The Homeopathic Proving of 'Calculus Orbis' from Stanton Drew Stone Circle
Stanton Drew Stone Circle is about 6 miles south of Bristol.
This proving was made from small fragments of stone from 3 of the great circle stones and was potentised and produced at Ainsworths Homeopathic Pharmacy by Jon Lee.
(From the Great Circle)
Stanton Drew Stone Circle stands in a field south of Bristol, in the village of the same name, in Somerset. It isn't as popular, or as visited as Avebury or Stonehenge. It doesn't have a tourist-shop or somewhere to buy a souvenir or a cream-tea and consequently isn't covered in litter, which is nice. There is an honesty-box on the gate leading in and the stones are owned by English Heritage but the
land is privately owned.
It's possible to visit the stones and never see another human being (!!) and the most I've ever seen there when I've visited is two other couples. The grass is cut regularly and sometimes cows but mostly sheep graze there and scratch themselves on some of the larger stones, leaving little clumps of wool on the stones.
There are three circles. A small one behind a fence on another plot of land to the right of the big circle.
The Great Circle comprises of 27 stones and is over 370 feet across, making it one of the biggest megalithic rings except for Avebury and there is another circle at the bottom of the field with the largest stones.
There is a story that revolves around a wedding party where the guests/musicians were dancing on Sabbath, and the devil turned them to stone. But these sorts of stories lie with a lot of circles and add to their mystique.
Personally I feel it detracts from the true nature of stone circles, as I see them as meeting places, not somewhere where devils lie.
In a Stone-Age society, stone was the most important medium. It was used for making knives and spears. Stone was also worshipped, as there is some suggestion that, for them, it represented eternity i.e. this stone will be here.................forever.
Well, as it is, these stones have stood here for an awfully long time. For at least 4500 years. According to The Oxford Dictionary of Current English a generation is 30 years (the average time in which children are ready to take the place of parents), that's 150 generations of people that have existed since they were first placed there. And they are still there.
The suggestion is, the circles weren't built to be circles but as places for the 'community' to do whatever that community does.
As Mike Pitts says "We have been blinded by monumentality. In Europe medieval churches and cathedrals impress us with their mass, their architectural power and their permanence. Yet we forget that when they were built, they were not treasured antiques, but centres of vision and activity; of music , singing, chanting, speech; of ceremonies, from inductions of bishops to the burial of kings; of the largest gatherings of people ever seen in their districts................the possibility that some ceremonies demanded altered states of mind, a symbolic but definitely not scientific interest in the sun and moon, and the recurrent presence of human remains-we need to think not only of such things, but also of the living people themselves, their thoughts and their actions".
In some ways, this proving released not only the energy of the stones themselves, but also what may have happened in this stone circle. People met, traded, made friends, maybe even got married, looked at the stars, moon or sun, made vows, had fun, discussed things...................we don't know but the words of the provers give us an insight into what may have gone on there. There is also the consideration, that these aren't ordinary stones, they were moved and will they have a memory of that movement?
My older sister, Lucy, first introduced me to Stanton Drew Stone Circle when I moved to Bath from London. It lies in a large field occupied by sheep and overlooks an expanse of green, with hills in the distance and a river just below the last few stones. I am, I admit, a Stone Circle fan, but I am no expert.
At some point in the year 2000, I decided to make a remedy from the stones, having just completed my first proving 'Tempesta' , the storm remedy. Some time in the summer I took some small shards of loose stone from 3 of the stones and it wasn't until the Autumn of that year, that I got round to sending them to John Lee at Ainsworths to be made into a remedy. We discussed the best way to make the remedy and decided that soaking overnight in alcohol would be the best option as I wanted to return the samples I had taken, back to their 'home'.
On the morning of 13th November 2000, John made the remedy and posted me a 7g bottle of 6c potency. Over the next few years, I tried a few, gave a few away to clients, gave some to a 'Tempesta' prover who kindly kept a record (which mysteriously fits in with the provers symptoms?) and there the bottle sat, on my remedy shelf, in my office, until 2004 when I decided, now was the time, to finally get round to doing the proving and releasing the energies of the remedy. Little did I know, until completing the proving, the I was already being influenced by the remedy's energies. It took over 3 years for me to 'get the strength' to organise the proving. It seems an equally long time for me to finally sit at the PC and write this up. There is no 'rush' in this remedy, no 'need for speed'.
