Carboneum monoxidum (Carbn-o) = Anhang Carboneum Oxydatum = Car Exhaust Fumes/= Gas:


Vergleich: Carb-diox.: Siehe: Carbon + Oxygen:


Antidote: Op. Bov. Arn.


[Sally Williams]

History and culture:

According to a report from Ward's Auto, the global number of cars exceeded 1.015 billion in 2010, jumping from 980 million the year before. Not surprisingly, China led the way in vehicle growth, with the number of cars on Chinese roads increasing by 27.5%, amounting to half the entire global growth. That gives China the world's second largest car population, with 78 million vehicles. But the United States still constitutes the largest vehicle population in the world with 239.8 million cars.

Over the course of the last century, the automobile rapidly grew from an expensive toy for the rich into the standard for passenger transport in most developed countries. In developing countries, the effects of the automobile have lagged, but are following the impacts of developed nations. As with railways, introduction of the automobile fostered sweeping changes in employment patterns, social interactions, infrastructure and goods distribution.

The effects of the automobile on everyday life have been a subject of controversy. While the introduction of the mass-produced automobile represented a revolution in mobility and convenience, heavy automotive use has created a massive demand for non-renewable fuels, a dramatic increase in the rate of accidental death, social isolation and the disconnection of community, and the generation of air & noise pollution. Further, it is arguably the leading cause of urban sprawl, enabled urban decay and is a major contributor to the current obesity epidemic.

Economic Changes:

The development of the automobile has contributed to changes in employment distribution, shopping patterns, social interactions, manufacturing priorities and city planning. Increasing use of automobiles has reduced the roles of walking, horses and railroads, and public transit.

Environmental Impact:

For much of the early history of the car, no consideration was given to its various environmental effects. Automobiles are a major source of air pollution and noise pollution. The manufacture and use of automobiles makes up 20 – 25% of the carbon dioxide emissions that cause global climate change. There are over 600 million cars and light vehicles (excluding heavy trucks and buses) worldwide.

The automobile contributes significantly to noise pollution worldwide. In response to these impacts, an entire technology of noise barrier design and other noise mitigation has emerged. In the U.S. the typical car emits approximately 3.4 grams of carbon monoxide per mile.

With increased road building came negative effects on habitat for wildlife, primarily through habitat fragmentation and surface runoff alteration.

New roads built through sensitive habitat can cause the loss or degradation of ecosystems, and the materials required for roads come from large-scale rock quarrying and gravel extraction, which sometimes occurs in sensitive ecological areas. Road construction also alters the water table, increases surface runoff, and increases the risk of flooding.


 3:7   I’ve also noticed that I was thinking I was a bit dim-witted about speech not always making good sentences. But I think it’s more about stuttering.


“Because of carbon monoxide's very aggressive nature as a poison: it can't be tasted, seen, felt, heard. You just think you're breathing air. You just go to sleep“.

Carbon monoxide poisoning is the most common type of fatal poisoning in many countries. Once exposed to carbon monoxide it seeps into the lungs with every breath, making its way to the air sacks of the lungs where it binds with haemoglobin; the red blood cells that carry oxygen through the body. The problem is the affinity between haemoglobin and carbon monoxide is approximately 230 times stronger than the affinity between haemoglobin and oxygen so haemoglobin binds to carbon monoxide in preference to oxygen. CO belongs to a class of substances known as asphyxiants; and so on the most basic level what occurs is the suffocation of the body’s cells.

Within minutes of exposure a person can feel headache and flu symptoms; once it has attached to 15% of a person’s haemoglobin they become dizzy and confused. At 30 – 40% a person becomes drowsy and slips into a coma, at 60 – 70% it is fatal. The CDC reports that approximately 500 people die each year of accidental carbon monoxide poisoning and currently nearly 2,000 commit suicide by using the gas, most often by inhaling car fumes. But since the advent of electronically controlled combustion and catalytic converters, modern cars produce so little carbon monoxide it has reduced suicides by car exhaust by 25% in the U.S.


Combustion is the production of heat and sometimes light when there is a chemical reaction between a fuel and an oxidant. This is always an exothermic reaction that occurs fast enough to produce heat. Complete combustion uses up all the fuel in a reaction and produces a limited number of products in the reaction. Incomplete combustion occurs when there is not enough of an oxidant to burn up all the fuel in an efficient manner. In incomplete combustion, the reaction is inefficient and produces both the products that would be created in complete combustion and other products as well. It is much more likely for combustion to be incomplete than for it to be complete, particularly with solid fuels, because of the inherent difficulty of getting oxygen to a combusting fuel quickly. Incomplete combustion produces by-products that are considered toxic pollutants.

            The Combustion Process:

Gasoline and diesel fuels are mixtures of hydrocarbons (made of hydrogen, oxygen and carbon atoms.) Hydrocarbons are burned by combining with oxygen. Nitrogen and sulphur atoms are also present and combine with oxygen when burned to produce gases. Automotive engines emit several types of pollutants.

            Typical Engine Combustion:

Fuel + Air => Hydrocarbons + Nit-o.: + Carb-diox.: + Carbon Monoxide + water.

Ideally an engine should only add carbon dioxide and water vapor to the air. However, due to incomplete combustion and impurities in fuel, there are several undesired items in the emission, the major being carbon monoxide and nitrogen oxides (NOX). In addition lead and some other metals in the fuel also find their way into the exhaust.

            Carbon Monoxide:

Colorless, odorless, tasteless, yet highly toxic. Automobile and industrial emissions may also contribute to the greenhouse effect and global warming. It occurs naturally in our atmosphere at around 0.1 parts per million, but car exhaust without a catalytic converter contains 7,000 parts per million.

            Nitrogen dioxide:

Toxic by inhalation and can cause adverse health effects at low levels over a long period. It can contribute to acid rain and oxygen depletion of plant life in coastal waters.

            Sulphur dioxide:

Can cause pulmonary and respiratory distress and acidification of waterways.

            Particulate matter:

This is basically soot - it's most apparent effect is reducing visibility. It impacts on breathing and respiratory systems, damages lung tissues and causes cancer. Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people and animals die prematurely each year due to the health effects of inhaling particulate matter.


A carcinogen to humans, benzene is also very toxic to aquatic life and can cause death in plants. It is a "precursor" component for formation of photochemical smog.


Another known carcinogen to humans, with similar effects to many animals and birds. In an aquatic environment, formaldehyde has a half-life of between a day and ten days.

            Polycyclic hydrocarbons:

One of the most widespread organic pollutants, they are formed by incomplete combustion of carbon-containing fuels.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states that some polycyclic hydrocarbons may be carcinogens to humans and animals and can cause harmful effects of the skin and the immune system.


Some recent studies have also found car exhaust can create hydrocarbon-based free radicals which can linger indefinitely. These free radicals are believed to cause lung cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Even with the use of catalytic converters to help break down pollutants that cause smog, exhaust may be creating conditions for these free radicals to form.

            Catalytic converter:

A device used to convert toxic exhaust emissions from an internal combustion engine into non-toxic substances. Inside the converter, a catalyst stimulates a chemical reaction in which noxious byproducts of combustion are converted to less toxic substances by forcefully driving catalyzed chemical reactions. The specific reactions vary with the type of catalyst installed. Most present-day, gasoline powered vehicles are fitted with a "three way" converter, named so because it converts the three main pollutants in automobile exhaust: carbon monoxide, unburned hydrocarbons, and oxides of nitrogen to produce carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and water.

The first widespread introduction of catalytic converters was in the U.S. market, where 1975 model year automobiles were equipped to comply with tightening U.S. Environmental Protection Agency regulations on automobile exhaust emissions. Since most vehicles at the time used carburetors that provided a relatively rich air-fuel ratio, oxygen levels in the exhaust stream

 were generally insufficient for the catalytic reaction to occur. Consequently, most engines were also equipped with secondary air injection systems to induct air into the exhaust stream to allow the catalyst to function.

