.
I started period, three weeks late. Then all of a sudden I felt so much better. Mental/Emotional/Physical, everything, as if you were moving forward
Everything was flowing. I'm being productive, I'm doing things I don't normally do. Usually it's crammed in head and making me crazy. The to do list, a whole list of things, all prioritized, usually it's inside my head and I'm going crazy, not as overwhelmed by it. (curative)
We're meant to be in the flow. He would tell me the idea of being on the river kayaking -whitewater- and moving through these rapids. Don't let things like a rock or branch (hand gesture - hits hands together) stop you. Move around it, flow, even if you have a plan. It's how you react, not letting it throw you off your course. Be that thing on the river, flow on the river, don't let it stop you. Whether in white water or a twig on a stream. That image is calming to me...better than being on the shore.
Wanting to move again, really move, and move hard. Walk or run. Is this me getting "me" back?
Cleansing? Releasing, felt like she would massage me and it would unconnect the stuff from my body, and if I took a deep breath it would go out.
My mind is clearer after my bowel movement. Something deep within my interior, has exteriorized. I think on multiple level of experience.
No Internal Drive, Apathy
“Feeling my motivation decrease, my ambitions are like a memory.”
No Internal Drive, “I want to give up”
Energy of “I want to give up.”
Still feeling uninterested in the guy I am dating. Bored really is a better term.
I can move, I can go -- but I am staying. Overwhelming sense that nothing matters. Feeling my motivation decrease, my ambitions are like a memory.
This drugged weighted sensation has been allowing me to sleep better (insomnia be a long standing issue). Sensation of being deeply pulled into dreams, often not able to get out. Very deep, even when waking often, am pulled right back into sleep/dreaming. Because of this drugged feeling, am not remembering dreams as I usually so easily do. Heaviness upon waking. Difficulty transitioning into the “real world” Sleep never feels finished, real life never feels fully entered into
No drive, no motivation, just accepting of anything… a person who doesn't try… they sit on couch for rest of lives, if things don't come my way I'm not going to go searching for them. They want life to be handed to them. Like a 50 year old man okay with living in parent's basement, they don't have to do anything. It's not someone who went out in the world and failed, it's someone who just never tried.
Incredible frustration, “wanting to give up” energy - from myself and from several of my patients.
Self-Reproach, “You did wrong, caused something to happen”
Load being lighter today, yesterday felt heavy. All this guilt… I can't pinpoint the guilt, have been trying to for last 10 years… can't, now I am cutting myself some slack. Not so much pressure on myself. (Curative)
I could dwell on it for years, I still second guess myself, I shouldn't have, I hold on to things forever… feeling guilty, you did wrong thing, caused something else to happen…
Dream: Different layers of me doing things I wasn't supposed to be doing & I was going to get in trouble. I had to call the school and make a lie about why I couldn't take the case. Embarrassed about it but I figured my friend wouldn't judge me. Feeling I did something wrong but I felt bad because they were so nice & understanding, felt bad like taking advantage. Doing something mean to someone who didn't deserve it. I wanted to be free to enjoy the bicycle but I had all these duties.
I should wear a shirt that says “I specialize in dating the mentally ill."
Only I can do it, no one can do it for me.
Dream: The feeling was of guilt of not being a better healer for this child and of sorrow for the grief that the mom and family was going thru. I felt like a failure. (118)
Feeling guilty about guy I am seeing. Want to see him, yet need independence. Clingy.
Apathy, “I don’t care, or it doesn’t matter”
I feel I don't care, or it doesn't matter. Not a depressive feeling of hopelessness, but a more carefree, "whatever" feeling.
I want to get away from responsibility.
Feel drugged I guess. Like a drugged person, sit here, fascinated by own shirt sleeve. Staring, can hardly talk (sighs) so much effort to talk.
Easy to relax even procrastinate this late afternoon and evening.
Something that makes me human is being drained. Removing me from society. Can't have a conversation with people, no opinions. Like the dementors in Harry Potter, alive but have no soul
Everything is an effort. My motivational level is pretty low
Dream: (about being with an old flame) … I had felt a little of the old spark but mostly, I was glad that we hadn’t ended up together. He still lives in our hometown and with his mom. His jobs have been in used car sales, insurance sales & he owned a bar - nothing at all like the path that I am on & a vast difference from my current boyfriend.
Is this remedy flattening me? I am quite calm, but it's dulling me. Taking away some of my expression. I'm not excitable. I'm calmer. It feels like there's a void. Flat. It's a deadening or dulling of senses.
