Lanthaum Macht Erforschen/Suche
Vergleich: Siehe: Stadium 3 + Periode 6 + Lantaniden
Quelle: remedia.at
Lanthanum arsenicosum
Lanthanum bromatum
Lanthanum carbonicum
Lanthanum chloratum
Lanthanum fluoratum
Lanthanum fluoricum
Lanthanum glutamicum
Lanthanum glutaminicum
Lanthanum hydroxydatum
Lanthanum iodatum
Lanthanum lacticum
Lanthanum metallicum
Lanthanum muriaticum
Lanthanum nitricum
Lanthanum oxalicum
Lanthanum selenicosum
Lanthanum silicicum
Lanthanum sulfuricum
Lanthanum sulphuricum
Negativ: Zweifelt (verwirrt) ob sie Führungs-Verantwortung übernehmen sollen/ob sie das können; trifft Entscheidungen zögerlich und ist in Zweifel ob richtig (Verwirrung), vermeiden der Verantwortung lieber; probieren es zu mehreren Gelegenheiten, um sich und Machtstrukturen kennen zu lernen und zu verstehen; bei geringem Widerstand/Kritik geben sie auf, geben Vorsitz wieder ab; wollen einen großen Mund haben, geben aber auf wenn ein anderer einen größeren Mund hat;
Lanthanum
is a state of confusion and doubt at the core. The individual is stuck, does
not know what to do and does not even know how to begin to make a plan. It’s
the moment before labor; the moment of potential, but also the moment of pause
with no movement. It’s like storming the beaches of Normandy, the boats come ashore
and it is time for the soldiers to run out. Inside, they feel incapable of the
next step required of them. Lanthanum is in Column three. They are trying to
leave the comfort of their structure behind them and move to a new structure.
“Like a change needs to happen, I need to move to next stage, but I don't know
what to do.”
The
main issue is the lack of expression. They can experience symptoms that feel
like blockages and symptoms in which if they could just pass stool, or just throw
up, or just start their period they would get relief. In their life they are
likely facing choices and options of which they are unable to choose, therefore
unable to start. They are not the people that tried and failed, they are likely
the ones that never really tried at all. They can have apathy and easy thoughts
of “giving up.”
This
can be experienced as an internal claustrophobia, and internal craziness that
is not seen on the outside. Here is the inherent difficulty with the
Lanthanides, as Lanthanum will not want to show this incapacity. They fear
ridicule, judgment and embarrassment so they attempt to keep the state hidden.
Because this is a Row 5/Row 6 dilemma, they also know that the penalty for not
expressing is large. The lack of manifestation is really a painful situation
for them, for it means a life without their inner light, a shallow life without
their soul. This is the dilemma between light and dark, enlightenment and a
life of denying your own truths.
On
the surface they can appear rushed and to calm the internal chaos they will
attempt to keep the outside in order and clean. They can be sensitive to
dis-order and chaos because this is how they feel inside. Lanthanum can also
experience heaviness with their lack of movement. They will have a longing for
movement and flow and will experience lightness when things are moving.
In
Lanthanum there can be an experience of parallel worlds. It appears to be an
expression of the detachment and distance their have from others as well as
their inner confusion. It’s as if they can see the potential for different
paths of existence but remain floating between the worlds. The real world
around them seems distant. They may actually have difficulty interacting with
others (Autism). This retreat of inner exploration and caution can be
experienced as a retreat into a tall fortress tower. In the tower, they are
safe from failure and judgment but it becomes a prison for them. There can be
grief and intense isolation for them. There can also be relief and peace in
their aloneness. Their ultimate goal is the merging with consciousness and
spiritual unity however their existence is one of separation and detachment.
Although
at the far left of this row, Lanthanum will have the similar higher striving as
is found in rows five and six. They can be concerned with the greater good as
well as interesting in creativity and expression. They also experience the
negative of this which is the failure when success is not reached. In their
mind they know that one decision could change the rest of their lives. So the
risk of making the wrong decision in monumental. The self-reproach that they
experience may also cause them to be addicted to substances.
Doubt,
Confusion, Distraction and Order
“Like
a change needs to happen, I need to move to next stage, but I don't know what
to do.”
Like
a change needs to happen, I need to move to next stage, but I don't know what
to do.
There
is also the sense that you have to get out of the fortress. However, you don't
know how to do so. You have no plan and aren't certain exactly how to make that
plan.
Now
am second guessing-maybe I just like the fact that he wants to be around and do
so much for me?
I
felt a sense of excitement and adventure, and there was also this
hesitation...it felt like chaos.
Concern
about doing it right, I am always questioning my experience of things because I
can always see things more than one way.
Agonizing
over deciding what I want.
Things
just slip away, not able to hold my ground or hold my truth. Stand my ground.
Lacking courage, also hard to know what I want sometimes and to find what I
want.
I
don't feel like I'm here and I don't feel like I'm in the now -- but I don't
feel like I'm not here and now. I'm not sure where I am exactly. Feeling of doubt
and questions.
Confusion
about what I really want: do I want to be on the path I'm on?
(Dream)
more dreams of confusion, can't find, chaos. The sensation was confusion.
Proving,
not proving? Me, not me? Everything seems connected right now. Symbiotic,
ambient field?
Looking
at the television and cable news, I am like, "Is this for real? Is this a
pretend story?"
Incapacity,
“I feel very small and young”
I
feel dumb. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing. I want to structure this. I
want to do it right.
Like
a brand new plant that needs to grow, to get bigger and stronger. Like a baby
tree and a wooden dowel is like the mother supporting it until it's bigger.
It's vulnerable. To everything outside, to people, …especially to the wind.
I
am feeling inadequate and have been feeling this all day. It's a challenging
feeling. I feel very small and young, like a small child trying to find his
way, but I must find my way alone. It's easier to stay inside and play within
this fortress
All
the steps are too hard, not what I want to do. Just want it to go away.
Feel
in my chest, it's going to be going down and energy all goes down and feels
foreboding, something is going to happen, not able to maintain that level,
going downhill.
My
confidence is way down this weekend. Feel incapable of being able to stay above
this. I am just not smart enough, capable enough to do this. Everyone else
seems so competent. Had to check the spelling of that word!
After
yoga - so aware of how weak I am in my core, but don’t even want to go there.
Kind of like the deserving thing. Want to collapse. All of a sudden tired. Just
don’t want to do it anymore. Core is weak. Very aware of where I can’t do
things.
Dream: Out in a boat; a develop disabled person on
board; a gang trying to make us captive; the Disabled person fought back; he
was able to free all of us.
Dream: Had some shame when holding down syndrome baby
in arms but when baby smiled I had some connection.
Dream: The
corner I am standing on is falling apart - loose boards. I can barely hang on.
Frantically struggling to keep from falling. Continues to break as I hang on
for dear life!
Distraction,
“I get thrown off my path, I am susceptible to their image”
I’m
trying to get back into my normal exercise i.e. yoga but keep getting
distracted.
I
get thrown off my path. I am susceptible to their image. I don't have an anchor
for with standing that. I get thrown about in the wind.
Very
suggestible. I kept walking around today saying I was confused, but I wasn't
confused about anything in particular.
Floating
with no grounding. No permanent guideposts of where I am in my life. Not upset
by that, not affecting me in negative way, less attached to material world
which I don't like anyway.
