Monotropa uniflora = Indian pipe/= Ice.-plant/= Bird.'s nest./= Fit.-plant/= Ova ova./= Pipe plant/= Ghost flower/= Corpse. plant/= wax. plant
Enthält: Sal-ac.-ähnlicher Substanz;
Gesicht: Lippen geschwollen/entzündet/aufgesprungen
Vergleich: Siehe: = Parasit on Ericaceae
Originally classified into the family Monotropaceae, but after further research was reclassified to be included in the Ericaceae family of plants (heaths). Heaths are herbs, shrubs and trees that thrive in acidic soil, like cranberry, blueberry, azalea and rhododendron and are known to have the some kind of relationship with mychorrhizal fungi.
Since Indian Pipe has no chlorophyll, it cannot photosynthesise its own food like most plants.
Therefore, it has to obtain nutrients from another organism. The way it does this is by having its roots tap into the mycelia of a fungus. Meanwhile, the fungus’s mycelia tap into the host-tree's roots. Many fungi and trees have this type of relationship - it's called a "mycorrhizal relationship."
These plants are classed as "epiparasite" or "mycoheterophyte."
The plant benefits by more efficient mineral (phosphorus) uptake. The fungus benefits by the sugars translocated to the root by the plant. Both organisms help each other out. Indian Pipe, however, does not appear to give anything back to the fungus or the tree. It takes nutrients from the fungus that it had received from the tree. Since the fungus then has to take more nutrients from the tree, this makes Indian Pipe a parasite of both the fungus and the tree.
Botanical Source and Description
Indian pipe plant has a dark-colored, fibrous, perennial root, matted in masses about as large as a chestnut-burr, from which arise one or more short, ivory-white stems,
4 to 8 inches high, furnished with sessile, lanceolate, white, semi-transparent, approximate leaves or bracts, and bearing a large, white, terminal, solitary flower, which is at
first nodding, like a downward facing smokers pipe, but becomes upright in fruit. The calyx is represented by two to four scale-like deciduous bracts, the lower rather distant from the corolla. The corolla is permanent, of 5 distinct, erect, fleshy petals, which are narrowed below with a small, nectariferous pit at the base. Stamens 10, sometimes 8;
anthers short on the thickened apex of the hairy filament, 2-celled, opening by transverse chinks.
Stigma 5-crenate, depressed, and beardless. Pod or capsule 5-celled and 5-valved; the seeds numerous, and invested with an arillus-like membrane (W. G. Eaton).
History and Chemical Composition
This is a singular plant, found in various parts of the USA from Maine to Carolina, and westward to Missouri, growing in shady woods, in rich, moist soil, or soil composed,
of decayed wood and leaves, and near the base of trees. The whole plant is ivory-white in all its parts, resembling frozen jelly, and is very succulent and tender, so much so
that when handled it dissolves and melts away in the hands like ice. The flowers are inodorous, and appear from June until September; their resemblance to a pipe has given rise to the names Indian pipe or Pipe-plant. The root is the part used; it should be gathered in September and October, carefully dried, pulverized, and kept in well-stoppered bottles. A.J.M. Lasché (Pharm. Rundschau, 1889, p. 208) has found in this plant a crystallizable poisonous principle, which also occurs in several other ericaceous plants;
it is named andromedotoxin (C31H51O10).
Action, Medical Uses, and Dosage
Indian pipe root is a tonic, sedative, nervine, and antispasmodic. It has also employed in febrile diseases, as a sedative and diaphoretic. The powder has been employed in instances of restlessness, pains, nervous irritability, etc., as a substitute for opium, without any deleterious influences. It is reputed to have cured remittent and intermittent fevers, and to be an excellent antiperiodic. In convulsions of children, epilepsy, chorea, and other spasmodic affections, its administration has been followed with prompt success; hence its common name Fit or Convulsion root. The juice of the plant, alone, or combined with rose water, has been found to be an excellent application for obstinate ophthalmic inflammation, to ulcers, and as an injection in gonorrhoea, inflammation and ulceration of the bladder. Dose of the powdered root is from ½ to 1 drachm,
2 – 3x daily.
It has also been employed in cases of acute anxiety +/o. psychotic episodes due to intense drug experiences. The herbal preparation of aerial parts given 1 - 3 1ml doses has
in numerous cases given quick relief to these episodes within 15 - 30 minutes, at which time the patient falls asleep to awake calm and clear hours later. It seems in these cases, a repressed traumatic memory emerges from the depths of the subconscious, putting the person into a state of emotional +/o. sensory overload. It has been used effectively in treating severe mental and emotional pain due to PTSD and other traumatic injury, as well as severe nerve pain due to Lyme disease.