I can sit on floor and play with kids but not a part of it - like a massive amount of anti-depressants and cut off all my feelings. I'm like walking zombie. There is something that is not allowing anything to penetrate me.
Drive, “Strong, strength is a surge of energy”
More grounded, centered. Getting a lot done, can stay up late and do things easily.
I feel I have the power to do this, feel real determination to clean up. (curative)
Strong, strength is a surge of energy, going to do what I need to do. Applying for job, will win at it. Lower extremities, in thighs, move forward. Feels good. (curative)
Hidden, Fear Others Will See
“One learns to hide within the confusion”
“Have I turned something off inside of myself to protect something”
It fulfills a longing for a higher connection or experience of who I am. It is hidden somehow.
I realized she wanted to give up her false self
I didn't say anything. It was like my own little secret. Hidden, concealed.
One learns to hide within the confusion
In this way, even though you appear to speak the language and dress like the people surrounding you and behave in the manners of the time in which you exist, the truer or deeper part of who you are must remain hidden away… that in trying to belong… you are pushing another part of yourself deeper into this luminous space. The space that is neither here nor there.
Secrecy, feel an element of secrecy. Not wanting people to know I'm doing the proving, wanting a lot of space to do what I want without anyone knowing. Better if no one noticed me. I need an invisibility cloak!
Calm on Outside, “No one saw how crazy it was”
On outside it is fine, I'm getting to appointments, inside so crazy, and that is hidden. No one saw how crazy it was. I didn't want to be seen as incompetent. I would laugh, they would say I'm the calm one, on the inside I'm a freaking mess everything going 300 miles a minute. No healthy way of expressing what was going on inside. I was passive about my anxiety. I didn't say anything
I remain calm on the outside but internally am bothered, overwhelmed and at a loss at how to respond
I can feel the feeling of anxiety start with thoughts in the pit of my stomach, but it doesn't rise to the surface, up the physical body, nor does it rise to my consciousness. It stays hidden in the background, like a warm blanket is wrapped around me, insulating me from the stress, and the overall effect is I feel relaxed.
Fear That Others Will See, Embarrassing
Shame, vulnerable - no one can see my incapacity. Exposed in a certain way. My goodness, my capacity, my skills, my gifts, is what wants to happen. Afraid people will see.
I felt overwhelmed by his intensity and afraid I would say the wrong thing.
Not able to hold my own truth. Doubts, options, embarrassing.
Feel a little vulnerable. Not feeling safe or what will you think of me, I spoke too much, feel a little raw. Fear, exposure.
Dreams and real life relationships impacted by cheating, hidden sex, forbidden desires. Dream of lesbian strip club, cheating sexually
I had the feeling like I was being observed and I couldn't just go crazy.
The way the outside sees you, they are looking at your children, if they are doing something you are being judged, you are being judged too.
It's excruciatingly painful to think of Hitler as having been tortured or fearing ridicule, I know that we are supposed to be compassionate toward all beings but there's of sensory experience of revulsion in me.
I am not feeling free to do what I want. This is frustrating and concerning. I want it to stop. I want to do what I want and when I want. But I'm not feeling entirely safe or free to do so.
Have I turned something off inside of myself to protect something
Fears for My Safety, Careful, “I need to be careful of how I am in the world”
On lying down began to have a scene appear to me of being with a lover who stabbed me in the torso and I run out of the apartment naked and bang on my neighbor’s door for help; terrified
My fears are about being raped or otherwise assaulted in my home. I fell asleep with my phone in my hand, just in case.
Being pursued, imagining that danger is immanent. Two bike accidents in same day with two friends
Always had fear someone will come kill me in my sleep or break in or kidnap me. Much more of a heightened feeling of someone is behind me, have to look back
Suddenly feel like I have to be very careful and suspicious of all he says.
I feel like I need to be very careful about how I am in the world with this. Like my well-being depends on it.
Parallel Worlds, Isolation and Detachment
“It is like I have one foot in each world”
“had a quality of watching a video game on a screen.”
Parallel Worlds, “I felt like I was in parallel worlds”
Dinner with friends at an outside café -- felt like I was in parallel worlds. Aware of the conversation at the table but also in some other experience with the environment. The world with my friends felt concrete, the world around me felt abstract. I was more drawn into the abstract, feeling uneasy with periodic abruptness like a jolt in my attempts to stay in conversation with my friends. I continued to be drawn into the blur of the abstract experience. After leaving, it seemed as though I was totally disconnected, but I did not feel disconnected. I felt content with the abstract and accepting of what may have looked like disconnect.