Dream: This
one involved searching around Denver for a Mexican restaurant. I was wandering
these street-light, dimly lit streets and the telephone poles seemed very tall.
They were all made out of wood. The Mexican restaurant was white with red
letters on it. I don't recall the name, but I remember feeling like it was very
important to find it. The streets were hilly and I was walking up and down;
occasionally I'd come to a little courtyard like area where people were sitting
outside eating and listening to music, the atmosphere was very festive, and I
would ask for directions. People were friendly, but I had the feeling like I
wasn't going to find this place. It was concerning.
Dream: Dream
out at some sort of school. My job is to interview people for some play role.
Walking through nature, slid down a cliff. Have to take really dangerous and
rickety stairs back up.
I’m
confused about what day of the proving it is. Suddenly I see a gap of 5 days in
my notes and I had to count to make sure I was correct. In a very strange
headspace at the moment
Unknowingly
switched grocery carts in the grocery store w someone. I would've thought I
would've noticed those two [extra] items. I was surprised that I didn't notice,
at my lack of awareness. Boy, was I unaware!
Desires
Order, “It felt good to get organized”
Space
is important - a pleasing, uncluttered, calming.
I
want order in my life, all this stuff all around. Confusion-things buzz around
in my head, try to find things, can't find, agitation. Multiplies and gets more
confusing like a swarm of bees-where the hell is this piece of paper I want?
Simplifying things, getting rid of things won't be so complicated. Feels good
to get rid of stuff.
Understanding
that in order to get better we all have to clean house, to get organized,
internally organized.
Cleaning,
felt good to get organized.
Dream: Had a dream last night, but only remember a
fraction of it. I needed to use the toilet and found it filthy. Disgusting. Had
to clean it; was disgusted, but needed to use it.
I
like to have empty wall spaces, empty floor spaces, empty spaces.
Clarity
I
feel I’ve broken thru to some kind of clarity I’ve been seeking for a long
time.
Being
okay with making a decision, not listening to whatever conflict is going on
with head and heart. You are able to make a decision. You don't sit there
stopped. You can keep moving. In this conflict, you are stuck in this current,
you are swimming against current and going nowhere. You stay in same spot. With
the current, you get somewhere.
Pre-Labor,
the Moment before
“I
was a seed being planted in a freshly plowed field of rich black dirt.”
The
Moment before Something is Realized
Dream: A war between darkness and lightness. We are storming
the beach of Normandy, the boat landed and it was time to run out. (Then I woke
up)
I
feel like I'm pregnant but I'm not. Like I'm at end of pregnancy, let's just
get this shit over with… when will I be normal again… I feel like I'm having
contractions, and I need to push this baby. I am stuck in transition stage, I
feel like… I'm in pre-labor but not moving on into the next stage of labor. I'm
not doing anything to make it better, my body isn't working like it needs to
expel what needs to expelled.
Dream: I was a seed being planted in a freshly plowed
field of rich black dirt. There were other people around me that were also
being planted. The feeling of togetherness.
All
feels dormant. No ability to will myself through. No creativity. No ability to
worry like I usually do - but causes anxiety when I just want to be in this
womb-like state. Feel lonely and isolated, but don’t really want to be with
anyone. Really preferring to be alone. Wanting to go deep within, but with no
thoughts. Like a void. If reach out to connect, quickly feel irritated and
agitated with chit chat, listening, focusing. Feel no movement, but know that
something deeper is happening. Like being pregnant. All energy goes into
something changing, growing. But nothing to show for it right now. Very
detached. Observing. Irritated by people. Just wanting to be in this state,
without the anxiety. No effort.
Thoughts
of being in the moment JUST before creation - not the emptiness or void, when
all is potential - but, the moment just before something is realized. The
"effect" is known. "It is" on the verge of becoming. And,
in this case, it is on the verge of becoming a state of equanimity: "the
state of stability or composure arising from a deep awareness and acceptance of
the present moment."
"You
are only a thought away from changing your life."
I
am anticipatory of seeing something marvellous if I say quiet and vigilant -
awake.
Feeling
like I'm waiting for something to happen.
Distressing,
concerning: what I want is not manifesting through me, but I can see it right
there, on the other side of an abstract barrier.
Feels
like something living and moving inside of me. If possible, I'd be convinced I
were pregnant. My insides have never felt like this! Like something moving and
circling round inside of me, kicking
me,
pushing on me.
A
feeling of wanting to be in a womb, where one just is. No effort, just being.
Feels like something is happening, but need to wait.
Like
childbirth, you must let go of the idea that it is a horrible experience and
just be with it.
Dream: I am so happy to be there. The anticipation of
what is coming is so fulfilling - the chance to listen and to receive - to be
there. When I awake I am so happy this was the dream and want to remember it thinking
perhaps I should get up and write it down. But I don’t I fall back to sleep and
dream again. When I wake from that dream I remember that I dreamed before but
cannot remember
and
feel disappointed like I have lost something important. Later I get a glimmer
and then it leaves.
Inhibited Self-Expression, Internal Pressure
“Internal
claustrophobia. Nothing is expressed, no period, no tears, no emotions.”
“I
have that potential but it is not manifesting.”
Inhibited
Self-Expression, “I have that potential but it is not manifesting”
Need
courage to do it. Other side is to never practice opportunity, low paying job,
scruffy old apartment, be alone and afraid the rest of my life. I don't want to
be around if that is the case.
Being
a shell of a man, living shell of life instead of being vital. I can be strong,
full of life. Jealous when see others…I have that potential but it is not
manifesting.
I
find that in my head I answered them, but I literally didn't type those emails
and press send.
Wondering
how it is I cannot be in the becoming of what feels important and right now,
how it is that what I love, I cannot reach, create, or act on/for. I'm not
doing it, what's truly important to me,
in
my heart, in my soul.
My
neck was just tense, block between heart and throat chakra. I couldn't speak
out about what was happening. I was too afraid to say what was in my
heart.
Dream: I was in a field of grain on the top of a
hill. The feeling was one of pleasant understanding and when I awoke I thought
about all the people who resonate with plants must be focused on the
environment. They are helpless, stuck in one place and impacted by what is
happening around them.
Can't
grab a hold of my dreams. It takes time in the morning to wake up and clear my
head. Dreams deep but I can't pull a memory out.
Internal
Pressure, “Like shaking up a two-liter bottle and leaving the top on”
Internal
claustrophobia. Nothing is expressed, no period, no tears, no emotions.
I
sighed, a release of some pressure of some kind. Like a valve opening up and
pressure is building and I didn't even know it was building but, not like I
felt trapped or anything, but release and relief. Pressure came out of a valve
kind of thing. Felt tension went down.
Inside
my energy feels squiggly - like a child trying to wriggle out of something -
escape.
Waking
up, anger at my internal state which I can only describe as agitated moving too
fast, no resolutions, dissatisfaction.
There
is this other person inside and it's intense.
Feel
very much in my head and not able to tune into my surroundings
energetically.
Outside
circumstances matching crazy feeling, want to get in car and go 100 mph. Like
I'm on speed. Want to be not where I am, 20 steps ahead of myself. Want to go
forward, but wall. Run into wall
and
fall down. Want to scream but something is covering your mouth. Want to shoot
like a bullet, body wants to fling forward, go really fast, pressure inside me,
building.
This
panic, like shaking up two-liter bottle and leaving top on, like needs to
explode but can't. Needed to explode but not being able to. Like being stuck
not able to let things flow.