The provers began their journals on Monday 26th January and on Monday, February the 2nd 2004 they all took the remedy at 9 h. (except one who forgot and took it the next day and one who took it at 21 h.). They continued with their journals until Sunday 29th February when they all anti-doted the remedy with one dose of Sulphur 6c. (except one prover who'd so enjoyed the positive effects of the remedy, she decided to have another dose to keep!)
N.B. Prover number 12 took the remedy over 4 consecutive days in a 2 week period in 2001 and took more than 3 months to actually send me her notes!
During the month of the proving, of the 12 provers, one visited Avebury, four visited Stanton Drew Stone Circle itself and one dreamt of Salisbury Plain (where Stonehenge lies). No-one knew what they had taken!
Note from English Heritage. "It is an offense to cause any damage to a scheduled monument without consent under the 1979 Ancient Monuments and Archaelogical Areas Act". English Heritage
Stanton Drew Stone Circle stands in a field south of Bristol, in the village of the same name, in Somerset. It isn't as popular, or as visited as Avebury or Stonehenge. It doesn't have a tourist-shop or somewhere to buy a souvenir or a cream-tea and consequently isn't covered in litter, which is nice. There is an honesty-box on the gate leading in and the stones are owned by English Heritage but the land is privately owned.
It's possible to visit the stones and never see another human being (!!) and the most I've ever seen there when I've visited is two other couples. The grass is cut regularly and sometimes cows but mostly sheep graze there and scratch themselves on some of the larger stones, leaving little clumps of wool on the stones.
In some ways, this proving released not only the energy of the stones themselves, but also what may have happened in this stone circle. People met, traded, made friends, maybe even got married, looked at the stars or the moon or the sun, made vows, had fun, discussed things...................we don't know but the words of the provers give us an insight into what may have gone on there. There is also the consideration, that these aren't ordinary stones, they were moved and will they have a memory of that movement?
"Want to go somewhere where there is no pressure, no hassle, no boundaries, no upset people, no hate or anxiety, just want to feel free in the sun, or the wind or the rain, or all of them."
Themes of Stanton Drew Stone Circle
This remedy affected the provers to a big degree, they were tired, with low energy, heavy, the opposite of light-headed and energised and they felt better in company or groups. They felt better in natural places, energised in nature, they wanted to connect with nature. They wanted to eat comfort foods but were concerned about what they ate. One prover wrote "Eaten reasonably healthily but feel like a huge bloated pig, havenít shifted the weight I've put on since taking the tablet, I'm aware that it could just have been an excuse to eat loads", when 3 days before she wrote "Lost 1/2 stone last night, my weight fluctuates really drastically so I'm not worried but it shows that you can shift it by dancing and not eating everything you see!"
All the provers had some sort of emotional 'issue' that got brought up. They dealt with it by 'speaking their truth', ate loads of carbs to get the energy for this but still ended up exhausted,
BECAUSE OF THE EMOTIONAL INTENSITY OF THE ISSUE.
This got released by the 'truth speaking' and also in 'watery dreams', then they managed to 'move on'.
On the mental level there was the theme of knowing what they wanted but being prevented from having it/enjoying it by an outside force. This went as far as a prover dreaming about this and he summarises beautifully this very idea:
Day 8: 'P and I are sitting in our house with sunlight streaming in through the back door - summer day, country garden. Some bloke filming comes in the back door and comes across to where we are sitting and starts filming our view. This really pisses me off. P has raised her voice - can't work out if she is angry or trying to warn me to be calm. After trying to understand what is going on I punch the guy in the face - should have knocked anyone flying but he doesn't move. He is carrying a big TV on a strap and is using an LCD projector to film??!!? After some time - closing recall - I ask the guy to go and he does. He's not bothered by me hitting him. Feel a bit stupid for attacking this guy, but justified as he interrupted our idyllic scene.'