Twins, things happening in twos, two weather conditions in the same dream at the same time, multiple perspectives simultaneously.
Belong to another dimension, roots for me there. So wonderful to go there. It is like I have one foot in each world, my mind cannot grasp how to go into the higher mind or realm permanently
I feel like I'm floating above the earth, my aura is like the Aura Borealis. I feel as though my true nature is no longer bound by the confines of my body. I feel exuberant. I am light filled. I am no longer a tiny, little, insignificant being, I am now boundless! I am feeling completely free of my normal day-to-day concerns. I am existing in at least two realities. Imprisonment and infinity.
Dream: I am looking at a photograph of two people; as I touch the photograph (which has a warning clearly stating: do not touch, beta testing in progress, written on the bottom of the photograph in small white letters); time and space twist; I become one of the two men in the photograph. I enter his life fully without any choice on my part; my own life is vague, fading, I am enjoying a day with my companion, this other man ( who seems to know that I am not myself, that I am someone else, and some other level, he just knows). We both know that I am not who we think that I am. But, we don't know exactly who it is that I am, and every now and then I have a vague memory of my other life.
Dream: Again in heavy weighted sleep, difficulty transitioning into real life when I wake. The feeling of this, surreal feeling, heaviness - remains all day. Like I never was able to transition out of the dream into reality. I just realized that an hour has passed since I took the first of the remedy, but it feels as though no time is past I feel perfectly still and peaceful in this timeless space.
Isolation, “Some kind of barrier separates me from others”
A sensation of being high up, above looming above, looking down. I'm standing in my house but I feel I can see through the house. From a little bird's eye view. Atmospheric. Like a high fortress, or an imprisoning tower cell...
The abstract perspective feels like an overview, like looking at a picture from higher up, like being in the trees or on a rooftop. Feels like a clearer version, a wider lens -- a place to observe. I like observing. Sitting at a stoplight, waiting to turn left -- Traffic to my right side who were turning left towards and parallel to the street I was on, going in the opposite direction… had a quality of watching a video game on a screen. It felt like I wasn't really where I was, as if there was something between me and the happenings I was witnessing.
General feeling of isolation: mostly feels good but the other extreme is when the sadness jolts my being.
There are also some moments, when this not caring feels like a compensation, a response to something very painful, perceived through a wounded veil.
Feelings of detachment, saying what I need to say, with underlying loneliness. Clarity around patterns of intimacy. Detached, yet anxious. Even with great clarity, feeling cut off from self.
Some kind of barrier separates me from others.
The dissolution of some kind of barrier is happening so that more can come through.
(Dream) There is an image of looking at a body in water up to their waist and me looking too up to my waist. I can't tell if the person I am looking at is me I think not I think it is a man with his shirt off - but as he says I have to cut them somehow it becomes me too. And I am watching.
I’m finding myself noticing my suffering that much more. I feel alone, outside of things, disconnected from people, not sure if I’m part of the human race at times. (133)
A Prison, “Meant to keep it safe, but it becomes a prison for its contents”
Getting lost in a circle, biking around a lake
In the here, there is no time, there is no past or future, and there are no limits. A kind of fluidity. However, there are barriers, stuck places, when attention leaves the moments that are happening. The barrier feels like the stories. In experiencing and noticing, there is freedom. The past, the stories, these are the barriers, a prison that sucks in, holds back.
Image of person locked down around tumors, afraid to let go of them, hiding face, painful and icky and dirty, but then if they can just let go and be removed, lightens you so much you can breathe, relax, flow, float.
Instead of absorbing things they are bouncing off of me.
It remains childlike and distant, while the exterior becomes extremely sophisticated. It reminds me something of it reminds me of about something like vaults. Or a fortress, something that is meant to keep that which is inside, that which is sacred, safe but also becomes a prison for its contents.
I am in my own little world. I enjoy it, but must remain small to live in it…
Dream: Their house was a small prison to me. Imprisonment. Freedom. Escaping from being held captive, that's the feeling in this dream, I must escape from my aunt and uncle; they were destroying my essence.
Dream: Telling someone to think about how much it would suck to be a fish swimming inside a glass box.
Detached, Disconnected, “Who is this guy?”
Feel I am from someplace else - another planet.
Phone issues. Getting disconnected, not receiving voicemail, or delayed in receiving.