Cherokee: Long ago, when selfishness first entered the world, people began quarrelling, first with their own families and tribal members, and then with other tribes. The chiefs of the several tribes met together to try to solve the problem of quarrelling. They smoked a peace pipe together, while continuing to quarrel among themselves for the next seven days and seven nights.
In punishment for smoking the peace pipe before actually making peace, the Great Spirit turned the chiefs into grey flowers and made them grow where relatives and friends had quarrelled.
When Misha Norland first came across Monotropa in woods in Vermont USA, he was immediately struck by its appearance: a ghostly apparition; white shrouds on leafy floor of dim woodland.
Closer inspection revealed a translucent flower and stem emerging from the ground, completely lacking green; a parasite for sure. He picked a few and was amazed by the structure’s lack of density; the plants collapsed in his hands almost as if they had melted. Being prepared to bag whatever he found, he placed all that was above ground in
a bottle he carried for just such a purpose. Here the plants quickly blackened. When he returned home a few hours later he added vodka for preservation, ready for later potentisation.
At the time he did not know that herbalists find the roots the most medicinally active part of the plant, or else he would doubtlessly have taken these. It is usually found that all parts of a plant are in fact medicinal, just that some parts, like root or bark or seeds predominantly concentrate one or another active ingredient. When potentised, the difference in strength of individual parts loses significance, for it is the quality of the entire plant, rather than the quantity of active ingredients in specific parts, that matters.
Certainly the proving brought out a wealth of characteristics. The tincture was run up to C 30 in the classroom (substance unknown to provers), with provers taking turns at dilution and sucussion, using Korsicovian methodology. The final potency of C 30 was used as the proving dose. As is our custom at the School of Homeopathy, just one
dose was taken, proving diaries and daily supervision, commencing from this point, and continuing for two months.
The prominent miasm is the AIDS miasm. This is because the boundary issue is paramount. For Indian Pipe to survive it needs to become confluent with the mycelium of fungus, that in turn becomes confluent with tree roots for its nutrition. Also the structure above ground looses its boundary and melts away when handled.
The feeling of having no boundaries between oneself and the world, of being vulnerable, naked and exposed is perhaps the most basic feeling of the AIDS nosode, and its opposite state, of feeling isolated, alone and cast out. In Indian pipe, vulnerable boundaries, loss of direction, disconnection, confusion, and not belonging to family or group oppose fortification of boundaries, sense of direction, connection, clarity and confrontation leading to resolution.
Writing about the family Ericaceae: need to move from one place to another; wandering; extension; change.
Feeling they are only tolerated and are not really accepted anymore... they often live in poor conditions, which they can do as they do not need very much... they may long
for recognition and compliments... in the end they can become bitter... they may see themselves as unimportant, taking no place, having few needs, offering themselves for others. This echoes Edward Bach’s indications for the flower remedy Heather. In ‘the twelve healers’, he states: for loneliness, those who are always seeking companionship
of anyone who may be available, as if they find it necessary to discuss their own affairs with others... In these latter respects we find powerful resonances with Indian pipe with its issues of being tapped in, carried by the flow, and its opposite state of being blocked, of having the flow cut off, feeling isolated, numbed-out, alienated.
And because Indian pipe is an epiparasitic on Ericales, and relies completely on its hosts for nutrition, the indications given by Edward Bach for Heather seem to be amplified.
We wish to single out Lindsay Samuelson, who was one of the provers, for her sterling work in collating, synthesizing and writing up this proving. This represents a huge amount of work and requires a depth of understanding so as to bring out themes in a useful manner. Without this labour a proving is no more that an assemblage of random facts that while leading to reportorial inclusion, does not enlighten the reader.
Ideas of the overall pattern:
Being tapped in bringing flow
Flow travels through tubes
Tubes get inflamed, congested
Congestion creates dysfunction
Dysfunction breeds chaos
Chaos divides, which direction?
Direction gets confused, lost
Loss of direction creates panic
Scattering causes separation
Separation is isolating
Isolation seeks unification
Unification requires leadership
Leadership draws in support from other sources
Source nourishes and brings strength
Strength directs will
Will provokes resistance
Resistance produces struggle
Struggle creates quarrelling
Quarrelling craves Justice
Justice must confront
Confrontation needs power
Power fears loss of power
Oppression feels Heavy
Heavy gets suppressed
Flatness is lowly
Lowly is vulnerable
Vulnerable boundaries get penetrated
Penetration goes deep
Depth hides Underground
Underground is hidden
Hidden is dark
Dark becomes illuminated
Illumination brings clairvoyance
Clairvoyance brings truth
Truth brings connection
Connection taps in
Tapped in brings calm flow
The following themes are but one way to categorize the provers’ information into a ‘story’ of the remedy. Its multidimensional expression is difficult to capture in one set of designated themes.