Hurry,
“In a big rush to get something done”
A
sensation of everything racing occurred the other night. It was really like I
was being pulled, drawn to go faster and faster, I was thwarted to go faster
and faster, I am normally a safe driver, this happened within the last week.
The drivers in front of me were pulling over and letting me pass. An inner
feeling like I wouldn't arrive on time, I had enormous pressure, it felt like
someone was waiting
for
me.
I
got a “really want to run”, “gotta do something” feeling. An urgency. Something
to get out of hole I’m in somehow.
In
a big rush to get some things done; must e-mail someone now; must talk to my
supervisor now; can't do it all right now.
Time.
There is like no concept of time. I don't care how long it takes to get places
on the trip, and in no rush at all. I've lost all sense of time and its
necessity. There's like this eternal amount of time and
I'm
not on the clock at all. (Curative)
Stillness,
“Being unaffected by the craziness around”
What
is completeness? Serenity, eye of the storm, calm and perfectly still, you know
there is craziness going around, can do a number on you, but in the eye is
perfectly still. Calm in mind and body.
Like
a king whose court is going crazy. A still point. Being unaffected by craziness
around.
I
love the trees and the sun and the wind but mostly I love the space and time to
move like this - to let nature work on me instead of my mind pressing in on
itself
Solidness,
solid as a rock, like some kind of tranquillity or stability. Grounded.
Stability, just there, what it is and solid. Nothing is going to move it. It's
knows what it is and is not going to be influenced, be what/who it is. Doesn't
matter what is going on around it. Eye of the hurricane in the sense that
complete and to itself and doesn't really need any input on what it is or who
it is.
Heaviness,
No Movement, Relief with Movement
“This
heaviness prevents the expansion into the void”
“If
I were a natural stream, even in the dry stream, I would know that deep below
there are underground currents, where the water is still flowing.”
Heaviness,
Grief, “This heaviness prevents the expansion into the void”
"When
you see God, you will forget all else" Heaviness prevents the expansion
into the void.
I
feel like I am going up in this elevator, all of this past stuff, that has
weighed me down, it's being sliced off, cut off, it is very exciting. The last
nine months have been a huge spiritual awakening for me. In terms of, grabbing
hold of this power that I've always known is there.
Like
a little of that grief has left, like a load is a little lighter.
I
suppress that a lot, Heaviness. Sense of loss,
Spent
half of a day sobbing and crying, a deep, old sadness without specific sense to
be made of it.
As
I am walking again this afternoon the wind is blowing the trees rustling it is
warm and beautiful - usually an environment that would be elated for me -
however I feel myself weighted walking through this light airiness.
Physical
exhaustion continues but my mind is fine. Legs feel especially heavy like I’m
walking through mud.
Sadness
worse with music. Feels like going into a heavy pit of goo. The more I listen,
the more sucked in, the less able I am to move out of it.
Just
have to let go and set down attachments I have been carrying and I can rise
up(hg) rise up, not float, but raising up and I cannot carry all those things,
I let go, they drop down, so great.
When
I took the remedy, the instant the back of my skull started tingling like an
opening of a chakra, the crown chakra opened, more like in the front.
Unbalanced kind of feeling. (curative)
No
Movement, “I long, long, long for the moving waters again”
If
I were a natural stream, even in the dry stream, I would know that deep below
there are underground currents, where the water is still flowing. When it clogs
up again or dries up again, I despair,
and
I long, long, long, long, long for the moving waters again.
Like
a water line, the water is there it's just not flowing through where needs to
go. The lines aren't open. Not broken, it's just not turned on.
It
was chaos, all of the obstacles, thwarting me, something in my path, like a
roadblock, a sudden barricade.
I
am not going to fly away or float away into another dimension; somehow I am
caught between the third dimension and the fifth dimension.
I'm
in the mix with it all, I'm in the middle of Times Square and someone hit this
"fast forward" button and I'm still on "pause". Everyone is
rushing by me and I can't keep up, and everyone's lives are going around me and
I'm just stationary.
Relief
with Movement, “Everything was flowing”
I
feel my consciousness unravelling - enough of a stream that something essential
was able to move through…is now being pulled and drawn in this underground
stream. Want to go with AND I am afraid. Bringing forth my own fears
All
foundations are cracking, light shining up from underneath. Transition. Whole
old structure falling away, new one is coming up from underneath to take its
place. Not like a piece here and there, it is changing, something totally new
is coming. Old stuff just being totally wiped out.
I
have an easier day and things to look forward to and the mood lifts easily
after getting out of bed and getting ready for work.
Tears
streaming down my face experiencing ecstasy and absolute peace, I cried. This
is a rare occurrence for me and I'm certain that it has something to do with
the proving; long held in emotions are coming to the surface.
I
started period, three weeks late. Then all of a sudden I felt so much better.
Mental/Emotional/Physical, everything, as if you were moving forward
Everything
was flowing. I'm being productive, I'm doing things I don't normally do.
Usually it's crammed in head and making me crazy. The to do list, a whole list
of things, all prioritized, usually it's inside my head and I'm going crazy,
not as overwhelmed by it. (curative)
We're
meant to be in the flow. He would tell me the idea of being on the river
kayaking -whitewater- and moving through these rapids. Don't let things like a
rock or branch (hand gesture - hits hands together) stop you. Move around it,
flow, even if you have a plan. It's how you react, not letting it throw you off
your course. Be that thing on the river, flow on the river, don't let it stop
you. Whether in white water or a twig on a stream. That image is calming to
me...better than being on the shore.
Wanting
to move again, really move, and move hard. Walk or run. Is this me getting
"me" back?
Cleansing?
Releasing, felt like she would massage me and it would unconnect the stuff from
my body, and if I took a deep breath it would go out.
My
mind is clearer after my bowel movement. Something deep within my interior, has
exteriorized. I think on multiple level of experience.
No
Internal Drive, Apathy
“Feeling
my motivation decrease, my ambitions are like a memory.”
No
Internal Drive, “I want to give up”
Energy
of “I want to give up.”
Still
feeling uninterested in the guy I am dating. Bored really is a better
term.
I
can move, I can go -- but I am staying. Overwhelming sense that nothing matters.
Feeling my motivation decrease, my ambitions are like a memory.
This
drugged weighted sensation has been allowing me to sleep better (insomnia be a
long standing issue). Sensation of being deeply pulled into dreams, often not
able to get out. Very deep, even when waking often, am pulled right back into
sleep/dreaming. Because of this drugged feeling, am not remembering dreams as I
usually so easily do. Heaviness upon waking. Difficulty transitioning into the
“real world” Sleep never feels finished, real life never feels fully entered
into
No
drive, no motivation, just accepting of anything… a person who doesn't try…
they sit on couch for rest of lives, if things don't come my way I'm not going
to go searching for them. They want life to be handed to them. Like a 50 year
old man okay with living in parent's basement, they don't have to do anything.
It's not someone who went out in the world and failed, it's someone who just
never tried.
Incredible
frustration, “wanting to give up” energy - from myself and from several of my
patients.
Self-Reproach,
“You did wrong, caused something to happen”
Load
being lighter today, yesterday felt heavy. All this guilt… I can't pinpoint the
guilt, have been trying to for last 10 years… can't, now I am cutting myself
some slack. Not so much pressure on myself.