Who is this guy? Detached. Who is interacting with them? As if I am watching this guy, a place of calmness, not feeling,
This also stressed my mom on the trip, in which I didn't respond to at all. I maintained my really detached state.
Completely disconnected and numb, I just don't care or feel. Everything just is what it is. Like my brain isn't even trying to analyzing anything right now.
I cannot email my supervisor my Proving Journal, and I want to. I've tried a number of times over the last five hours and no matter what I do, it will not work.
Timelessness. As a structure exists, only in the understanding of now, otherwise, there is no past or future, no barriers to travel.
(Dream) A photograph of Queen Victoria and Princess Diana (they are both the same age). I was sent this photograph from a relative of the Princess. Please keep this photograph in a safety box and hidden from the press. On the back there is Victorian script stating: This photograph was made possible by time travel. (Queen Victoria lived in the late 19th Century and Princess Diana lived in the late 20th Century.)
Peace in Alone, Alone is a relief
Whole unto myself. I don't need people at those times. Not like I seek it out, but is okay to be with myself. Completeness. If someone comes or calls me, fine, but don't have urge to do anything. Could look at it as isolation, but doesn't feel that way. Feels like being in a zone and really nothing is disturbing me. Not needing anybody or anything. Nice, peaceful, no need to expand on the moment, situation.
I don't want to be around people, but I do want to connect with people on the telephone. Something about being in person is challenging. I want to be by myself, want for quieter, softer surroundings.
I want to 'stay within myself'; not wanting to 'force things. Feeling is one of relief
I feel drawn to the cabins on the lake and again want one of my own - too the yoga studio the garden and this gentlemen’s woodwork - I want a place of beauty on the water doing art and beauty - inspiring
Feeling that I want to protect my privacy. Don’t want it to be out in the world. Want to be choiceful about.
Pleased to have a day alone, no commitments, no people to see, and a house to myself. I feel reflective and quiet inside. I feel content in my own space, with my own self.
Do not invade my space, “Back off and leave me alone”
I did not like her invading my space. It pissed me off. I don't want to share my inner thoughts with her.
Feeling guilty about guy I am seeing. Want to see him, yet need independence. He is clingy
Whether it is “1530” or “15:30”, doesn't matter if there is a colon in it. Another thing I have to pay attention to which is not necessary.
Think of on and off all day - how can I leave my job.
She told me she was feeling motherly about it and I feel totally disgusted by this. I want to say "Back off and leave me alone!"
(Dream) It seems as if this man in charge has control or is trying to get control of everything - no one likes him I don’t like him - I don’t like how he is talking to us and the rules and the restrictions he gives us as if everything belongs to him and we can do nothing.
A Higher Level
“I feel strongly that I must defend those who cannot defend themselves.”
Transformation, the Light, Merging with the Universe, Our True Nature
I would like to start meditating again; it’s calling to me for the past several weeks.
Dream: I am merging with a Celestial being that is in a photograph before me. I see 10,000 hands with eyes on them. I keep hearing the sound: Om (repeating over and over and over).
I am a being of light. That is incredible. It is what it is. It is complete unto itself. It's like the sun, a source of the universe. Warmth, life, life-force, light, even joy.
My true nature can come through this transformation that has happened.
A glowing ring of white light centered in my heart, that is connected to an infinite source of love, an infinity of love, I am just the outside pieces of this infinite body of love and white light, I can stand and enjoy this feeling of pure being
Dream: Pure love, light streaming into me from her, connected to whole energy source. Still her. Like there was something streaming out of her right into me as I was pressed into to her. Transferred to me, messages of strength.
Addictions, “Additions as a result of denying your own truths”
Themes of addictions as a result of denying your own truths. Other things like…alcoholism, Rehab, Amy Winehouse, and Children drinking alcohol.
I want coffee - as much as I want with no side effects, including interrupting my remedies or ruining my gut or being an addict or looking for love in all the wrong places - I just want the pleasure of drinking coffee with no DEEPER meaning.
I wanted to take more remedy because I woke up with anxiety and felt like it was wearing off. I was so frantically searching for it. Very peculiar -- like an addiction. I don't know what addiction is like, it's what I imagine addiction to be like. I need this substance NOW, and I can't think of anything else until I get it. This is a similar feeling to the ravenous when hungry.
Higher Calling, For the Greater Good
Just sent him the e-mail ten minutes ago, came from loving place, had good perspective, reacting as a higher being.
Turns out that my new job is at a large-scale institution that's surviving because of the decisions they've made over the years to focus on the people that make up the institution.