My main objective is to present the raw data and to leave the interpretation to the reader. The final ‘theme’, entitled ‘MISC DREAMS’ is for all dreams that express not just one but a multitude of themes. I hope that these particular dreams illustrate the synergistic relationship of the themes I have presented below:
Imagine drifting in a tube. You are flowing freely without resistance. The direction of travel is set.
There is nothing to resist, just to relax and go with the flow. There is inherent order in the process.
Being tapped in and connected to Source means you are on your path, wherever it may take you.
This state of connectedness is so perfect that neither fear nor anxiety arise. A major theme in this proving had to do with the connection to source which provided, protected, and moved things along with ease to their resolution. Tubes and tunnels, flowing liquid, and being a part of a group (swimming pools and oceans) were strong proving themes.
Intense but not chaotic
Go with the flow
I just accept
Being unified with the group provided security for the provers. They experienced an intensified longing to be connected to loved ones.
Strength and support were sought by their company, and with this arose anxieties of separation. Several provers strongly desired to be home safe with their families, fearing danger when they were not. One often takes a leadership role, asserting a sense of direction and providing security to those perceived as more vulnerable. This was seen in several dreams of protecting children and the handicapped amongst the group.
A need to be included in the group and not left out came up a lot in this proving. Space and time were misjudged leading to disconnect from others (missed appointments
and broken communications). Sensations included feeling “As if in a bubble”, and “In my own world.”
A need for space and separation from the group was also experienced. This isolation had a sense of not relating, not fitting in with the others. There were also instances of trying to establish one’s own
bed amongst the group, as if one was worried they would not have a place amongst the group.
Bird’s nests also came up several times (another name for the plant). This can be interpreted as needing to carve out one’s own space amongst the safety of the group.
This feeling of feeling included or excluded from the group occurred in many social situations as well as in the dream world.
Not Listened to
Bonding with others
Imagine being disconnected/cut off from the group, the flow. Being separated occurred through either obstruction or detachment. When a tube is obstructed, there is constriction, pressure, chaos, and explosive intensity. When a tube is detached from source, the contents become stronger or weaken, depending on whether they are still attached to source or not. A severed tube that connects to source still has great power but no direction. However, contents of a severed tube cut off from source become weak, vulnerable, separate, and eventually drain dry. But in both cases of detachment, control is lost.
Throughout the proving diaries we see examples of disconnection via obstruction or detachment from source in the nervous, circulatory, respiratory, genitourinary and digestive systems.
General symptoms: congestions, inflammations, constrictions, pressures, restlessness, numbness, and incoordination. Specific conditions mentioned in the proving included
a wide range of pathologies including peripheral vascular disease, aneurism, gout, severed body parts, autism, dementia, and psychosis.
These conditions all illustrate this concept of flow being obstructed or detached from source. Obstructive dreams/delusions included cars driving down narrow roads, barricades, and traffic jams.
Dreams of disconnection included bleeding, severed body parts, leakages and becoming detached. People were cut off from others, some by losing the group, being left out,
or being emotionally detached in provocative situations. These are just a few examples of many experiences of obstruction or detachment.
When the steady direction of flow provided by Source is disrupted, confusion and restlessness set in. There was a distinct feeling of being cut off, of not knowing “which way do I go?”
There seemed to be no way out, of being ‘in limbo’ but unable to move through to the other side. Having to decide which direction to navigate left provers feeling dithery and restless, often alternating with apathetic hopelessness. There was a strong dependence on others for guidance. Dreams of maps and patterns, different routes and possibilities were illustrative of this sensation.
The struggle to move through manifested in congestions and stiffness, > movement.
There was also a feeling of being half-in, half-out. Many lay awake at night neither asleep nor awake...somewhere in between. There was a sense of duality; of two ways or two directions.
One prover described it as “thinking two different things at the same time, as if two trains of thought, one conscious and one unconscious.” It was as if the normal route or impulse was disconnected enough to allow alternate possibilities to seep in and influence direction.
Off the rails
No way out
Half in, half out
On the edge
Lost for any direction
Struggle to move through
PENETRATION/FORTIFICATION OF BOUNDARY
In order to seep in, boundaries must be penetrable. Fences, perimeters, edges, surfaces, neighborhoods and armies represented boundaries between two sides. Some boundaries were represented as invincible and fortified, others were penetrated by overwhelming forces.