The catalytic converter was invented by Eugene Houdry, a French mechanical engineer and expert in catalytic oil refining, who lived in the U.S. around 1950. When the results of early studies of smog in Los Angeles were published, Houdry became concerned about the role of automobile exhaust in air pollution and founded a special company. Widespread adoption of catalytic converters did not occur until more stringent emission control regulations forced the removal of lead from most gasoline, because lead would inactivate the converter by forming a coating on the catalyst's surface, effectively disabling it.

Catalytic converters were further developed by a series of engineers including John J. Mooney and Carl D. Keith at the Engelhard Corporation, creating the first production catalytic converter in 1973.


Car Exhaust Proving

Source: For this proving the exhaust of a 1962 Jaguar E-Type with no catalytic converter was gathered in a quart jar containing milk sugar. The jar was capped and allowed to sit for three days. The milk sugar was then triturated = the medicating potency.

Internal combustion engines require a combination of air and fuel to create an explosive charge in the engine’s cylinders. When this combination is perfectly proportioned, the vast majority of the explosive charge is consumed in the cylinders, leaving little harmful waste products in the engine’s exhaust. The ideal air-fuel ratio for complete combustion is14.7:1 (stoichiometric ratio). Ideal hydrocarbon (unburned fuel) level is 10,000 ppm (parts per million). Ideal CO (carbon monoxide) level is 1 - 3%. During cold start up and acceleration the engine needs considerably more fuel to perform. At these times the air-fuel ratio is typically closer to 12.5:1, hydrocarbon levels are around 30 - 40,000 ppm, and CO increases to 5 - 6%. The exhaust sample from the 1962 Jaguar 3.8 liter E Type was captured at idle during engine warm up. Air-fuel ratio was around 10.5:1, with 60 - 70,000 ppm

hydrocarbons, and 6 - 9% CO: an extremely fuel rich mixture creating a high level of harmful exhaust wastes. This type of mixture was typical of carbureted and early fuel injected engines, as well as the vast majority of vehicles used today in the third world.

The proving was conducted in the spring of 2011 at the Baylight School of Homeopathy in Portland ME USA; director Nancy Frederick. There were 5 provers ages 25 to 60; 4 female and one male.


During this proving there was a very clear progression from indignation, anger and frustration, to the feeling of apathy, indifference and depression, and ultimately a desire for eternal sleep. Many provers were frustrated with authority, money issues, work and family and felt powerless. Eventually the sense of powerlessness turned into boredom, ennui and depression. Several provers described a sensation of “letting go” of work and family pressures, duties, discernment, and judgment of others.

Various provers felt calm and peacefulness, while others felt detached and emotionless, nowhere to go and nothing to be done, a desire to “just be”. Eventually this sense of depression and indifference was overwhelmed by the seduction of sleep.


Prover 3:

“My feeling about this remedy is one of being propelled forward without the encumbrances of the past, but without a drive for forward movement. The movement is snaking, slow, graceful, yet insinuating in that it seeps into every corner. It’s dark, dreary, gray, and heavy as if weighed down, unable to rise above, unable or unwilling to get out of the rain. There is a feeling of peacefulness, of slumber. The sensation of peaceful slumber without care or concern is a somewhat luxurious feeling“.

Others felt this attraction to sleep somewhat frightening with dreams of death, thoughts of suicide and the sense of there being “no way out”.



5:T: Afternoon: After the trituration and I was heading North in my green VW. Someone pulled out in front of me and my normal reaction would have said Jesus Christ. But that day. It was a traffic cut off. I was rip shit, I was just furious. I said like you fucking asshole from Mass get back there in your fucking Siena van. My throat hurt from shouting so loud. Thank god I did not buy a handgun that morning. That was the biggest thing.

1:1  Dream: I’m outside, putting up a fence. It looks like a livestock type fence. There’s a play set in the middle of the fenced area. My father is there, somewhere. I guess myself and a few others are repairing one side of the fence. My understanding is that there will be sheep in the fenced area as well. I want to put up the fence one way, and another person- a girl I went to school and was in Girl Scouts with- is arguing with me. We go around and around arguing over the right way to do the fence. Finally, I completely lose my shit at her and the last thing I remember is telling her she is a total BITCH.

3:1  My laptop went crazy! Anti-virus software alerts on every website I opened very annoyed! My husband fixed when he came home around 5 PM. This is something I should be able to fix on my own.

1:2  Dream: just before waking, I was in the shower with my kids. My daughter had done something I was upset about. I think she had dropped a bunch of little objects. They were going down the drain. I picked her up and she was bleeding from a small scratch on her back. Minor. But I was mad at her.

1:7  K (my husband) and I are living and working on several acres of land. We’re putting up 2 rows of what look like small dormant trees. Look like small potatoes all growing in a line from tree to tree. We argue over how the trellis should be set up. I went and hid in a barn.

1:7  In the other dream all I remember is driving in a car down a dirt road. It’s more of a single land and the road goes down by a big river- along the cliffs. It’s just me and my son Liam in the car. I pull over for a few cars going in the opposite direction. Then a van comes toward me and I can see that a woman who lives down the road and is a mom at my daughter’s school is driving. I had pulled over but I can see that she’s pissed off and mad at me for being on the road.


 3:3   Dream: I was in love with a jewel thief. He could palm jewels so simply and played these slights of hand tricks where jewels would simply drop into my hands. He also liked simple trinkets – pins, etc that were cute and he constantly gifted me. We had to leave our gorgeous rooms somewhat suddenly. There was a young woman who also needed to run so we took her with us. He gifted her with some jewels. I think there was my daughter or a younger sister who was with us as well. As we left the suites, he dropped a large rock into a deep basket that hung on the way as a gift for the maid.

When we arrived at our new location, a huge farmhouse, we unpacked.

The young woman and I were emptying paper bags and laying them flat. I pressed one down and felt something hard. It was a cheap trinket he had given me that I loved along with a couple of small jewels – I took them out of the bag. The jewels were mostly diamonds and pink and purple trinkets.

5:5   Dream(s) was a former friend, a man, without much in the way of ethics and scruples, but very wealthy. I didn’t trust him or like or want to be around him in the dream, either.

5:5   Client cancelled. Unexpected pleasant lunch with old friends from afar. Walk with a friend. Adjust someone’s remedy. Pay bills.

5:10  Pleased that the universe is in a providing mood.

5:11  The universe provides: had been wondering about, but not investigating long overdue rebate on electronics. I started to inquire early in the morning and found the check in the mailbox by noon.


1: Extraction: Going through additional upheavals with mortgage issues during the proving period. Basically, last summer we tore our home down to studs and completely renovated it to be nearly a passive home-that is, a building that does not require an additional heat source beyond the ambient heat that is provided by bodies and household appliances. The walls are 10 inches thick, the roof is super insulated and we have windows with an equivalent R-value to a traditional fiberglass insulated wall. We were able to get funding from a bank to do the work and an appraisal value was determined based on plans. Ok, fast-forward to April and we are ready to close on the construction loan and roll into a fixed mortgage. This should have been a done deal, the bank approved the project, has paid for the project, and we’re all approved financially and all that business. So the appraiser comes out to do his final check on the house, submits his paperwork and the bank balks. Looks at his photos and says that the house is not of sufficient quality to fetch the price he’s quoting. The appraiser sees the value in the energy efficiency, (for reference, pre-construction we used about 600 gallons of propane to heat the house with wall-heaters, to a tune of about $2400-3000 a year. Now we are heating the house with 1-2 cord of wood, no propane) but has a hard time finding comps because there are no other houses like this to compare it to. Other brokers I spoke to said that the problem is that when people build or renovate a house to these specs, they never sell them, so there are no price points for comparison.

Comps are the biggest roadblock to banks financing and valuing energy efficient houses right now. We’re in this funky gray zone where even though energy efficiency is a buzz word

in the building industry, it’s not wide spread enough and not demanded by consumers enough to create an appraisable market.