Permeating the mainstream with new ideas about culture is about cooperation and engaging with your constituents.
I feel strongly that I must defend those who cannot defend themselves. I feel courageous and clear.
Dream: Full of conflict. I am confronting someone a teacher for sarcasm toward a young child. I am in a Victorian classroom sitting in a large circle with other adult students. We are waiting for our lessons to begin. There is an adjoining room with children who are around the ages of two to four years old. A child makes a mistake and the teacher scolds him. Not one of the adults speaks up; everyone sits there observing this sarcasm. I am outraged internally but externally I ask the teacher to step back away from the child and reconsider how she interacts with him from then on
Thinking of Rastafarians as peace messengers who are fighting injustice. The idea that their behavior is excused because of their mission, i.e. Bob Marley having 11 kids with 7 women.
But I didn't get mad or offended or agree like I normally would. I just gently counterpointed some of his more judgmental arguments and tried to have compassion for his aloneness.
From a Higher Level, “To see from a higher perspective”
We get so caught up in our reactions, we are controlled, oppressed, when you remove judgment, this pure experience occurs. It is like being able to see things from a higher perspective.
I doubt a lot of things, I can't get to my own inner wisdom, or my own higher self.
Crown chakra : balloons, light, gay (old fashioned sense of the word). Intense light near death experience like. Intense light, wanting to connect to the intelligence of that light, connected. Disconnect. Separation. Comfortable in the face of the unknown. As if a tiger would be walking through the forest and sensing danger but not running away.
A sensation of being high up, above looming above, looking down. I'm standing in my house but I feel I can see through the house. From a little bird's eye view. Atmospheric. Like a high fortress, or a imprisoning tower cell...
High Stakes, “My one decision could change everything”
Toxic could kill -- me or my dog. But it would be a mistake. Not something on purpose. A horrible accident.
I could dwell on it for years, I still second guess myself, I shouldn't have, I hold on to things forever… feeling guilty, you did wrong thing, caused something else to happen… being in control. Thinking my one decision could have changed everything. In my mind, I was powerful person, my decisions would change everything, would make the difference.
I know the potential of this love, it is a tortured existence if I don't choose it. Time is running out. I may have had choices like this before, but the word is surrender or just dive into the ocean, to just dive into the ocean of light. No compunction, no hesitation. It is kind of scary. That I would lose myself if I jump into it. It is a bit overwhelming, I am afraid of the happiness and the joy. I need to choose this, I'd be sad if I didn't choose this.
Dream: dreamt that I had a homeopathic child client who developed thyroid cancer, I had kept telling the mother that everything would be fine as his symptoms were improving and then I got a call that he had terminal cancer…I felt awful like I had dropped the ball and not been aware of the severity of his condition. I had my homeopathic instructor show up and approach me with concern for my non concern. The instructor lectured me on staying on top of things and to watch for subtle signs so that you keep your client vital. The feeling was of guilt of not being a better healer for this child and of sorrow for the grief that the mom and family was going thru. I felt like a failure. (118)
Dream: Nightmare of the end of the world coming - at any minute. Imminent doom/threat. Felt severe anxiety, speeding up of the threat. All pervasive. No one else around. Standing in front of a wall? Mapping out the threat? Can barely remember any details, only the feeling. Something to do with global war, attack, extinction of all. Was absolutely going to happen, almost at any minute.
Been reading Smithsonian Magazine - one article about an amateur photographer who became famous after her death when photography aficionados accidentally discovered her work.
Makes me want to paint and write and have no schedule except to be in weather.
I wish to be a writer writing a Pulitzer prize winning novel - sitting in absorbed attention and creativity;
I'm interested in the aesthetic, art, visual interpretation - visual prettiness. Like to make things beautiful, appealing to the eye.