Power and strength opposed debility and weakness, physically, mentally, and emotionally throughout the proving.
Pains were stabbing, pricking, and often focused in one spot.
Penetrated boundaries were also experienced on the mental/emotional levels. Provers felt on the periphery of the group, had sensations of ‘people seeing right through’ them, and wanting to be invisible. Others expressed feelings that people were ‘feeding’ off of them.
Dreams of being bitten, raped, vaccinated, and attacked were widespread amongst the provers.
The most extreme of this boundary violation was expressed through torture. Both animals and humans in captivity were victims of violent cruelties.
The boundary that separates one from the other was also represented by edges. There were sensations and dreams of “on the edge ” of both physical and mental landscapes. Skimming, floating and surfing on water was a repeated sensation amongst several of the provers. The edge of reality was also illustrated by the presence of ghosts in the room, which ties into the sensation of being halfway between two states: in this case, reality and imagination.
Uncertainty of boundary was expressed in other ways. Confusion over identity, age and gender were seen a lot in dreams of transsexuals, twins, and transformations between young and old as well as between ugly and pretty.
Is this a male or a female? Is it the same person or someone else?
Is this mine or yours? One prover was diagnosed with breast cancer during the proving just days after resolving to stop taking responsibility for other family members children. She wrote days before her diagnosis: “nothing I do seems to make any difference and it is taking over my life. I am realising that all my efforts have very little effect.
Am considering letting go of things I cannot change, at least for a little while.”
The experience of differentiation between the group and the individual boundaries became either hazy or fortified. This also occurred in a variety of other physical pathologies, particularly of the auto-immune system, where the boundaries between self and non-self become blurred: AIDS, Multiple Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis were named and symptomatically experienced by several provers.
Tapping into the hidden truths lurking beneath the surface, boundaries between dark and light became pierced, allowing things below to rise up from the depths.
Dreams of underground tubes and tunnels, basements, burrowing, rising high and diving deep were consistent proving themes.
Polarities of flat, heavy, weighted down sensations contrasted floating and weightlessness.
The consensus in this proving experience was that when it is possible to push through these dark, lurking unpleasant truths and “bring them up into the light” we can
reconnect and become one again with Source.
LOSS OF CONTROL
The chaos and confusion of being cut off from the calm flow of source eventually led to loss of control. This manifested in both pleasant and unpleasant emotional states. Some found their anxiety relieved,
becoming passive and relaxed rather than experiencing their usual need to be ‘in the driver’s seat’, micro-managing others. Conversely, others found themselves in a state
of intermittent but chronic panic. Intense depressions and panic attacks were experienced and provers questioned their sanity.
To compensate, a compulsion to put things in their proper place was seen in the majority of provers. Cleaning and organizing were attempted to create order amongst the chaos. Another coping method was “ducking out, going underground” expressed by others as going “underwater.”
Instances of throwing things with great precision exemplifies the desire to focusing power in one direction to compensate for the lack of focus and frenetic “ditheriness” seen through out the proving. Additionally, provers were drawn to the flow and direction of patterns as well as flowing waters.
The patterns seemed to provide focus, a sense of order.
Compulsion for order alternated with a lack of clarity in complicated situations with no perceived way out.
Loss of control created a sense of vulnerability. Connection to source was lost, and so was sense of direction. Chaos and panic, and the feeling of having no control were expressed as intensified fears of car crashes, tragic accidents including drowning, and being the victim of violent crimes. The overwhelming power and force of the sea was referenced numerous times in the proving in both waking and dream life. There were numerous dreams of tidal waves as well as sensations of being sucked back in to negative mental states. These sensations lead to a helplessness and dependence on others for protection. Neediness, clinginess, and a fear of abandonment were strongly experienced
in this proving.
Unable to cope
Sad and Lonely
Safer with the group
Attack from the outside creates two basic responses: fight or flight. In “fight”, one stands up for oneself, while “flight” concedes that the other is dominant. A split decision
is made which determines the relationship. Becomes victim, feeling bullied and dominated. The other response requires greater strength and courage to assert themselves, preventing future attack if successful in the fight.
Throughout this proving the re was a growing awareness of being victimized, of vulnerable boundaries being penetrated but with this a rising strength to confront and resolve situations which were previously suppressed. This was seen in numerous circumstances having to do with confronting those who had used their powers to bully others into submission (including sexual abuse cover-ups). On an international scale, the Occupy movement protested social and economical inequality and arose just as the proving began.