Anyhow We were getting crap from the bank about not having “quality” finish work- ie, fancy trim, granite countertops (they didn’t like the handmade wood countertops my husband built), stained concrete floors, etc…

Instead, we sunk our money into the structure. So finally, after much scrambling and staging for a second appraisal round on our part, they accept the appraisers value, but give us total shit for terms- a 1stand 2nd mortgage, one a variable and the other fixed, but shorter term. (this all was happening during the proving, I think.) All crappy interest rates. So, we go hunting around to see if another bank will play. Pretty much they all say they can’t do anything. Then we find a guy who is an independent broker and he says oh yeah, no problem and finds us an FHA loan that will work with way better terms, lower interest rate, etc… Great. So we tell the original bank that we’ve found another lender. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking and we need to close something because we’ve gotten the final bill from the bank, which is for the balance of the construction loan- 292,000. Shit. The new broker is telling us NOT to let it go 30 days late. Duh. My husband is getting nervous because on the paperwork the broker has filled in some inaccurate figures. Like he’s trying to give a declared value to the underwriters instead of the appraised value and claims sometimes this ‘works.’ Bottom-line, it doesn’t. He says we don’t qualify and so that loan won’t work.

So, we go back to our original bank, see if we can get the deal back on the table. Our mortgage officer says we can file an extension so we don’t get marked as late on the 292K. At this point, we’re just waiting for a closing date.

2: Extraction: After this proving I really feel that I can make up my mind to have whatever I want and can attract it to make it manifest. I feel the only limitations are in my thinking about how I want my life, my work, my relationships to me. I feel entirely responsible and in the position of power, which is refreshing and liberating. I wait for no one to make me happy, I have only to desire and expect it to come and it does. I feel a clean slate looking forward into my career and marriage, whereas before I felt I was weighed down by my past. Feeling I deserve to have all the money I desire to flow into my life without having to work for it, merely because I have asked the Universe for it.

3: Extraction:  Frustration over car repairs $1048, bank account dropped precipitously. Lots of talk about cars at work – several friends needed car repairs.

Shift in perception/Judgment/Letting go of Judgment

4: Tight  Performance of some kind being judged in a TV show format. Each contestant was standing together in a spiral of poles – each hanging onto a different pole, some feat of balancing or something. They all found this easy. One of them had cheated – something wrong with the contest. There was a “whodunit”aspect. One had taken the keys to secret room, all was revealed when the winners (one man, then one woman) began to sing a song.

5: This friend is someone who I was very close with; we went to an environmental education center together for a semester of high school. Throughout college we kept in touch, but once I moved to rural Maine and had kids, we drifted. I felt a lot of judgment from her about my choice to not live somewhere more diverse (not that was my choice but that is the nature of being in rural Maine), and be so far away from things, dependent on driving all the time, etc…

4:6 At someone else’s party in a big house with lots of people around (no one I know). I’m with a group of teenage girls – I’m one of them. We’re all wearing white tops and white sweaters (we were supposed to for some reason). The girl who lives in the house is clearly in charge. She really likes my sweater, wants me to give it to her, but I like it too so I keep it on and pretend like I can’t hear her. Then we play this game -everyone is watching- where we speak about what’s wrong with whomever is“on”. When it gets to me the girls are saying I don’t talk or I’m not playing right or something like that and I find myself getting defensive, stating clearly that I’m not going to argue about stuff unless someone says something that is totally wrong or that’s mean. They don’t get it, and I keep trying to explain then give up.

2: Extraction:  During this proving, I had the realization that I was seeing my husband from the wrong perspective and this change caused me to release entirely my judgments about what I think he should be doing in his life. This happened because one of my patients told me she was being over criticized by her husband and I was able to see that I was doing this to my husband as well. I just saw I was holding an inaccurate perspective and it was better for me and him if I saw things differently. This has healed a lot in our relationship. I am delighted to have a way of being that makes me happy and him feel (naturally) like it’s ok to be himself.

1: Extraction:  So it’s days after the end of the 2 weeks, but I feel like there are still aspects of this remedy coming through. I realized there has been a lot about this experience that is about perspective. I’ve had 2 significant shifts in perspective over

 this time in regards to relationships- one with my mother and the other my daughter. And then there’s this overall feeling of a change in perspective almost like a clearing. The other day I had the sense of like noticing my glasses were dirty, when all along I perceived them to be clean and clear.

So, it continues to percolate into my life that my reaction and engagement with things are from a place that is not as they truly are. K just ate a fortune cookie from Easter and gave this to me: ‘your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding’ that about sums it up. This is a humbling remedy.

3: Extraction   Discussions with husband about judgment and discernment. “He’s an asshole” is judgment. “He is a bigger asshole than she” is discernment.

5: Extraction   Diminished defenses about telling it how it was. It was driving me slightly crazier. I can not fucking stand this. I was willing to communicate my anger. No filter. My buffer was buffed off.


2:T: C2 Something simple about this remedy. It is like this “sit and be” apect to it. It does not need to be filled in.

2:T: C2 There is no place I have to go. Nothing I have to do.

3:2 Dream: K was getting ready and I was in the living room without all my clothes on. A boy her age (15) walked right in to see if she was ready. I chastised him for not knocking, but he didn’t seem to care at all that I was not dressed. He went outside to wait but seemed like he might soon be back. He was very carefree, funny.

4:2    I’m sleeping [in my dream], and woken up too early by sounds in the house. I go out of my room and there are tons

of people (like 20 or 30) hanging out doing various things. Most of them are in their 20’s and don’t notice me. Then I see an old college friend who was supposed to visit and I say “Hey, when did you get here” and we go back and forth about whether he’s just arrived and that he made scrambled eggs for everyone and then I’m wondering if I have enough eggs left in the fridge.

And in my dream I’m thinking I wish I could sleep some more but clearly I need to join the party. This dream is completely unthreatening and I’m totally calm and accepting. (This is not at all how normally I would be in this kind of situation!)

5:3    Awoke to a dream of green, environment, nature, peace.

4:5    Last night my husband came home with his first gout attack in about three years – something I thought we’d cured.

Normally this might send me into a frenzy – I’m generally a lightning rod for his pain and stress, but there seems to be a protective coating on me now. Feeling more expansive, taking a long view. Still now sure what the right remedy/dose is, waiting to hear back from our homeopath – but I know it will all be OK.

5:7    Mostly a pleasant day of leisure and easy shores and a long vigorous solo walk. Enjoyed the walk a lot.

5:10   Mind occupied with thoughts of what to say at memorial service in 10 days. Thoughts. Memories, floating by, some grabbed, some discarded after consideration. A dry eyed calm exercise.

5:14   Dream fragment: at state legislature in support of beleaguer minority of good legislators. Blue car in search of a place to park. 90 minute drive to meet friends for dinner. Nice time all in good calm moods, cheerful and positive.

1:Extraction:  There was a warm feeling. There is no place to be it is just like a Sunday drive.

Absence of Pressure/Apathy/Dull/Bored

T:C1  This is really boring and it is true I have not felt bored with these people ever before. It is like the energy to extend outside myself to ask a question is difficult.

5:T:C1  Bored; It is like when you plane gets stuck at the airport and you are there for 6 hours. At first was going to say like waiting for a bus.

3:T:C2  I feel very emotionless. I am relaxed but there is nothing.

1:2    I don’t want to get out of bed. Decided this afternoon that the biggest mental/emotional shift I’m experiencing is a sense of dullness… a slight dampening.

3:1  Not going to anger this is the way they are. Everything is done what is next to be done. I cannot go back. But I am starting clean even though I am behind. The pressure is off. It is ok you are on schedule right now. attend to what is in front of me.

4:1    Made a routine email mistake (cc’d a group by accident, normally wouldn’t faze me) and had a physical anxiety response – face flushed, mind went completely blank for a good minute, heart racing. [After note: what struck me as odd was that the anxiety response was purely physical and mentally I really didn’t care.]

4:2    I keep expecting emotional symptoms but none really so far – detached emotionally too like “oh well“.

4:2    My mind is not sharp, difficulty working up homeopathic cases at work.

1:4    The last dream I remember is being at a house with an old high school friend who I have not been in contact with for awhile. Somehow we end up having sex. She’s a woman, but she has a penis. Apparently, I was a virgin. There was no real emotional component to this, it was a very practical matter.

 4:4    Still some physical anxiety – tightness in chest and fluttery feeling in throat. But it’s not tied to any real stress – I’m still in I-don’t-care mode and things are generally rolling right off.