(Curative)
I
could dwell on it for years, I still second guess myself, I shouldn't have, I
hold on to things forever… feeling guilty, you did wrong thing, caused
something else to happen…
Dream: Different layers of me doing things I wasn't
supposed to be doing & I was going to get in trouble. I had to call the
school and make a lie about why I couldn't take the case. Embarrassed about it
but I figured my friend wouldn't judge me. Feeling I did something wrong but I
felt bad because they were so nice & understanding, felt bad like taking
advantage. Doing something mean to someone who didn't deserve it. I wanted to
be free to enjoy the bicycle but I had all these duties.
I
should wear a shirt that says “I specialize in dating the mentally
ill."
Only
I can do it, no one can do it for me.
Dream: The feeling was of guilt of not being a better
healer for this child and of sorrow for the grief that the mom and family was
going thru. I felt like a failure. (118)
Feeling
guilty about guy I am seeing. Want to see him, yet need independence.
Clingy.
Apathy,
“I don’t care, or it doesn’t matter”
I
feel I don't care, or it doesn't matter. Not a depressive feeling of
hopelessness, but a more carefree, "whatever" feeling.
I
want to get away from responsibility.
Feel
drugged I guess. Like a drugged person, sit here, fascinated by own shirt
sleeve. Staring, can hardly talk (sighs) so much effort to talk.
Easy
to relax even procrastinate this late afternoon and evening.
Something
that makes me human is being drained. Removing me from society. Can't have a
conversation with people, no opinions. Like the dementors in Harry Potter,
alive but have no soul
Everything
is an effort. My motivational level is pretty low
Dream: (about being with an old flame) … I had felt a
little of the old spark but mostly, I was glad that we hadn’t ended up
together. He still lives in our hometown and with his mom. His jobs have been
in used car sales, insurance sales & he owned a bar - nothing at all like
the path that I am on & a vast difference from my current boyfriend.
Is
this remedy flattening me? I am quite calm, but it's dulling me. Taking away
some of my expression. I'm not excitable. I'm calmer. It feels like there's a
void. Flat. It's a deadening or dulling of senses.
I
can sit on floor and play with kids but not a part of it - like a massive
amount of anti-depressants and cut off all my feelings. I'm like walking
zombie. There is something that is not allowing anything to penetrate me.
Drive,
“Strong, strength is a surge of energy”
More
grounded, centered. Getting a lot done, can stay up late and do things
easily.
I
feel I have the power to do this, feel real determination to clean up. (curative)
Strong,
strength is a surge of energy, going to do what I need to do. Applying for job,
will win at it. Lower extremities, in thighs, move forward. Feels good. (curative)
Hidden,
Fear Others Will See
“One
learns to hide within the confusion”
“Have
I turned something off inside of myself to protect something”
It
fulfills a longing for a higher connection or experience of who I am. It is
hidden somehow.
I
realized she wanted to give up her false self
I
didn't say anything. It was like my own little secret. Hidden, concealed.
One
learns to hide within the confusion
In
this way, even though you appear to speak the language and dress like the
people surrounding you and behave in the manners of the time in which you
exist, the truer or deeper part of who you are must remain hidden away… that in
trying to belong… you are pushing another part of yourself deeper into this
luminous space. The space that is neither here nor there.
Secrecy,
feel an element of secrecy. Not wanting people to know I'm doing the proving,
wanting a lot of space to do what I want without anyone knowing. Better if no
one noticed me. I need an invisibility cloak!
Calm
on Outside, “No one saw how crazy it was”
On
outside it is fine, I'm getting to appointments, inside so crazy, and that is
hidden. No one saw how crazy it was. I didn't want to be seen as incompetent. I
would laugh, they would say I'm the calm one, on the inside I'm a freaking mess
everything going 300 miles a minute. No healthy way of expressing what was
going on inside. I was passive about my anxiety. I didn't say anything
I
remain calm on the outside but internally am bothered, overwhelmed and at a
loss at how to respond
I
can feel the feeling of anxiety start with thoughts in the pit of my stomach,
but it doesn't rise to the surface, up the physical body, nor does it rise to
my consciousness. It stays hidden in the background, like a warm blanket is
wrapped around me, insulating me from the stress, and the overall effect is I
feel relaxed.
Fear
That Others Will See, Embarrassing
Shame,
vulnerable - no one can see my incapacity. Exposed in a certain way. My
goodness, my capacity, my skills, my gifts, is what wants to happen. Afraid
people will see.
I
felt overwhelmed by his intensity and afraid I would say the wrong thing.
Not
able to hold my own truth. Doubts, options, embarrassing.
Feel
a little vulnerable. Not feeling safe or what will you think of me, I spoke too
much, feel a little raw. Fear, exposure.
Dreams
and real life relationships impacted by cheating, hidden sex, forbidden
desires. Dream of lesbian strip club, cheating sexually
I
had the feeling like I was being observed and I couldn't just go crazy.
The
way the outside sees you, they are looking at your children, if they are doing
something you are being judged, you are being judged too.
It's
excruciatingly painful to think of Hitler as having been tortured or fearing
ridicule, I know that we are supposed to be compassionate toward all beings but
there's of sensory experience of revulsion in me.
I
am not feeling free to do what I want. This is frustrating and concerning. I
want it to stop. I want to do what I want and when I want. But I'm not feeling
entirely safe or free to do so.
Have
I turned something off inside of myself to protect something
Fears
for My Safety, Careful, “I need to be careful of how I am in the world”
On
lying down began to have a scene appear to me of being with a lover who stabbed
me in the torso and I run out of the apartment naked and bang on my neighbor’s
door for help; terrified
My
fears are about being raped or otherwise assaulted in my home. I fell asleep
with my phone in my hand, just in case.
Being
pursued, imagining that danger is immanent. Two bike accidents in same day with
two friends
Always
had fear someone will come kill me in my sleep or break in or kidnap me. Much
more of a heightened feeling of someone is behind me, have to look back
Suddenly
feel like I have to be very careful and suspicious of all he says.
I
feel like I need to be very careful about how I am in the world with this. Like
my well-being depends on it.
Parallel
Worlds, Isolation and Detachment
“It
is like I have one foot in each world”
“had
a quality of watching a video game on a screen.”
Parallel
Worlds, “I felt like I was in parallel worlds”
Dinner
with friends at an outside café -- felt like I was in parallel worlds. Aware of
the conversation at the table but also in some other experience with the
environment. The world with my friends felt concrete, the world around me felt
abstract. I was more drawn into the abstract, feeling uneasy with periodic
abruptness like a jolt in my attempts to stay in conversation with my friends.
I continued to be drawn into the blur of the abstract experience. After
leaving, it seemed as though I was totally disconnected, but I did not feel
disconnected. I felt content with the abstract and accepting of what may have
looked like disconnect.
Twins,
things happening in twos, two weather conditions in the same dream at the same
time, multiple perspectives simultaneously.
Belong
to another dimension, roots for me there. So wonderful to go there. It is like
I have one foot in each world, my mind cannot grasp how to go into the higher
mind or realm permanently
I
feel like I'm floating above the earth, my aura is like the Aura Borealis. I
feel as though my true nature is no longer bound by the confines of my body. I
feel exuberant. I am light filled. I am no longer a tiny, little, insignificant
being, I am now boundless! I am feeling completely free of my normal day-to-day
concerns. I am existing in at least two realities. Imprisonment and
infinity.