Stand up for myself
Many provers felt they had finished proving only to feel sucked back in by another wave. This wave cycle ebbed and flowed, and proved quite uncomfortable to the provers. The proving seemed to go and then return for over a year in some cases. There were numerous examples of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, often depicted in diary entries about the sea. One prover looked out at the sea and for the first time found it “menacing.” It made her incredibly sad and threatened. It took her several hours to recover. Others dreamt of large waves sweeping swimmers out to sea while they watched from afar, helpless as each wave rolled in.
An abundance of dreams with a sense of being overpowered by the sea.
The pressure and power of this remedy ebbed and flowed, churning up the repressed issues in many prover’s lives from the depths of suppression.
Desperation, weakness, and disconnect prompted provers to “go underground,” and “sweep things under the carpet.” The intensity of the pressure and heaviness in
this remedy was “unbearable” for some, they could not even write about it in their diaries. Eventually they turned against themselves by way of a deep self-loathing.
The appearance of severe degenerative disease illustrates this heaviness, hopelessness and loss of control.
Perhaps it was madness in the end that forced provers to face the darkness head on when no other alternative alleviated their suffering. These forces gradually wore away
at them, tormenting them to the point of confrontation. Connecting to the darkness became imperative to finding the light.
This remedy penetrates the space between dark and light, above and below, me and you, suppressed and expressed – a dynamic journey of faith in the direction of travel.
Like a surge of water released after building up in an obstructed pipe, provers who had previously become flattened or disconnected were pressurized enough to gain the strength and force needed to fortify boundaries and reconnect to source.
Provers ‘speaking as one’ arranged in the following themes:
ALTERATIONS OF CONSCIOUS/UNCONSCIOUS PATTERNS
SIMILAR BUT DIFFERENT
DETACHED (FROM RESPONSIBILITY/FROM PANIC)
LOSS OF CONTROL, MENTAL/EMOTIONAL
DITHERY, LACK OF FOCUS
POWER, STRENGTH/WEAKNESS, FLATTENED
STRUGGLE TO MOVE THROUGH
PATTERNS, SENSE OF DIRECTION
LOSS OF DIRECTION
LOST TRACK OF TIME
ACCIDENTS, LOSS OF CONTROL, SOMETHING TRAGIC MIGHT HAPPEN
PRESSURE, READY TO BURST
CONFRONTATION: BRING TO LIGHT/HIDE UNDER CARPET
Proving entries listed chronologically by theme:
Bold type has been added to highlight particular language the provers used which repeat and/or express concepts noted in the introduction. Bold type also highlights important aspects of the overall pattern.
Feels very calm. Energy intense but even, not chaotic. 01PF 1 0:00:00 NS
After taking the remedy I notice a feeling of peace, as if I could fall asleep, although I am not aware of feeling tired. 07PF 1 0:00:10 NS
The room felt ethereal and I felt we were doing something very sacred. I kept looking at the word ‘Harmony’, the title of the book we succussed on. The trees, mountains and beautiful natural scenery on the cover seemed a good omen, the eve of something very special. As the remedy was passed around, I made sure my succussions were on the words and images that made me feel at one with the world
In the process the book was dented. I couldn’t decide if the book was sacrificial or if I was participating in disrespectful destruction. I chose to look at it as sacrificial.
02PF 1 0:00:00 NS
Everything feels more voluptuous, all senses alive. Even my shower feels lovely and refreshing. In the moment. The sense of being truly alive. The mellow feeling is strong. 08PF 2 NS
Drove a short distance after a glass of wine, but did not feel aware of the effects as I normally would. I already felt unreal, but also quite attuned to the world around me.
Relaxed feeling. 03PF 2 0:21:30 NS
A feeling of gentleness in a conversation, something I haven’t experienced with him before. A feeling of calm. There was a sense of openness, my guard was down and I was comfortable with the silences.
Being comfortable with silence is not usual for me. I’m fully aware of it at the time and in retrospect I wonder if this remedy has taken away a sense of fight -or- flight.
01PF 3 16:30:00 NS
Anxiety is not felt as intensely as normal. At home my partner invited people over even though I had to catch a plane in the early morning and hadn’t packed yet. Big trip tomorrow but somehow do not feel overwhelmed.
Normally I would have a drink to relax. Enjoyed the company even though I was really tired. Finally I went to bed and left them to let themselves out when normally
I would have felt obligated and polite to stay up until they left. 02PF 3 AS
On the way to the airport I felt rushed but surprisingly calm . I had things to do but without a sense of anxiety or urgency that is normal for me. Although I didn’t feel focused, I felt calm.
Usually I feel unfocused and anxious. 02PF 4 0:08:00 AS
More calm than usual today, travelled with family member which brings up old stressful patterns of behavior but I was not stressed or wanting things to be different.