 2:5    No interest in anything, just want to sit around.

 4:5    Lots of stuff going on in my life this week, company coming, a long work to-do list, lots of people calling with needs. Again, odd that I’m not stressing out. All these tasks are just free-floating around me – like I need to snatch them out of the air to get stuff down. I have a feeling I’m going to be horrified at all I didn’t get done when the proving is over…

 4:6    Also for whatever reason I have not been able to fire up to exercise this week. No motivation whatsoever. I’ve been happy enough to take some nice walks, but can’t seem to manage anything that involves holding a position or doing repetitions – just no drive.

 2: Extraction:  I could not wait to finish with the proving. I was like drugged. I was spacey, but I had nothing to do with it. I was not doing my thing. I was like yup. It was like so flat. I had no ideas percolating. I have no ups. I get turned on by ideas and manifesting things and I had no idea how to manifest things.

 2: Extraction:  Not feeling task oriented did not want to do my daily activities. Not engaged Iwould be in a low mood. No creative energy to make dinner.

 3: Extraction:  My perspective at work has changed enormously. I’ve decided “I’m all caught up. What’s next?” is better than dwelling on what isn’t done, what should be done, and all I have to do to catch up.       Spacey

 2:T:C1  It is like the next day after a party and it is like you not connected to anything.

 2:T:C1  It is a spacy feeling, but with out the thing like oh crap I need to snap back to reality.

 2T:C2   I have the feeling of being stoned. The things that worried you it is like feeling unencumbered. It is spacy but not anxious.

 3:T:C2  So like it is like oh man I have to drive later.

3:T:PM  I needed gas and decided to drive to Biddeford, 14 miles away, and stop there. I drove up to the pump and put my credit card in. As it was authorizing I realized I was at a diesel pump (oops!) so canceled the card and backed the car up to the regular pump. Everything seems slow motion. I’m not in my body. Some things, like signs, seem new, fresh, crisp. Kind of spacey though.

2:2    Difficult concentration. Mid-afternoon, mental fogginess with difficulty articulating ideas to patients and low blood sugar feeling (which was a physical panic sensation that I could pass out even while sitting.)

The next word vanishes, not sure what to say to explain things.

4:0    Spacey and making mistakes with words (not unusual) but also spacing out visually – looking at things and not really seeing them, needing to read the same sentence a few times to get the meaning.

4:1    Made a routine email mistake and had a physical anxiety response – face flushed, mind went completely blank for a good minute, heart racing.

4:1    Mentally kind of spacey as the day goes on.

4:2    Off-balance, physically and mentally. It’s not just being spacey – it’s like a drug state. I’m really detached. Hard to focus/follow through but I’m hyper-focused on something little like the reflection on the paper.

3:4    Overall, still very tired and seem to be coming back into myself slowly over time. Somewhat forgetful, dimwitted.

3:4    Rode for two hours with daughter driving I was misguided on the highway missing exit entirely.

2: Extraction:  It was like the marathon of daydreaming.


2:1    Woke very depressed, didn’t want to get up and do normal activities (it was grey and cloudy). Also, I am depressed about having to work by myself and feeling lonely at my work (typical for me.) Throughout the day,

low mood when not immediately engaged with a task. I am not very eloquent when describing treatments to patient. No creative energy to cook dinner, unlike normally always doing it and enjoying it. I had to ask my husband to do it.

1:7    I feel really unhappy today. My kids are constantly bickering, my son is like Velcro to me and my daughter is snippy. I feel frustrated and sad about my relationship with my mother and when I look around I just feel kind of trapped by all the relationships and work and life maintenance. I don’t even want to mount the effort to do anything because I get blocked by all that’s around me.

2:7    General tone is depressed, worrying about looking/being old. It feels like being in neutral, not taking action.

1:10   Yesterday I was thinking that there’s been this overall element of doubt over the past few days. Just feel kind of doubtful about how I’m showing up in different parts of my life.

            Seduction of Seep/Sleeplessness

3:T:Afterward  I stopped at Dunkin Donuts to get a hot tea. Everything seems slow motion. I’m not in my body. Some things, like signs, seem new, fresh, crisp. Kind of spacey though. I normally use the DD drive thru but felt a need to take a break and went in to get my tea. I continued on my journey and could barely make it as far as North Berwick. I pulled off the road at the NB Dunkin Donuts as I was nauseous, spaced out, and starting to drift off. I was very tired and spacey so I sat in the car for a while. I felt like I would fall asleep right there in the lot. To stay awake I went into Subway to get a sandwich and change of scenery. After waiting (girls college softball team ahead of me), eating, and even reading a little, I felt better and drove home. Still not “in” me – spacey, but better. Along the ride home it was just an overwhelming feeling of tiredness but I was also a little pensive about the “weight” of this work which was a good feeling. I made my husband take me out to dinner – sushi – and carry in my bags from my week away from home.

 3:T    That night I sat on the couch and watched a really stupid Disney kids show. I dozed and watched Disney for two hours!!

 4:T    That afternoon took a 20 minute nap, felt like 2 hours.

 5:1    Sleepy after too little sleep by 4.

 2:2    Need for rest and nap. Head feels airy inside.

4:2    I’m sleeping [in my dream], and woken up too early by sounds in the house. I go out of my room and there are tons of people (like 20 or 30) hanging out doing various things. Most of them are in their 20’s and don’t notice me. Then I see an old college friend who was supposed to visit and I say “Hey, when did you get here” and we go back and forth about whether he’s just arrived and that he made scrambled eggs for everyone and then I’m wondering if I have enough eggs left in the fridge. And in my dream I’m thinking I wish I could sleep some more but clearly I need to join the party.

This dream is completely unthreatening and I’m totally calm and accepting. (Which is not at all how normal me would be in this kind of situation!)

3:3   Rode one hour with daughter driving, too tired to continue.

3:4   Rode for two hours with daughter driving I misguided on the highway missing exit entirely. Could barely keep eyes open on last half hour home.

5:3   Took my cumulative sleep deficit to bed early, asleep before 10:30.

5:4   Back to office. Became very sleepy around 3:30pm. Curled up and took to a comfy chair for what turned out to be a nap of about an hour form which I awoke feeling somewhat bleary.

2:5   Was sleeping and dreaming deeply right until I woke up.

5:9   Woke to heed bladder request. Unable to return to sleep.

1:10  Been sleeping deeply, dreams feel thick.

5:11  Up and bleary. Too little sleep.

5:12  Very sleepy. Warm sunny bright day.

3:Extraction:  Every time I rode in the car I fall asleep.

3:Extraction:  My feeling about this remedy is one of being propelled forward without the encumbrances of the past, and without a drive for forward movement. The movement is snaking, slow, graceful, yet insinuating in that it seeps into every corner. It’s dark, dreary, gray, and heavy as if weighed down, unable to rise above, unable or unwilling to get out of the rain. There is a feeling of peacefulness, of slumber. The sensation of peaceful slumber without care or concern is a somewhat luxurious feeling.

3:Extraction:  Exhaustion – very tired throughout the time period. Last night even I told husband “I just want my bed to fall under me. Getting out of the car and going upstairs is too much effort“.


Supervisor’s comments at the extraction – worth noting.

It was at least 5 days I took these naps. I would wake up from like 4 hours of napping. It feels so good…like scary though.

No way out/Suicide/Death


T:C2  Discussion of Heath Ledger committing suicide.

5:T:C2  (Singing) This may be the last time.. this may be the last time.. this may be the last time I don’t know.

2:1    Dream – Swimming pool with people pretending to be drowned.

5:2    Meeting of group of which one member had recently died. Discussion is deceased, his troubles, his friendship. My friend for 30+ years. Good discussion, warm feelings, acceptance of death.

5:8    Especially enjoyed a visit with adult son of recently deceased friend. Gave him a much needed remedy. Erie to see his dad’s facial expression, hear the same vocal mannerisms etc. a warm

 sharing time.

4:9    Dreamed of being on an African plain with lions and other animals, camping with my husband who was not afraid. I thought in my dream it must be OK because even if he was suicidal he

             wouldn’t want to put me in danger.