Day 3: " Seem to be in some bizarre episode of Angel & I'm Spike. We go stamping across a muddy field to some ramshackle wooden hut inside is some poor attempt at a magic circle, it's only two feet across and wonky. Inside are two knives- OK we have found the talismans of thingamybob-they look like cheap cutlery. I pick one up, "That's this spell/ritual put to an end.", I'll just break this and it's job done. Someone in the group is shouting @ me not to break it, very agitated person. The witch (????) appears-great big ugly biffa of a woman-time to leg it. We all go running down a mud track chased by this woman (wild grey hair). Me with the talisman/knife in my hand until we start to run into what looks like a travellers camp, confused-waking up now."
Day 8: Can't find a home, car, change my job, no change since 1 year even though everything I do is changing, I am really struggling.
Day 15: Realise got to sort other issues out re; flat with solicitor, getting stressed. All day been juggling work with personal issues, work, Dad, flat, solicitors, etc etc all too much!
Tired, Low energy, Heavy.
Day 2 : Lazy day didn't do or think about much napped in the afternoon.............Had an early night.
Day 3 : Felt tired achy, had a nap.
Day 4 : Overslept woke up feeling woozy and disorientated.
Prover 3 :
Day 6 : Don't feel like doing anything today, just want to curl up & be miserable & read silly novels.
Day 12 : Could not get out of bed!
Day 14 : Woke up late 10am..........Bed at 10pm.
Day 15: Struggled out of bed.
Day 17 : Struggled out of bed................Exhausted when I got home & in bed by 9.30pm.
Day 22 : Great difficulty getting up at 7.30am.Ran out of energy about 2.45pm & went to bed!
Day 1 : Took tablet & fell asleep again.
Day 7 : I'm happy to be in my bed, watching TV and not talking to anyone! Have still got sweet cravings and feel quite lethargic.
Day 11 : ......Phoned in sick to work cos I just need to be at home doing nothing for nobody but me.
Day 12 : Found it really hard to get up today, it took me ages to want to go to sleep, when I did it was heavy & un-interrupted.
Day 14 :.......11.30am .All I want to do really is lie in bed & eat pizza.......10.30pm......Can't be arsed.
Day 15 : 1.45am It's strange that the thought of this book repels me. I've had an awful day and can't be arsed to tell you why.
Day 18 :Woke up feeling totally exhausted.
Day 24 : Writing a journal has become quite hard to keep up with.
Day 26 : Very tired almost falling asleep on clients.
Day 2 : Woke up exhausted and did not want to get out of bed, this tiredness and aching in my body stayed with me all day.
Day 10 :Really tired went for acupuncture had to go asleep in pm having severe diarrhoea as well and don't feel too well very shaky and weak.
Day 14: ......I feel so tired it is untrue and had to go to bed in pm which I don't usually do.
Day 16; Headache & tired on waking.
Day 22 : Exhausted again had no energy so went to bed for most of today.
Day 8 : Woke early so feeling weary.
Day 9 :Wrecked & very weary this morning.
Day 10 : With great intent after breakfast of dealing with and sorting out many things-after a period of prayer-fell asleep again!!
Day 12 : Slept well but still feel tired.
Day 18 : Slept well but still feel very weary.
Day 19 : Weary, weary, this morning.
Day 21 :Felt groggy & tired when woke up.
Day 22 :Have slept rather late.
Day 28 :Stayed in bed longer than usual for many reasons-very busy all day on Saturday and it was warmer in bed!!
Day 3 : After 4 hours sleep when to the gym tried to catch up in sleep at 4pm which was no go, still active, probably overtired
Day 15 : Good sleep. Feel floppy this morning, like I could stay in bed longer.
Day 1: Very deep sleep.
Day 2 : Slept very deeply.
Day 3 :Very tired today.
Day 8 : No dreams-heavy deep sleep.
Day 16 : Slept in afternoon-couldnít be bothered to do much else.
Day 17 : Heavy deep sleep. Now I can do more with my day can't be bothered.
Day 19 : Hard getting up. Feel exhausted.
Day 20 : Couldn't get up, really lethargic. Heavy sleep.