Dream: I am looking at a photograph of two people; as
I touch the photograph (which has a warning clearly stating: do not touch, beta
testing in progress, written on the bottom of the photograph in small white
letters); time and space twist; I become one of the two men in the photograph.
I enter his life fully without any choice on my part; my own life is vague,
fading, I am enjoying a day with my companion, this other man ( who seems to
know that I am not myself, that I am someone else, and some other level, he just
knows). We both know that I am not who we think that I am. But, we don't know
exactly who it is that I am, and every now and then I have a vague memory of my
other life.
Dream: Again in heavy weighted sleep, difficulty
transitioning into real life when I wake. The feeling of this, surreal feeling,
heaviness - remains all day. Like I never was able to transition out of the
dream into reality. I just realized that an hour has passed since I took the
first of the remedy, but it feels as though no time is past I feel perfectly
still and peaceful in this timeless space.
Isolation,
“Some kind of barrier separates me from others”
A
sensation of being high up, above looming above, looking down. I'm standing in
my house but I feel I can see through the house. From a little bird's eye view.
Atmospheric. Like a high fortress, or an imprisoning tower cell...
The
abstract perspective feels like an overview, like looking at a picture from
higher up, like being in the trees or on a rooftop. Feels like a clearer version,
a wider lens -- a place to observe. I like observing. Sitting at a stoplight,
waiting to turn left -- Traffic to my right side who were turning left towards
and parallel to the street I was on, going in the opposite direction… had a
quality of watching a video game on a screen. It felt like I wasn't really
where I was, as if there was something between me and the happenings I was
witnessing.
General
feeling of isolation: mostly feels good but the other extreme is when the
sadness jolts my being.
There
are also some moments, when this not caring feels like a compensation, a
response to something very painful, perceived through a wounded veil.
Feelings
of detachment, saying what I need to say, with underlying loneliness. Clarity
around patterns of intimacy. Detached, yet anxious. Even with great clarity,
feeling cut off from self.
Some
kind of barrier separates me from others.
The
dissolution of some kind of barrier is happening so that more can come
through.
(Dream)
There is an image of looking at a body in water up to their waist and me
looking too up to my waist. I can't tell if the person I am looking at is me I
think not I think it is a man with his shirt off - but as he says I have to cut
them somehow it becomes me too. And I am watching.
I’m
finding myself noticing my suffering that much more. I feel alone, outside of
things, disconnected from people, not sure if I’m part of the human race at
times. (133)
A
Prison, “Meant to keep it safe, but it becomes a prison for its contents”
Getting
lost in a circle, biking around a lake
In
the here, there is no time, there is no past or future, and there are no
limits. A kind of fluidity. However, there are barriers, stuck places, when
attention leaves the moments that are happening. The barrier feels like the
stories. In experiencing and noticing, there is freedom. The past, the stories,
these are the barriers, a prison that sucks in, holds back.
Image
of person locked down around tumors, afraid to let go of them, hiding face,
painful and icky and dirty, but then if they can just let go and be removed,
lightens you so much you can breathe, relax, flow, float.
Instead
of absorbing things they are bouncing off of me.
It
remains childlike and distant, while the exterior becomes extremely sophisticated.
It reminds me something of it reminds me of about something like vaults. Or a
fortress, something that is meant to keep that which is inside, that which is
sacred, safe but also becomes a prison for its contents.
I
am in my own little world. I enjoy it, but must remain small to live in
it…
Dream: Their house was a small prison to me.
Imprisonment. Freedom. Escaping from being held captive, that's the feeling in
this dream, I must escape from my aunt and uncle; they were destroying my essence.
Dream: Telling someone to think about how much it
would suck to be a fish swimming inside a glass box.
Detached,
Disconnected, “Who is this guy?”
Feel
I am from someplace else - another planet.
Phone
issues. Getting disconnected, not receiving voicemail, or delayed in
receiving.
Who
is this guy? Detached. Who is interacting with them? As if I am watching this
guy, a place of calmness, not feeling,
This
also stressed my mom on the trip, in which I didn't respond to at all. I
maintained my really detached state.
Completely
disconnected and numb, I just don't care or feel. Everything just is what it
is. Like my brain isn't even trying to analyzing anything right now.
I
cannot email my supervisor my Proving Journal, and I want to. I've tried a
number of times over the last five hours and no matter what I do, it will not
work.
Timeless
Timelessness.
As a structure exists, only in the understanding of now, otherwise, there is no
past or future, no barriers to travel.
(Dream)
A photograph of Queen Victoria and Princess Diana (they are both the same age).
I was sent this photograph from a relative of the Princess. Please keep this
photograph in a safety box and hidden from the press. On the back there is
Victorian script stating: This photograph was made possible by time travel.
(Queen Victoria lived in the late 19th Century and Princess Diana lived in the
late 20th Century.)
Peace
in Alone, Alone is a relief
Whole
unto myself. I don't need people at those times. Not like I seek it out, but is
okay to be with myself. Completeness. If someone comes or calls me, fine, but
don't have urge to do anything. Could look at it as isolation, but doesn't feel
that way. Feels like being in a zone and really nothing is disturbing me. Not
needing anybody or anything. Nice, peaceful, no need to expand on the moment,
situation.
I
don't want to be around people, but I do want to connect with people on the
telephone. Something about being in person is challenging. I want to be by
myself, want for quieter, softer surroundings.
I
want to 'stay within myself'; not wanting to 'force things. Feeling is one of
relief
I
feel drawn to the cabins on the lake and again want one of my own - too the
yoga studio the garden and this gentlemen’s woodwork - I want a place of beauty
on the water doing art and beauty - inspiring
Feeling
that I want to protect my privacy. Don’t want it to be out in the world. Want
to be choiceful about.
Pleased
to have a day alone, no commitments, no people to see, and a house to myself. I
feel reflective and quiet inside. I feel content in my own space, with my own
self.
Do
not invade my space, “Back off and leave me alone”
I
did not like her invading my space. It pissed me off. I don't want to share my
inner thoughts with her.
Feeling
guilty about guy I am seeing. Want to see him, yet need independence. He is
clingy
Whether
it is “1530” or “15:30”, doesn't matter if there is a colon in it. Another
thing I have to pay attention to which is not necessary.
Think
of on and off all day - how can I leave my job.
She
told me she was feeling motherly about it and I feel totally disgusted by this.
I want to say "Back off and leave me alone!"
(Dream)
It seems as if this man in charge has control or is trying to get control of
everything - no one likes him I don’t like him - I don’t like how he is talking
to us and the rules and the restrictions he gives us as if everything belongs
to him and we can do nothing.
A
Higher Level
“I
feel strongly that I must defend those who cannot defend themselves.”
Transformation,
the Light, Merging with the Universe, Our True Nature
I
would like to start meditating again; it’s calling to me for the past several
weeks.
Dream: I am merging with a Celestial being that is in
a photograph before me. I see 10,000 hands with eyes on them. I keep hearing
the sound: Om (repeating over and over and over).
I
am a being of light. That is incredible. It is what it is. It is complete unto
itself. It's like the sun, a source of the universe. Warmth, life, life-force,
light, even joy.
My
true nature can come through this transformation that has happened.
A
glowing ring of white light centered in my heart, that is connected to an infinite
source of love, an infinity of love, I am just the outside pieces of this
infinite body of love and white light, I can stand and enjoy this feeling of
pure being
Dream: Pure love, light streaming into me from her,
connected to whole energy source. Still her. Like there was something streaming
out of her right into me as I was pressed into to her. Transferred to me,
messages of strength.