I just went with it, without expectation or resistance. Everything just seemed to flow in the way it was meant to. 02PF 4 0:11:55 AS
I feel very calm, floating, serene. 11PF 4 AS
Feel calm most of the day and slightly spaced out. The day hasn’t been busy so I haven’t tested my ability to focus and react. I have pottered and done an adequate amount
of work. 01PF 5 AS
Still feeling very relaxed as get to work. Was told that team is losing some admin time. I would normally react to something like this quite strongly, get cross and find out exactly what was happening and why. Today it just doesn’t matter - what will be will be. Don’t feel as if its worth the effort to get upset or annoyed. I feel it doesn’t matter, its not important. Lovely feeling, just going with the flow. 06PF 50:09:30 NS
Son needs to print off some homework but printer has run out of ink. Normally I would get really cross about this and want to know why husband hasn’t got a spare cartridge but today I remain calm And arrange for a friend to print it for him. 06PF 5 0:19:00 AS
Really enjoy taking the cases of 2 children this afternoon.
Don't feel nervous at all -unusual- I've had big problems with nervousness before consultations and although its been getting better I still had it recently. 08PF 5 0:15:45 NS
The feeling of peace and calm is fading as I think about all I need to do today. This causes an inner tension /panic but I try hard to grasp the calm feeling where time is plentiful.
I don’t feel agitated and remain calm. 06PF 6 AS
Whilst driving into work, I feel very positive and optimistic. It is as if all of the negative thoughts that I have been having recently have been blown away. I no longer feel anxious and worried but calm and relaxed. 07PF 6 0:08:30 NS
In supermarket, its very busy and lots of people with trolleys. Normally I would get very agitated and annoyed with all the trolleys but today it doesn’t bother me, but I do feel a strong need to finish and get out in to fresh air. 06PF 7 0:11:30 AS
This is the first day since the proving I feel a little on edge and irritable. It is a travel day home with my aunt and she is annoying me more than the other days. 02PF 7
Feeling tired and my son needs to practice making his cakes for school tomorrow.
Would normally get annoyed about amount of mess he makes but tonight it was ok despite the mess everywhere. Just tidied it up after him. Run out of hot water so had to leave washing up but again that was OK. Normally I would have to sort it out there and then. Left it till morning. 06PF 7 0:20:00 AS
Less emotional intensity is creating more space and energy to tackle those unfinished things that need completion. Some of the ways these are being tackled seems to be in
the realm of pure potential energy. Pure manifestation 11PF 7 NS
Sorting through paper work and find a bill that hasn’t been paid. Remain calm and just arrange to pay it today. Normally I would be so cross with myself and husband for
not being organised. I would normally put the blame on him but I just accept that I will have to pay a late payment fee and that it’s my fault. 06PF 8 0:12:00 NS
Had lunch with husband. He confirmed that I have been a lot calmer since taking the remedy, and not agitated by things, which I would normally be. Feels I am a nicer person! 06PF 8 0:13:00 AS
Aware that I have lots I need to do today but this is not stressing me out. Just decide to work through each thing one at a time. Have also arranged to meet husband for lunch, again wouldn’t normally do this when I have so much I want to do today. Feel disconnected from what I need to do although know I need to do it. 06PF 8 NS
I feel more carefree, happier, lighter and brighter 11PF 8 AS
Son is a lot calmer and relaxed. Hasn’t really settled at secondary school since he started in September but I now feel he has shifted slightly. One of his lessons he worries about and normally cries before going to but this morning only had a slight moan and then off he went to school easily. Tonight he has been invited to a friend’s birthday party where he won’t know anyone else. Normally he wouldn’t go because of this but today he isn’t worried and goes quite happily. 06PF 8 AS
Leaving home for Norwich – would normally be quite stressed as we are leaving later than planned but today it doesn’t matter. 06PF 9 0:08:15 NS
Dreaming about lions. Saw some, big and strong. A male and one or possibly 2 females. I was quite close to them and it was all very calm. 06PF 9 DREAM
We prepare lunch together, sharing tasks so it all seems effortless. Everyone relaxes completely. After lunch we take a moment to ourselves. I find a window seat looking out to the sea. The house, its decor, atmosphere, are timeless. It’s time out of time; completely restorative. We have everything we could possibly need, nothing in life that we ‘don’t need’. I’ve rarely been so relaxed in my life. 11PF 11
Busy doing housework. Usually I would hate and resent the time this takes but today I just get on with it and quite enjoy it. Feel very calm and relaxed. 06PF 13 0:15:30 NS
Feel much calmer. Car Park very busy and this would normally annoy me but I remain calm and eventually we find a parking space. 06PF 16 0:13:30
Aware that I’m getting up much later than usual, not hurried by things I need to do or motivated by the idea of having a cigarette with my coffee. I lie in bed and, instead of being driven out of bed by morbid thoughts or things to do, I lie there completely relaxed with my mind blank. In the back of my mind is the knowledge that I should get up but it doesn’t motivate me to do so. I’m aware of a slight guilt every now and then that I’m being ineffectual but even that doesn’t motivate me to get up. 01PF 17 AS
Late for starting work but I have no desire to get there. The sun is shining in the sky and I yearn to turn the car around and head for a big open space. I visualise myself dancing in a big open field – arms spread wide as I turn round and round and dance, enjoying the sensation of freedom and no pressure and I am totally oblivious to everything. 06PF 18 0:09:30 NS
I feel loving and gentle and calm towards my little one, I don’t feel like popping our bubble. I’m doing some work, it’s oddly efficient, smooth, it doesn’t feel like working. 11PF 18 0:10:00 AS
I’m not getting stressed. I get lots of work done, hardly noticing, making work calls, writing.