Day 22 : Couldn't be bothered to get out of bed today. Really lethargic wanted to do nothing. Really irritating thing is knowing I'm not really tired and all I want is to be working , get my teeth stuck into a project, I have so much energy to give out, I'm wasting it feeling I can't be bothered.
Day 27 : Just felt couldn't be arsed later on in the day.
Day 6 : Bored-can't afford to do anything cool. Get a video out.
Day 7 : Can't be arsed to do anything really. Watch TV.
Day 10 : Up late-feeling apathetic. Write 3 days worth of journal-my keenness to write this is waning.
Day 11 : Up late, not time for yoga today.
Day 12 : Bored-run out of enthusiasm for getting documents produced - shall play Solitaire instead to pass the time. Need to phone people, not getting round to it.
Day 1 :........ also came to take my pill this morning only to realise I have forgotten to bring it with me.
Day 13 : OK, naughty girl, couldn't stand to go to work so called in sick, needed another day off.
Day 17 : Didn't want to get up, didnít want to work.
Day 18 : Slept very well, don't want to get out of bed.
Day 19 : Very tired, fed up with everything. Went to bed at 7.30pm didnít wake up until 7am. Still tired!!
Day 20 : Still really flat & tired, really didn't want to work today, busy day.
Day 21 : Very tired-day off & lazed about all day doing nothing, felt guilty for this.
Day 25 : Slept from 19.30 - 7 h.
Day 2 : Slept like a log.
Day 4 : Hard to wake up. Sleeping well.
Day 5 : Slept well again- difficulty waking up properly.
Day 6 : Early night-slept for 9 hours.
Day 13 : 11 hours sleep.
Day 3 : On some sort of campus, students had red uniforms, all ages. Very large, more like a village, with shops, museums etc. My first day, being sent on an errand to a shop to get marshmallow drink & a sack of coal. Trying to get directions from the lady sending me ............I encountered some kids on the way who treated me like an outsider (lack of uniform).
Day 7 : "Flying again, teaching people how to fly, showing them what is possible. I had a child with me this time, a small boy who I was carrying. There were hundreds of people, lots of fields and attractions, like a theme park. There was one show where the audience were seated, lots of Americans. The presenter was introducing a pop idol, an ethnic man, who started to sing. The audience had to write their date of Birth on a piece of paper & their surname. It was a psychological mind bending trick. One of the Americans from the stage came to me, he had the same surname & DOB, he kissed me."
Day 4:"Dreamt I was walking towards The Royal Crescent, there were hundreds of people around so it must have been a festival".
Day 5 :"Was on a kind of huge 'film' set the first bit was children's house (then bit hazy) then me & friend walking down a hill, get to bottom, sit down, guy on a bike cycles past & wants my friend to try something. I sit in background then I go back to film set, and am at the wrong one and wander off. everyone seems to be ready to shoot, all the people with clipboards are in position. I ask the nearest guy where the children's place is & I find it to be loads bigger an empty derelict house, the guy wants me to plant trees outside the front door & then I fall backwards in mud, guy helps me up & dusts me off."
Day 5 : "Living in a community, new there. Lots of people attending a meeting of all in a hall. I think P's there. As I'm new here thereís a lot of protocol & tradition I've yet to learn. At one point everyone stands on their chairs - in tribute to someone who has died-then join hands and raise arms up-this takes me by surprise-my eyes are closed -and I overbalance and have to step down to the floor, with a sharp intake of breath in my surprise. People look at me and I feel like "the new girl", visible & vulnerable. Later another big meeting, more formal, with a presentation. At the front of the hall is a giant globe shape with universe & stars on. Again, something about death-the grand finale of the leader. I walk to the front to question and look for evidence, information.
Day 6 : In a place with lots of friends a community. I'm feeling very happy and empowered in myself.
Dancing, drinking lots of water, no alcohol. I'm single and free and strong. Looking for a massage.
Day 12 : "In a community again. Grass. I'm tall, I'm a leader respected by the people, they come to me for advice & wise words."
Day 17 : "A big community again, people together for a weekend (something magic as a background agenda hidden) at a big centre. I'm there alone and meet up with a few people I know loosely. I've got a tent and it's pitched inside the house. I intend to spend one night at the beach but in the end that doesn't happen because it gets late & dark............I've made my stand of saying I'm going off on my own and in fact it's company I want and I'm alone."