Addictions,
“Additions as a result of denying your own truths”
Themes
of addictions as a result of denying your own truths. Other things
like…alcoholism, Rehab, Amy Winehouse, and Children drinking alcohol.
I
want coffee - as much as I want with no side effects, including interrupting my
remedies or ruining my gut or being an addict or looking for love in all the wrong
places - I just want the pleasure of drinking coffee with no DEEPER
meaning.
I
wanted to take more remedy because I woke up with anxiety and felt like it was
wearing off. I was so frantically searching for it. Very peculiar -- like an
addiction. I don't know what addiction is like, it's what I imagine addiction
to be like. I need this substance NOW, and I can't think of anything else until
I get it. This is a similar feeling to the ravenous when hungry.
Higher
Calling, For the Greater Good
Just
sent him the e-mail ten minutes ago, came from loving place, had good
perspective, reacting as a higher being.
Turns
out that my new job is at a large-scale institution that's surviving because of
the decisions they've made over the years to focus on the people that make up
the institution.
Permeating
the mainstream with new ideas about culture is about cooperation and engaging
with your constituents.
I
feel strongly that I must defend those who cannot defend themselves. I feel
courageous and clear.
Dream: Full of conflict. I am confronting someone a
teacher for sarcasm toward a young child. I am in a Victorian classroom sitting
in a large circle with other adult students. We are waiting for our lessons to
begin. There is an adjoining room with children who are around the ages of two
to four years old. A child makes a mistake and the teacher scolds him. Not one
of the adults speaks up; everyone sits there observing this sarcasm. I am
outraged internally but externally I ask the teacher to step back away from the
child and reconsider how she interacts with him from then on
Thinking
of Rastafarians as peace messengers who are fighting injustice. The idea that
their behavior is excused because of their mission, i.e. Bob Marley having 11
kids with 7 women.
But
I didn't get mad or offended or agree like I normally would. I just gently
counterpointed some of his more judgmental arguments and tried to have
compassion for his aloneness.
From
a Higher Level, “To see from a higher perspective”
We
get so caught up in our reactions, we are controlled, oppressed, when you
remove judgment, this pure experience occurs. It is like being able to see
things from a higher perspective.
I
doubt a lot of things, I can't get to my own inner wisdom, or my own higher self.
Crown
chakra : balloons, light, gay (old fashioned sense of the word). Intense light
near death experience like. Intense light, wanting to connect to the
intelligence of that light, connected. Disconnect. Separation. Comfortable in
the face of the unknown. As if a tiger would be walking through the forest and
sensing danger but not running away.
A
sensation of being high up, above looming above, looking down. I'm standing in
my house but I feel I can see through the house. From a little bird's eye view.
Atmospheric. Like a high fortress, or a imprisoning tower cell...
High
Stakes, “My one decision could change everything”
Toxic
could kill -- me or my dog. But it would be a mistake. Not something on
purpose. A horrible accident.
I
could dwell on it for years, I still second guess myself, I shouldn't have, I
hold on to things forever… feeling guilty, you did wrong thing, caused
something else to happen… being in control. Thinking my one decision could have
changed everything. In my mind, I was powerful person, my decisions would
change everything, would make the difference.
I
know the potential of this love, it is a tortured existence if I don't choose
it. Time is running out. I may have had choices like this before, but the word
is surrender or just dive into the ocean, to just dive into the ocean of light.
No compunction, no hesitation. It is kind of scary. That I would lose myself if
I jump into it. It is a bit overwhelming, I am afraid of the happiness and the
joy. I need to choose this, I'd be sad if I didn't choose this.
Dream: dreamt that I had a homeopathic child client
who developed thyroid cancer, I had kept telling the mother that everything
would be fine as his symptoms were improving and then I got a call that he had
terminal cancer…I felt awful like I had dropped the ball and not been aware of
the severity of his condition. I had my homeopathic instructor show up and
approach me with concern for my non concern. The instructor lectured me on
staying on top of things and to watch for subtle signs so that you keep your
client vital. The feeling was of guilt of not being a better healer for this
child and of sorrow for the grief that the mom and family was going thru. I
felt like a failure. (118)
Dream: Nightmare of the end of the world coming - at
any minute. Imminent doom/threat. Felt severe anxiety, speeding up of the
threat. All pervasive. No one else around. Standing in front of a wall? Mapping
out the threat? Can barely remember any details, only the feeling. Something to
do with global war, attack, extinction of all. Was absolutely going to happen,
almost at any minute.
Creativity
Been
reading Smithsonian Magazine - one article about an amateur photographer who
became famous after her death when photography aficionados accidentally
discovered her work.
Makes
me want to paint and write and have no schedule except to be in weather.
I
wish to be a writer writing a Pulitzer prize winning novel - sitting in
absorbed attention and creativity;
I'm
interested in the aesthetic, art, visual interpretation - visual prettiness.
Like to make things beautiful, appealing to the eye.
Dream: Red haired woman dressed elegantly in sky blue
gown, successful and beautiful, and I looked just like her. I was cleaning and organizing.