I like this sense of never feeling stress. I’m getting so used to it I could almost believe it’s the normal me. 11PF 19 AS
I’m very calm and empty of extraneous worries and mental or emotional clutter. I’m not striving.
Being without irritability for the past few weeks, increasingly, is as if there is less “noise on the line”. I’m very calm. I’m much less reactive. Partner is less irritable too.
11PF 21 0:23:00 NS
I seem to have a greater tolerance threshold; that includes alcohol (wine) and coffee as well as people.
There is no striving. It is as it is. I keep wiping up, not making any leaps of progress, just paddling along. 11PF 21 NS
I’m more in the mood to meditate than get all wired up. I feel equanimous. I still don’t care about money, I just don’t want to have to care about money! 11PF 27 AS
I felt confident. I had no problem with talking in front of the class. If I had something to say, I just said it. I’ve never felt like this before, it felt like the real me without any nervous tension to get in the way. 12PM 29 0:12:00 NS
I sat with the others during lunch and was taken back by how calm everyone seemed. Everyone appeared to be completely integrated. I felt no nervousness or tension,
there was an ease with the group I’ve never felt before. I noticed that I felt confident in their company. For the first time I could just be myself. Spoke to another prover who mentioned that she thought I seemed “smooth” in my communication and position with the group. She said she’d never seen this in me before. Whenever I talked in front of anyone about anything I just said whatever came into my mind without any hesitation. I feel liberated by this. No more tension and being weighed down by doubt. I really
like me when I’m like this, so much easier and relaxed. This is the first time with these people I felt completely at ease. There’s no tension outside or inside of me, everyone and everything feels harmonious. 12PM 29 0:14:00 NS
I’m feeing less cosmic today. Maybe I’m coming back down to earth. I’m starting to experience doubt, impatience, and wondering if the proving substance has worn off.
11PF 32 AS
Problem with my laptop and computer programme. Normally I would get really annoyed when it won’t work but I remained calm, despite wasting several hours trying to fix it. 06PF 36 0:13:30 NS
Serene. I feel happy and content. Complete. I’m not rushed or impatient this morning, we are in perfect time even when we only have a minute or two. I’ve enjoyed every moment being on my own
with child. 11PF 36 NS
I feel calm and focused. 11PF 48
Throughout the evening there are several instances of misunderstanding words people are using. I heard “midges” instead of images, “seven” instead of Severn, I said dark and someone heard “dog”. 02PF 1 IOS
Lots of times people mishear one another’s words; there is confusion over meaning as well as hearing.
Images / midges. Severn / severed. 11PF 1
Whilst I am talking to people I am aware that I am finding it difficult to think of the right word. I know what I want to say but am finding it hard to express it clearly.