Day 20 : "In a cornfield, waiting, witches"
Day 21 " At a massive party, outdoors, like a free party/festival atmosphere."
Day 25 : Working for a large company...............
Day 25 : with a group, supervised by teachers. Outing on the tube. Previous 2 days we've bought a ticket each, but today it's different, there's a group ticket-but I'm not included. And I haven't got money to get my own ticket. I'm calling out 'has anyone got a spare ticket', knowing there must be one, but no-one responds even when I ask 3 times. I feel blocked, excluded from the group- and it's fine as I can go my own way. (this is very different from previous reaction when I've responded badly to being or feeling excluded or rejected.....interesting.)
Day 4 : Feel very chilled after yoga & get some chocs as a peace offering.
Day 1 : Went to the Healing show (working on a stand). Met lots of people I haven't seen in ages and had some interesting chats with people via the stand.
Day -1 : Camp is brilliant-thoroughly at ease and centred.
Day 1 : Took remedy at 9.03. Very significant dream about "the past" which linked very powerfully with the Imbolc dawn ceremony. Synchronise links with elemental water ritual at Yale. Talked to camp members to 'debrief' and , hopefully, understand. Amazing dance workshop renewed energy and allowed me to physically experience the re-birth of hope, intentions and well-being.
Day 2 : Returning home today and back to work for 4.30. Felt centred and calm, but sad to be leaving camp. However, I won't miss the mud.
Day 5 : However, I did teach a good yoga class which changed a young ladies life (her first yoga experience/class) she was deeply moved on all levels. Makes it all worthwhile.
Day 11 : Better post yoga.
Day 21 : Woke in high spirits, again had been out last night & no hangover.
Day 23 : Out for surprise party tonight-with lots of very good friends, really looking forward to it.
Day 25 : Day was good but my mood is so flat, I want to laugh more. Had P, P & P over for dinner, lovely company, lovely food & managed to laugh as much as we could. I'm so unusually tired all the time, although I'm calmer, I could do without the obsessive eating and exhaustion.
Day 13 : I was so high at the football, I thoroughly enjoyed it got right behind my team it was amazing match which I really felt alive which I always do but this was something special.
Day 20 : Excited about going into college had a good day where I was able to speak my truth in group's. Felt tired at the end of it though which is not really surprising as I have given a lot.
Day 7 : "Felt the need to get out into nature, I could feel my palms getting itchy and my heart thumping, need to feel free & need to feel real energy. I'm sitting in the garden for the blind in Henrietta Park and just listening to the birds & the water running from the fountain, I heard the gate open so I looked up and it's someone I know, a friend of one of my ex boyfriends, he's nice but I just don't want to talk to anyone, it's typical of life (in a good way) to show you that even when you make a choice to go somewhere you hope not to see anyone you still do. It's beautiful & I've just realised how much all I need to do is go out into nature to feel better, it's not all about working, eating & sleeping. Hurrah there are amazing things in life."
Day 3 : I drove up Solsbury Hill and found a tree & it felt like an enormous hug in a bottle. I feel totally energised.
Day 4 : So next mission a friend mentioned earlier about National Trust Working Holidays. So, right, found it on the internet where you can spend 1-10 days re-planting trees, conservation, nature, no experience-pay for food & lodging & meet loads of people-spotted a great one for March, so syncronicity today.
Day 5 : A thought popped in my head: one of those that you can see unfolding infront of you visually, talking about the patterns of people in relevance with nature. That some people have lots of different jobs & struggles to create their dream job & some people study medicine at 18 and are doctors all their lives consistent. And if you look at the latter people it's important we have people like this to give the earth an anchoring-relate this to the tree: They are the trunk of the tree and those that have lots of different jobs etc. are the branches and together we all create a stable structure and co-exist together. Umm harder to explain on paper.
Day 6 : Woke up today, thinking I'd like to go to Westonbirt Arboretum and P rings to meet up and suggests the same. In my element, felt quite heavy in some places and started getting hot flushes. I think I was bitten by some insect. Could tell the difference between heavy & lightness of different areas of trees. Leant against a few trees too. Absolutely knackered afterwards.