Dream: Red haired woman dressed elegantly in sky blue gown, successful and beautiful, and I looked just like her. I was cleaning and organizing. I was surprised at how successful and beautiful I was, I had not recognized my own
Mind: ACTIVITY - desires activity
ADDICTED; tendency to become
AILMENTS FROM - anger with indignation/anticipation/disappointment/embarrassment/grief/mental exertion/reproaches/being scorned
AMBITION - blocked/increased - competitive
AMOROUS (fits of amorousness)
ANGER - abdomen; with complaints in
ANSWERING - refusing to answer
ALONE, Desires to be
ANSWERING - slowly/snappishly/unable to answer (when hurt emotionally)
ANXIETY - morning on waking/beside oneself from anxiety/about future/about own heart/with hurry/when time is set
AUTISM (in children)
AWARENESS heightened - body; of - Heart beating
CAREFULNESS/full of CARES
CHECKING - twice or more; must check
CLARITY of mind
CLEANNESS - mania for
COLORS - desires blue/silver
COMPANY - aversion to (cannot bear anybody/desires solitude)
CONCENTRATION - difficult
CONFIDENCE - want of self-confidence (self-depreciation)/CONFIDENT
CONFUSION of mind [identity, as to his (personal boundaries)]
CONTRADICTION - agg./CONTRARY
DELUSION - another dimension, she is in/parallel world/is alien/alone, being (not belong to anyone/alone in the world)/left half of the body does not belong to her/is out of the body/
of distances (enlarged)/division between himself and others/”As if drugged”/doubted his own existence/has two existences/floating in air/is a great person/head is a balloon, rising up and stretching the neck/were high/one's space is being invaded/he is light/is persecuted/is pregnant/is a prisoner/seeing herself/is separated from the world/things appear small/is trapped/being watched by herself/”As if will power lost”/is worthless
DETACHED (“As if observing from outside”)
DISGUST (of one’s own body/oneself)
DISTANCES - are exaggerated/inaccurate judged
DREAM; as if in a
DRUGS - taken drugs; as if one had
DULLNESS (does not understand questions addressed to her)
EMOTIONS - predominated by the intellect
ESCAPE, attempts to
EXCITEMENT (# sleepiness/by windy and stormy weather)
FASTIDIOUS (about personal appearance)
FEAR (of one's own age/being alone/causeless/of company/of contagion/losing control/crossing a street/in a crowd/something will happen/arising from heart/of high places/when hungry/
in narrow place/sudden/terror at night/being touched/waking from a dream)
FORSAKEN feeling - isolation; sensation of
HELD - desire to be held
HELPLESSNESS; feeling of
HIDING himself (on account of fear)
INDIFFERENCE (to own appearance/even towards dearest friends/to duties/to everything)
INJUSTICE, cannot support
IRRITABILITY (during menses)
MENSES - before
MISTAKES [speaking (words)/spelling/writing (transposing letters/wrong letters, figures]
MOOD - changeable
NATURE - loves
ORDER (Sparcity), desire for
PLANS - making many plans
POSTPONING everything to next day
POWER - sensation of
PROSTRATION of mind
PURITY - desire for
RELIGIOUS AFFECTIONS (too occupied with religion)/PRAYING
REPROACHING - oneself/others
SADNESS (morning on waking/with stomach complaints/when waking
SENSITIVE (to rudeness)
SIZE - incorrect judgement of
SPEECH - embarrassed/loud
STOOL - after
STUDYING - difficult
THOUGHTS - move in circles/compelling/control lost/disconnected/rapid/vague/vanishing/wandering
TIME - appears shorter; passes too quickly/appears longer; passes too slowly/”As if timeless”
TRUTH - desire for truthfulness/sensitive to people's truthfulness/telling the plain truth
UNIFICATION - sensation of unification
WILL - loss of will power/weak
WITHDRAWAL from reality
VERTIGO: < FEAR
NAUSEA - with
HEAD: BUBBLING sensation in
COLDNESS, chilliness, etc. - pain; with
CONSTRICTION - band or hoop
ERUPTIONS - eczema - Margin of hair/occiput
HEAT - flushes of
ITCHING of scalp
LIGHTNESS; sensation of
PAIN - after unpleasant dreams/< exertion/eyes (behind)/in frontal sinuses/pinching/pressing “As from a weight”/ pressure/temples
TENSION - Scalp
EYE: DISCOLORATION - red
< during HEAT
PAIN - burning
PARALYSIS of Lids
VISION: AURA - people; of
HALO around the light
HEARING: - LOST
FACE: CLENCHED jaw
CRACKED - corners of mouth (l.)