I’m surprised that other people don’t seem to notice that my speech is delayed or that I am hesitant over words, but no - one remarks on it. 07PF 1 0:00:30 NS
Sometimes struggling/fumbling for the right words to describe something and can't remember names of people and things (RS). Sometimes also finding just the right word just comes to me very easily (more of a NS). A couple of times I check the word out in the dictionary to be sure that it means what I think it does - I'm surprised by this sudden articulateness about 'big words' - its less like me! This continues (still experiencing by day 4) 08PF 2 NS
A prover asks me how you spell phallus to write in his proving journal. I say f-a-l-l-a-c-y. He says no, phallus. 11PF 2 0:10:30
Could not gather thoughts to express them through words, although concepts were clear in my head. This happened after I had being sitting in a cool wind, which I had found very distracting. 03PF 3 0:15:30 IOS
I have noticed an ease with writing my diary. I can find the word I want to fully express what I want to say. Not only this but a poetic expression is coming through. 01PF 4
More words with a slipped meaning: "improving experiences" instead of “proving experiences”, “live” instead of love. “Anagram” becomes “Enneagram”. Interesting that these are not just mistyped words resulting in spelling mistakes, they lead to actual words with a different meaning. 11PF 5 0:12:00 NS
Saying completely the wrong word in a sentence e.g. talking to my son about his driving test, “you'll loose money if you do that” instead of “you'll loose points if you do that”. Mistakes also in writing: more spelling mistakes than would usually make in typing – more reversal of letters.
Also using the wrong buttons to perform operations.
This continues throughout the proving, until my 2nd antidote. About day 70 I'm writing reports on the computer and I suddenly notice that I'm not making spelling mistakes nearly so often as I was doing. Its not been so bad since - this was definitely an intensified Symptoms during proving) 08PF 6
I feel like I am able to better communicate information appropriate to her level in regards to my beliefs on spirituality Usually I feel frustrated and don’t know how to communicate to people appropriately. 02PF 7 NS
Trying to write my diary about my dreams but can’t get the words out, can’t follow the memories 01PF9
DREAM: Processing and clarifying in perfect words my thoughts and understanding of homeopathy. Helps to develop and progress the under standing. I end with a complete understanding. 01PF 16
DREAM: Just realised that forgetting words has been a common theme throughout. 06PF 24 NS
Have become aware that when I am speaking on the phone at work my voice doesn’t sound like mine. It sounds quite mature and clear and has authority; it sounds calm.
Usually I feel uncomfortable on the phone talking to strangers and trying to vocalise what I want to say, often fumbling with my words. The words come easily. 01PF 28
I’ve made one of those spelling mistakes that make a different word. 11PF 46
ALTERATIONS OF CONSCIOUS/UNCONSCIOUS PATTERNS
Not that bothered if I drink alcohol or not.
Spaciness in head has taken the “edge” off of anxiety which I usually quiet with a drink. There is no longer the need to self medicate. Having said this, I am not refusing
to drink and I picked the largest glass of champagne on an offered tray out of habit. 02PF 2 AS
Have a glass of wine but don’t seem bothered about drinking it. Don’t have a cigarette for ages either.
Normally, at the end of the day, I’m rushing to have the things that help me to wind down. Eventually I have a drink and a cigarette but more out of habit than desire.
This continues through day 17. AS 01PF 2 AS
Put my lenses in wrong way round.
Can’t remember the last time I’ve done this. Normally, my response to the colour coding on the container is completely automatic by now even when I’m really tired.
01PF 8 0:07:00 NS
As I’m typing I try to make an ‘i’ with an apostrophe for the dot and then an I. The automatic use of ‘i’ momentarily escaped me and I was trying to create one. I’m really confused for a moment because I don’t understand why I can’t make it work and then I remember to use the ‘i’ key. It’s as if my automatic action, habit or learned behaviour is momentarily not functioning. 01PF 11 0:09:00 NS
Plan to go to the bank. Something is telling me I shouldn’t go but I ignore that. I pass a clothes shop I never go to because I think it might use slave labour.
I go in and buy a red top, a red dress and a pink top. I then start to feel guilty and think the red is the blood of young children.
It’s not so unusual for me to think like this but it is unusual for me to do something despite thinking like this.
I won’t allow my thoughts to carry on, shutting them down so I don’t have to make a decision about whether or not I should wear these clothes. Eventually, I look up the store's code of ethics to make myself feel better even though I know deep down it’s all a scam anyway.
I decide later that week to return the clothes. 01PF 11 0:16:30 NS
My consciousness was in a machine, there is a control panel on the front of this robot / ie my consciousness is in the machine, the control panel is on my chest. A hand (someone else’s) is seen programming the panel. I woke up 1 minute before alarm is set to go off, as if programmed!
Four days later a child is playing with a robot. It is like the robot from my dream.
It unnerves me and I find it enervating. I want it out of my space. 11PF14
I was asked to pick a colour for a password (in connection with computer access) and I instantly said green without conscious thought. 03PF 20 0:09:30 NS
Fitted with a bionic limb (lower leg); it has very sophisticated wiring and circuitry that look like a computer generated image of a cross-section of anatomy.
Advances in medical technology mean that it
Can respond to thought -for- motion nerve impulses. 11PF 36 DREAM
Vorwort/Suchen Zeichen/Abkürzungen Impressum