Tree at Stanton Drew
Day : 7
OFF OUT- wander round the woods, calm & peaceful. Found a nice piece of Beech, will try and make a staff for P.
Day 6: Had a fantastic day today-had a long walk in Westonbirt Arboretum-where I experienced light headiness & felt quite giddy. Day 12 : Anyway had a lovely walk in Avebury which was P's idea, it was lovely, just to get some air & see the stones. While I was walking along the bit where the stones act as a sort of passage-way to the circles, I felt quite heavy & enclosed until I got to the circles & out of the passage way through a gateway between two stones : one called Devil's Gate but overall I felt light headed & energised. This is until I left there when I felt totally wiped out. Day 13 : Feels good to get out in the fresh air.
Prover 2 Day 6 :Felt very good today very connected. Knew exactly what I needed for me today, a walk in the country then being with friends again felt connected and accepting of self/others and situations. Eating good earthy food and enjoying the company of others. Feel confident and pleased with myself that I can go into any situation and be me.
Prover 10 Day 27 : Was led to a wood today, completely by synchronicity. I have been looking to purchase some woodland to create a natural training centre, this place was perfect.
Day 1 : Feel better once outside.
Emotional Issues & Anger
I have used one example of how this prover wrestled with an internal conflict with her job, her boyfriend and her recently deceased Mother. She didn't express it verbally, resulting in it trying to 'burst out' by passing wind and so she dealt with it in her dreams until she went to her Mother's grave and wept........ this relieved the 'tummy troubles'.
The other provers dealt with issues of ill parents, death of grandfather,ending a relationship, beginning a relationship, very ill stepfather,and abuse from mother as a child.
Prover 3 Day 1 : Felt angry stressed immediately when I heard my boss was on the phone. How I felt yesterday too. ...............carried on feeling pissed off-if this my workload or the remedy?
Day 2 : Once again it's not taking much to make me feel furious. Is this PMT?
Day 4 : Busy day at work. Still liable to fly off the handle at the slightest stress!
Day 6 : Woke up feeling sad, insecure & teary. My boyfriend asked me not to call him my pet name for him anymore. Rather surprised, but fair enough, it's rather small making.
Day 10 : Feeling like everyone is pissing me off at the moment-that I really don't suffer fools gladly. Worried I'm turning back into the angriest woman in the world.
Day 13 : So went from confrontational to all emotional (actually that happened before when I was writing his Valentine) & teary & just SO SAD & HOPELESS. God, this is like nightmare PMT. Decided I was being rather extreme & it was probably the remedy.
Day 15 : Am getting rather tired of being all over the place mentally & emotionally.
Day 18 : Have been doing appalling sulphurous farts for the last 3 days. Is this the remedy? Or is it all the pasta & bread I've eaten?
Day 20 : Boyfriend unexpectedly came round. Delighted. He was tickling me & I got hysterical (laugh, cry, laugh ) -felt like there was a huge burst of emotion just bursting to get out. He looked rather amazed, so I stopped it.
Day 24 : Dreamt about children drowning in a river, as they were playing on the back of a huge boat dumping a load of wood. Three of them & nobody seemed to care.........and also me swimming up a cold river (possibly the Thames in Oxford) underwater & doing really well at it.
Day 25 : Terrible tummy trouble-windy, dried out stools, grindy feelings.
Day 26 : Got very angry when boyfriend said he was too ill to come to Sussex for my nephews christening. Told him I was disappointed, most emphatically & drove to Sussex planning on not speaking to him for days. Stopped off to see my Mum's grave & the new headstone & promptly burst into tears & felt terribly sad & missing her for the rest of the journey. Then had masses of casserole for dinner & tummy felt the best it's been in days!
Day 27 : Talked to my aunt about retraining as a plumber. Coming up to 3 years in my job & not sure if I've had enough or not, but looking at my life I may be at another time to move on. Don't want to be tied to one job in one office. Here I am , no kids, no mortgage & feeling like I'm being selfish & not giving enough back to this poor planet which we're killing. Want a job that I can earn but practice it anywhere-plumbing would be good. Aware that I maybe 'settling' for a nice life instead of taking risks & going for what I really want. Fear stops me. Nephew's christening-fab day, felt very comfy in my new (second hand ) right colour clothes. Laughed myself silly playing Cranium.