ERUPTIONS - acne (nose)/painful
ITCHING - lower jaws
PAIN - Jaws/sinuses (frontal/maxillary)
TINGLING in Lips
MOUTH: BLEEDING gums (morning)
GUMS; complaints of
ODOR - metallic/sulphurous
PAIN - Tongue - burning
TASTE - bloody
ULCERS - Tongue
NOSE: CONGESTION (sinuses)
DISCHARGE - dripping/posterior nares (at night)
DRYNESS - Nostrils
PAIN - pressing pain
SINUSES; complaints of frontal sinuses
SNEEZING at night (<lying down)
PERSPIRATION - at night/in bed/offensive
THROAT: HAWK; disposition to
PAIN - r./burning (with dryness)/”As if raw”
EXTERNAL THROAT: ERUPTIONS - burning
APPETITE - diminished/increased/ravenous
PAIN (when empty)
VOMITING - during diarrhea
ABDOMEN: < ANGER
COMPLAINTS of Gallbladder and ducts
DISTENSION (from flatulence)
FLATULENCE - obstructed
PAIN - < bending double/lower abdomen/sore
FLATUS offensive like spoiled eggs
FORCIBLE, sudden, gushing
BLADDER: URINATION frequent
ERUPTIONS - acne/boils
HEARTBEAT - < each heartbeat/whole body shaking
INFLAMMATION - Bronchial tubes
OPPRESSION (respiration difficult)
PAIN - < morning in bed ( changing position)/night on waking aching/pressing pain (“As from a weight”)/”As if raw”/ribs/sternum - stitching pain
VIBRATION (sensation as if)
URINE: ODOR - strong
FEMALE GENITALIA/SEX: COMPLAINTS of female genitalia - + complaints of lumbar region
MENSES - clotted/copious/too early/too late
PAIN - l./burning/cramping/ovaries/sharp/stitching/uterus - cramping/vagina
SEXUAL DESIRE - diminished/increased
MALE GENITALIA/SEX: SEXUAL DESIRE - increased
LARYNX AND TRACHEA: PAIN - burning < during cough
COUGH: < at night in bed/DRY air (in open air/until vomiting/< EMOTIONS/< LYING DOWN/disturbing sleep/WHOOPING
EXPECTORATION: BROWNISH - yellow/YELLOW
CHEST: in ANXIETY
IMPEDED, obstructed from oppression on chest
PAINFUL - inspiration <
YAWNING - after
NECK: ERUPTIONS (boils)
PAIN - “As if paralyzed²
BACK: ERUPTIONS - Lumbar region
PAIN - Lumbar region - ext. sacrum/sacral region/sacroiliac region (< bending forward/< sitting)/Sacroiliac symphyses (sore)/spine - aching/ stretching
Limbs: CHILLINESS (feet/hands)
COLDNESS - Thighs - night
CONSTRICTION - Lower limbs
DRYNESS - Hands
ERUPTIONS - bleeding after scratching/boils/Feet - fungus/Fingertips - blisters/hard/Nates/pustules/rash/thighs (inside/itching)
FINGERS; complaints of - Nails
HEAVINESS (lower limbs)
PAIN - aching/< in bed (sore)/cramping/cutting/l. foot cramping/fingertips - sore/hips (l. aching/stitching)/lower limbs - cutting pain/sharp/shoulders aching/Spots; in - sore/tendons/wrists
SENSITIVE - Fingers
SHOULDERS; complaints of - right
STIFFNESS - Feet ( walking)
TENSION - Hands
VIBRATION; sensation of (hands/lower limbs/upper limbs)
WEAKNESS - Upper limbs/< walking
ERUPTIONS - acne (pustular)/boils/pustules (yellow)
STINGS of insects
DISTURBED (by cough)
“As if INTOXICATED”
POSITION changed frequently
SHORT - in catnaps
SLEEPLESS [at night/+ sleepiness (daytime)]
WAKING - too early/frequent
ACCIDENTS/ACTIVITY/ADVENTUROUS/AGGRESSIVE/AIRPLANES/ALIEN from outer space/ALIENS (drop the line from outer space)/AMOROUS/ANIMALS (moose/bear/cats/dogs)/
ANXIOUS/APOCALYPTIC, trying to save the world/ARMAGEDDON/AUM or OM/AUTHORITY/BEATEN, being/BELONGING - she knows where she belongs/BETRAYED, having been/BICYCLE; riding a (with maximal force)/BOAT/BODY - submerged underwater/BOILS/BOOTS - tall metallic with buckles/BUDDHA/BUILDINGS/CALM/CAMPING/(merging with) CELESTIAL BEING(S)/CEREMONIES/CHAOTIC/about CHILDREN/CLAIRVOYANT/CLEANING/CLIMBING/CLOSET - dirty/COLORED - exaggerated colors and proportions/