1:7    Liam and I pass and head down the hill. There’s a sharp curve that I don’t see and we turn, the car goes off the cliff onto its side and is sailing through the air. I can feel the sensation in my belly

             and I remember thinking, this is it, there’s no way out of this. Then, I woke up, thankfully.

1:12   Crazy dreams, kind of brutal. In one segment, I remember that some people, and I were in this group, we are trying to kill off this little girl and she wouldn’t die. All these pretty brutal things were

             being done to her (in a very clinical, bloodless way) but she just wouldn’t die.

4:12   Another dream where I was trying to hide something in the fridge. And then I changed my mind and had to go find it when everyone was in the house. [After note: I remembered during the

            extraction a little more about this dream as another prover was talking about something similar – in this dream I had somehow killed someone and what I was hiding was some body part. It was all

            very emotionless.]

Cars/Driving/Driving metaphors

 3:T:C1 Talking about traffic. It is 4 minutes longer to go that way.

 1:T:C2 I get pulled over and the guy comes over and I said was I speeding and he said it is 25 speed limit and he is like look at me and like moving his finger back and forth and I had a cup of coffee. I am like do I look in his

eyes or at his finger. And then it is ok, on your way and then he follows you.

2:T:C2 One time I went to a rainbow festival. I was born in 74, but I was a real hippy. We were pulled over by a cop and we had a VW van it is almost like he had to check us out. He said to us it was gun toting Idaho. He said I like living close to the earth, but you guys live way too close to the earth. We were like the little hippies and he was the rancher deputy guy.

3:T:C2 I was pulled over it was speeding and the guy that pulled me over said you were caught here speeding a year ago!

5:T:C2  We use to get stopped every 21 miles in a green VW van and the VW was painted with a peace sign. Every time we got stopped the cop would say do you have any contraband?

3:T afternoon: Smelled sulphur on way home. Commercials about fuel-efficient cars. Lots of discussion with husband about different auto fuel sources, gas mileage, etc.

5:T afternoon: Left the school and stopped to get gas. When I got out of the car to pump the gas, an attendant came over and told me that the station was Full Service. His name tag said, “HIPPEE“.

He proceeded to tell me-as he pumped my gas- that he had a plan for getting the entire country and economy back on track by making all gas stations Full Service again. Says it would put millions

back to work. We used to be a country of Service, and now we are not. He has spent his life basically on the road.

3:2   Daughter received driving permit

3:3   Dream: As my husband and I were sitting in the car in a driveway, facing away from the garage, which was OPEN …

            I noticed a little man ( a gnome I thought) coming toward us. He wore a black top coat and scarf. I felt threatened by him so kept saying something to get rid of him, like “shoo” or “go away”.

He came toward the car so I picked up a tall soda cup and proceeded to shake soda at him. He changed direction and went toward the garage to the closed side door. I didn’t want him in the

garage either and the garage door was open next to the side door. He was now wearing a white sweater instead. I kept shoo-ing him away with the soda and telling my husband to look at home, etc.

Then the little gnome started to go into the garage. I knew of he did that he would escape into the house, and I wouldn’t find him, So I escalated my soda splashing at him. He came directly toward

us with some kind of shooting weapon and I woke up.

4:3   Dream: Driving cross-country with a friend. We had a dog with us, a puppy. In Indiana or Kentucky small town, debating whether to go to Chicago or not but it was in the wrong direction. We

            were not in a hurry and seemed like we were going to stay in this town a while longer for no reason. The puppy was sleeping in my arms as we walked around.

3:4   Dream: There were several of us out discussing a parking lot we were using that had no security. We all thought it should have it.

4:4  Dream: I’m in an interview of some kind with one of my child’s teachers. Not clear if I’m interviewing or being interviewed.

            There’s a splashy spill with a cup of water and I’m on the floor mopping it up… then we’re in this large garage bay with a bright yellow Porsche, lots of people I know around. It’s clear that we’re

            done with whatever we’re doing and I go to close the hood of this beautiful car. But I don’t know the trick to it and I try to force it and then there’s a strap or something in the way and I’m

            clowning a little and making everyone laugh – and then I realize it’s a fancy car and I just have to press on it and it will close.

1:5   Dream: Grocery shopping with another person, friend maybe? For a family road trip, trying to pick out fruit and cheese and deli meat everyone will eat. There were more details, but can’t remember


3:7  I dreamt we were driving along a highway at night. There was a pile of sand (some with gravel too) at the sign for each turn we passed. After the last construction we were to go to the other side of

            the road to meet for dinner. The “last” was a Conover or something like that. Not sure how we knew “last” without going further I thought.

3:10  Dream: We had to get things out of the back of a truck or station wagon. To do that we had to crawl/climb through piles of stuff. We’d get stuck and have to shimmy until we got loose. [like stacks

            of folders filled with papers]

5:14  Dream fragment: at state legislature in support of beleaguer minority of good legislators. Blue car in search of a place to park. 90 minute drive to meet friends for dinner. Nice time all in good calm

            moods, cheerful and positive.

1:Extraction:  There was a warm feeling. There is no place to be it is just like a Sunday drive.

3:Extraction:  Every time I rode in the car I’d fall asleep.

3:Extraction:  Car repairs $1048, bank account dropped precipitously. Lots of talk about cars at work – several friends needed car repairs.

3:Extraction:  During proving I have been watching black and white “I Love Lucy” reruns constantly. The funniest one that I stayed late in the morning to watch (instead of going to work on time) was

            when Lucy learned to drive Ricky’s big-assed Buick and got it hooked to Fred’s big-ole Cadillac.


3:T:Night  Dream: A man tried to kiss me. While he was, I tried to slip him my tongue and he was trying to touch me under my shirt, felt dirty.

2:2    Dream: We are seeing patients in a camper and someone’s spouse/boyfriend is very young seeming. Patients are about to come and he’s taking a pee right outside the door of the camper. Just then

            a young boy, 5-6 years old, started peeing inside the camper on the floor and on me. I sternly, but not angrily tell him that he can’t do that, that I’m about to see patient’s and I can’t have pee on

my pants and they I don’t pee on my own pants. I say what do you say and he says thanks, and I say you mean to say I’m sorry.  

1:4    So I guess I am on my way to work, or someplace I need to spend the night. I find myself at the house of some folks I know in real life, though not very well. Their family is scrambling to get out

            to school, etc… I go to the bathroom to get ready. I use the toilet and make a big poop. Kind of giant. It does not go down the toilet, but gets stuck under the rim. I think ok, maybe they won’t see

            it. Next things I remember, their dog has fished this poop out of the toilet and is carrying it around like a stick. I’m trying to distract the man of the house from seeing it. I manage to get the poop

            from the dog and throw it down an embankment toward some woods. Then I panic a bit because I know there’s a creek there and I don’t want poop in the creek! From there all I remember is that

            the man starts to catch on and at one point he says, ‘oh, so that’s when that thing with the poop happened“. He was pretty unimpressed and it was all very uncomfortable feeling.

3:4    Dream: R (friend) and I headed to a restaurant with outside seating, but in a mall – dark area. I said they weren’t open but R took chairs down and set the table. “They’re open!” That had been

the only table, right in front that they hadn’t set up. I thought that was pretty stupid as it make it look like they were closed. We took a couple of barstools instead and a girl we knew brought over one dirty tray and 2 sandwich wrappers. She said that one of us always won the prize. Then she proceeded to put a sandwich wrapper on the dirty tray and one on the counter. She slapped a burger bun on each, a squirt of sauce, and the rest of the burger. In the sauce one might find a raffle ticket. She remembered not to let R win or the bosses and customers might get suspicious.

4:4   Dream: I’m remembering it now, but there was something with the puppy peeing and then getting wet in a toilet bowl and then the puppy was laughing in a cartoon kind of way and making everyone

            else laughs.

3:6   Dream: I went into the house and was very surprised to see my old friend C. F. (I haven’t seen him really since I was a teen.) C. had moved into my house while I had been travelling for a while.

He told me he had been living there while he was building I climbed into my bed at some point and he got up on the other side. He kneeled or stood there and proceeded to pee over me.