I was surprised at how successful and beautiful I was, I had not recognized my
own
Repertory:
Mind: ACTIVITY - desires activity
ADDICTED;
tendency to become
AILMENTS
FROM - anger with indignation/anticipation/disappointment/embarrassment/grief/mental
exertion/reproaches/being scorned
ALERT
AMBITION
- blocked/increased - competitive
AMOROUS
(fits of amorousness)
ANGER
- abdomen; with complaints in
ANSWERING
- refusing to answer
ANXIETY
ALONE,
Desires to be
ANSWERING
- slowly/snappishly/unable to answer (when hurt emotionally)
ANTICIPATION
ANXIETY
- morning on waking/beside oneself from anxiety/about future/about own
heart/with hurry/when time is set
ARDENT
AUTISM
(in children)
AWARENESS
heightened - body; of - Heart beating
CAREFULNESS/full
of CARES
CAUTIOUS
CENSORIOUS
CHECKING
- twice or more; must check
CHILDISH
behavior
CLAIRVOYANCE
CLARITY
of mind
CLEANNESS
- mania for
COLORS
- desires blue/silver
COMPANY
- aversion to (cannot bear anybody/desires solitude)
CONCENTRATION
- difficult
CONFIDENCE
- want of self-confidence (self-depreciation)/CONFIDENT
CONFUSION
of mind [identity, as to his (personal boundaries)]
CONTENT
CONTRADICTION
- agg./CONTRARY
CURIOUS
CURSING
DANCING
DECEITFUL
DELUSION
- another dimension, she is in/parallel world/is alien/alone, being (not belong
to anyone/alone in the world)/left half of the body does not belong to her/is
out of the body/
of
distances (enlarged)/division between himself and others/”As if
drugged”/doubted his own existence/has two existences/floating in air/is a
great person/head is a balloon, rising up and stretching the neck/were
high/one's space is being invaded/he is light/is persecuted/is pregnant/is a
prisoner/seeing herself/is separated from the world/things appear small/is
trapped/being watched by herself/”As if will power lost”/is worthless
DESPAIR
DETACHED
(“As if observing from outside”)
DETERMINATION
DISCONTENTED
DISCOURAGED
DISGUST
(of one’s own body/oneself)
DISOBEDIENCE
DISTANCES
- are exaggerated/inaccurate judged
DOUBTFUL
DREAM;
as if in a
DRUGS
- taken drugs; as if one had
DULLNESS
(does not understand questions addressed to her)
EMOTIONS
- predominated by the intellect
ESCAPE,
attempts to
EXCITEMENT
(# sleepiness/by windy and stormy weather)
FASTIDIOUS
(about personal appearance)
FEAR
(of one's own age/being alone/causeless/of company/of contagion/losing
control/crossing a street/in a crowd/something will happen/arising from
heart/of high places/when hungry/
in
narrow place/sudden/terror at night/being touched/waking from a dream)
FOREBODINGS
FORSAKEN
feeling - isolation; sensation of
GIGGLING/laughing
GRIEF
HAUGHTY
HELD
- desire to be held
HELPLESSNESS;
feeling of
HIDING
himself (on account of fear)
HONEST
HURRY
IMPATIENCE
IMPRESSIONABLE
INDEPENDENT
INDUSTRIOUSNESS
INDIFFERENCE
(to own appearance/even towards dearest friends/to duties/to everything)
INJUSTICE,
cannot support
INSECURITY;
mental
IRRESOLUTION
IRRITABILITY
(during menses)
LAZINESS
LIAR
MEDITATING
MENSES
- before
MISTAKES
[speaking (words)/spelling/writing (transposing letters/wrong letters, figures]
MOOD
- changeable
NATURE
- loves
ORDER
(Sparcity), desire for
OBSTINATE
PLANS
- making many plans
POSTPONING
everything to next day
POWER
- sensation of
PROSTRATION
of mind
PURITY
- desire for
REBELLIOUS
RELIGIOUS
AFFECTIONS (too occupied with religion)/PRAYING
REPROACHING
- oneself/others
RUDENESS
SADNESS
(morning on waking/with stomach complaints/when waking
SECRETIVE
SELF-CONTROL
increased
SENSITIVE
(to rudeness)
SIZE
- incorrect judgement of
SLOWNESS
SPACED-OUT
feeling
SPEECH
- embarrassed/loud
STOOL
- after
STUDYING
- difficult
SUCCEEDS,
never
TENSION,
mental
THOUGHTS
- move in circles/compelling/control
lost/disconnected/rapid/vague/vanishing/wandering
TIME - appears shorter; passes too
quickly/appears longer; passes too slowly/”As if timeless”
TRANQUILLITY
TRUTH
- desire for truthfulness/sensitive to people's truthfulness/telling the plain
truth
UNIFICATION
- sensation of unification
UNTIDY
WILL
- loss of will power/weak
WITHDRAWAL
from reality
VERTIGO: < FEAR
NAUSEA
- with
<
STANDING
HEAD: BUBBLING sensation in
COLDNESS,
chilliness, etc. - pain; with
CONGESTION
CONSTRICTION
- band or hoop
ERUPTIONS
- eczema - Margin of hair/occiput
HEAT
- flushes of
HEAVINESS
(vertex)
ITCHING
of scalp
LIGHTNESS;
sensation of
PAIN
- after unpleasant dreams/< exertion/eyes (behind)/in frontal
sinuses/pinching/pressing “As from a weight”/ pressure/temples
TENSION
- Scalp
EYE: DISCOLORATION - red
DRYNESS
<
during HEAT
HEAVINESS
ITCHING
LACHRYMATION
PAIN
- burning
PARALYSIS
of Lids
PHOTOPHOBIA
TENSION
TWITCHING
l.
VISION: AURA - people; of
BRIGHT
FLICKERING
HALO
around the light
LIGHT
PERSPECTIVE
distorted
SPARKS
ZIGZAGS
Ear: ITCHING
HEARING: - LOST
FACE: CLENCHED jaw
CONGESTION
CRACKED
- corners of mouth (l.)
ERUPTIONS
- acne (nose)/painful
HEAVY
feeling
ITCHING
- lower jaws
PAIN
- Jaws/sinuses (frontal/maxillary)
SWELLING
TINGLING
in Lips
MOUTH: BLEEDING gums (morning)
Tongue
brown
GUMS;
complaints of
ODOR
- metallic/sulphurous
PAIN
- Tongue - burning
TASTE
- bloody
ULCERS
- Tongue
NOSE: CONGESTION (sinuses)
DISCHARGE
- dripping/posterior nares (at night)
DRYNESS
- Nostrils
PAIN
- pressing pain
SINUSES;
complaints of frontal sinuses
SNEEZING
at night (<lying down)
PERSPIRATION
- at night/in bed/offensive
THROAT: HAWK; disposition to
ITCHING
PAIN
- r./burning (with dryness)/”As if raw”
PRICKLY
SWELLING
EXTERNAL
THROAT: ERUPTIONS -
burning
STOMACH: ANXIETY
APPETITE
- diminished/increased/ravenous
NAUSEA
PAIN
(when empty)
THIRST
(night/extreme)
VOMITING
- during diarrhea
ABDOMEN: < ANGER
ANXIETY
in
COMPLAINTS
of Gallbladder and ducts
DISTENSION
(from flatulence)
FLATULENCE
- obstructed
GURGLING
(noon)
PAIN
- < bending double/lower abdomen/sore
RECTUM: CONSTIPATION
FLATUS
offensive like spoiled eggs
STOOL: COPIOUS
FORCIBLE,
sudden, gushing
MUCOUS
BLADDER: URINATION frequent
ERUPTIONS
- acne/boils
HEARTBEAT
- < each heartbeat/whole body shaking
HEAT
INFLAMMATION
- Bronchial tubes
OPPRESSION
(respiration difficult)
PAIN
- < morning in bed ( changing position)/night on waking aching/pressing pain
(“As from a weight”)/”As if raw”/ribs/sternum - stitching pain
VIBRATION