CONFUSED/COUNTRY - foreign/CURIOUS dream/DANGER/DARKNESS/DEATH/DELIVERING a baby/DESPAIR/DISAPPOINTMENTS/DISCONNECT/DISGUSTING/DRIVING a car/ ENDLESS/ESCAPING (from danger)/EXAMINATIONS/EXCREMENTS/own FAMILY/Father/FARMING/FEAR/FIELDS (large, open)/ FIGHTING; one is/FISH/FOOD/FOREST/FORSAKEN; being/FRIENDS/FRIGHTFUL/GAMES/GHOSTS/of GOD/GROUPS/GUNS/HIGH places/standing on a hill/HOLES/HOUSE/INJURIES/JEALOUSY/JOURNEYS (on train)/LEWD/was LIFTED out of her body/of LIGHT/being lost (in a forest/in a house/in a strange place/MAGIC/MASTURBATION/MISTAKES; of making/MONEY - gold, of/MURDER/MUSIC/NARROW place/NIGHTMARES/
NURSING newborns/OCEAN/PARALLEL WORLDS/PEOPLE/PHOTOGRAPHS, taking/PLANTS/POLARBEAR/POWER EMANATING from feet/POWERFUL/PRISONER - being taken a/
PURSUED, being (by enemies/by ghosts)/QUARRELS/RELATIVES/RIVER/ROBBERS/of large, white rocks/ROOMS/ROYALTY - queen, princess/SCOLDING a child/being a SEED/SEXUAL (several people, having sex with)/SHIP/SHOCKING (events without emotions)/SNAKES/STREAM/TEACHER - spiritual; of a/TEACHING/THIRSTY, being/THREATENED; of being/TIME - travelling through/TRAIN/TRAP - being trapped/VIOLENCE/VIVID/WAR/WAVES - huge wave approaching/WOMEN/WORK/WORLD - dark and cold, another world that is/WOUNDED, being
Excess of energy
< EXERTION physical (slight exertion)
FOOD and DRINKS <: alcoholic drinks/lemonade/lemons;
Desires: cold beer/carbonated drinks/cold drink/fat/meat/ice cream/pastry/pizza/salt/rich food/sugar/sweets;
Aversion to: tomatoes;
HEAT - lack of vital heat
INTERNAL PARTS; complaints of
KNOTTED sensation internally
MENSES - before - agg.
MUSCLES; complaints of
PAIN - Joints
PARALYSIS - left
< PRESSURE ( steady pressure)
TENSION - Muscles; of
TOBACCO - desire for tobacco
VIBRATION, fluttering, etc. (“As if”)
WEATHER - < hot/wet weather
WOUNDS - bites;
Gemüt: leicht beleidigt
Furcht (ermordet zu werden/zu fallen, zu stürzen/vor Herzerkrankung/vor hochgelegenen Orten/vor Menschen/in Menschenmenge/vor Selbstmord/vor Teufeln/vor dem Tod)
Geisteskrankheit, Wahnsinn/verwirrt geistig
Wahnideen (allein zu sein/von Überlegenheit/verträgt keinen Widerspruch)
Magen: Appetit vermindert
Träume: zu fallen, zu stürzen/hochgelegene Orte
Weibliche Genitalien: Beschwerden während Entbindung/während Schwangerschaft
Aussehen - dunkel/Fettleibigkeit
Bewegung/ Druck/< Reiben/< Berührung/ essend/< Dunkelheit
im Freien/ Gehen/< kalte Luft/< trockenes Wetter
< Liegen/< Ruhe/< Sitzen/< während Menses/< wenn Nüchtern
Speisen und Getränke: Abgeneigt: Fleisch; Verlangt: Alkohol/Brot/Fleisch/kalte Getränke, kaltes Wasser/Süßigkeiten;
Stadium 3 Lanthanidenserie: verzweifeltes Suchen nach und Zweifel um eigene Autonomie (unsicher, zögernd, ängstlich); Zweifel ob Verantwortung übernehmen kann.
Will Unabhängigkeit, eigenständiges Format mit vielen Versuchen erlangen (wie in alle Richtungen zu selben Zeit schauen); bei Hänseln o. Kritik totale Verunsicherung mit Rückzug in eigene innere Welt, in der wieder verwirrt; wollen einen großen Mund haben, geben aber auf wenn ein anderer einen größeren Mund hat.
Ursache: dominierender Vater, Spott in Schule;
Hänseln/Spotten (über eigene Unfähigkeit) und verspottet werden; „Pokerface“; Lächeln aus Unsicherheit um andere auf eigene Seite zu bringen;
Talent: ein Problem aus 3 Perspektiven anschauen