Day 2 : Eaten thin lentil soup & cheese on toast.
Day 4 : ....It's a comfort thing I think ? Well anyway in short Iíve stuffed my face.
Day 6 : I've craved sweet things today and have eaten them too.
Day 9 : Have dahl for dinner - P makes a wicked dahl.
Day 23 : After several weeks of keeping a journal it is obvious (I knew this anyway) that I'm terrible with food. I try & eat healthily (most meals are) avoid processed food as much as possible, use fresh ingredients, don't drink much, only smoke dope occasionally - but I always seem to fill up the gaps (unnecessarily???) with sugary junk.
Day 6 : Eating good earthy food and enjoying the company of others.
Day 12 : Had a lot of chocolate cravings today. Need SWEET STUFF!!! Day 19 : Want to lose weight but find I'm eating more.
Day 21 : Can't stop eating now getting very worried about weight, feel I need help to control this (sweet stodge, carbs etc) feel very depressed.
Day 24 : Soon as I got home ate, felt ravenous, always feeling hungry, craved sweet things , honey, chocolate soon as I eat this I feel guilty & depressed. Feels like vicious circle.
Day 25 : Dream " ......found a locked doorway and went in, I found a Black shop keeper in a pristine food store all intact, he smiled and gave me a chocolate milkshake, I said thank you & went back to family. My Mum found me coming out & I gave her the rest of the milkshake. I tried to lock the door again to save the man & shop being looted but the door wouldn't lock & kept falling open."
Communication & truth speaking
Day 9 ...........and I felt very pleased with myself, for once I'd stuck to my boundaries & done it nicely.
Day 12 : Humdinger of a conversation with P re-taking holiday in May-told her if she did I'd have to do all the work & would be really pissed off. It got very heated but we sorted it out.
Day 14 :"Interview with R (head of school) re my project - I expected to be nervous (or would have been a few months ago)- and I went in, sat, occupied my space, said my bit clearly & confidently, it was well received."
Day 1 : Communication flowed easier in places today.
Day 6 : ....Proud because I was true to myself last night & came home, speaking my truth, something I would have found harder in the past. Well done!
Day 7 : In some ways my communication has been easier, more able to say how I feel, in other ways more aware of when I could be more expressive.
Day 8 :.......feeling more able to speak my truth & being given the opportunity to do it.
Day 9 : Another good day for COMMUNICATION.
Day 12 : ...probably will provide another opportunity to express myself in ways I usually suppress, God help them!
Day 13 : Another opportunity to express myself/ I embraced the opportunity to vocalise my anger.
Watery dreams, themes
Day 10 : Walking along the river path on my way home, walking with P who's going same way same time, having an open conversation.
Day 13 : I notice that I've been spilling liquids in the last few days-water, tea- at home and now here at Poulstone. P my friend here-says that speaks of leaking emotions & power. My 1st thought was that I am overflowing!
Day 14 : Boat on the sea-big ship. I'm involved in a plot, a game-like a fantasy action/sci fi movie. High stakes.
Day 14 : Showering with P in a big bathroom, blue tiles, plants, puddles of water on the floor everywhere. Twice we shower together/same time. Then a 3rd time we take turns-distance created (why?) like a shyness introduced.
Day 20: In New York, alone amongst loads of people, looking for The Empire State Building. I seem to be on holiday while others are working. It's the end of the day, people spilling out of the offices. I'm going in the lift to go to the top of the tower-going in the opposite direction to the crowds, against the flow (like leaning into the wind on the Tor yesterday)
Day 12 : Travelling in a car that keeps falling into water, flooded roads, backwards off a cliff into sea, and so on.
Day 13 : Water dreams again , spilling into electrical equipment and causing fires.
Day 20 Dreams of being on an old clipper ship, several hundred years ago. We were sailing along the canal in London, huge waves as high as houses, I could see the waves coming towards us and was a little scared, but very excited.
Day 23 More watery dreams but cannot remember details.