His intention, I think, was to arch over me and hit the floor on the other side. Instead, the stream hit my head and face and pooled in my ear! I was quite disgusted. I asked him why he did this?

3:9    Dream: I was with L working somewhere. There were only a few of us. Whatever we were doing, inventory, labeling, pricing, after several hours I was going to go get something at a store – tea, snacks (not sure). As I headed out, it seems I went to my old apartment. I got a call that someone wasn’t coming in to work so forget the snacks and come back. Since I was out, I wasn’t going right back! As I left my apt. with something, I walked out the back and stepped over all this trash, open bags, messy, all over the floor. As if it didn’t matter. I wandered around for a while and I am not sure if I ever went back to work.

3:11   Dream: I’m a young person and staying for a length of time with a friend and family mother and brother. Poop smears on sheets, on my undies – I’m embarrassed so I try to get them into the laundry myself. But the mother sees them when folding laundry. One day I’m bringing things to laundry while the mother and daughter are folding. They put sheets into the closet and I still there are still stains from poop and I suggest we treat and wash again. The mother seems resigned to having dirty things, doesn’t say anything to me about it.

1:Extraction   There’s this overall feeling of a change in perspective almost like a clearing. The other day I had the sense of like noticing my glasses were dirty, when all along I perceived them to be clean and clear.


4:T:Night    In a modern museum an old building with massive halls attached to a new building. Crazy sculpture/relief

pieces exhibit. Themes of tubes, rolls, snake-like projection. In an open storeroom looking a shelf of model pieces, basic materials (brown craft paper, PVC pipe, chicken wire –unfinished). Student work maybe. I thought something totally unfinished, off –why is this on display?

1:1    Dream: With my kids, we’re out in the country. We decided to walk into town for something. When we get there, we realize it must be the 4th of July, because there’s a little parade going on. But the parade runs straight through the house, like an old Victorian. Lots of people milling around. I think antiques were sold there as well. We had brought our horse, who was just a little guy. At some point, he got loose and we were searching and hunting for him all throughout the hills and yards around this house and parade.

1:3    Dream: in a big museum/building with various homeopathy folks. I guess we’re staying overnight. N offers to let me use her little apartment somewhere in the back. It’s under construction. J is there too. I want to use the shower, but there’s no privacy. Just hanging plastic for walls. I go down to another floor and it’s all been redone, beautiful, modern. Kind of snobby people around; the owner, I think.

Grey, Black and White

3:T:   Evening   When I got home, my big (30+ lb) cat looks different. His lower jaw is grey and is usually white.

3:1   Everything looked grey to me.

4:6   At someone else’s party in a big house with lots of people around (no one I know). I’m with a group of teenage girls – I’m one of them. We’re all wearing white tops and white sweaters (we were supposed to for some reason). The girl who lives in the house is clearly in charge. She really likes my sweater, wants me to give it to her, but I like it too so I keep it on and pretend like I can’t hear her.

3:14   Dark drifting and moving. Tunneling. Dark and grey and not a lot of color.

3:Extraction  During proving I have been watching black and white “I Love Lucy” reruns constantly.

3:Extraction   For two days I’ve had a large boil in groin crease. Very tender blister on top spongy – unable to “pop”.

During yoga sitting stretches, raunchy septic smell, discovered stain on mat when I stood up black and white ooze, color of smoke. Disgusting smell, followed by bright red blood. Much relief with some continued toxic smell and firmness in the area.


1:2    Dream: Took place at an airport. My sister was there. I think there were issues with being able to get on the plane.

2:2    Dream: Flying inside a luxury camper it’s like an airplane, I’m holding a crying baby, having the feeling the plan is losing power and we will crash, and then it regains it’s power and we continue.

1:3    Dream with a plane. A small one this time, can’t remember details.


2:1   Dream: Swimming pool with people pretending to be drowned.

2:4   Dream: Tides of water coming from inland down to a beach. A woman stops on a journey and eats some carrots from a pot of cold soup and has a vision where she turns herself into another woman.

3:4   Dream: Undercover spies – very James Bond like … quiet, slow, individual actions. We worked very gently and took the lead of one man. We communicated primarily with eye contact, hand signals, little cues, passing items to one another. There were several underwater missions. The final time the man walked down a ramp to another man who gave him some things. I watched from above a bit. He took the items and did a small scientific experiment in the water and then signaled for all to begin. He moved out, we all synchronized our actions, moving in our own directions, as if well-rehearsed. Eventually he came back toward us where he was given something shaped like a pill bottle, but made out of some dissolving compound (white/yellow with speckles). He held it above his head with his right hand and held a red balloon on a string with his left hand. And he started up to the

surface of the water. We all followed his lead. As the balloon broke the surface, he released it, distracting others who may be looking at the water to look up as the balloon rose to the sky. As that occurred, the pill bottle shape was breaking down; it symbolized how much time we could remain underwater. As it broke the surface, so must we all. I kicked to push myself to the surface, struggling to break the surface on my last breath as I take in water. I must be quiet though or we will be seen, found out.

1:5   Dream: On a beach with many in my family. Huge waves. Like giant, building size waves. People were surfing them and the beach was divided, so once the set came through you couldn’t get to the other side of the beach.

A set came through and I went out and body surfed one huge wave. I could see there were dozens of people caught up in the wave. I came out and there was some panic. My sister and my dad both came out bleeding but not overly hurt. But there was a little bit of a panicked energy, but it was evident that probably several people had been hurt.

1:5   Dream: Some kid I knew getting ready to jump into a sinkhole; looked like a tropical puddle. I was begging him not to go in because we didn’t know how deep it was and it was deceiving.


1:1   The morning felt compressed. I woke up at my usual time and did all my usual things, but somehow didn’t end up having time to take a shower. Not usual. I typically manage to get a shower in even if the rest of the

morning is a bit rushed. Kind of weird.

3:1   Time is warp. Things are either fast or slow. There was plenty of time to do what I needed.

3:11   Dream: At a scrapbooking event … many round tables, lots of people, movement, planning for next one, planning for

concerts. Then at school, sitting at student desks, saving seats and running off somewhere else. Looking for friends. Then back at the round tables. All this was over several days/months.

4:11   My sense of time is off – I think things are taking longer than they are. I went into a small panic last night because I thought I’d forgotten to pay some bills that were due, but when I looked at the calendar to record the checks I realized it was a full week earlier than I thought it was. [After note: I discovered during this time that I paid a bill that I was particularly focused on twice – checks dated a week apart.]

3:13   Did I really not send anything Thursday or Friday? I think the TIME element is still fairly strong. Even my husband last night was astounded when we were coming home from our date at 10:50. He thought it was 9 or

9:30. It’s been both slower and faster than one thinks.

3:Extraction: Time wasn’t constant during this proving – too early, too late, unawareness of time, slow motion.

Miscellaneous Dreams

4:T:Night   Woken by the sound of someone shouting a name (Bernie?). I think it was a dream but this happens a lot and sounds real. Voice is urgent, a little angry, afraid/panic.

3:1   Dreams of size and position – small and large, up and down, in and out, left and right.

4:2   Can’t sleep in my dream, sitting up in bed, but my room is slightly different. I’m using a Mac and trying to check my mail and it’s all different. My daughter comes into the room. She’s got a measles-like rash all over

her face, neck, arms. I’m worrying about how I can rep that with this weird computer. Then there’s a knock on the door to upstairs. I get up and look and there’s one of the workmen who has been doing something on the house.

He says “Is this a bad time?” I say “yes” and he turns around to leave. Then I’m wondering what he needs to do in the house in the middle of the night and so I go out to check and ask him again and he’s downstairs with three other guys I’ve never seen before. They are (the three) wearing matching shirts and look kind of the same. One of them snarls and points something at me – and then I woke up.

1:3   Dream: Following someone, not sure who, in New York. He was a photographer and we dash across the street and duck into a tavern. He had taken an important photo. The owner of the tavern gives us beer, or some other drink. There’s conversation, but I don’t remember what about, although at the end, the tavern owner is looking at me appraisingly, like there’s something going on between me and this other guy (the photographer).