(sensation as if)
URINE: ODOR - strong
FEMALE
GENITALIA/SEX:
COMPLAINTS of female genitalia - + complaints of lumbar region
LEUKORRHEA
MENSES
- clotted/copious/too early/too late
PAIN
- l./burning/cramping/ovaries/sharp/stitching/uterus - cramping/vagina
SEXUAL
DESIRE - diminished/increased
MALE
GENITALIA/SEX:
SEXUAL DESIRE - increased
LARYNX
AND TRACHEA: PAIN -
burning < during cough
COUGH: < at night in bed/DRY air (in
open air/until vomiting/< EMOTIONS/< LYING DOWN/disturbing sleep/WHOOPING
EXPECTORATION: BROWNISH - yellow/YELLOW
CHEST: in ANXIETY
RESPIRATION: ASTHMATIC
DIFFICULT
<
EXERTION
IMPEDED,
obstructed from oppression on chest
PAINFUL
- inspiration <
SUPERFICIAL
WHEEZING
YAWNING
- after
NECK: ERUPTIONS (boils)
PAIN
- “As if paralyzed²
TENSION
BACK: ERUPTIONS - Lumbar region
PAIN
- Lumbar region - ext. sacrum/sacral region/sacroiliac region (< bending
forward/< sitting)/Sacroiliac symphyses (sore)/spine - aching/ stretching
SPASMS
Limbs: CHILLINESS (feet/hands)
COLDNESS
- Thighs - night
CONSTRICTION
- Lower limbs
DRYNESS
- Hands
ERUPTIONS
- bleeding after scratching/boils/Feet - fungus/Fingertips -
blisters/hard/Nates/pustules/rash/thighs (inside/itching)
FINGERS;
complaints of - Nails
HEAVINESS
(lower limbs)
LIMPING
PAIN
- aching/< in bed (sore)/cramping/cutting/l. foot cramping/fingertips -
sore/hips (l. aching/stitching)/lower limbs - cutting pain/sharp/shoulders
aching/Spots; in - sore/tendons/wrists
RESTLESS
SENSITIVE
- Fingers
SHOULDERS;
complaints of - right
STIFFNESS
- Feet ( walking)
TENSION
- Hands
TINGLING
VIBRATION;
sensation of (hands/lower limbs/upper limbs)
WEAKNESS
- Upper limbs/< walking
SKIN: DRY
ERUPTIONS
- acne (pustular)/boils/pustules (yellow)
STINGS
of insects
SLEEP: ANXIOUS
DEEP
DISTURBED
(by cough)
INTERRUPTED
“As
if INTOXICATED”
POSITION
changed frequently
RESTLESS
SHORT
- in catnaps
SLEEPLESS
[at night/+ sleepiness (daytime)]
WAKING
- too early/frequent
Dream:
Rubrics
ACCIDENTS/ACTIVITY/ADVENTUROUS/AGGRESSIVE/AIRPLANES/ALIEN
from outer space/ALIENS (drop the line from outer space)/AMOROUS/ANIMALS
(moose/bear/cats/dogs)/
ANXIOUS/APOCALYPTIC,
trying to save the world/ARMAGEDDON/AUM or OM/AUTHORITY/BEATEN, being/BELONGING
- she knows where she belongs/BETRAYED, having been/BICYCLE; riding a (with
maximal force)/BOAT/BODY - submerged underwater/BOILS/BOOTS - tall metallic
with buckles/BUDDHA/BUILDINGS/CALM/CAMPING/(merging with) CELESTIAL
BEING(S)/CEREMONIES/CHAOTIC/about CHILDREN/CLAIRVOYANT/CLEANING/CLIMBING/CLOSET
- dirty/COLORED - exaggerated colors and proportions/
CONFUSED/COUNTRY
- foreign/CURIOUS dream/DANGER/DARKNESS/DEATH/DELIVERING a
baby/DESPAIR/DISAPPOINTMENTS/DISCONNECT/DISGUSTING/DRIVING a car/
ENDLESS/ESCAPING (from danger)/EXAMINATIONS/EXCREMENTS/own
FAMILY/Father/FARMING/FEAR/FIELDS (large, open)/ FIGHTING; one
is/FISH/FOOD/FOREST/FORSAKEN; being/FRIENDS/FRIGHTFUL/GAMES/GHOSTS/of
GOD/GROUPS/GUNS/HIGH places/standing on a hill/HOLES/HOUSE/INJURIES/JEALOUSY/JOURNEYS
(on train)/LEWD/was LIFTED out of her body/of LIGHT/being lost (in a forest/in
a house/in a strange place/MAGIC/MASTURBATION/MISTAKES; of making/MONEY - gold,
of/MURDER/MUSIC/NARROW place/NIGHTMARES/
NURSING
newborns/OCEAN/PARALLEL WORLDS/PEOPLE/PHOTOGRAPHS,
taking/PLANTS/POLARBEAR/POWER EMANATING from feet/POWERFUL/PRISONER - being
taken a/
PURSUED,
being (by enemies/by ghosts)/QUARRELS/RELATIVES/RIVER/ROBBERS/of large, white
rocks/ROOMS/ROYALTY - queen, princess/SCOLDING a child/being a SEED/SEXUAL
(several people, having sex with)/SHIP/SHOCKING (events without
emotions)/SNAKES/STREAM/TEACHER - spiritual; of a/TEACHING/THIRSTY,
being/THREATENED; of being/TIME - travelling through/TRAIN/TRAP - being
trapped/VIOLENCE/VIVID/WAR/WAVES - huge wave approaching/WOMEN/WORK/WORLD -
dark and cold, another world that is/WOUNDED, being
GENERALS: MOVEMENT
ALLERGIC
constitution
COLD air
COMPRESSION
Excess
of energy
ERUCTATIONS
<
EXERTION physical (slight exertion)
FOOD
and DRINKS <: alcoholic drinks/lemonade/lemons;
Desires:
cold beer/carbonated drinks/cold drink/fat/meat/ice
cream/pastry/pizza/salt/rich food/sugar/sweets;
Aversion
to: tomatoes;
HEAT
- lack of vital heat
HEAVINESS
INTERNAL
PARTS; complaints of
KNOTTED
sensation internally
MENSES
- before - agg.
MUSCLES;
complaints of
PAIN
- Joints
PARALYSIS
- left
<
PRESSURE ( steady pressure)
STIFFNESS
TENSION
- Muscles; of
TINGLING
TOBACCO
- desire for tobacco
VIBRATION,
fluttering, etc. (“As if”)
WEARINESS
WEATHER
- < hot/wet weather
WOUNDS - bites;
Repertorium:
Gemüt: leicht beleidigt
Furcht (ermordet zu werden/zu fallen, zu stürzen/vor Herzerkrankung/vor hochgelegenen Orten/vor Menschen/in Menschenmenge/vor Selbstmord/vor Teufeln/vor dem Tod)
Geistesabwesend
Geisteskrankheit, Wahnsinn/verwirrt geistig
Hochmütig, arrogant
Wahnideen (allein zu sein/von Überlegenheit/verträgt keinen Widerspruch)
Magen: Appetit vermindert
Schlaf: Schlaflos
Träume: zu fallen, zu stürzen/hochgelegene Orte
Weibliche Genitalien: Beschwerden während Entbindung/während Schwangerschaft
Allgemeines: r./nachts
Aussehen - dunkel/Fettleibigkeit
Bewegung/ Druck/< Reiben/< Berührung/ essend/< Dunkelheit
im Freien/ Gehen/< kalte Luft/< trockenes Wetter
< Liegen/< Ruhe/< Sitzen/< während Menses/< wenn Nüchtern
Krebsleiden
Speisen und Getränke: Abgeneigt: Fleisch; Verlangt: Alkohol/Brot/Fleisch/kalte Getränke, kaltes Wasser/Süßigkeiten;
Lanthanum
Stadium 3 Lanthanidenserie: verzweifeltes Suchen nach und Zweifel um eigene Autonomie (unsicher, zögernd, ängstlich); Zweifel ob Verantwortung übernehmen kann.
Will Unabhängigkeit, eigenständiges Format mit vielen Versuchen erlangen (wie in alle Richtungen zu selben Zeit schauen); bei Hänseln o. Kritik totale Verunsicherung mit Rückzug in eigene innere Welt, in der wieder verwirrt; wollen einen großen Mund haben, geben aber auf wenn ein anderer einen größeren Mund hat.
Ursache: dominierender Vater, Spott in Schule;
Hänseln/Spotten (über eigene Unfähigkeit) und verspottet werden; „Pokerface“; Lächeln aus Unsicherheit um andere auf eigene Seite zu bringen;
(ver)suchen/zögern/zweifeln/unentschlossen;
Wechselhaft/erfolglos;
Talent: ein Problem aus 3 Perspektiven anschauen
Vorwort/Suchen Zeichen/Abkürzungen Impressum