Day 24 : Even more watery dreams, this time could feel the water washing over me.
Day 26 : Had a dream-cannot easily remember facts-something to do with a group of peoples(None recognisable) and feeling dirty and needed to wash or clean myself.
Day 13 : Dream " Was in Futurama Cartoon in massive house with Bender (Robot) & Fry (Idiot). Am in tiny bedroom arguing with Fry, we both want to get to the bathroom-dying to go. Bender runs across the landing & locks himself in the bathroom, laughing. Desperate to go now, see a metal waste paper bin, can use that although itís a bit small. Fry is trying to get to bin too, "Get the f*** out of it,
I saw it first & stop trying to move it or I'll end up peeing on the floor." Woke up - did not need to use bathroom."
Day 10 : P , large fish in bag (alive) playing pool..........P took out two very large goldfish (the size of a good trout) they were in see through bags, in water, very much alive. He started spinning in a circle with a bag in each hand, everyone thought the bags would burst & the fish fly out & splat to the walls. He let go of the bags, they went sliding into the kitchen. The fish were on a slab jumping, very distressed. There were fish prepared for cooking on the side too, all very cruel.
Day 21 : I was some sort of James Bond guy. I had information they wanted, lots of them chasing me & I was ruthless with them. They stole my pushbike, which I stole back. I was riding into town,......when I got to town, torrential rain came.
Day 25 : Poem
'Faint words, distant ships, unknown shores, Hairy men paying overweight whores, Sunshine breaks and guided tours, Cobbled alleys, gas lamps & pimps, Lobster & crayfish, eels & shrimps,
The waters of life.
Day 2 : I did dream quite a lot last night-again it was really quite stormy & windy. I remember struggling to get a car together to help people move away from the house that had become unsafe to be in 'cos of the weather.
Day 5 : I was climbing up a huge water tower with no supports or anything, underneath me was a huge gushing river with the rest of my 'team' down there, it became clear that I had to collect these enormous fat rubbery worm/maggot things from the top of the water tank, they were bright light blue & really clammy. As I had nothing to hold me up there it had to be a rush job 'cos I'd fall down soon, these creatures were stuck on to the tank & were really, really hard to pull off, so it was very stressful, I was soaked right through, very scared and disgusted at these things. They began to come free & I just let them fall down to my team to collect, when done I dropped myself from the tank, & could feel myself falling but didn't land........
"Strange dream last night.......I was in a town centre and there were a few birds overhead and I was dodging their bird droppings. Then the bird droppings got worse like torrential rain & I was sheltering and running from shelter to shelter, I didn't get any on me and I bumped into a person who I think was a man, who helped me, shelter from it???".
Out side looking up at the stars then the stars turned into Egyptian Pharaohs and lined up, when they did the world experienced a terrible holocaust, wind, fire, it was terrible. Everyone running, I was a mother & then a child looking after a cat. We had a house which was falling down as everyone was panic, there was no water. In the house was the child & with my cat I found a locked doorway and went in...
"Dreamt of a huge big and black mansion in medieval times on a lake with fires burning, really cool dream which has stayed with me this image of the darkness. I would imagine a dragon to fly past.
My best dream in ages."
Day 14 :
Woken up by car at 1.45 h. from dream about crossing vast, wet boggy tundra-like (except with long grass) wasteland, on some kind of shamanic course. Was fab. Though when I woke up-why am I just settling for a safe life of safe job & house while I watch P & P taking risks & going for their dreams & making then come true.
Cats woke me at 2.40 h.-dreaming about being on holiday & in boat crossing beautiful clear sea water that the next minute was absolutely full of huge esturine crocodiles-scary but didn't fall in.
Allerlei: The 17th century antiquarian John Aubrey recorded a local legend: the Stanton Drew stones were the remnants of a wedding party which was turned into stone because they danced into the Sabbath! The stones of The Cove were said to be the parson, the bride and the bridegroom; those of the avenues were the fiddlers.
The name 'Stanton' means 'homestead of the stones' and 'Drew' is the surname of a family who lived here in the 13th century.
Stones made out of Triassic Dolomitic Conglomerate with varying degrees of silicification.†