1:4   Dream: First one I remember I was with some other people (not sure who) and we go outside at night walking down a road. Sky is beautiful, deep velvet blue. Twinkly starts. We’re up in some hills because I can see

lights of some city in the distance. We walk over to a big hill and someone is talking about how great the sound is on the one side. I guess we are setting up a band or having a concert and that part of the hill has the best

acoustics. Since T (friend) originally found it, she went below and decided to start some security with music. She recorded, loudly, using a microphone and sang a stupid song into it. T has an annoying speaking voice which

came out worse over the loud speakers. Then L (cousin) needed her moment in the light and did the same. They set up some security hours and expected people to volunteer for it. I was much too busy.

3:5   Dream: A woman named Kim and a man were setting up some kind of presentation in an office. There were two girls “chair riding” up and down the aisles of the building At one point they were in an auditorium and the chairs rode downhill – looked like a lot of fun! Kim was in love with the man – he was very good looking, sexy. They had been friends for a long time. I think the presentation was some kind of musical band show or something

– never saw it. Later, Kim and the man were in a room/apartment with another man. He was more the odd friend – rounder, t-shirt wearing – “Jack Black” type. Kim gave him some jewelry that he should give to the woman of

his dreams. I believe she and the man had also set him up on a date. They talked about a missing dog and how Kim or another girl had a second dog named for the first but it was never as good as the first. (I think that repeated in my head a few times.) Kim was obviously smitten with the man. I couldn’t tell if they had become a couple or not. Then finally he said something like “Kim, don’t you want YOUR special person? Don’t you deserve love too?” echoing the thoughts she had shared with the odd friend. Then he pulled MY chin toward him and kissed Kim while giving her/me some kind of jewelry too. Very sweet kiss and very romantic.

3:6    Dream: I went to a bar and saw his sister, who was a good friend of mine, sitting at the bar alone. I went over to join her and chat. She was surprised to see me and soon I was joining some family gathering. C. showed up

and it was a little awkward. It was as if we had a fling going. And I guess we did, that no one knew about. I moved out of my house at some point and it seems as though he followed me, stalked me. The weird thing is that I

would have let him have sex with me, live with me, but he stalked me instead, kept moving in when I was gone. Later, I was with my daughter, K, at my ex-husband’s house. My nephew, who I haven’t seen in 15 years, was

in the kitchen wearing sun glasses and talking. He didn’t look familiar but after a few minutes I figured out the voice. He was leaving. Someone, maybe that C. guy, had kidnapped a young girl and brought her there, to my ex’s house. She wasn’t hurt, just kept. I think I hid her. K needed something there so someone called A’s wife to come look for it. She was much thinner than in current life. She was wearing short, shorts (she’s 54 for real) and bent over to dig things out of a closet. Pretty much everyone left and we (whoever was still with me) went out to the garage. The young girl was being kept in a basket/bed (?) behind our car. She was about 10 years old. We wanted to send her home but didn’t want to be questioned/involved in the kidnapping. We couldn’t just let her go there or we would be easily identified. So we decided we would drop her somewhere near a phone/building a bit away from our house and give her money to call. I was nervous that she would be prey to others and we were still discussion when I woke. Throughout the whole dream I had the feeling that I really wanted C. sexually and would have given myself NO MATTER WHAT.

As I was waking, I was hearing S tell us that “It’s 3” and I was saying “OMG, did you see what I wrote on the first page? 3 3 3“. “How cool is that?!” I guess we have been proving the number 3. So, just now I look at the first

page and No I didn’t write 3 3 3, but I looked to the left and saw my prover # was #3.

1:8    Can’t remember any dreams from last night. Wait, I do remember. Bits. At a concert, front row fancy seats. Bono…maybe all of U2. I think I might have ended up meeting him as well. And then being in some gallery or other large attraction and there were more clothing stores… possibly re-sale. Trying to close and having someone come in and try to buy something, holding up the whole process.

4:8    Dream: I was at a large meeting (300+ people) of an organization that has been badgering me to join. I finally gave in and decided to go to this meeting. Find out I’m not seated with anyone I know and things are weird. I get up to go find some friends, and end up in conversation with a good friend and some other folks. My friend puts me on the spot by asking me to tell everyone the story about my daughter. I didn’t want to answer, and was taking my time deciding what to say. Was there anything in the story that could be viewed as critical of my daughter? Or was it just that I felt it was her story to tell or not?

This is what I was thinking about when I realized everyone in the room was looking at me expectantly. Then I guess I was taking too long because they all started to sing, low at first and then getting louder. It was some kind of playground song about not talking, and I knew all the words and so I just smiled and started singing with everyone else. It ended in applause. I was embarrassed but it wasn’t threatening.

3:9   Dream: We were at some seminar at a hotel and we all raced down the labyrinth corridors to get to the dining area. We were first! As we got in line I kept repeating that I knew where I was going because this is also where I go to school once a month. It was a buffet line. As we got to one dish (oh how I wish I could be sure what it was), the woman with me and I both wanted A LOT. I scooped some onto my plate. When I turned around a few minutes later to see hers, the platter was emptied onto her plate. [I’m remembering something white and sticky/gooey but not sure what.] We took our food outside to some picnic area (?). I don’t recall eating but at one point I was lying around on or under a picnic table (not on the ground though, on a bench or suspended under). Some guys came to get us and we didn’t really want to go back in. I agreed though and said to help me up as I was stuck in this web.

As they helped me sit up they said “oh, you are in a web” and proceeded to first brush some spider webs away from my shoulder and then realized that I was fully plastered to the web so had to pull it off my back. It stuck to my back along my spine and was very sticky, snapping as it was removed. [Something to note … I am currently reading a book where the strong damsel in distress has an implant from an alien that is attached to her spinal column

with tentacles reaching out and is mutating her DNA, growing. And my husband just finished a book that had something to do with spiders.]

 3:11   Dream: During yoga as we started to chant I recalled that I had a dream about the words of the chant and that I was flying high about a fire (aflame) island called Murtaye.

 3:12   Dream: A list of voices or parts of music– once it is complete it will do something, must fill the list quickly.

 4:12   Dreamed about a dog again last night.

 3:14   Dream: I had two cats bred with human DNA. Sometime during their growth they started to appear more human. They were cute blonde toddlers yet didn’t have much language, more like mumbling or purring. I would talk to them often. They were really good at climbing, crawling up on the counter. Once day the girl started saying very clear phrases. As I went to take her off the counter and put her in my arms, she said. “I love you, Mommy” clearly. The next day, her brother, who had never spoken clearly at all, started repeating everything she said, it was like they could communicate telepathically or even by purring cat language and then he understood how to enunciate as human speech. They looked very human by the end of the dream.

4:14   Dream last night about helping a friend paint the interior of his house. He was balancing on top of me instead of using a ladder. At one point, he needed to get a little higher up and put his toes in my mouth like a foothold. I remember being able to hold this weight with no problem, but I was concerned about cutting my lip.



1:T  I am cold. Puts on her vest. My finger tips are cool.


4:T:C1  She is very dizzy and she feels like she has to leave.

4:T:C1  I am shaky and I felt like I was going to faint. Like just before you are going to pass out and all is not right in my head. I have only fainted twice so there was a little fear. I was afraid I was going to pass out.

4:T:C2 Some light-headedness still.

4:T:C3 I am getting the vertigo again.

4:2    Off-balance, physically and mentally.


3:1    Headache – forehead, sinuses, temple sore – pain seems to travel a little; nauseous again.

3:1    Headache starting in neck, up around to eyes.

4:1    Chill/tingling feeling at base of skull/back of neck.

2:2    Woke still with mild HA behind inner canthus of R eye, perhaps from red wine last night, though not typical reaction for me. HA lasted all day, dull aching slightly < on R, < bending head forward/bending down.

Head feels airy inside. Difficult concentration.

4:2    Something still with the base of my skull – heavy, tingling like something is pulling me backward.

5:2    Sinuses still stuffed, still more heat and pressure. Teeth and jaw less bad. Watery clear nasal discharge, blast of hot water in face helps relieve sinus woes. Can think and function without sinus pressure diverting attention.

2:3    Headache mild in the morning for 30 minutes, but gone for rest of the day.

4:4    Still very heavy/pulling at base of skull – want to lean back but if I do I will fall asleep…

4:7    Right-sided face pain (my chronic symptom at this point), most beside my nose.

3:10   Neck, headache – back of neck, more on left but definitely all around, radiating to head and jaw.


3:T    Left eye teary.

3:7    Last night and this morning …VERY sniffly, lots of sneezing, mucousy throat, itching eyes …

1:11   Woke up this morning with puffy, itchy eyes. Esp. my left eye- lid is all swollen. My eyes have been a little itchy, but not like this. I don’t have allergies either.

1:12   Eyes still itchy and puffy.

1:13   Eyes still puffy and itchy. Worse left eye. Eye lid kind of purple.


4:3    Evening – sudden sensation in my right ear, not really a popping or a plugging – but more as if it was being filled up with air from the inside – being blown out, inflated with no external release. Lasts a while.

1:6    Shooting pain once or twice in my left ear; very fleeting. Also old symptom.


3:T    Nose stuffy.

5:2    Watery clear nasal discharge.

3:6    Developed a sniffle, sneeze, stuffiness today.

3:7    Last night and this morning …VERY sniffly, lots of sneezing, mucousy throat, itching eyes …

3:10   Sniffling, ready to sneeze.

3:14   Stuffy nose, lots of sneezing.


5:T:C2  Volital whole grain fumes in the air.

3:T afternoon: Smelled sulphur on way home.


3:10   Two areas on lower lip show blue undertone.


3:T:C1  Coughing and coughing. Boy it is yucky tasting in the back of my mouth.

4:T:C1  I am having a sulphury taste. It is a sour taste in the back of my throat.

3:T:C3 I love the smell of coffee but I do not like the taste. I like the small of vanilla but it tastes so bad.

1:T:C3 If you want to put salt in bad coffee it cuts the acidity and makes it taste better.


5:1    Jaw very, very tight, molars on bottom almost tingly in a bad way as if they have been bathed in cane sugar and were rotting away. Consciously relaxed jaw some as dozed through a video I didn’t watch.

“As if teeth being drawn tighter into jaw”, c-spine flexion, extension, rotation all tight.

3:14   Toothache right rear lower molar – found popcorn kernel in gums. Pain for 3 - 5 days, > drinking hot tea.


3:T:C1 Yuckiness in back of throat.

3:T:C1 Lots of sulphur/smokey tasting saliva at back of throat.

1:T:C2 I have a lump in my throat that I can not swallow away.

4:4   Still some physical anxiety – tightness in chest and fluttery feeling in throat.

3:7   Last night and this morning … VERY sniffly, lots of sneezing, mucousy throat, itching eyes …


5:1  C-spine flexion, extension, rotation all tight.

1:6   Tightness in left neck down to my shoulder blade. Return of old symptom.


3:T:C1 My tummy is nauseous.

2:T:C2 I want something that is salty for the last hour.

3:T:C2 Cheese good, cheese sharp.

3:T:C2 Burping.

3:T:C3 I love the smell of coffee but I do not like the taste. I like the small of vanilla but it tastes so bad.

1:T:C3 If you want to put salt in bad coffee it cuts the acidity and makes it taste better.

3:T:C3 My grandmother made coffee jello and she asked me if I wanted any jello and I said yes and she gave me a whole ceral bowel of it and it was horrible. And in her house you had to finish it and I have not like coffee since.

2:T:C3 My mother made liver and onions when they first got married and he could not eat it and she fed it to the dog and she threw it up and so it was a story from then on.

3:T:C3 My grandmother made salmon chowder and we loved it.

3:T    Nauseous on ride home.

3:T    Nauseous at dinner.

4:1    Some burping.

4:13   Heartburn on lying down (lying on right side – > when on back). Pain ext. up to back of throat. Lasted about 10 minutes.


3:T   Upper right abdomen twitch.

3:10   Left upper abdomen tender to touch, feels like swollen tendon/ligament or small cyst.


4:8  During the night, some anal itching and prickliness (pins and needles). Went away quickly.

4:12   Some anal itching in the early morning – lasted only a short time.


3:T  Long, soft, orange-brown.

Female organs:

3:T   This morning I woke up finally without my period after 10 days. So glad I am free for another while.

2:4    Menses – Period slowing down, perhaps a shorter duration than usual. Was heavy after 1-2 days of spotting, heavy for 2 days and not low flow overnight.

4:15   By the end of this proving I was 4 or 5 days late in getting my period – not normal for me. Flow started within an hour of releasing the proving.


3:T:Evening  Difficulty at bed time – dry air, gasping for breath. Sat in chair for relief. (not totally unusual but worse than normal)

4:1    Initial shortness of breath.


3:T:C1 Coughing and coughing. Boy it is yucky tasting in the back of my mouth.

3:T:C1 Coughed a lot during grinding.

3:22   Aspirated small crumb of food while riding in car; coughing it up I felt I would vomit. After a few minutes I asked to pull over. I stood up to cough and could release the object and breathe freely without fear of vomiting.


4:1    A little tight in the chest area.

4:1    Made a routine email mistake and had a physical anxiety response – face flushed, mind went completely blank for a good minute, heart racing.

4:2    Chest feels hollow. Burning.

4:4    Still some physical anxiety – tightness in chest and fluttery feeling in throat.

4:6    Pain in the middle of my chest, intense for less than a minute, then gone.

4:13   Some fluttering in my chest last night – with sharp pain.


3:T:C2 Stretching side to side. Painful twinge in the sacrum.

2:T:C3 My neck is really sore and painful and I want to stretch it. It hurts, but it wants to be stretched.

4:1    Some pain (ache) under left shoulder blade.

4:7    Sharp pain in the small of my back early in the morning – like a period cramp (I should be about a week before my period now). Pain went away after a few minutes.

3:10   Neck, headache – back of neck, more on left but definitely all around, radiating to head and jaw.

4:12   Having some cramping in my lower back before my period (not usual for me).


3:T    Both hands and fingers tight after grinding and holding bowl.

2:2    Soreness on bottom lateral aspect of L foot after standing for 15 minutes first thing in the morning.

4:2    Physically tremble still – limbs falling asleep easily, sense of trembliness like a post-adrenaline rush emptiness.

3:4    I have had an issue with edema in the legs in the past. Over the past year or so the edema has improved but the left leg has this area that feels like tougher tissue. That are felt more firm and somewhat painful today.

3:4    Joints: at yoga tonight I felt a little more strength and more flexibility.

4:6    Lots of random fleeting pains and twitches all week – I keep wondering if I should write them down but they seem to be gone before I can even formulate a sentence about what’s going on. Left shoulder, left hip– quick shooting pain, and then gone.

4:6    Right hip/thigh –some numbness, stiffness – then gone.

2:8    Extremity – 05:30 and 07 h. - Rapid onset of burning pain in a spot the size of a quarter on the superior/medial/anterior aspect of tibia 1-2” below the knee (didn’t write side but guessing R, even with all that other detail.)

3:14   Increased oedema, day later – pain in both hands.


3:Extraction  For two days I’ve had a large boil in groin crease. Very tender blister on top spongy – unable to “pop”.

During yoga sitting stretches, raunchy septic smell, discovered stain on mat when I stood up black and white ooze, colour of smoke. Disgusting smell, followed by bright red blood. Much relief with some continued toxic smell and firmness in the area.

4:10   Also some itchy skin around my back and belly. Prickly sensation. Doesn’t last long.

4:13   My skin on my forehead and on the back of my neck feels tight, like from a sunburn.


3:T    Lilac – I think this is lilac or something lilac color we have lots of purple in the room. Sarah just told story of lilac.

3:7    I’ve thought about worms – like earthworms, not tiny worms.

4:7    This is probably worth noting, all week when I’ve been writing in this thing I am having to go back and insert letters where I’ve skipped them. So I meant to write LOTS, wrote LOS and immediately self-corrected. Odd.

4:9    Discovered an error on a list of household items that I made this week – meant to write“wooden spoons” and wrote “wooden stools” instead. Made me laugh.


Quelle: helios



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